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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Love stories / Romance
- Subject: Biography / Autobiography
- Published: 01/13/2026
The Lover
Born 1942, F, from Torrance, United States.jpeg)
THE LOVER
By Valerie Byron
Some day he'll come along,
The man I love
And he'll be big and strong,
The man I love
And when he comes my way
I'll do my best to make him stay.
He'll look at me and smile
I'll understand;
And in a little while,
He'll take my hand;
And though it seems absurd,
I know we both won't say a word
(George Gershwin)
THE LOVER
By Valerie Byron
Madison paced nervously through the living room into the kitchen, peering through the window into the darkness. It was getting late, really late, and he still hadn't arrived. Her anxiety grew as the seconds ticked away, and she wondered if she had made a terrible mistake. Would her body be found, battered and torn, days later?
Pushing negative thoughts aside, she raced once more upstairs to her bathroom. Staring critically at her reflection in the mirror, she brushed her teeth again and re-applied her lipstick. Pulling down her low-cut sweater, and admiring the swell of her breasts above her new push-up bra, she once again checked her make-up, making sure no new wrinkles had appeared in the last five minutes.
The whole thing was ridiculous, thought Madison. She had been alone and celibate for seven long years, ever since Jack had left her. His cheating had come as a shock, especially since they had been married for so long. Of course she couldn’t blame him. Their sex life was sadly lacking, and neither had attempted to do anything about it. Oh well, she thought grimly, at least I had all those years of sexual activity before I got married. That should last me for the rest of my life.
The phone rang, breaking the silence.
“Hi. It’s me. I’m not too far away. Should be there in about an hour.”
“Oh, okay, fine. Call me when you get closer and I’ll come out to meet you.”
There was another hour to kill before he arrived. She looked at herself in the full length mirror that covered the entire living room wall. Not bad for an old dame, she thought, turning sideways, to check her profile. Her black slacks hugged her body, giving her a sexy look. The blue sweater was soft, cashmere, and showed off her cleavage. She patted her flat stomach, as though to reassure herself that nothing was bulging, and glanced around the living room.
The flames from the gas fireplace gave off a warm, seductive glow. The Christmas tree twinkled in the corner of the living room, and various mobiles hung from the ceiling. A baby grand piano took pride of place in the adjoining dining room, covered with requisite photos of family and friends. It was a cozy, inviting home that showed off her creativeness and love of color. She turned the stereo on low, and the mournful love songs of Michael Feinstein filled the air.
All she had to do now was wait.
As she stood in front of the Christmas tree, waiting for him to arrive, her thoughts wandered back to the beginning, seven years prior.
DECEMBER 26, 2000
Madison remembered lying on her bed on a Sunday afternoon, and opening her library book. Jack was in the den, watching television, and she was looking forward to a quiet hour to relax with her book.
As she opened it, a white piece of paper dropped out. Curious, she picked it up and glanced at the words written in a woman’s hand – a love note. “Oh no,” she thought, “not again.” Jack had cheated on her once before, twenty years prior, when their daughter was a baby. She had forgiven him because she knew it was mostly her own fault for not giving him the sex life he yearned for. The physical attraction was just not there for her, and Jack was not the most skilful of lovers. They had stayed together and tried again, had another baby, and seemed to be quite happy. Madison felt their family life, laughter, friendship and good times certainly made up for the lack of sensuality and passion in their lives.
But apparently Jack had not been able to stay faithful, and as Madison looked at the love note, her heart sank.
“Jack”, she called out. “Come here, I need to talk to you.” Her husband, ten years her senior, entered the room with a questioning look on his face. Madison thrust the note out in front of her. “What is this?” she demanded.
His face paled, and he turned away. “Who is it, Jack? You have to tell me.”
And so he confessed to having an affair with a married woman in his church choir. It had been going on for a while and he refused to give her up.
“I don’t believe this. How long has it been going on? Why?”
Jack just stood there, refusing to answer.
“What are you going to do? Are you going to keep seeing her? What about us?”
In a panic, Madison tried to reason with him, begged him to reconsider, see a counselor or whatever it would take, but he refused.
“I’d rather cut off my right arm” he said quietly.
It seemed their marriage was over and she would be alone for the first time in her life. Their children were grown and all they had was the house. It would be an easy dissolution of their assets.
In fact, they did see a marriage counselor, but it was futile. Days went by and the tension in the house was palpable. Their daughter and her husband were living with them temporarily, which made it all the more difficult to keep emotions to a minimum.
At one point, Jack seemed to have second thoughts and agreed to try again, but he could not promise to stop seeing his mistress. It was only when their son came to her, as she was sitting alone in the living room that she realized what had to be done.
“Mom, you have to let him go. Neither of you are happy, so there is really no point in living a lie.”
* * *
She had never lived alone before and was terrified of the financial consequences of their separation and perhaps divorce. However, Jack obligingly said that he had no intention of divorcing her, and that he would give her half of everything, including his pension and retirement. Somehow that eased the pain a little.
Their house was sold at a huge profit and they split the proceeds. Madison purchased another home, and Jack rented an apartment, preferring to spend his money on travel and investments. The next few months raced by in a whirlwind, leaving Madison little time to brood over her new marital status.
The first few years were difficult, but her time was taken up with her job and fixing up the new house. Having ready cash made a huge difference and she spent it lavishly.
She made new girlfriends whom she often met for lunch. Jack dropped by weekly and their relationship morphed into a close friendship. Quietness and solitude became part of her new life and she felt reasonably content on her own. Romance never entered her mind; in fact, she was quite adamant that men were of no consequence - they hadn’t been important since before her marriage. The thought of sex was abhorrent to her, especially since she felt the years had not been kind to her body, having had two Caesarian sections which had left her stomach quite flabby.
"I cannot imagine having to put up with a man again," she confided to her single girl friends. "Isn't it wonderful not having to cook, clean and do their laundry? I will never get involved with anyone again. I am quite happy on my own", she declared decisively. She had checked out men her own age, and shuddered with repulsion at the thought of intimacy with any of them. Most of them seemed so old – many of them balding with fat guts. The idea of making love to these men was entirely out of the question. And then again, there was the matter of what they would expect. It was most likely they would want to sit in front of the television and be waited on hand and foot. The idea of catering to a man was not an enticing proposition. Her friends nodded in agreement.
Time passed by slowly. Her son moved in for a year, and then her daughter divorced and stayed with her for a while. Having another person in the house seemed to soften the ache of loneliness.
She acquired parrots and cats as pets, did volunteer work at the local hospital, and worked at her part time job. But when the evenings came, and she was alone in the house, sadness and despair often overwhelmed her. She seemed to be sliding slowly down the hill towards old age and death. Hot tears of loneliness and despair trailed down her cheeks as she lay in bed at night.
"Is this it? Is this all I have to look forward to?" Hating herself for falling into the trap of self pity, she tried to look on the bright side, but the lack of love in her life was beginning to get to her.
Seven years later, things had not changed much. Her daughter had moved out and acquired a new boyfriend; her son had relocated to Chicago; and her mother had died. She was finally alone for the first time in her life.
In August of 2007 Madison decided to do something that she had always dreamed of, but had been too frightened to really contemplate. She walked into the office of a local plastic surgeon and asked to make an appointment for a tummy tuck. Her stomach had never recovered from the surgeries of childbirth, and she had always longed for a flat tummy.
The appointment was made and without even thinking, Madison decided to blow $8000 on the surgery. She owed it to herself. She would be able to wear cute little dresses and figure hugging clothes. Her surgeon assured her she would go from a size twelve to a size four in no time. Without a moment's hesitation she made an appointment to have the surgery performed the next week.
