Legal Afternoon

The extraordinary information session on the Will of real estate entrepreneur Roger Ziltener, who had died ten days ago, was scheduled for a quarter past two. A selected clientele, most of them exquisitely dressed in the latest fashion, usually frequented this renowned law firm – one of the top addresses in the city. All these very wealthy people live in pretty nice villas on the hills on the sunny side of the lake. Where several costly cars were always parked, uniformed guards were lurking in the absence of the house owners, and here and there fierce dogs were barking. While the securely installed safes housed watch collections, bracelets, gold bars, securities, and piles of bank files. This was primarily the world of the nouveau riche, with the occasional long-established wealthy among them.

In the Lawyer’s Office a large conference room had been prepared accordingly the evening before. On the enormous, historic conference table, richly decorated with rare inlays – an antique guild table that once had to be brought upstairs in two parts – a voluminous floral arrangement of beautiful, exotic blossoms in baroque profusion sat enthroned in the centre. Next to it, on silver plates, were placed savoury and sweet delicacies from a famous confectionery. Tiny napkins depicting naked angels frolicking in a pond were there to help jewellery-laden fingers reach the treats and lead them to the mouth without getting the fingers dirty.

On the old Italian ebony sideboard, whose idiosyncratically twisted legs caught the eye, the coffee and tea cups were waiting on the left and the champagne glasses on the right - the latter intended for the final, joyful toast after the successful discussion of the will and the corresponding joy sparked on all sides.
On one wall hung two jaguar heads carved from dark brown wood, with wide-open mouths; they were wonderful works from a country in the Far East. On the opposite wall was a huge painting, painted by the lawyer and owner of the law firm himself, as one of his passions was nude painting. The work depicts two naked women in the style of Rubens at its centre, moving away from the viewer’s gaze toward the reeds (possibly about to jump later into the water). Both wore enormous sun hats, nothing else, and behind them trotted two giant Great Danes with somewhat disdainful expressions.
As a viewer, one was initially a bit confused, not knowing what was more attractive, the truly beautiful giant dogs or the Rubenesque buttocks of the two naked women. At the left edge of the painting, an arm appeared with a towel hanging from it, the hand holding a silver tray with two glasses of champagne on it – probably the butler of the two Rubens ladies. Three ducks flew in a neat row above their heads.

The distinguished lawyer, who had been appointed executor by the wealthy testator, entered the conference room and cast a quick, practised glance around. Everything seemed to be to his complete satisfaction. He nodded, gave his assistant an appreciative smile, and left the room, just in time to retreat to his office. Right at this moment, the front door opened, and a group of people stormed in.
They were the daughter and son of the illustrious testator, each with spouse and children. They had all travelled from different parts of the country and brought their children with them to show them how important and wealthy they would be shortly. The adults seemed excited, but above all, self-confident, and looked around with a somewhat arrogant expression. The lawyer’s assistant politely assigned them seats to the left and right of the enormous conference table.

The lawyer entered the room, walked to the head of the conference table, and greeted those present before officially opening the meeting. He immediately explained the purpose of today’s meeting. The testator and father of the children present, who died last week, had already appointed him executor a year ago. He had expressly requested that this meeting take place before the heirs received the inheritance documents, after the will had been opened by the court, as is legally required. After a brief pause, the lawyer then explained precisely and in a calm voice, “We will show you the will drawn up by your father and explain it; and you are welcome to ask questions you may have about it!”

The assistant elegantly pressed a button on his computer, and the handwritten will of the testator and father of the son and daughter appeared on the wall, accompanied by the two carved jaguar heads. With their wide-open mouths, the jaguars seemed to be yawning. The lawyer let the group of heirs read the document, and then gave a brief nod to the assistant. He pressed a button again, and a complete breakdown of the inheritance’s distribution appeared between the jaguar heads; this time, with their wide-open mouths, they might be more likely to scream.

