Faith On The Outside(Kanesha Andrews) Recently, I’ve noticed a surge of conversations on social media about Christianity, following Christ, and debates over what defines a true Christian. Scripture verses flooding the feed, many which I have read myself. On the surface, it all seems inspiring, but deep down, I can’t help but ask: Where do I fit into all of this?

The answer to that question: I don’t fit at all.

My spiritual journey is nothing like everyone else’s, and that’s one of the most important things I’ve learned. My experiences—complete with my merits and flaws—are uniquely my own. I wrestle with doubts of all kinds, often finding myself crying, begging, or even screaming at God. I’m not always content, and I’m constantly questioning.

Would anyone understand this? Maybe a few, but not many. This fear keeps me from opening up. I stay silent, choosing to suffer alone rather than risk vulnerability.

Despite all of this, I find myself turning to God. I know some might suggest, “If it’s not working, maybe you should place your faith elsewhere.” But what I’d tell them might surprise them: You don’t get it. My faith in anything—God, others, even myself—has always been shaky. I’ve read countless words of encouragement, and while they help for a moment, it never lasts.

Do I believe that I am beyond God’s reach? No, I don’t believe that I am. I know that He can work in ways I can’t imagine. The truth is, I just don’t always feel capable of becoming what I’m meant to be.

I feel like that I don’t fit in anywhere. Yet, I keep going. I don’t know what I’m hoping for, but I continue on this path because, somehow, it’s the only thing that makes sense

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