Madison’s girl friends were all supportive of her decision, and dropped by to help her get through the post-operative phase. The pain was more than she had bargained for, and it was difficult to navigate through the house while she was recovering. Jack came by at the beginning, but he was more hindrance than help and she told him not to bother. He seemed relieved to be spared the chore of caring for her, but curious that she had not dated since their separation.
“I’m still married” she retorted sharply, daring him to say anything in response. He was still seeing his mistress, but was also enjoying the freedom to travel, and spend time with Madison too. Yes, Jack was having his cake and eating it, but she really couldn’t blame him for that.
It took a while to recuperate from the painful surgery, especially with the drains that were attached to her abdomen for many weeks. Finally, the day came when she was given a clean bill of health, the drains were removed, and she looked with delight at her new body.
In the course of five weeks, Madison had lost thirty pounds and five dress sizes. It was heaven to shop and admire her new sexy shape. She had blonde highlights put in her newly styled hair, purchased smaller sized clothes, and started to exercise. A younger looking woman was reflected in the mirror, and Madison was very pleased indeed.
"Interesting" she thought. "Men haven't really noticed me since I was in my twenties. Now I am getting admiring, even speculating glances, from men of all ages."
Her confidence rapidly rose, along with something she had not anticipated. In late October, something unexpected happened. She started to experience feelings that had lain dormant for many, many years. Due to her weight loss, and the repair of her stomach muscles, her libido had returned in full force. For the first time in thirty years, sexual stirrings long forgotten were rising within her. Her attitude towards men swiftly changed. She had never had any interest in dating since before her marriage, but now all she could think about was sex. Physical longings took over her mind constantly, and threatened to interfere with the life she had lived thus far. In desperation, and to the amusement and encouragement of her girlfriends, she purchased her first vibrator. Embarrassing, perhaps, but it did the job.
* * *
Days passed, and she yearned for more, and thus it was that Madison turned to the Internet and dating sites. There were several paid sites that looked interesting, so she bit the bullet and paid for a month on Match.com. It seemed strange uploading new photos of herself that showed a younger looking, slimmer Madison than before. She posted what she felt was an intriguing profile, cut five years off her age, and then waited to see what would happen.
The response was overwhelming. So many men seemed ready and willing to get to know her, but she was not certain of the protocols. Younger men, older men, those who lived out of state, ugly men, handsome men…..where on earth to start? Who to choose?
It was with some trepidation that Madison started on the path to dating after all those years of marriage. Her first date seemed promising. A retired Jewish doctor! He seemed fairly attractive, according to his picture, and perhaps he might be physically active too. They chatted on the phone and he seemed to be quite interesting.
The day finally came for their first date. Madison foolishly allowed Jerry to pick her up at her home. She spent hours getting ready, making sure she smelled good, and looked as youthful and attractive as she could.
Promptly at 7:00 p.m. the doorbell rang and she opened the door. Before her stood an old man. A very old man who smelled of death. Her spirits sank, but she quickly regained her composure. He had driven a long way to see her, and she had to be kind.
He had made no plans for the evening and asked where she would like to go. This was her first date in 35 years! Where to go? Oh dear.
She mentioned a popular fish restaurant on the nearby pier and he said that would be fine, but he had forgotten his wallet. Would it be okay if she paid, and he would send her a check the following day? Wearily, she nodded her assent.
They arrived at the restaurant and were seated with a view of the water. Their surroundings were beautiful and the menu expensive, but the lack of chemistry between them was undeniable. The dinner went as she had expected. He was tiresomely dull, talking only of operations performed in the past and using medical terminology that had no meaning to her. She tried to draw him out on a more personal level, but he seemed as nervous as she was.
Later, they walked arm in arm on the pier, and she felt disappointed with the entire experience. A quick peck on the cheek, and he was gone, promising to reimburse her as soon as he could. The check arrived two days later, and she emailed him a thank you, and her regrets that they were not a match.
After a few more failures, she became more adept at selecting those men whom she thought would be appropriate, but none of them seemed to be just right. Her first month of paid dating ended, and she decided not to invest any more money.
A friend recommended a free dating site to her that sounded promising. Madison felt there was nothing to lose, and posted her profile. Again, she stated her age as five years younger than she was, and was surprised to receive requests for dates from much younger men. Although flattered and a little thrilled, she knew there was no point in dating any of them, as they were probably only interested in sex. Although she yearned for a satisfying physical relationship, she also needed love, passion and commitment. Could she really find all that on a dating site? Weren’t these men losers if they had to resort to the Internet? On the other hand, where else would she meet anyone? She went to work each day to a one-person office, and came home at night to a lonely house. There was nothing else for it but to reach out into the ether.
* * *
One day she received an email from a young man who lived three hours away from her. She was intrigued by his quirky profile, but a little put off by his photograph. It was not very clear or focused, but he appeared to be of medium height, balding and quite ordinary looking. Madison had always been attracted to tall, handsome, artistic men and this one did not appear to have any of these attributes.
His name was Mark and he sent her several emails, asking if she would be interested in meeting him. After deliberating, she decided he was not her type at all, but deserved a kind response. She wrote – and he responded:
December 13, 2007
Ah, Mark
My girlfriend told me to put an age stipulation on my profile (didn’t I do that?) preventing all the young ‘uns from approaching me.
Yes you did. Try using an electric fence next time!
It is all very strange to me why men in their 30’s and 40’s feel they would have anything to offer a woman of 60, other than a physical relationship.
That way of thinking is based upon individuals you have met, a feeling or ???
Seriously, though, I am immensely flattered that someone younger than me would show an interest. Most of the time, without being too vain, people would not stop and stare in horror if they saw me with a 40 year old man as I do have a decent figure and an unlined face.
I noticed! But from reading your profile I thought there was considerably more…
However, there is the matter of a shared frame of reference. I was an adult when you were born and it would be difficult to share and laugh about events that happened before you were born. And one does have to talk occasionally.
It seems to me that you have lived a very sheltered life, apparently affecting your perception - still putting square pegs into square holes just as we were taught as little ones. As a small boy, a long, long time ago, I strongly disliked kicking, scratching, biting, and tackling girls of my age group. I was looking up to the ones of more advanced age, both figuratively and physically. Yes Madison, I was already checking you out then, as beautiful mature ladies had already captured my interest. I remember "looking" at some of my buddies’ moms even before I was a teenager.
No more sermons. In my fantasies, I would love to have a romance with a younger man, but it would be highly inappropriate. I realize that at this stage of my life “who cares?” – but I really do care.
Do YOU care or do you care about feelings and etiquette that have been imposed upon you? Which is it?
My daughter is 35 – she would probably look askance at her dear mom for dallying with someone who could be HER friend.
Yeah, and she would look at you like that, because that is what you'd expect her to do. Secretly she would high-five you while sporting a smile so wide that she could eat a banana sideways! You are quite stunning yourself, but you already knew that 40 years ago.
You are adorable. Thanks for making my day.
Madison
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
After a few communications, Madison promptly forgot about him. She became involved via emails and phone calls with another man, nine years her junior, who lived several hours away in the Mojave Desert. David seemed perfect and their relationship started to blossom via daily telephone calls. He promised to drive out to see her the next month, in late December.
In the meantime, Madison was dating a different man each week. It seemed as though her physical appearance, and the confidence she had attained from the surgery, drew men to her like bees to honey. Unfortunately, there seemed to be something wrong with each of them. Either they were not her type; unattractive; afraid of commitment; poverty stricken; too old; too young; or just didn’t have the “it” factor. She was determined not to “settle” as she had with her marriage. Friendship was fine, but passion and intimacy was just as important.
Mark persisted with his emails and instant messages, and Madison found herself going to the computer after dates, confiding in him and asking his advice. She found him to be a little strange in his ideas, but always ready to listen and offer advice. He obviously had a crush on her, and tended to flirt outrageously. He usually told her to drop the guys she was seeing, as he felt they were losers. Some of his emails made no sense to her, but she figured that since he was from Germany, perhaps his English was not too good.
