Shadows of Yesterday

Martha sighed as she drew the curtains in her small sitting room and moved over to her armchair and sat down. The springs creaked as she sat and she noticed, not for the first time, that there was a rip and stuffing was creeping out of one of the cushions. She sighed again as she reached for the blanket that she used to keep her warm, her old bones felt the cold frequently these days.

Martha reached for her tea, and the latest library book she had got from the mobile library that still called into her village once a week. Martha relied on the library van and her old radio for entertainment, her TV had given up working some months ago and she couldn’t afford to replace it.

She looked around her room and at the old stained carpet, the scuffed heavy mahogany furniture that had been in the cottage when she moved in all those years ago, the faded curtains. It wasn’t as clean as she might like, the lower shelves of her cabinet hadn’t been dusted in some time because her joints wouldn’t allow her to bend that far, and the hoover was old and temperamental. She knew what people said about her when they glanced in the windows that were dirty and in need of a clean. They called her “poor old Martha” and thought she was a bit mad as she kept herself to herself, didn’t engage in conversation much when she was out at the library or the village store and quite clearly did not look after her house and garden. This made her small cottage stand out in in a village where everyone seemed to try and compete to have the sparkliest glass or the most colourful garden blooms.

Martha got up to poke the fire that was dwindling in the hearth and as she did she looked at the dusty photo on the mantelpiece. It was of her and Ted on their wedding day. They looked happy then, Ted in his American Army uniform, Martha in a new dress she had made from some curtain material her mother found in a cupboard. It was 1945 and the war had not long ended. Martha was returning to the US with Ted as a GI bride. They were young and excited that they had made it through the war and were ready to start new lives in America.

Martha went over to her cabinet and poured a large whisky, then sat down on her threadbare sofa and wondered to herself how she had gotten from a young, happy bride in love with her new husband, to a lonely, worn-out old woman disillusioned with life, because that is how she saw herself these days.

Now, at the grand old age of 84 Martha was alone in the cottage, which had definitely seen better days. She did not venture out much, only to the local store or the little mobile library van that still called once a week. She did not have many friends, although many of the villagers had tried to get to know her over the years, but Martha had preferred her own company. Now, other than a polite nod when they passed, she did not have any real interaction with them. Martha didn’t care, the whisky bottle was her friend now.

As she refilled her drink, she let her mind wander back to that time when she and Ted had arrived in Texas after their wedding, to start their new life on Ted’s family ranch. All was great for the first few years. Martha had set up a comfortable home for them in the small ranch house adjoining the main family house, while Ted worked on the ranch with his father.

She couldn’t exactly pinpoint when things had started to turn sour, it was probably not one thing but a slow decline. Ted became disillusioned with the ranch. He would have preferred to live in the city but they could not afford it and he felt trapped by the pressure put on him by his family, and that the ranch would be his one day. So he turned more frequently to the bottle. He would drink heavily each night after returning from work until eventually it started to affect his ability to actually turn up for work. Martha pleaded with him to get help, and his family threatened that he would need to move out if he did not sort himself out in the hopes that a tough love approach would work. It didn’t, and Ted became more withdrawn and drank more and more until he was almost always in a drunken stupor.

Then one morning Martha rose to find Ted still sitting on the porch. That was unusual so she went over to him to try and rouse him, but he didn’t move. It turned out that he had had a heart attack in the night.

Once the funeral had taken place, Martha was invited into the family ranch one evening for dinner. Over dinner, Ted’s family explained that they were planning to retire from the ranch. As Ted was their only son and had no children, they could not pass on the ranch and were going to sell it. Martha was shocked. She had assumed she would stay on in their small ranch house and perhaps help out more on the ranch, but this did not prove to be the case. After the many sleepless nights that followed, she made the decision to return home to England. This was not without challenges, however, as Martha had no money of her own. Ted had managed their money and to be honest, had drunk most of it. Ted’s parents said they would give her money for the air fare, but she was still not sure what to do once she arrived back in England.

She wrote to her parents who were sympathetic, but had left the family home many years ago and moved to a small one-bedroom cottage by the sea to live out their final years. She had lost touch with most of her old friends. She did have an aunt, her father’s sister, who lived in a village in Buckinghamshire. Martha reluctantly contacted her, not sure how she would be received as she and Aunt Ivy had lost touch when Martha moved to Texas. To her surprise, Aunt Ivy agreed she could come and stay but she would need to get a job, and eventually look for somewhere else to live. The cottage was very small, not really big enough for two adults living independently. Martha would need to take the camp bed in the sitting room.

The details were agreed, her ticket bought before she’d had time to fully absorb that Ted had gone. After coming to Texas 25 years ago, her life was changing hugely once again as she returned to England a widow with little money and not much else to show for her time away.

Martha moved in with her aunt and found a job in a local café, working in the kitchen. The pay wasn’t great, but Martha was able to pay her way and put a little bit aside ‘for a rainy day’. Martha and Aunt Ivy managed to get along in the cramped cottage and after a while, the subject of Martha moving out was dropped and Martha ended up staying with Aunt Ivy, eventually giving up her job to become her aunt’s carer when she became ill. Martha cared for her aunt for another 5 years before she passed away, leaving the cottage to Martha.

Martha got up from the chair and gave herself a little shake, wondering why she had suddenly been thinking of things she hadn’t thought about in years. She had moved to Texas because she had loved Ted, but she couldn’t help wondering how different things would be if she had not moved away. She went into the tired and worn kitchen and put an old pan on the stove to make her nightly cocoa. When it was ready she added a small dash of whisky, to help her sleep she told herself, turned out the light and went to the bedroom that had once been Aunt Ivy’s but was now hers. She put her cocoa down and climbed in under the thin blanket, pulling it around her to get warm. She rubbed her chest, it had been hurting all day. She decided not to buy anymore of the cheap chops from the butcher as it was probably indigestion. She finished her cocoa and rolled over to go to sleep.

No-one had seen Martha for several days, and the librarian on the mobile library was concerned, it was unlike Martha to miss a visit. She called the police and shared her concerns and PC Taylor said he would go round and check on her. The smell hit him as he opened the front door, which was unlocked, and called out. He walked through the cottage towards the bedroom and there was Martha looking peaceful, shards of sunlight making their way through the curtains and shining on her face. He looked down at the face of a woman who had been through so much sadness in her life, now at peace.