Nostalgia Enriched - An Autism POV

“Is it just me or are things just not quite the same?”. A thought, or sub-thought, I contemplate most weeks, whether I’m on a stroll through nature, a meetup with family or a friend, or playing Sonic the Hedgehog. This question finds its way in any situation.

I don’t consider the impact of this particular thought positive or negative, but a reminder that nostalgia is enriched. So much so you start looking at your past more favourably, even if you weren’t living a fundamentally better life. I would argue this perspective is quite a detached one, with yet a tinge of sadness lingering.

But with that also comes a gradual smile of remembering those great days during childhood.

I’ve found this especially true reflecting on my holiday to Wales in 2015, ‘Kiss Me’ by Sixpence None The Richer is blasting loudly through the neurons of my brain, picturing the footpath opposite a lake I walked down and football field I exuberantly dashed around.
Just so much fun, childhood in many ways was golden!
Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Glory Days’ also evokes similar feelings of sadness, happiness, gratitude and other emotions.

There are a plethora of reasons to get nostalgic, but as an autistic individual the sensation is amplified. I am acutely aware of everything happening, both inside my mind and brain plus in the external world.

It can be the environment itself overstimulating the senses; from the colours, background noise, multiple conversations happening at once to something less subtle like simply having your eyes open. Keeping the eyes closed involves far less data to process from my observations. The way I view my special interests has changed over time, how they evolved as my special interest and as a separate entity, they can be the thing I’m completely consumed by for a week, month, a year or longer before I move onto something else. For example, I support Man City and from 2015-2019, there was nothing I cared more about than watching the likes of Aguero, David Silva, Kompany, and De Bruyne play their game; I find myself missing their presence at the club now that they’re no longer there with the new generation of players coming through. I also enjoy just thinking about my interests, and thinking in general - like Rene Descartes, where I rank my interests on if I consider them ‘Special Interests’ or an average interest I like but don’t get obsessed over.

With that all being said, what causes me most nostalgia are the types of conversations attached to unwritten expectations I find myself involved in, as I move ever more into adulthood and another day further from my optimistic youth. Our everyday interactions have gradually changed in this chaotic transition I’m undergoing, they don’t quite have what I like to call “Natural Flow” as they once did.

Granted all things are in motion so I suppose it’s natural they don’t stay the same, however I’ve noticed more than a couple people experiencing this absence of natural flow which makes me think it’s a global phenomenon - people struggling to communicate in ways they once were great at. The questions I receive are always career based, inquiring about my time in education or the workplace, and the problem I have with this is now it’s the default conversation rather than being occasionally asked when necessary and any questions about my interests aren’t considered at all. It irritates my autism greatly, because of the casual manner it’s thrown about, assuming everyone has a job when numerous reports and statistics show otherwise.

We live in a society where there’s plenty of awareness on autism, ADHD, and neurodivergent lives and yet the world is less accommodating, the infrastructure from childhood? Gone. Services? Most are for those requiring 24/7 support and don't include those with lower support needs. I’ve known about my diagnosis for almost 20 years, I didn’t experience these problems as a kid, at the very least it wasn’t affecting me at the time. However, with the sudden change of default interactions mixed with burnout-inducing education and workplace environments, any blissful ignorance remaining went out the window. A cultural shift in understanding is required - it’s slowly happening, but more needs to be done - employment must change and should be SCRAPPED altogether if it refuses to accommodate individuals’ needs at all, we should encourage self-employment. The whole concept of employment in fact shouldn’t be glorified the way it is with the worst job market in decades, the dangers of AI, not owning your own time and sacrificing your freedom for someone else.

All of this is quite political unfortunately, and I’m not a fan of that. But with that in mind, this nostalgia enriched experience is summed up by its intensity, complexity, and the observation that progress isn’t being made. Sad to admit but we can’t ignore the truth.

I will end on one passing thought:

You can work your socks off,
take others’ advice,
do everything right and still your circumstances go against you,
you’re in problem-solving mode.

In these scenarios instead of seeking opportunities at all costs, seek clarity, build trust in yourself that something good will come out from your non-stop commitment, and let things be, you will have a perception of more opportunities. It’s counter-intuitive, but your decision-making will improve.