Unbearably loud screams of protest came immediately from the two adult heirs and their spouses. Indignantly, they jumped up and screamed in horror at the wall with the two jaguar heads. “We disagree with this division of the inheritance. It is completely wrong!” proclaimed daughter and son of the testator, quasi in unison, sinking back into their seats. Then, the son continued, visibly irritated, but somehow convinced, “This document doesn’t reflect the facts and figures correctly. We are only two primary heirs, not three, as stated, and the figures are incorrect. Also, the company’s capital allocation is missing. My sister and I will inherit and manage the company equally, each serving as CEO. I’ve already resigned from my job!” His face grew redder and redder, and he shook his head repeatedly, giving the lawyer a series of arrogant glances. Snorting, he added, “These are much larger inheritances than the meagre sums in this lousy document. It’s downright scandalous that we’re being presented with something like this. All of this must first be rectified, which will indeed result in an inappropriate delay!”

The son’s wife, who had been twiddling her expensive, giant jewels the whole time, straightened up, tossed her hair left and right over her shoulders, and emphatically declared, “We’ve already moved into our new house and urgently need liquidity, as we’ve also enrolled our children in a private school!” The son’s teenage twin daughters jumped up and shouted in unison, “There are horses there, as well as a golf course and everything else one needs for free time these days!”

At this point, the lawyer spoke calmly, “Does that mean you want to contest the will? I don’t recommend that, though, because it would only delay everything and you’d still be a long way from receiving your share of inheritance!”

The testator’s daughter’s twelve-year-old son burst into the scene, exclaiming, “Mommy said we’d move into a villa and buy a big Jeep, one not everyone has, and maybe even a yacht!” He, too, had jumped up during his interjection. Now he pounded the conference table with both fists and loudly added, “We don’t want to wait any longer for our money!”

The husband of the testator’s daughter looked defiantly around, and then ordered his son to sit down again and remain calm. Turning to his wife, he hissed, rolling up his jacket sleeves and showing both his tattooed arms, “Basically, our son is absolutely right!” The daughter of the testator, in turn, puffed out her cheeks, cast a long gaze at the ceiling, and then shook her head wildly before yelling at the lawyer, “This will, including the inheritance distribution figures, or whatever you call them, is null and void. As my brother already mentioned, we are only two primary heirs, not three parties, and the company capital is missing. All in all, a total failure on the part of whoever drafted this lousy list!”

At this point, the lawyer and executor stretched, took a deep breath, and declared, “The will and the figures are absolutely correct; there’s no getting around it. I’ll be happy to provide you with the necessary explanations!”

“We’re incredibly curious to see how you intend to straighten this out and get out of this terrible mess!”

After the assistant had whispered something into his mobile phone, there was a knock on the door, which he immediately opened. A stunningly handsome man with curly blond hair and impeccably dressed entered the room and greeted the lawyer with a well-mannered gesture. He nodded slightly reserved to the others present and then took a seat on the short side of the giant table opposite the lawyer. By now, a thick cloud seemed to hover over the room. The blond handsome man did not bat an eyelid and looked seemingly fascinated at the enormous bouquet of flowers.

The lawyer cleared his throat and spoke in a clear voice, “I would now like to introduce you to Marcello Pirani, your half-brother and now CEO of the enterprise your father founded 55 years ago!” He accompanied his last words with a sweeping gesture toward the blond handsome man, who then smiled briefly and nodded gratefully at the lawyer. Afterwards, Marcello turned his head to gaze intently at the giant painting on the other wall, depicting two Great Danes and, behind them, the Rubens ladies.

“What nonsense are you telling us? We don’t have a half-brother, you must have gone mad!” the testator’s son shouted frantically across the table at the lawyer, while his wife gaped in disbelief. The testator’s daughter flailed wildly with both arms and jumped up in horror, “Yes, as my brother already said, you seem to have completely lost your mind, and our father trusted such a fantasist, unbelievable!” The three grandchildren began to fuss and make inappropriate comments. The blond half-brother again stared intently at the bouquet of flowers, but gave the lawyer a brief, meaningful glance.

