A Growing Fondness

I see a Cambodian boy with green eyes, yelling and screaming, while weeping as people drag him away from his dead mom. I wish I could comfort him, tell him everything will be ok, but I don’t know if it will be or not. His mom got an illness and was barely able to work so got paid a really small salary. She gave most of her food to her son.
“Nooooo,” I scream sitting up on the park bench. I look around, ”It’s ok,” I say trying to coax myself, it was just another dream. I’m a homeless orphan and the little boy in the dream was me. I guess you ought to know how I became homeless and orphaned.
I don’t know where to begin well... when I was first born my dad didn’t come to the hospital to see me. My mom was reluctant to bring me home, but we had nowhere to go and since she had given birth only a couple days ago she was still too weak to go anywhere else. You see…. The problem was my dad… he was an alcoholic. He also didn’t go to work. My mom made all of the money.
What did she get in return? Disrespect, curses, and sometimes even a glass bottle thrown at her that she had to clean up and possibly cut herself on. When I was four in the middle of the night, she crept into my bedroom carrying me and some of my stuff. She woke me only once we were outside. She said that we were going to a sleepover at one of her friends' houses and I was too tired to really fight her or realize she was lying.
I just fell back asleep, we actually slept at a homeless shelter for the night. After that we lived in a small apartment for about a year until inflation caught up to us. Then I went to school during the day, had a small dinner after school, and then slept in the homeless shelter. It went on like this for a few years until…. the women in my dream, until…. she died.
Her last words were something I’ll never forget, “Be strong kmengobrosa phnek pnrbaitng robsakhnhom. I love you.” Kmengobrosa phnek pnrbaitng robsakhnhomis is what she sometimes called me. It means my green eyed boy. It was her way of calling me handsome. I am aware that most Khmers don’t have green eyes, but I do.
They dragged me away and I felt a mix of grieving emotions. I wouldn’t eat dinner so was sent to bed hungry that night, too sad to eat in the house of an elderly couple. The couple were the owners of the homeless shelter. The reason they didn’t help us wasn’t because they didn’t want to, but because they didn’t know how bad it really was as my mom refused anymore help.
The woman was Christine, that’s what I called her, she was like a grandma to me. Sweet, kind, loving, and caring. I went to the same school I used to go to and adult’s gave me pitiful looks, especially with their eyes. I hate those expressions, no matter how much pity and sympathy they give me, no matter how good I was, it could never bring my mom back.
It’s not like looking at me all sad is going to change or help anything! Christine's husband Buck was ok, sometimes he stared intensely into my green eyes though. Whispered to me, ”What are you thinking about in there little demon?” He called me this because I’m an Asian with green eyes, he believes that makes me a demon or a demon perhaps possessed me.
Christine I called Christine, but not Buck, I couldn’t call him Buck. He made me call him by last name; Mr. Hoffman. One day Christine wasn’t awake yet which I thought was odd, me and Mr. Hoffman went over to her and realized that she had died in her sleep. Oh how tragic that was, I cried, and cried, and cried, until there was nothing else to cry out and even then I shook.
My mom and Christine were both Christian, after not only losing one, but two people I dearly closely loved though I wasn’t quite sure what God was doing anymore. I am watching church through the only window that is not made of stained glass. I don’t want people to give me pity if I go in and honestly, I don’t think they even would let me into church since I only bathe in a lake. They ought to think I’ll just get everything dirty.
The main reason I go to church is not that much because I trust God, but more as a remembrance of my mom and Christine. After Christine died Mr. Hoffman or Buck, that’s a weird name, no wonder he’s a grumpy guy. I got disowned by him because he was full of grief.
Also he said because, ”The only reason I let you stay is to make her happy, but now that she’s… gone you’ll just be annoying and a big waste of my money you little green eyed demon. Now scram! Go away! I don’t have any pity on you just because of your dead mommy and you’re drinking dad!”
