Too Complex to Belong(Kanesha Andrews) Author's Note: I know that this is a sad essay, but it's one that I felt like writing, apologies if this essay is too sad.

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Have you ever looked around at the world and felt like you don’t fit in? You’ve tried blending in with the quirky, “weird” crowd, only to realize you’re not quite weird enough. You’ve also tried joining the “normal” crowd, only to find that you’re too weird for them. Trends don’t appeal to you, and only a handful of things truly capture your interest.

You’ve attempted to broaden your horizons, stretching your interests in hopes of finding common ground with others. But more often than not, you discover that only a small number of people share your passions—or worse, you realize those interests don’t truly resonate with you after all. Then come the ever-present reminders of your shortcomings. They rear their ugly heads when you least expect it, leaving you feeling like a fool.

Sometimes, it feels like you’re just too complex for anyone to understand. You grow weary of trying to explain yourself to others. On the rare occasion when you do meet someone who seems to “get” you, they’re not always available to talk or spend time with you.

Yes, I’m talking about myself. I often feel like I’m too complicated for anyone to truly understand. Sure, I have my family, but even around them, I feel like the odd one out. I can’t really talk to them. Don’t get me wrong—I’ll engage in conversations if they bring up a topic I know something about. But I rarely initiate conversations because there’s nothing I truly want to share.

Most of the time, I feel alone. Yes, I have God, and I find comfort in that.

But even with my faith, I still feel lonely. I’ve started to accept that maybe I’m just too complex for most people. It’s not a great feeling, but it’s one I’ve grown accustomed to.

This is the more vulnerable side of me—a part of myself I live with every day, even in the midst of fleeting moments of happiness.

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