She began to consider Mark as her on-line confidante, and was focusing on her relationship with David, whom was she was looking forward to meeting very shortly. It was only boredom that made her respond to Mark’s emails, and the ego boost it gave her to realize that someone so young had a crush on her. He sent her still another convoluted email that confused her, but she resignedly responded:
December 17, 2007
Dear Mark,
Wow, that was a scary email. I couldn’t figure out what on earth you were talking about. I have forgotten how old you are? Forty? Tell me again! You sound very mature so perhaps there is a chance for us to be friends.
Write back and tell me more about yourself and hopefully we can talk on the phone. I am so tired of older, boring men so maybe I should take a leap!
Madison
She went to the computer the next night and found another email from Mark, giving her a little more information about him. “What the hell?” she thought, “It can’t hurt to lead him on a little. I really enjoy the attention and I’ll never actually meet him.”
December 18, 2007
Dear Madison,
Nice to hear from you again. Scary you say -- how so?
In my response to your "sermons", I was simply attempting to ascertain if your way of feeling with regard to our age difference is based on original thought, or if it has been inflicted environmentally.
For fun I like doing anything interesting. I also enjoy meeting intelligent people, although they are increasingly difficult to find. Therefore I generally settle for "interesting" which can be quite entertaining - up to a point.
For a living I currently develop alternative energy devices. I do pretty much whatever comes in the door as well, mostly mechanical development.
I keep my mind and body going – after all if you cease to use it you WILL lose it!
Mark
12-19-07
Dear Mark
Thanks for writing and giving me a little insight as to who you are and what you do. You sound very creative and interesting indeed. It is obvious you are a very bright person!
You asked me where I got my thoughts about age from. Truly, nowhere. You must understand that the passionate part of my life seemed to end when I got married at 27 – and now is starting again. So I have gone from a woman in her twenties, who had a lust for life, loving and living – back to that same person. But I am not 20 anymore and am finding it difficult to relate to men who are my own age. I feel like I am dating my father with some of the men! I still think I look young – and behave in a youthful manner. But the reality is – a woman of my age with someone so much younger would be silly. What would we have to talk about? I bet you don't even know who Spencer Tracy is! All we would have is a physical connection, maybe, and conversations about what is happening now. Actually, on second thought, that doesn’t sound too bad. After all, who wants to live in the past?
Madison
12-20-07
Hi Mark,
It looks like you are a great teacher, in more ways than you can imagine. I appreciate your insights and apologize for appearing “flip” with you. You have no idea how many times I am approached by very young men – from 20’s to 30’s – who obviously have a fantasy of having sex with an older woman and gaining a notch on their belt. I am very passionate, but only for someone with whom I can have an emotional and physical relationship that will endure over time. That is why I am being very particular about who I talk to, meet, or go out with. There were a string of men I had one date with – and that voice inside me screamed “no” – so I said goodbye to them all. We always know when it is right, don’t we?
I have been fortunate enough to have had contact with a wonderful man who lives about two hours away from me. Our photos, emails and phone calls have been exchanged for several months, and he is driving to see me on Tuesday. He is perfect in almost every way – but I have yet to see him – so am hoping the chemistry will be there, and I can get off this stupid website!
I have enjoyed talking with you. You have a very bright mind, are articulate and will make a great partner for some lucky girl. I hope we can remain friends.
Madison
All of a sudden, her relationship with Mark had taken on a life of its own. Numerous instant messages were written back and forth on a daily basis but eventually David arrived, after weeks of intense and heated conversations. Madison took one look at him and thought he had definite possibilities. However, she had not slept with anyone other than her husband for years, and was now ready to take the leap. In fact, she was more than ready. She was bursting with repressed sexual desire and could not wait to get David into bed.
A little shy and uncertain, David appeared to be the strong, silent type of man. He was very tall and interesting looking, and she immediately felt an attraction. After enjoying a home cooked meal, they retired to the living room. She lit some candles and turned the stereo on low. He seemed a little surprised at the depth of urgency that she showed him, but went along with her desire for intimacy. They kissed and hugged all evening and he seemed to be as taken with her as she was with him. He was already declaring his love for her after weeks of intimate phone calls and letters, and she was flattered and thrilled to have a strong, attractive man wanting her. Eventually, they made their way to her bedroom and she was ready to make love with a new man after forty years.
It seemed as though they embraced and kissed for hours. It was a little strange, but wonderful, to feel the body of a younger man in her arms. Every touch was exciting and she was more than ready to fulfill the desires that had overtaken her for so many months. To her shock and horror, David found it impossible to make love to her and could not maintain an erection.
Madison was devastated, and overcome with embarrassment and pity for him, as well as frustrated at not being able to consummate her desires. He told her he was starting to get a migraine, which was something that happened on a regular basis. The pain became excruciating, and he told her he would have to leave. It was four o’clock in the morning, and they had only spent a few hours together. He told her he would call her when he got home.
David did call on his return home, and followed it by an angst-filled email expressing his disappointment, and the feeling that perhaps he was impotent.
The next four months were filled with the most emotion Madison had experienced in years. Her “love” for David grew as she encouraged him to come back and try again. He drove back time and time again, hoping against hope that he would be able to make love to her. He even tried using Viagra, but it caused even worse migraines, and he always left in the early hours of the morning. Four months later, in April, he left for the last time, writing an email explaining that she deserved more than he could give her, and that he did not want to cause her any further distress.
Madison’s heart was broken and she wrote email after email, begging him to return. She said she didn’t care about the sexual aspect. She loved him. She said she would do anything for him if he just came back, but he refused to respond and it took several months before she was able to pick up the threads of her life to try dating again. This time, she resolved, she would be more discerning, and would pick men who were able to satisfy her. She went on a dating binge, usually selecting local men who were a little younger than she was. Her sexual appetite was out of control and she did everything she could to find satisfaction, both physically and emotionally.
She had a couple of one-night stands with much younger men, and although it was sexually exciting, she could not face them in the morning. She felt old and used, and hated herself for thinking that sex would be the answer to anything.
Days went by when all she could think about was David, and how he had seemed to be so perfect for her. She would ride to work in her car, playing music that touched her heart, and brought tears to her eyes. On the way to one blind date, she had to stop the car, and literally slap her own face to stop the tears from streaming down. Emotionally she was a mess. She had endured all those years of marriage without real love or passion, and now it seemed as though she would never have it.
Several months later, out of the blue, she received an email from David. He told her he had prostate cancer but was having surgery for it.
She was shocked and sympathetic, but wondered if her feelings for him had just been romantic nonsense. Perhaps she wanted love so badly that she had given him qualities he didn’t possess.
They spoke for quite a while on the phone, and David asked to see her again. However, he told her he could not make any promises, but would like to try and renew their relationship.
Madison thought long and hard. Did she really want to go through all that emotion again? Was this the kind of man she needed in her life? He had never fought for her. He had never made an effort to explain himself. And it was with much sadness that she wrote to him.
Dearest David
I have been thinking about our last conversation on Saturday morning quite a lot lately. I have come to a conclusion. I found it very telling that you pointedly said that you did not want to hurt or cause me pain again. You also said that you did not want to make promises you could not keep.
I take this to mean that you are still in the same position of not really knowing what you want, or who you want, and are fearful of any kind of commitment.
You are right, my darling. I think seeing you again could very possibly cause me pain and I do not want to ever go through that again. A year of tears for a man was enough. All I want now is happiness, laughter and love.
So.....because of this.....I feel it is probably better that we do not see each other again. I want to be with someone who will wholly commit to me. I am finding it quite difficult to find this key ingredient as it seems to be always the wrong men who want me. But I will not "settle". I want to be with someone who will love me as much as I love him, and will have no doubts or qualms about spending his life with me.