After church I always go to this one store because they give out free samples of food on Sunday’s and my friend works there with her mom. It’s called, ”Sokkha’s Ahar Hang,” which means Sokkha’s Food Store. We both do a Sampeah to greet each other, a bit of a traditional bow. She gives out small packets of red tree ants as a little snack and she also gives me nice crunchy crickets. Some other snacks sold at this shop are big waterbugs, worms, grubs, silkworms, beetles, and scorpions.
She also sells honey which I get samples of as well. I take a sample of crickets in a plastic sandwich bag and put it in my pocket for later. It’s gotten colder outside so they’ll keep. Sokkha’s mom is also named Sokkha, but my friend is only twenty years old, just five years older than me and I know her soft spot for me isn’t just generosity. Sure she’s kind, but she has a very obvious crush on me.
She’s pretty, but I don’t like her like that. We sit down at a table in the corner of her mother’s store and she says, ”How are you doing?” I feel really awkward, that's what I wish I could say. I mean she’s my friend, but the way every time I come here she talks to me all hidden in the corner of the store.
“I’m good I guess… as you know I just watched church.”
“Yes,” She looks down hesitating while pondering on what to say next. “Oh Khlang, I really wish you would stop going…. but I guess if it’s just in remembrance of your losses then it’s ok.” She isn’t Christian, most Khmer’s aren't, most are Buddhist. Buddhists believe that they will live forever unless they do Buddah's practices or something like that and then they will stop reincarnating and be in a state of peace forever with Buddah.
I don’t exactly know if I believe in the Christian God, but I know that I definitely don’t believe in Buddhist things. “I’ll get some tea,” she says and hurries off leaving me alone with my thoughts. In Cambodia your parents arrange your marriage, heh, look where that got my mom, running away from her husband. If you're wondering how I’m an orphan when my dad is alive it’s because he’s not. When Christine died… I went back, but the new owners of the house said he died not too long before Christine from drinking himself to death.
I was supposed to be married to Sokkha. Sokkha would be very happy married to me and I would have had beautiful children if we choose to have kids. They would even be in a higher class than me since I’m in about the lowest financially, but I feel like she would be too attached to me. Not to mention again she’s older than me and typically a husband is older than his wife.
Sokkha is coming back into the room now from the back with the lemongrass tea. We talk for a while longer, Sokkha gazing into my green eyes deeply and intensely as if my eyes put her underneath a spell, hypnotizing her as we drink tea. She leans in so closely that I can feel her warm breath on my face. I blush and say, ”I..I should probably get going now.”
“Oh so soon,” she says in a disappointed voice. It has been a good hour and her parents are gone for the weekend so she should really keep charge even though she’s been up and down tending some customers while talking to me.
“You need to work the shop anyway.” I say.
“True,” she says while busily getting back to work. Whew, she was so close to my face, for a moment I thought she was actually going to… kiss me! I go to the lake, strip down to my underpants, and get in. It's about twenty-five Celsius (eighty -two Fahrenheit,) which is pretty nice.
I put my shirt, pants, socks, and shoes back on. I remember the crickets, reach into my pocket popping the remainder of the crickets into my mouth, and sink my teeth into them with a satisfying crunch. I now go to the central market looking at different clothes and food.
I just walk around for an hour or so, some people give me suspicious looks like I would steal. Maybe if it was food, or I really needed new clothes, I guess I understand why they may think that. I go right next to the beach and play with my hacky sack. I'm really good at it. I watch the sunset as my stomach growls.
“I guess I better eat.” I say to absolutely no one at all. I go to the back of my favorite restaurant to the dumpster since I can’t afford any of the food there. I am digging and see Beef Loc Lac with its deep fried juicy beef, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and cucumbers.
It’s in pretty good condition too, it’s not touching any other food, and it’s not terribly old either. I am reaching for it and about to eat it when I spot a girl behind the dumpster. She must have hid when she saw me approaching. Has Sokkha finally started stalking me? No, I don't think she would actually do that.