The lawyer then stood up, in a firm voice and with a brief gesture to the testator’s son and daughter on the left and right of the table, demanded, “I must now ask you for decency and mature, orderly behaviour, as befits an official matter. The will is correctly drafted in every respect, and the division of the estate will be confirmed by the court and served on you in due course. I remind you that you each already received a spacious condominium, with an explicit reference to your future inheritance. This will now be deducted from your share. Neither of you has any share in the enterprise your father once founded and managed for many years, but which has been owned by someone else for over 20 years. Since you barely had any contact with your father, this must have escaped you!"

“Tell me, do you have any more absurd fairy tales you want to tell us? You really seem to have gone crazy!” After shouting these words, the testator’s son got to his feet, visibly enraged, and made a move to approach the lawyer. The lawyer’s assistant, sitting behind him, was already about to rise to intervene. The testator’s daughter also stood up, apparently wanting to follow her brother.

At that moment, the blond half-brother stood up, elegantly adjusted his tie, and demanded in a strong voice and with a demeanour that brooked no argument, “Now, sit back in your seats immediately and behave properly. Otherwise, we’ll have to adjourn the meeting. I don’t want to spend any longer than necessary dealing with an ungrateful bunch; I have important work waiting for me at the company. You will now listen to the executor appointed by our father and behave decently and respectfully. Otherwise, this meeting is over. The division of the estate has been drawn up completely correctly. You will receive the files from the court. End of this tiresome meeting!”

The testator’s son and daughter stood at the table as if struck by lightning, and the son yelled, “What orders is this unknown snob giving to us, and who actually runs the company you said?” The daughter’s son doubled down, pompously, “Mommy, we have to call the police!”

The lawyer replied succinctly, “Your half-brother is the CEO of the enterprise, succeeding your father, who founded it 55 years ago. And the company belongs to your half-brother’s mother. Your father deeded it to her over 20 years ago after the death of your mother, who, as you remember, had a fatal accident in a sports car with her much younger lover. Here are the relevant files!” With these words, he slid a multi-page file across the table. The testator’s daughter immediately pounced on it and began reading excitedly. For a moment, the room fell silent. Then she screamed, her face turning red, and threw the file across the table to her brother, who also pounced on it frantically and began reading. Silence again.

The lawyer walked to the door, opened it, and beckoned to someone in the hallway. Then he appeared in the doorway with an elegant lady and announced in a calm voice, “May I introduce you to the owner of the company, Annabel Pirani, my cousin and mother of your half-brother!”

He was just able to push his cousin back out into the hallway and close the door before total chaos erupted inside. The three grandchildren yelled incoherently and whined as they began to grab the appetisers and throw some of them across the table. Their parents cursed and shouted scathing comments at each other. It was utter chaos; one outburst of anger followed another. The situation had spiralled entirely out of control. The testator’s son and daughter, as well as their spouses, were raging mad. It was clear that they had all expected a considerable share of the inheritance, had apparently already planned large purchases of luxury goods, and in some cases had even already signed specific contracts. And now they were in deep trouble.

Finally, the daughter’s husband tried to attack her blond half-brother, followed by the testator’s son. The lawyer and assistant jumped up in horror and wanted to rush to help. But this was not necessary. The handsome CEO and half-brother displayed completely unexpected qualities. He threw his attackers one after the other to the ground with elegant, skillful judo moves, combined with karate, before they could properly recover. While he straightened his tie and shirt and brushed the curls from his face, the two thrown figures crawled around on the floor, their faces distorted, wailing and screaming incomprehensible things. The two women sobbed while the grandchildren ran around the meeting table, throwing all the remaining snacks at the walls.

From the two jaguar heads with wide-open mouths hung salmon strips enriched with dill sauce. In the large painting on the opposite wall, the naked bottoms of the Rubenesque ladies were smeared with chocolate from the truffles thrown at them.

The meeting was closed.
The lawyer, his assistant, and the half-brother left the room. Two security guards entered with the task of maintaining order inside and escorting anyone still present out.