I will always care deeply for you and wish you the very best. I know whatever decision you make for your new life will be the right one for you. I hope you are healthy and happy and find love. Madison
“I wonder if I did the right thing” she confided to her best friend, Rita. “Maybe I should have given him another chance.”
Before she had time to re-consider, an unexpected email from Mark, asking how she was doing, sparked the following response:
Hi Mark,
I just found the email you sent to me a while back. It was in my spam folder for some reason. Also, I wrote to you on the wrong email address so, yes, it was me.
I have finally ended it with David. The problems were endless and I just cannot take any more of the emotional roller coaster he put me on.
I went out on a first date tonight with a guy around my age, maybe three years younger. He was very nice. A television director - Italian, Catholic. You know, my problem is that I meet someone, and they immediately get all excited about me, but I just don't feel the chemistry. It is such an intangible feeling and you never know who you will feel it with. If it isn't there, I just don't want to waste the man's time. So I probably won't go out with him again. I have two more to go out with - so I shall see what happens with them.
Maybe you and I should get together. If only you didn't live so far away. I have a feeling we would have an explosive chemistry. . . . Love you, Madison
And then there was no contact from him for months on end. Mark seemed to disappear from sight and Madison put him in the back of her mind. She became involved with a man from Denver, whom she met on a dating site, and they had passionate, intimate phone calls each day. He was convinced she was the “one” and urged her to fly out to see him. She was flattered by the attention, and his husky, sexy voice on the phone. He talked of selling his properties and moving out to live with her, which made her heart quicken. Perhaps this was the man meant for her. She flew out to Denver for the weekend and almost turned around and got back on the plane when she saw him standing there. He was obese and unattractive, but she felt that perhaps she should give him a chance. They went back to his house, but she found him opinionated, domineering and a rabid left winger who saw no other point of view. They fought constantly and she took an early flight home, disappointed beyond measure.
* * *
It was late August when Madison received a telephone call very late at night. She did not recognize the voice and asked who was calling.
“Mark” was the response. “Mark?” she inquired, having no idea who he was. “Oh, yes, Mark!!!” “How are you?”
They talked on the phone for several hours. She found his foreign accent a little difficult to understand and his attitudes toward life somewhat unusual. She became frustrated with the conversation, not certain if they had anything in common. He was at a concert – a rave – something so alien to her world that she wondered why he had even bothered to call. She ended the conversation as soon as she could without hurting his feelings.
Months passed by, and Madison continued to have dates with several men who did not appeal to her. She was beginning to wonder if it was all worth the effort. The putting on of makeup and perfume, wearing sexy clothes, waiting with anticipation for them to arrive, and then….nothing. Perhaps a life alone would be easier. She had done it before…she could do it again.
In December 2008 she went on-line after returning home from a disastrous dinner with a magician. He had reserved the entire restaurant for the two of them, and had wanted to show her his magic tricks at the table. Totally unlike his photo, he was heavy, walked with a cane, and tried to cover her face with wet kisses.
She returned home exhausted, and went upstairs to her den. She turned on the computer to read her email, and was surprised to see the magician had sent her a flowery poem, exhorting his love for her.
As she was about to respond, she received an unexpected IM from Mark. She was happy and surprised to hear from him, and they wrote back and forth on the computer for hours. She told him of her date, and he asked her why she bothered with these losers. Their conversation was witty, sexy and outrageous. As before, she thought “Why not? I’ll never meet him. I can flirt all I like without doing any harm.”
However, that was not to be the case.
“I’m driving to San Diego to see my mother for Christmas” he said. “I’d like to stop by and see you on my way back home.”
Her heart stopped. She had not expected this. What would he want from her? He wasn’t even her type physically, and of course he was so young.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea” Madison responded. “I have a bad cold, and don’t feel too well.”
“I’d really like to see you. Just as a friend. Please.”
Dammit, she thought. Well, maybe? It couldn’t hurt, could it?
“Okay, but call me and let me know exactly when you will be here. My husband and children will be here on Christmas day. Your being here might be awkward. Perhaps the next day would work out better.”
Christmas Eve came and went, and Mark telephoned that evening.
“I’m at my mother’s and I’d like to come see you tomorrow.”
“No, not tomorrow. It’s Christmas tomorrow. Why don’t you come the next day?”
“All right. The next day.”
Madison panicked. “What am I doing” she asked herself. “I don’t feel well. I have bronchitis. He sounds weird on the phone. Maybe he has a cleft palate; maybe that is why his voice sounds so odd. Perhaps he will want to have sex with me. What shall I do?”
Conflicting thoughts raced through her mind and she finally sat down at the computer and sent Mark an email.
“Please do not come. I have changed my mind. I have bronchitis and don’t feel well. I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to meet. I am sorry.”
The day after Christmas, the telephone rang about 7 pm.
“I am on my way. I’ll be there around 10 pm” he said.
“Oh God. He didn’t get my email,” Madison thought. Now what am I going to do?
“Okay” she responded, resignedly. Call me when you get close to the house, and I’ll help you find it.
* * *
DECEMBER 26, 2008 – 11:00 pm
The phone rang loudly, making Madison’s heart jump. She picked it up.
“I’m getting close” he said. “I’m almost on your street.”
“Okay, I’ll come outside and stand in the road so you can see me” she replied, her heart beating wildly.
A quick glance in the mirror, and Madison left the house, blind with panic. “Please God, don’t make him have a defect” she begged. “Let him be normal.”
She walked outside, stepping through the patio and down the narrow stone-paved walkway to the street. She stood in the middle of the darkened road and looked south. Coming towards her was the strangest looking man. He was wearing a fishing hat with a battery and light contraption attached to the top of it so he could see. This couldn’t be Mark, could it? It was. Oh God!!
Madison walked up to Mark, and gave him a quick hug. She couldn’t see his face in the dark, so took his arm, and led him down the pathway and into her house. She closed the French doors, turned on the lights and took a good look at her on-line friend, this stranger standing before her.
And she smiled.
He was tall but well built. Yes, his light brown hair was thinning, but he had beautiful blue eyes, a nice nose, and the most perfect white teeth. In her eyes, he was absolutely gorgeous and Madison felt relief pulsating through her entire body.
He sat down on the sofa and they looked at one another for what seemed hours. There was an instant connection, as though she had come home. He talked, but she didn’t hear a word he said, just listened to the cadence of his soft German accent. It was almost midnight, when the back door opened and her children appeared unexpectedly. They had left earlier to go to the airport, but had missed the plane. They took one look at Mark, sitting on the sofa, smirked knowingly, and made themselves scarce, racing upstairs into the spare bedroom.
Madison felt embarrassment flooding through her. What should she do now? It was late. Where did he think he would be sleeping? She took a sideways look at him again. Damn, he was cute. She took his hand and said “I’m tired, let’s go to bed.”
Madison came out of her bathroom, face washed, teeth brushed, wearing a sexy new nightgown. Mark was sitting up in bed, looking somewhat scared and a little overwhelmed. But he also looked familiar to her, as though she had known him forever.
She climbed into bed with him and he took her hand. She could feel him trembling beside her, so she placed his hand on her breast. He leaned over her and kissed her.
“I only came here because I wanted to meet you” he assured her.
“I didn’t come to have sex with you.”
“Hush” Madison whispered, afraid that her children in the next room would hear them. She placed her hand on his chest, and felt his heart pounding. He rolled over and kissed her again.
The night seemed never to end. They made love for hours and hours. Here was a man who enjoyed a woman's body and was not afraid of showing it. How different from all the other men in her life who would be finished in minutes. This was the most fulfilling and satisfying lovemaking Madison had ever experienced.