This girl has light brown eyes, dark brown hair, she’s wearing a scruffy looking blue dress, and shoes that are way too small for her feet. “My name’s Khlang, do you have a house or any parents?”
“No, well… I have a stepmom, but I haven’t seen her in a few years because she kicked me out of my dad’s house when he… died in the army. My mom died shortly after I was born from a disease.”
”Sorry for asking.”
“It’s ok Khlang, my name’s Kaliyanei by the way” she says shyly. I think the reason Kaliyanei (Ta-lee-a-knee) was a little intimidated by me is because she thought I was someone who worked there. Kaliyanei’s probably fourteen, one year younger than me.
“I don’t have parents either,” I say. I hesitate for a second before remembering to do a sampeah. I find myself staring at her. She's prettier than Sokkha even though she's a little… unkempt.
For not being able to go to school anymore I have a pretty average vocabulary. I can't go to school because I don't have a guardian. “Here, have some Beef Loc Lac,” I say. Kaliyanei takes some and I ask her if she wants to come sleep in the park with me, ”Sure, but tomorrow maybe you could come to my place underneath a bridge.” So we walk in the grass with the darkening sky.
“Originally my stepmom was my babysitter when my other babysitter moved away. Since my dad was away a lot for the military he had to have someone look over me. She was nice at first when dad was around and for a year or two complimented my clothes, our house, and stuff like that. Eventually though, she decided she earned my dad’s trust and since I had said good things about her my dad would think she was the same, but she actually started being very mean to me.
She made me clean and didn’t even watch me a good amount of the time. She just went to the mall and spent my dad's money and dyed her American brown hair bright blonde. When he came back for the New Year I told him what she had been doing and that, ’Dad, she’s a golddigger!’ He wouldn’t listen to me though.
He'd come to love her too much, and eventually they married. One time I installed a hidden camera, caught her cursing at me, he came back and said that I will own the house and she needed to leave, but he had to go back so they couldn't settle it then. He couldn’t find a new babysitter that fast either. Soon after… he died, but he said it on a recording and maybe… someday I can bring it to court or the police… or something and get what’s rightfully mine.”
“Wow, she really just stole the house and after he-” I hesitate, not wanting to make her uncomfortable, ”Disappeared she just kicked you out.” She looks sad, this is why I can’t make friends! “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said that,” I whisper.
“It’s… ok it’s not your fault.” I hug her in the dark right outside the park where a couple other homeless people are sleeping. She smells like dirt but… somehow also like the sweet salty nice beach. I love hugging her in my arms, and the solid warm comfort.
She is someone I can actually relate to some. Now I’m thinking about how it is wrong to hug a girl alone… well not technically, but still. I was told to marry Sokkha yet… her familiarity is not as nice as Kaliyanei’s unfamiliarity. I realize this and feel warmth flush my cheeks in embarrassment.
We stop hugging and lay down in the grass looking up at the stars in the sky sitting in the silence of night. I am slowly drifting to sleep thinking of my new friend. I wake up now, Kaliyanei is still asleep and I realize in surprise she’s wearing a cross made of crystal on her neck. She's Christian too!
I go to a food stall sneaking a couple of nom korng’s for breakfast. I go back to the park and see Kaliyanei awake. “Kaliyanei you're awake, I got you a nom korng.” She takes the orange donut from me.
“Thank you,” she says doing a sampeah. The sweet crispy rice flour donut is so good.
“Do you believe in the Christian God? I…I noticed your cross.”
“I do. At times it’s hard remembering he’s there and wants what’s best for us… after what has happened, but I trust him with my life.”
I am amazed she said this. I wonder which of our childhoods has been harder. We go to her bridge and she shows me how she organizes everything.
Something good about Cambodia is if you're homeless you don’t have to worry about it being cold. Even when it rains it’s not cold. It’s very tropical in here, that’s why tourists like to come here.
“Look at the view, it's so nice how it looks over the ocean…isn’t it beautiful?” Kaliyanei says admiringly.
