Santa Claus Meets Bad Bunny

"¡Ay, no! Don't be a bad bunny, mi hijo," a devoted Puerto Rican mom had once said awhile back to her squirming and angry young son who wanted nothing less than being dressed up in some dumb rabbit costume for an even dumber school event. But, adoring his music-loving mother who had given him a Vico C reggaeton record for Christmas when he was only five, young Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio settled down somewhat within the ridiculous bunny outfit and comforted himself with thoughts of the Latin beats of salsa, merengue, reggaeton and Puerto Rican hip hop. His mom would go on raising her son with music by letting her boy listen to certain artists as his reward for good behavior.

Now in his early 30's, Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio, aka Bad Bunny, a three-time Grammy Awards winner and worldwide sensation, wasn't necessarily thinking about how he went from bagging groceries in highschool to being a college drop out to being dubbed the 'King of Latin Trap' who brought Spanish-language rap to mainstream global popularity. No, he was thinking about Santa. Papá Noel.

It was Nochebuena, or Christmas Eve, in Vega Baja, Puerto Rico and Bad Bunny had just returned from singing Parrandas, a loud and joyous house-to-house carolling tradition, with his parents and brothers. After the massive Nochebuena feast followed by the numerous Parrandas parties, his papi, Tito Martínez, a former truck driver, his mami, Lysaurie Ocasio, a retired school teacher, and two younger hermanos, Bernie and Bysael, were fast asleep upstairs dreaming of sugar plums dancing in their heads. Bad Bunny, on the other hand was tired but awake. He sprawled across the family room sofa, stared at the ceiling and worried, wishing for a Christmas miracle that only Santa Claus could make happen.

See, Bad Bunny had established the Good Bunny Foundation in 2018 with the mission to encourage children and young people with limited resources within Puerto Rico to develop in music, arts, and sports. Through his philanthropic foundation, Bad Bunny was ready to help the Three Wise Men deliver gifts to children on Three Kings Day, or Día de Reyes, a cherished Puerto Rican tradition on January 6th, but he worried about Christmas which many parents sometimes had to skip due to hurricanes and other hardships of the past. Those kids wouldn't have any gifts under their Christmas trees.

"Por favór, Papá Noel," Bunny closed his eyes to make a fervent, last minute Christmas plea...

Clip-clop. Clip-clop.

Jingle. Jingle.

"Ho Ho Ho!"

That last sound fully awakened Bad Bunny. Oh, he'd heard the tiny reindeer hooves on the roof and the twinkling of jingle bells, but he dismissed them sleepily as wishful thinking. That signature Santa laugh however suddenly made everything in the Ocasio's family room merry and bright.

"Santa! ¿Qué es la que?" Bad Bunny exclaimed, springing to his feet and rushing to give the big jolly man in red a huge welcoming hug in front of a fireplace that wasn't there before Santa Claus arrived.

Pausing story to note: If you were wondering how Santa gets into houses without chimneys, it's because of reindeer magic. When we inquired of Santa how that worked, he simply said, "You'll have to ask Rudolph." We don't speak reindeer, so we'll take Santa at his word.

"¡Benito Antonio! What's up, my man?" Santa Claus answered back in perfect Boricua Spanish. Santa is a polyglot who speaks all the languages in the world, including reindeer. So...

Anyway, in a mix of English and Boricua Spanish, Santa Claus and Bad Bunny talked about their flight plan and M.O. from Puerto Rico to the North Pole. From Santa's workshop there, after loading up the gifts into his sleigh, they would fly around the world spreading good cheer to all good boys and girls, then return to the Boricua island.

Santa explained how Mrs. Claus had heard Benito Antonio's Christmas wish that all Puerto Rican children receive gifts. And where Santa Claus already had that covered, she still sent Santa down and sweetly requested that he and Benito Antonio bring her back a thermos filled with coquitos. Mrs. Claus loved the creamy, coconut-based holiday drink with eggnog, rum and spices, and craved the O.G. version of it. Pretty much every year for several centuries, Mrs. Claus had been the one to select the special holiday guests to the North Pole. She adored Bad Bunny and his music (and coquitos), so he was the most logical choice this year.

Airborne over the North American continent in a sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer and Rudolph, their reindeer leader with a navigationally red nose, Santa Claus and Bad Bunny sang Christmas songs in Boricua Spanish and in English. Radio satellites over Montreal, Canada reported picking up transmissions of unexpectedly festive music from the night skies, which then, unfortunately, disappeared in a wink.

Santa Claus and Bad Bunny slid to a snowy halt on the lawn of a charming gingerbread house with the equally charming Mrs. Claus standing in front of it smiling broadly, her gentle brown face showing off the fun of anticipation.

"¿Qué tal? ¡Ay, Benito Antonio, eres un papito!" Mrs. Claus gushed about Bad Bunny's attractive looks and blessed him with a big, warm hug. Immediate friends, but with longtime familiarity, Mrs. Claus and Bad Bunny walked arm-in-arm into her cottage, while her husband, after feeding and resting Rudolph's team, went to the workshop where his elves were putting final touches on gifts for kids around the world.