They spent the weekend together, biking at the beach, eating at local restaurants, playing tennis and talking non-stop. But most of all, making the most passionate, exciting love that Madison had ever known. It was as if they were meant to be together. Madison felt a completion she had never known before with this young man. There were moments when they walked along the beach, hand in hand, when she wondered if they looked an odd pair. But no-one gave them a second glance, except for the odd smile or envious gaze.
Two days later he left, and as he was about to get into his car, he stopped. He took her in his arms, held her close and whispered “I don’t hit and run.”
* * *
Madison wondered if she would ever see him again. But he telephoned that same night and before she knew it, he had returned ten days later
“I just couldn’t stay away,” he laughed.
Their relationship became something out of a story book. She was not certain what he did for a living that enabled him to return every month for the next year, but she didn’t care. He seemed to be self-employed and had the means to do as he pleased.
It was inconceivable to Madison that such a young man could have the maturity and capability for love as he did. But as each day passed, she fell more and more in love with him. This was a man in a million. A man who knew what real love was. Not just physical passion, but someone who understood that a woman needs more than that.
Mark was there for Madison in every way possible. He listened to what she had to say, and remembered every detail. He cared about her health, racing to get ice when she fell off her bike, offering her water when she was thirsty, and making sure she took her vitamins. They would fall about laughing like children when something struck them as funny. He would telephone her every day when they were not together and generally forced her to believe that she was the most desirable woman in the world, who deserved real love.
“I wouldn’t care if you were ninety” he declared. I love who you are. "If you were using a walker, I'd make love to you. I have never met a woman as beautiful, caring and giving as you are. I have done without love for so many years, and I am not going to let you go.”
And so the months went by, and their understanding of each other grew. “How amazing” she reflected “to find someone I am compatible with. We rarely disagree, and all I do is smile when I look at him. This can’t be real.”
But it was real and Madison finally realized that her search was over. For the first time in her life, she had found a man who truly cared for her. His tenderness showed in every gesture. He would caress her face while they lay together, holding hands. He would smile at her with love and adoration. She knew now that love was not just physical - it came from the heart.
Mark's talents did not end with the bedroom. He had a keen interest in automobiles and knew how to do home repairs. Although not university educated, he loved to research on the Internet and had an innate ability to fix things. Every problem in Madison’s house was tackled and repaired and her car never ran as well. He loved plants – and showed her how to pour coffee water on them to make them bloom. The life she was living seemed too good to be true. But, as they say, truth is stranger than fiction!
The year flew by and he met her friends. Even her children and husband approved! By the time December came around, they were ready to celebrate a most unusual and incredible year. They spent their first anniversary in Maui, walking hand in hand along the beach, wrapped up in each other. No-one seemed to realize or even care that this was a forty-two year old man with a sixty-seven year old woman. They glowed. They were in love. They were meant to be. Madison had found her Prince Charming and hoped to live happily ever after. But did she? Stay tuned. . . . .
By Valerie Byron
Some day he'll come along,
The man I love
And he'll be big and strong,
The man I love
And when he comes my way
I'll do my best to make him stay.
He'll look at me and smile
I'll understand;
And in a little while,
He'll take my hand;
And though it seems absurd,
I know we both won't say a word
(George Gershwin)
THE LOVER
By Valerie Byron
Madison paced nervously through the living room into the kitchen, peering through the window into the darkness. It was getting late, really late, and he still hadn't arrived. Her anxiety grew as the seconds ticked away, and she wondered if she had made a terrible mistake. Would her body be found, battered and torn, days later?
Pushing negative thoughts aside, she raced once more upstairs to her bathroom. Staring critically at her reflection in the mirror, she brushed her teeth again and re-applied her lipstick. Pulling down her low-cut sweater, and admiring the swell of her breasts above her new push-up bra, she once again checked her make-up, making sure no new wrinkles had appeared in the last five minutes.
The whole thing was ridiculous, thought Madison. She had been alone and celibate for seven long years, ever since Jack had left her. His cheating had come as a shock, especially since they had been married for so long. Of course she couldn’t blame him. Their sex life was sadly lacking, and neither had attempted to do anything about it. Oh well, she thought grimly, at least I had all those years of sexual activity before I got married. That should last me for the rest of my life.
The phone rang, breaking the silence.
“Hi. It’s me. I’m not too far away. Should be there in about an hour.”
“Oh, okay, fine. Call me when you get closer and I’ll come out to meet you.”
There was another hour to kill before he arrived. She looked at herself in the full length mirror that covered the entire living room wall. Not bad for an old dame, she thought, turning sideways, to check her profile. Her black slacks hugged her body, giving her a sexy look. The blue sweater was soft, cashmere, and showed off her cleavage. She patted her flat stomach, as though to reassure herself that nothing was bulging, and glanced around the living room.
The flames from the gas fireplace gave off a warm, seductive glow. The Christmas tree twinkled in the corner of the living room, and various mobiles hung from the ceiling. A baby grand piano took pride of place in the adjoining dining room, covered with requisite photos of family and friends. It was a cozy, inviting home that showed off her creativeness and love of color. She turned the stereo on low, and the mournful love songs of Michael Feinstein filled the air.
All she had to do now was wait.
As she stood in front of the Christmas tree, waiting for him to arrive, her thoughts wandered back to the beginning, seven years prior.
DECEMBER 26, 2000
Madison remembered lying on her bed on a Sunday afternoon, and opening her library book. Jack was in the den, watching television, and she was looking forward to a quiet hour to relax with her book.
As she opened it, a white piece of paper dropped out. Curious, she picked it up and glanced at the words written in a woman’s hand – a love note. “Oh no,” she thought, “not again.” Jack had cheated on her once before, twenty years prior, when their daughter was a baby. She had forgiven him because she knew it was mostly her own fault for not giving him the sex life he yearned for. The physical attraction was just not there for her, and Jack was not the most skilful of lovers. They had stayed together and tried again, had another baby, and seemed to be quite happy. Madison felt their family life, laughter, friendship and good times certainly made up for the lack of sensuality and passion in their lives.
But apparently Jack had not been able to stay faithful, and as Madison looked at the love note, her heart sank.
“Jack”, she called out. “Come here, I need to talk to you.” Her husband, ten years her senior, entered the room with a questioning look on his face. Madison thrust the note out in front of her. “What is this?” she demanded.
His face paled, and he turned away. “Who is it, Jack? You have to tell me.”
And so he confessed to having an affair with a married woman in his church choir. It had been going on for a while and he refused to give her up.
“I don’t believe this. How long has it been going on? Why?”
Jack just stood there, refusing to answer.
“What are you going to do? Are you going to keep seeing her? What about us?”
In a panic, Madison tried to reason with him, begged him to reconsider, see a counselor or whatever it would take, but he refused.
“I’d rather cut off my right arm” he said quietly.
It seemed their marriage was over and she would be alone for the first time in her life. Their children were grown and all they had was the house. It would be an easy dissolution of their assets.
In fact, they did see a marriage counselor, but it was futile. Days went by and the tension in the house was palpable. Their daughter and her husband were living with them temporarily, which made it all the more difficult to keep emotions to a minimum.
At one point, Jack seemed to have second thoughts and agreed to try again, but he could not promise to stop seeing his mistress. It was only when their son came to her, as she was sitting alone in the living room that she realized what had to be done.
“Mom, you have to let him go. Neither of you are happy, so there is really no point in living a lie.”
* * *
She had never lived alone before and was terrified of the financial consequences of their separation and perhaps divorce. However, Jack obligingly said that he had no intention of divorcing her, and that he would give her half of everything, including his pension and retirement. Somehow that eased the pain a little.
Their house was sold at a huge profit and they split the proceeds. Madison purchased another home, and Jack rented an apartment, preferring to spend his money on travel and investments. The next few months raced by in a whirlwind, leaving Madison little time to brood over her new marital status.