“Yes it is,” I say. I smell the salty ocean air and feel a cool breeze coming off the water. She lives just out of reach from the tide when it gets to the highest height. I’m wearing my dark green cross that I’ve had ever since I was little.
“Can you swim?”
“What… why,” She seems baffled by my question.
“Well, can you?”
“Yes… I’ll have to hang up a towel so I can change though.” So I tell her to change while I walk back to get some shorts I can use for swimming. I come back finding her in a two piece, cropped tummy, swimsuit. I see her staring at me blushing and I realize why. I have my shirt off, now it’s my turn to blush.
This doesn’t last for long though because I take her hand and run into the waves together. I don’t think much of it, we're just two friends having a good time right? We don’t have goggles so we have to be careful about salt staying out of our eyes. The water is so clear that I can see the shells and rocks underneath my feet.
I feel so free, seeing nearby palm trees swinging gracefully, rather freely in the wind. I splash Kaliyanei a bit and she splashes me back, not in the face though. We find a big rock in the shade to sit on. When we decided we are all done she says, ”I wish we could rinse off. The salt makes me so itchy.”
This gives me an idea, “Come with me. I know somewhere we can rinse off. It’s not the cleanest water but it’ll rinse the salt off.” So we go to the lake to rinse off, it seems as if an infinite amount of sand comes out of my shorts, but eventually there is not much sand left in them. We go back to the road and I catch her looking at my abs.
I don’t think she knows I saw her. I go to my friend Rithy’s living quarters after I change and tell him all about her and our afternoon. Rithy lives in a big culvert, but when it is rain season the water goes into the culvert and he gets rained out. Not to mention the constant thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk of the heavy rain drives him crazy.
“I think… you like her,” He says in a snarky voice. Do I really? I ask myself, considering the possibility.
“Maybe… but Rithy you know I can’t go out together with a girl like that. We can only marry only who our parents tell us to… which in my case is Sokkha.”
“You talk of Kaliyanei as if you love her, so why do you hold back so much? I’ve seen Maya for a while and you think we’re cute.”
“Yeah, but at least your uncle approved of her before he…” I don’t want to make Rithy sad, his uncle died from a car crash and his uncle never married. He never knew his parents... they abandoned their son and eventually died in the military. I think they left him to keep him safe and never came back because they couldn’t bare to part with him again.
“It’s ok brother… the past is in the past, but I don’t think you should bring her to ‘Sokkha’s Ahar Hang,’ Sokkha might totally lose it.” I agree with him, that could be rather chaotic considering Sokkha’s… infatuation with me. She’s so obsessed with me that she’s practically hypnotized under a love spell. She would be infuriated if she found out about another girl.
I stay for a while. Rithy gives me bottled water to drink, and then I go back to my favorite restaurant to find something to eat for dinner. I find Khmer red curry with mangoes and sticky rice! Now that’s a luxury, I get a dessert.
Sokkha has this one customer that she barely pays attention to compared to me, but he’s Rithy’s cousin and he really likes her. I bet they would actually be a pretty good match. I think Sokkha is lonely, but I am not gonna lie, she kind of freaked me out the last time I saw her. I go to the beach like normal playing around with my hacky sack.
Kaliyanei sneaks up on me causing me to drop my hacky sack on the solid sand, "You're really good with the hacky sack.”
“Yeah… well I spend some spare time practicing it.”
She says, ”I can tell… I just got a good idea, what if- you buy a hat!”
“A hat?”
“For people to put money in for your hacky sack tricks.” We spend the evening walking on the beach looking at the beautiful sunset. We collect a few seashells, it is just so nice and peaceful. The sky pink with a warm orange hue.
“It’s so nice being here… with you, a true friend.” Is that all she thinks of me as just a close friend, I wonder. Kaliyanei says, ”Look, it’s sea turtle eggs,” as she runs toward them we realize our hands are linked together. We both blush and put our hands to our sides.