Comfortably cozy in the gingerbread house, Bad Bunny poured coquitos from the thermos they'd brought from Puerto Rico into two small Christmas mugs. Mrs. Claus was at the stove ready to put a tray of his favorite snacks, quesitos, in the oven. "Benito Antonio, I've watched your video, 'Debí Tirar Más Fotos', so many times, I figured out how to make these quesitos without a recipe," she said of the rolled cheese-filled flaky pastry featured in the song's video that urged his Puerto Rican listeners to cherish their traditions, surroundings and heritage.

Sipping coquitos while the delicious smell of Puerto Rican pastries filled the air, Mrs. Claus and Bad Bunny talked about... wait for it...pro wrestling. They both loved the sport, that is, Bad Bunny as a professional athlete/performer and Mrs. Claus as a spectator who had been watching for years. "You're a WWE champion which effectively makes you undefeated at WrestleMania since you won all your matches there. I am so impressed, dear!"

This made Bad Bunny's heart soar. He had said multiple times of his many accolades and awards that, of all of them, a compliment about his music from his mom was the best. Mrs. Claus's praise for his wrestling was second best.

The oven's timer dinged and Mrs. Claus pulled out the quesitos. As they talked more about music, wrestling and his acting roles on the big screen, Bad Bunny and Mrs. Claus polished off the plate of quesitos and finished off the thermos of coquitos.

Suddenly from outside the gingerbread house, came the familiar and beloved laughter, "Ho Ho Ho!"

Mrs. Claus bustled to the door, opened it and yelled out in her sing-song voice, "Hold up, Santa! Benito Antonio has eaten and quenched his thirst. He just has to sign my guest book real quick."

"¡Bueno! I'll be in the sleigh," Santa Claus replied cheerily.

Mrs. Claus pulled the huge guest book off her shelf and asked Bad Bunny to sign his autograph between Ansel Adams and Blac Chyna. She liked to keep autographs of all her guests to her North Pole home in alphabetical order.

Bad Bunny marveled at the sights from above Stockholm, Sweden through the night vision field that enveloped Santa's sleigh. Santa Claus didn't really need it, of course, but he activated it so Bad Bunny could enjoy the views as much as he did.

"There's the Stockholms Stadion where we performed for the SMASH Festival in 2019, Santa!" Bad Bunny pointed out. He remembered his Swedish fans fondly. "The crowd would sing along in Spanish not really knowing what the words meant and that just meant a lot to me. You know, that they'd make the effort to even pronounce the words," he revealed to Santa as the sleigh swooped down to deliver gifts and later enjoy a bowl of risgrynsgröt, or rice porridge, and a large cup of coffee that the little children left for him. There was plenty to share with Bad Bunny, and the reindeer even got to enjoy a nice treat of carrots and hay.

Santa Claus and Bad Bunny stormed the night skies above the European, Asian and African continents seeking out all the good boys and girls to deliver their gifts, then headed towards the Americas. A westerly route from the horn of Africa to Aruba at the northern most tip of South America was almost seven thousand miles, yet it took only seven minutes in Santa's sleigh. Bad Bunny turned to Santa in astonishment and wonder.

Santa Claus had seen this look many times before and anticipated the following question.

"How, Santa?"

It was always the same two-word answer followed by the special guest's name.

"Christmas magic, Benito Antonio!"

As they approached Oranjestad, Aruba from above, Bad Bunny recognized Renaissance Beach, where he had performed live on stage for the Aruba Island Takeover Festival in 2018. The performance rocked the island and Bad Bunny's amazement at the linguistic abilities of his fans shone throughout the show. Dutch and Papiamento, a native tongue, were the island nation's official languages, but most also speak Spanish and English. "So this time, they were singing along in Spanish AND understanding the words!" Bad Bunny recounted in admiration to Santa Claus who replied, "Aruba is an island full of quadrilinguals! They all speak four languages."

Santa Claus and Bad Bunny zipped through the skies over Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, Uruguay, everywhere where there where good boys and girls. They zigzagged across the United States and Canada and made a final approach into the airspace of Puerto Rico where Bad Bunny tried, and failed, to stifle a huge yawn. Santa smiled beneath his beard so snowy white and thought, "Here it comes. That sense of compassion and concern."

And sure as snow, Bad Bunny asked, "Santa, did we get everybody?"

"Ho Ho Ho! We sure did. Every good girl and boy in the world got their Christmas gifts this year!"

Looking down from Santa's sleigh above his beloved Puerto Rico, Bad Bunny closed his eyes in relief.

And, he awoke sprawled across the sofa in the Ocasio's family room next to a rapidly disappearing fireplace that never should have been there in the first place. So it wasn't a dream! Bad Bunny wanted to believe that, but still. He needed more than his memories of Santa Claus for proof that he really did meet the jolly ol' guy.

That's when he saw it - a little Santa bobblehead souvenir from Aruba sitting on a mantel where the reindeer magic fireplace used to be. Propped next to it was a greeting card that bestowed the same wish in four different languages:

Bon Pasco (Papiamento)
Vrolijk Kerstfeest (Dutch)
Feliz Navidád (Spanish)
Merry Christmas (English)

From "the island filled with quadrilinguals", Bad Bunny remembered Santa Claus saying and rushed in excitement to wake his mami, papi and hermanos. By the time he got to the top of the stairs, Bad Bunny heard the jingling of sleigh bells, Santa's merry laughter and his joyous wish to Puerto Rico and to the world...

"¡Feliz Navidád a todos, y a todos, una buena noche!"

"Merry Christmas to all and to all, a good night!"