The first few years were difficult, but her time was taken up with her job and fixing up the new house. Having ready cash made a huge difference and she spent it lavishly.
She made new girlfriends whom she often met for lunch. Jack dropped by weekly and their relationship morphed into a close friendship. Quietness and solitude became part of her new life and she felt reasonably content on her own. Romance never entered her mind; in fact, she was quite adamant that men were of no consequence - they hadn’t been important since before her marriage. The thought of sex was abhorrent to her, especially since she felt the years had not been kind to her body, having had two Caesarian sections which had left her stomach quite flabby.
"I cannot imagine having to put up with a man again," she confided to her single girl friends. "Isn't it wonderful not having to cook, clean and do their laundry? I will never get involved with anyone again. I am quite happy on my own", she declared decisively. She had checked out men her own age, and shuddered with repulsion at the thought of intimacy with any of them. Most of them seemed so old – many of them balding with fat guts. The idea of making love to these men was entirely out of the question. And then again, there was the matter of what they would expect. It was most likely they would want to sit in front of the television and be waited on hand and foot. The idea of catering to a man was not an enticing proposition. Her friends nodded in agreement.
Time passed by slowly. Her son moved in for a year, and then her daughter divorced and stayed with her for a while. Having another person in the house seemed to soften the ache of loneliness.
She acquired parrots and cats as pets, did volunteer work at the local hospital, and worked at her part time job. But when the evenings came, and she was alone in the house, sadness and despair often overwhelmed her. She seemed to be sliding slowly down the hill towards old age and death. Hot tears of loneliness and despair trailed down her cheeks as she lay in bed at night.
"Is this it? Is this all I have to look forward to?" Hating herself for falling into the trap of self pity, she tried to look on the bright side, but the lack of love in her life was beginning to get to her.
Seven years later, things had not changed much. Her daughter had moved out and acquired a new boyfriend; her son had relocated to Chicago; and her mother had died. She was finally alone for the first time in her life.
In August of 2007 Madison decided to do something that she had always dreamed of, but had been too frightened to really contemplate. She walked into the office of a local plastic surgeon and asked to make an appointment for a tummy tuck. Her stomach had never recovered from the surgeries of childbirth, and she had always longed for a flat tummy.
The appointment was made and without even thinking, Madison decided to blow $8000 on the surgery. She owed it to herself. She would be able to wear cute little dresses and figure hugging clothes. Her surgeon assured her she would go from a size twelve to a size four in no time. Without a moment's hesitation she made an appointment to have the surgery performed the next week.
Madison’s girl friends were all supportive of her decision, and dropped by to help her get through the post-operative phase. The pain was more than she had bargained for, and it was difficult to navigate through the house while she was recovering. Jack came by at the beginning, but he was more hindrance than help and she told him not to bother. He seemed relieved to be spared the chore of caring for her, but curious that she had not dated since their separation.
“I’m still married” she retorted sharply, daring him to say anything in response. He was still seeing his mistress, but was also enjoying the freedom to travel, and spend time with Madison too. Yes, Jack was having his cake and eating it, but she really couldn’t blame him for that.
It took a while to recuperate from the painful surgery, especially with the drains that were attached to her abdomen for many weeks. Finally, the day came when she was given a clean bill of health, the drains were removed, and she looked with delight at her new body.
In the course of five weeks, Madison had lost thirty pounds and five dress sizes. It was heaven to shop and admire her new sexy shape. She had blonde highlights put in her newly styled hair, purchased smaller sized clothes, and started to exercise. A younger looking woman was reflected in the mirror, and Madison was very pleased indeed.
"Interesting" she thought. "Men haven't really noticed me since I was in my twenties. Now I am getting admiring, even speculating glances, from men of all ages."
Her confidence rapidly rose, along with something she had not anticipated. In late October, something unexpected happened. She started to experience feelings that had lain dormant for many, many years. Due to her weight loss, and the repair of her stomach muscles, her libido had returned in full force. For the first time in thirty years, sexual stirrings long forgotten were rising within her. Her attitude towards men swiftly changed. She had never had any interest in dating since before her marriage, but now all she could think about was sex. Physical longings took over her mind constantly, and threatened to interfere with the life she had lived thus far. In desperation, and to the amusement and encouragement of her girlfriends, she purchased her first vibrator. Embarrassing, perhaps, but it did the job.
* * *
Days passed, and she yearned for more, and thus it was that Madison turned to the Internet and dating sites. There were several paid sites that looked interesting, so she bit the bullet and paid for a month on Match.com. It seemed strange uploading new photos of herself that showed a younger looking, slimmer Madison than before. She posted what she felt was an intriguing profile, cut five years off her age, and then waited to see what would happen.
The response was overwhelming. So many men seemed ready and willing to get to know her, but she was not certain of the protocols. Younger men, older men, those who lived out of state, ugly men, handsome men…..where on earth to start? Who to choose?
It was with some trepidation that Madison started on the path to dating after all those years of marriage. Her first date seemed promising. A retired Jewish doctor! He seemed fairly attractive, according to his picture, and perhaps he might be physically active too. They chatted on the phone and he seemed to be quite interesting.
The day finally came for their first date. Madison foolishly allowed Jerry to pick her up at her home. She spent hours getting ready, making sure she smelled good, and looked as youthful and attractive as she could.
Promptly at 7:00 p.m. the doorbell rang and she opened the door. Before her stood an old man. A very old man who smelled of death. Her spirits sank, but she quickly regained her composure. He had driven a long way to see her, and she had to be kind.
He had made no plans for the evening and asked where she would like to go. This was her first date in 35 years! Where to go? Oh dear.
She mentioned a popular fish restaurant on the nearby pier and he said that would be fine, but he had forgotten his wallet. Would it be okay if she paid, and he would send her a check the following day? Wearily, she nodded her assent.
They arrived at the restaurant and were seated with a view of the water. Their surroundings were beautiful and the menu expensive, but the lack of chemistry between them was undeniable. The dinner went as she had expected. He was tiresomely dull, talking only of operations performed in the past and using medical terminology that had no meaning to her. She tried to draw him out on a more personal level, but he seemed as nervous as she was.
Later, they walked arm in arm on the pier, and she felt disappointed with the entire experience. A quick peck on the cheek, and he was gone, promising to reimburse her as soon as he could. The check arrived two days later, and she emailed him a thank you, and her regrets that they were not a match.
After a few more failures, she became more adept at selecting those men whom she thought would be appropriate, but none of them seemed to be just right. Her first month of paid dating ended, and she decided not to invest any more money.
A friend recommended a free dating site to her that sounded promising. Madison felt there was nothing to lose, and posted her profile. Again, she stated her age as five years younger than she was, and was surprised to receive requests for dates from much younger men. Although flattered and a little thrilled, she knew there was no point in dating any of them, as they were probably only interested in sex. Although she yearned for a satisfying physical relationship, she also needed love, passion and commitment. Could she really find all that on a dating site? Weren’t these men losers if they had to resort to the Internet? On the other hand, where else would she meet anyone? She went to work each day to a one-person office, and came home at night to a lonely house. There was nothing else for it but to reach out into the ether.
* * *
One day she received an email from a young man who lived three hours away from her. She was intrigued by his quirky profile, but a little put off by his photograph. It was not very clear or focused, but he appeared to be of medium height, balding and quite ordinary looking. Madison had always been attracted to tall, handsome, artistic men and this one did not appear to have any of these attributes.
His name was Mark and he sent her several emails, asking if she would be interested in meeting him. After deliberating, she decided he was not her type at all, but deserved a kind response. She wrote – and he responded:
December 13, 2007
Ah, Mark
My girlfriend told me to put an age stipulation on my profile (didn’t I do that?) preventing all the young ‘uns from approaching me.
