The Truth of my nights.(Vaibhav) I spent my nights in Silence
Not the kind that comes from being at peace,
But the kind that comes from reminiscing, And
reliving the moments of us.

I spent my nights in my past
Revisiting our old messages,
Not because I can’t let go of the past
But just to be at a time when someone truly loved me.

I spent my nights in contemplation
Pondering what I could’ve done differently,
All the alternative futures flashing in my mind
While I barely hung to the pain of the present.

I spent my nights in a state of despondency
For I can no longer be a part of her life,
Not because I’m afraid of being alone, But
Because I can’t ask her how her day went.

I spent my nights wondering about her life
And I hoped it would be better without me in it,
Not that she ever made me feel so,
Though in my heart, I always knew that was the truth.

I spent my nights mending my broken heart
Pacifying it with harsh truths and realities.
For I had nothing to offer her except for my love,
And I was stuck with the eternal question, "Is my love good enough?”


I spent my nights imagining a future
A future where I am happy and loved,
But somehow it would seem that my pessimistic outlook on my life, Are
Far easier to imagine than optimistic ones.

I spent my nights in a state of loneliness
Accompanied by a pang of perpetual despair,
Because I have a desire to be loved, to be seen, And most of all
To be held in a warm embrace.

I spent my nights listening to songs that reflect my feelings
Finding myself living the lyrics,
Not because I want to bask in a rain of pain, But
Because it reminds me that once upon a time, someone loved me too.

I spent my nights fighting a sudden flurry of emotions
A feeling of angst, despair, love, heartbreak, And
Most of all, a desire for redemption
A desire to believe I too am worthy of being loved again.

I spent my night feeling anxious
Of the future, Of the past, Of the present, All at once.
With The ever increasing need for a shoulder to lean on, or a lap to cry on
While I fully know that my pillowcases are the only ones aware of my tears.

And very occasionally,

I spent my nights feeling hopeful and optimistic
That I too was worthy of being loved again.
I too was worthy of a love where I came home to a warm embrace,
And a time in future when I no longer need to rely on my pillowcases to wipe away my tears.

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