“I-I’m s-so sorry…!” She stutters out nervously, she is blushing a lot, and looks quite cute and flustered.
“It’s ok, I enjoyed it.” I say letting my “devious” thought out, this only makes her blush more, we go to see the sea turtle eggs but we can’t see much. I go back to the park and fall asleep. Once the week passes it is Sunday and me and Kaliyanei actually go inside the church, no one judges us or gives us dirty looks! Afterwards Kaliyanei goes to a free yoga class as I go to, ”Sokkha’s Ahar Hang.”
It goes on like this for a while, as time passes I start to fall for her more and more. Today’s Christmas Eve, we went to church even though it is Saturday. Since it is Christmas Eve we held candles, all the little flames glowed magnificently in the dark. The hope and peace of God filled the room. Ever since I met Kaliyanei I have also gotten more connected to God.
I’ve raised some money from hacky sack tricks too. Now it is the end of Christmas day and we’re on the little section of the beach that’s pretty much our own private spot. “Kaliyanei close your eyes and guess the gift,” I say as I take a teddy bear and piece of chocolate out of my little bag.
“Oh I don’t know… I didn’t get you anything, you didn’t have to get me anything.”
“But I wanted to.” I say, so she accepts the gifts and we talk for a while. It’s a beautiful sunset pink with a blend of orange and even golden yellow.
We are sitting next to each other and her head is on my shoulder. I feel blush in my cheeks. It's so nice. Before we even know what we're doing she looks at me, reaches across my lap and kisses me.
We pull back slowly from each other blushing and wide eyed. “I-I’m so sorry it’s all m-my fault, I am just I’m tired of w-waiting for y-you to c-confess! I-I shouldn’t h-have i-it’s just… I felt an urge and… I j-just couldn’t resist.” Kaliyanei says while stuttering and tripping over her words a lot, I find that this is what she does when she’s embarrassed.
“I-It’s ok I- I…” I hesitate thinking of the right thing to say, ”I enjoyed it… come here.” I whisper and kiss her again. We fall asleep like this waking up laying against each other. I lay here for about ten minutes until she wakes up and sits up fast with pink on her cheeks.
We don’t go to church since we did a couple days ago for Christmas Eve, but we still go to our normal places besides church. Kaliyanei goes to yoga while I go to, ”Sokkha’s Ahar Hang.” We chat for a while, it is hard looking at her face though when she is so into me, but I have found someone that I actually… love. It’s going well, I’m about to leave when I see Kaliyanei walking into the shop. What’s she doing here? I never told her I came here, in fact I never said where I went when I come here!
“Oh, it's a new customer, I’ll assist her,” Sokkha says. I want to shout noooo, but she does and I try to shrink into a ball. Kaliyanei says, ”I’m looking for some ants and chocolate cricket clusters for my close friend.”
“He sounds special, what’s his name?” She says in a gossip girl voice.
“He is, his name’s Khlang.” She says dreamily, Oh no, now I am so screwed!
“Khlang… you mean Khlang Kou?” Sokkha’s voice sounds so high pitched and shattered like she's about to break. Why oh why did Sokkha have to be so obsessed with me, why can she not just like me like as a friend and nothing more?
“Wait… you know him?”
“Oh, you bet I do, in fact he’s in this store this very minute.”
“Hi Kaliyanei,” I say in a small voice as I slowly stand up wishing I can become invisible or better yet disappear.
“Why, especially after yesterday! I thought you really liked me!”
“I do, I love you Kaliyanei it’s just…” I take a deep breath letting it out slowly. There both tapping their feet impatiently waiting to hear my explanation, ”I have known Sokkha for a while now, and… I’m sorry Sokkha, but… I never liked you like that. I only ever liked you as a friend. You just like watching me and hearing me talk. Maybe one day you can get a man who actually loves you.”