Yes you did. Try using an electric fence next time!
It is all very strange to me why men in their 30’s and 40’s feel they would have anything to offer a woman of 60, other than a physical relationship.
That way of thinking is based upon individuals you have met, a feeling or ???
Seriously, though, I am immensely flattered that someone younger than me would show an interest. Most of the time, without being too vain, people would not stop and stare in horror if they saw me with a 40 year old man as I do have a decent figure and an unlined face.
I noticed! But from reading your profile I thought there was considerably more…
However, there is the matter of a shared frame of reference. I was an adult when you were born and it would be difficult to share and laugh about events that happened before you were born. And one does have to talk occasionally.
It seems to me that you have lived a very sheltered life, apparently affecting your perception - still putting square pegs into square holes just as we were taught as little ones. As a small boy, a long, long time ago, I strongly disliked kicking, scratching, biting, and tackling girls of my age group. I was looking up to the ones of more advanced age, both figuratively and physically. Yes Madison, I was already checking you out then, as beautiful mature ladies had already captured my interest. I remember "looking" at some of my buddies’ moms even before I was a teenager.
No more sermons. In my fantasies, I would love to have a romance with a younger man, but it would be highly inappropriate. I realize that at this stage of my life “who cares?” – but I really do care.
Do YOU care or do you care about feelings and etiquette that have been imposed upon you? Which is it?
My daughter is 35 – she would probably look askance at her dear mom for dallying with someone who could be HER friend.
Yeah, and she would look at you like that, because that is what you'd expect her to do. Secretly she would high-five you while sporting a smile so wide that she could eat a banana sideways! You are quite stunning yourself, but you already knew that 40 years ago.
You are adorable. Thanks for making my day.
Madison
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
After a few communications, Madison promptly forgot about him. She became involved via emails and phone calls with another man, nine years her junior, who lived several hours away in the Mojave Desert. David seemed perfect and their relationship started to blossom via daily telephone calls. He promised to drive out to see her the next month, in late December.
In the meantime, Madison was dating a different man each week. It seemed as though her physical appearance, and the confidence she had attained from the surgery, drew men to her like bees to honey. Unfortunately, there seemed to be something wrong with each of them. Either they were not her type; unattractive; afraid of commitment; poverty stricken; too old; too young; or just didn’t have the “it” factor. She was determined not to “settle” as she had with her marriage. Friendship was fine, but passion and intimacy was just as important.
Mark persisted with his emails and instant messages, and Madison found herself going to the computer after dates, confiding in him and asking his advice. She found him to be a little strange in his ideas, but always ready to listen and offer advice. He obviously had a crush on her, and tended to flirt outrageously. He usually told her to drop the guys she was seeing, as he felt they were losers. Some of his emails made no sense to her, but she figured that since he was from Germany, perhaps his English was not too good.
She began to consider Mark as her on-line confidante, and was focusing on her relationship with David, whom was she was looking forward to meeting very shortly. It was only boredom that made her respond to Mark’s emails, and the ego boost it gave her to realize that someone so young had a crush on her. He sent her still another convoluted email that confused her, but she resignedly responded:
December 17, 2007
Dear Mark,
Wow, that was a scary email. I couldn’t figure out what on earth you were talking about. I have forgotten how old you are? Forty? Tell me again! You sound very mature so perhaps there is a chance for us to be friends.
Write back and tell me more about yourself and hopefully we can talk on the phone. I am so tired of older, boring men so maybe I should take a leap!
Madison
She went to the computer the next night and found another email from Mark, giving her a little more information about him. “What the hell?” she thought, “It can’t hurt to lead him on a little. I really enjoy the attention and I’ll never actually meet him.”
December 18, 2007
Dear Madison,
Nice to hear from you again. Scary you say -- how so?
In my response to your "sermons", I was simply attempting to ascertain if your way of feeling with regard to our age difference is based on original thought, or if it has been inflicted environmentally.
For fun I like doing anything interesting. I also enjoy meeting intelligent people, although they are increasingly difficult to find. Therefore I generally settle for "interesting" which can be quite entertaining - up to a point.
For a living I currently develop alternative energy devices. I do pretty much whatever comes in the door as well, mostly mechanical development.
I keep my mind and body going – after all if you cease to use it you WILL lose it!
Mark
12-19-07
Dear Mark
Thanks for writing and giving me a little insight as to who you are and what you do. You sound very creative and interesting indeed. It is obvious you are a very bright person!
You asked me where I got my thoughts about age from. Truly, nowhere. You must understand that the passionate part of my life seemed to end when I got married at 27 – and now is starting again. So I have gone from a woman in her twenties, who had a lust for life, loving and living – back to that same person. But I am not 20 anymore and am finding it difficult to relate to men who are my own age. I feel like I am dating my father with some of the men! I still think I look young – and behave in a youthful manner. But the reality is – a woman of my age with someone so much younger would be silly. What would we have to talk about? I bet you don't even know who Spencer Tracy is! All we would have is a physical connection, maybe, and conversations about what is happening now. Actually, on second thought, that doesn’t sound too bad. After all, who wants to live in the past?
Madison
12-20-07
Hi Mark,
It looks like you are a great teacher, in more ways than you can imagine. I appreciate your insights and apologize for appearing “flip” with you. You have no idea how many times I am approached by very young men – from 20’s to 30’s – who obviously have a fantasy of having sex with an older woman and gaining a notch on their belt. I am very passionate, but only for someone with whom I can have an emotional and physical relationship that will endure over time. That is why I am being very particular about who I talk to, meet, or go out with. There were a string of men I had one date with – and that voice inside me screamed “no” – so I said goodbye to them all. We always know when it is right, don’t we?
I have been fortunate enough to have had contact with a wonderful man who lives about two hours away from me. Our photos, emails and phone calls have been exchanged for several months, and he is driving to see me on Tuesday. He is perfect in almost every way – but I have yet to see him – so am hoping the chemistry will be there, and I can get off this stupid website!
I have enjoyed talking with you. You have a very bright mind, are articulate and will make a great partner for some lucky girl. I hope we can remain friends.
Madison
All of a sudden, her relationship with Mark had taken on a life of its own. Numerous instant messages were written back and forth on a daily basis but eventually David arrived, after weeks of intense and heated conversations. Madison took one look at him and thought he had definite possibilities. However, she had not slept with anyone other than her husband for years, and was now ready to take the leap. In fact, she was more than ready. She was bursting with repressed sexual desire and could not wait to get David into bed.
A little shy and uncertain, David appeared to be the strong, silent type of man. He was very tall and interesting looking, and she immediately felt an attraction. After enjoying a home cooked meal, they retired to the living room. She lit some candles and turned the stereo on low. He seemed a little surprised at the depth of urgency that she showed him, but went along with her desire for intimacy. They kissed and hugged all evening and he seemed to be as taken with her as she was with him. He was already declaring his love for her after weeks of intimate phone calls and letters, and she was flattered and thrilled to have a strong, attractive man wanting her. Eventually, they made their way to her bedroom and she was ready to make love with a new man after forty years.
It seemed as though they embraced and kissed for hours. It was a little strange, but wonderful, to feel the body of a younger man in her arms. Every touch was exciting and she was more than ready to fulfill the desires that had overtaken her for so many months. To her shock and horror, David found it impossible to make love to her and could not maintain an erection.
Madison was devastated, and overcome with embarrassment and pity for him, as well as frustrated at not being able to consummate her desires. He told her he was starting to get a migraine, which was something that happened on a regular basis. The pain became excruciating, and he told her he would have to leave. It was four o’clock in the morning, and they had only spent a few hours together. He told her he would call her when he got home.
David did call on his return home, and followed it by an angst-filled email expressing his disappointment, and the feeling that perhaps he was impotent.
