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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Drama / Human Interest
- Subject: Pain / Problems / Adversity
- Published: 01/27/2025
Searching For Me
Born 1978, F, from Fort Worth, Texas, United States.jpeg)
It’s deeply disheartening to realize that, for much of my life, I’ve never truly had an identity of my own. I’ve always been defined by others: the “little sister,” or the “Baby Girl” (a nickname I’ve come to detest). With a former best friend, I was consumed with jealousy, believing she was everything I wasn’t—spectacular, confident, and sure of herself. But looking back, I see now that she was just as insecure as I was, though her insecurity manifested as manipulation and toxicity toward me.
When I was married, I poured everything into being a wife, losing myself completely in the role. I didn’t know who I was outside of that identity. And now that the marriage has ended, I’ve found myself right back where I started—reduced, once again, to being the “little sister.”
In social settings, I often feel like I don’t belong, like I don’t fit into any particular group or mold. So here I am, trying to uncover who I truly am and what my identity is—spiritually, emotionally, and socially. Writing is the one outlet where I feel like I can express my true self, at least on an emotional level. But finding others who understand or resonate with me has been difficult, and at times, it’s incredibly lonely.
I do my best to stay positive and lean on prayer, but it’s not always easy. I often feel out of place, even within my own family, despite their quirks and flaws. Still, I hold on to the hope that one day, I’ll fully embrace my own flaws and merits. One day, I’ll have an identity that’s mine—not tied to being the “little sister” or the “Baby Girl” (ugh, I really hate that nickname).
I hope for friendships built on mutual understanding and respect, free of manipulation. I hope for a husband who will walk alongside me as we journey together in faith and shared interests.
I hope. I pray. And I’m holding on to that hope.
Searching For Me(Kanesha Andrews)
It’s deeply disheartening to realize that, for much of my life, I’ve never truly had an identity of my own. I’ve always been defined by others: the “little sister,” or the “Baby Girl” (a nickname I’ve come to detest). With a former best friend, I was consumed with jealousy, believing she was everything I wasn’t—spectacular, confident, and sure of herself. But looking back, I see now that she was just as insecure as I was, though her insecurity manifested as manipulation and toxicity toward me.
When I was married, I poured everything into being a wife, losing myself completely in the role. I didn’t know who I was outside of that identity. And now that the marriage has ended, I’ve found myself right back where I started—reduced, once again, to being the “little sister.”
In social settings, I often feel like I don’t belong, like I don’t fit into any particular group or mold. So here I am, trying to uncover who I truly am and what my identity is—spiritually, emotionally, and socially. Writing is the one outlet where I feel like I can express my true self, at least on an emotional level. But finding others who understand or resonate with me has been difficult, and at times, it’s incredibly lonely.
I do my best to stay positive and lean on prayer, but it’s not always easy. I often feel out of place, even within my own family, despite their quirks and flaws. Still, I hold on to the hope that one day, I’ll fully embrace my own flaws and merits. One day, I’ll have an identity that’s mine—not tied to being the “little sister” or the “Baby Girl” (ugh, I really hate that nickname).
I hope for friendships built on mutual understanding and respect, free of manipulation. I hope for a husband who will walk alongside me as we journey together in faith and shared interests.
I hope. I pray. And I’m holding on to that hope.
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Leila
01/28/2025Of course, being called things like "little sister" or "baby girl" doesn't mean a person has no identity of herself. We don't have to fit into a particular group to feel like we belong either. Sometimes, in order to be truely ourselves, we should turn away from such groups.
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
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Denise Arnault
01/27/2025Still courageously putting yourself out there, without holding back. That takes guts. It also takes believing in yourself.
Harness that skill and determine what you enjoy. Make that a hobby and find other people that enjoy it too. You may find more of yourself along that path, and who knows what else. Keep your faith!
Be you! Be happy!
Help Us Understand What's Happening
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Kanesha Andrews
01/27/2025Oh Denise! Just after I posted this essay, I started working another as something has surface. Lots of emotions are coming out. I am doing my best to keep my faith, but it is not easy.
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