At this very moment Rithy’s twenty one year old cousin Arun enters the store. We are close enough to the door that I give him a little push on purpose causing him to bump into Sokkha just as I had hoped. She catches Arun and the two of them start to blush. “Hurry and leave now Khlang and Kaliyanei, before I change my mind.”
I feel like she will not change her mind, but we leave anyway. “I need… to go somewhere alone to think,” I say.
“Ok fine I guess… I don't know how to feel right now… either.” Kaliyanei says with her head hanging low. So I go to the park. I used to sleep at this park all the time except during the rainy season, but now I often sleep on the beach underneath the bridge with Kaliyanei.
During the rainy season I’m forced to sleep in a homeless shelter with Rithy, Arun, and some strangers there are more adults than kids that sleep there. Not Mr. Hoffman’s building, he banned me and my friends from there. So I sit here for a half hour to an hour and then go to Rithy's culvert. “Hi.”
“Your unexpected company, why have you come?”
“Sorry for bothering you… I can just go now.”
”No… please stay.”
”Ok well… It all started when I went to, ”Sokkha's Ahar Hang."
"That does not sound good. Wait, did you see Arun there by any chance?”
“Yes,” I say while grinning, ”I'll get to that part.”
By the end of what I tell him he says, ”You really pushed Arun into Sokkha, haho, I bet he's really glad you did that! No wonder he's been gone so long.” He says that Kaliyanei might still likes me, “I mean after you kissed, I remember about a year ago when me and Maya first kissed… it was so magical. I was your age.”
“It's not like you're that much older than me, only by about a year.” He gives me a snarky smile.
“Khlang and Kaliyanei sitting in a tree K-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes the love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in a baby carriage!”
“You dared me into this,” I say. “Riithy and Maya sitting in a tree-”
“No!” Rithy shouts.
“Yes!” I say with a devious grin, ”Rithy and Maya sitting in a tree K-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in a baby carriage!” At this point we are both blushing so hard that as Arun walks in, in a lovey trance we pin him down singing.
“K-i-s-s-i-n-g Arun and Sokkha sitting in a tree, first comes love, then comes marriage, then a baby in a baby carriage!” Now we are all thinking about the girls we like, blushing and acting like a nervous wreck! I could get a cheap meal, but I decide to go with them to get dinner from the dumpster to save money. I eat Fish amok as they eat Kuy Teav Rice which are noodles.
I'm having so much fun, we play around some and then sleep. When I wake up I get Bobor and leave for Kaliyanei’s. Once I get there Kaliyanei looks at me, ”Khlang… I've been a little worried about my Khlang, sweet, Khlang Kou.” She called me Khlang and sweet!
My name is Khlang, but it also means strong. I put the Bobor rice porridge down and sweep her into my arms kissing her. We look into each other's eyes for a while and then eat Bobor for breakfast. “I fell in love with you and your beautiful big green eyes,” she says in a sweet quiet voice. We hold hands and just enjoy the moment.
Six years later… we are at our wedding and I wait for my beautiful stunning bride, Sokkha. Just kidding, did I convince you even for a second? Rithy is my best man, the maid of honor is Maya and Maya’s now pregnant.
Kaliyanei and I were their best man and Maid of honor at their wedding. Sokkha got married to Arun and Sokkha is going to give birth to a girl soon. We live in a small apartment. A few years later… We went to quart and I met Kaliyanei’s stepmom, I got to say her stepmom is really… something.
I got some good news: we won the quart trial and got Kaliyanei’s house back. We also have a little daughter named Moni. She is three and currently asleep as it is late. Kaliyanei walks in crying, coming into the living room to the blue couch where I am sitting, she says, ”Oh My God Khlang!”
“What, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I have amazing news!”
“What’s the news?”
“Look!" she says, pulling out a pregnancy test, ”I’m pregnant!” I start crying now too as we both hug each other in the dim light of our Christmas tree. “We are going to have another child,” Kaliyanei says in a happy disbelieved voice.
We go to the doctor and after months find out it’s going to be a beautiful baby boy.