Walking A Road Alone

I keep things to myself. I don’t tell anyone how I am feeling because I don’t know how to explain it. To explain the sadness, the feeling of viewing myself as useless and not interesting to anyone except to myself. This is the main reason why I love to write. It gives me something else to focus on. I can dream up characters don’t have my flaws. I can create imaginative worlds that are not like Earth.

Best of all – If I create a character that I have partially modeled after myself. I don’t have to give that character any of my flaws nor does make the bad decisions that I’ve made. She has people around her who understand her. Not like me….feeling like the odd person out in my family. Continuing to struggle my learning disability and mental illness. Having no one that I can actually talk to.

I feel that I am walking along a dark road. And I am walking it alone. I see people, but I don’t know them and I don’t know if they can be trusted. It is sad when I feel this way. Do I want to feel happy again? I don’t know what that is at times. I can be happy around people, I can smile and even genuinely feel loved around people who know me. But as for myself – I don’t know if I can ever feel happy about myself.

Maybe I will someday. But that someday is a long way off.