The next four months were filled with the most emotion Madison had experienced in years. Her “love” for David grew as she encouraged him to come back and try again. He drove back time and time again, hoping against hope that he would be able to make love to her. He even tried using Viagra, but it caused even worse migraines, and he always left in the early hours of the morning. Four months later, in April, he left for the last time, writing an email explaining that she deserved more than he could give her, and that he did not want to cause her any further distress.
Madison’s heart was broken and she wrote email after email, begging him to return. She said she didn’t care about the sexual aspect. She loved him. She said she would do anything for him if he just came back, but he refused to respond and it took several months before she was able to pick up the threads of her life to try dating again. This time, she resolved, she would be more discerning, and would pick men who were able to satisfy her. She went on a dating binge, usually selecting local men who were a little younger than she was. Her sexual appetite was out of control and she did everything she could to find satisfaction, both physically and emotionally.
She had a couple of one-night stands with much younger men, and although it was sexually exciting, she could not face them in the morning. She felt old and used, and hated herself for thinking that sex would be the answer to anything.
Days went by when all she could think about was David, and how he had seemed to be so perfect for her. She would ride to work in her car, playing music that touched her heart, and brought tears to her eyes. On the way to one blind date, she had to stop the car, and literally slap her own face to stop the tears from streaming down. Emotionally she was a mess. She had endured all those years of marriage without real love or passion, and now it seemed as though she would never have it.
Several months later, out of the blue, she received an email from David. He told her he had prostate cancer but was having surgery for it.
She was shocked and sympathetic, but wondered if her feelings for him had just been romantic nonsense. Perhaps she wanted love so badly that she had given him qualities he didn’t possess.
They spoke for quite a while on the phone, and David asked to see her again. However, he told her he could not make any promises, but would like to try and renew their relationship.
Madison thought long and hard. Did she really want to go through all that emotion again? Was this the kind of man she needed in her life? He had never fought for her. He had never made an effort to explain himself. And it was with much sadness that she wrote to him.
Dearest David
I have been thinking about our last conversation on Saturday morning quite a lot lately. I have come to a conclusion. I found it very telling that you pointedly said that you did not want to hurt or cause me pain again. You also said that you did not want to make promises you could not keep.
I take this to mean that you are still in the same position of not really knowing what you want, or who you want, and are fearful of any kind of commitment.
You are right, my darling. I think seeing you again could very possibly cause me pain and I do not want to ever go through that again. A year of tears for a man was enough. All I want now is happiness, laughter and love.
So.....because of this.....I feel it is probably better that we do not see each other again. I want to be with someone who will wholly commit to me. I am finding it quite difficult to find this key ingredient as it seems to be always the wrong men who want me. But I will not "settle". I want to be with someone who will love me as much as I love him, and will have no doubts or qualms about spending his life with me.
I will always care deeply for you and wish you the very best. I know whatever decision you make for your new life will be the right one for you. I hope you are healthy and happy and find love. Madison
“I wonder if I did the right thing” she confided to her best friend, Rita. “Maybe I should have given him another chance.”
Before she had time to re-consider, an unexpected email from Mark, asking how she was doing, sparked the following response:
Hi Mark,
I just found the email you sent to me a while back. It was in my spam folder for some reason. Also, I wrote to you on the wrong email address so, yes, it was me.
I have finally ended it with David. The problems were endless and I just cannot take any more of the emotional roller coaster he put me on.
I went out on a first date tonight with a guy around my age, maybe three years younger. He was very nice. A television director - Italian, Catholic. You know, my problem is that I meet someone, and they immediately get all excited about me, but I just don't feel the chemistry. It is such an intangible feeling and you never know who you will feel it with. If it isn't there, I just don't want to waste the man's time. So I probably won't go out with him again. I have two more to go out with - so I shall see what happens with them.
Maybe you and I should get together. If only you didn't live so far away. I have a feeling we would have an explosive chemistry. . . . Love you, Madison
And then there was no contact from him for months on end. Mark seemed to disappear from sight and Madison put him in the back of her mind. She became involved with a man from Denver, whom she met on a dating site, and they had passionate, intimate phone calls each day. He was convinced she was the “one” and urged her to fly out to see him. She was flattered by the attention, and his husky, sexy voice on the phone. He talked of selling his properties and moving out to live with her, which made her heart quicken. Perhaps this was the man meant for her. She flew out to Denver for the weekend and almost turned around and got back on the plane when she saw him standing there. He was obese and unattractive, but she felt that perhaps she should give him a chance. They went back to his house, but she found him opinionated, domineering and a rabid left winger who saw no other point of view. They fought constantly and she took an early flight home, disappointed beyond measure.
* * *
It was late August when Madison received a telephone call very late at night. She did not recognize the voice and asked who was calling.
“Mark” was the response. “Mark?” she inquired, having no idea who he was. “Oh, yes, Mark!!!” “How are you?”
They talked on the phone for several hours. She found his foreign accent a little difficult to understand and his attitudes toward life somewhat unusual. She became frustrated with the conversation, not certain if they had anything in common. He was at a concert – a rave – something so alien to her world that she wondered why he had even bothered to call. She ended the conversation as soon as she could without hurting his feelings.
Months passed by, and Madison continued to have dates with several men who did not appeal to her. She was beginning to wonder if it was all worth the effort. The putting on of makeup and perfume, wearing sexy clothes, waiting with anticipation for them to arrive, and then….nothing. Perhaps a life alone would be easier. She had done it before…she could do it again.
In December 2008 she went on-line after returning home from a disastrous dinner with a magician. He had reserved the entire restaurant for the two of them, and had wanted to show her his magic tricks at the table. Totally unlike his photo, he was heavy, walked with a cane, and tried to cover her face with wet kisses.
She returned home exhausted, and went upstairs to her den. She turned on the computer to read her email, and was surprised to see the magician had sent her a flowery poem, exhorting his love for her.
As she was about to respond, she received an unexpected IM from Mark. She was happy and surprised to hear from him, and they wrote back and forth on the computer for hours. She told him of her date, and he asked her why she bothered with these losers. Their conversation was witty, sexy and outrageous. As before, she thought “Why not? I’ll never meet him. I can flirt all I like without doing any harm.”
However, that was not to be the case.
“I’m driving to San Diego to see my mother for Christmas” he said. “I’d like to stop by and see you on my way back home.”
Her heart stopped. She had not expected this. What would he want from her? He wasn’t even her type physically, and of course he was so young.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea” Madison responded. “I have a bad cold, and don’t feel too well.”
“I’d really like to see you. Just as a friend. Please.”
Dammit, she thought. Well, maybe? It couldn’t hurt, could it?
“Okay, but call me and let me know exactly when you will be here. My husband and children will be here on Christmas day. Your being here might be awkward. Perhaps the next day would work out better.”
Christmas Eve came and went, and Mark telephoned that evening.
“I’m at my mother’s and I’d like to come see you tomorrow.”
“No, not tomorrow. It’s Christmas tomorrow. Why don’t you come the next day?”
“All right. The next day.”
Madison panicked. “What am I doing” she asked herself. “I don’t feel well. I have bronchitis. He sounds weird on the phone. Maybe he has a cleft palate; maybe that is why his voice sounds so odd. Perhaps he will want to have sex with me. What shall I do?”
Conflicting thoughts raced through her mind and she finally sat down at the computer and sent Mark an email.
“Please do not come. I have changed my mind. I have bronchitis and don’t feel well. I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to meet. I am sorry.”
The day after Christmas, the telephone rang about 7 pm.
“I am on my way. I’ll be there around 10 pm” he said.
“Oh God. He didn’t get my email,” Madison thought. Now what am I going to do?
“Okay” she responded, resignedly. Call me when you get close to the house, and I’ll help you find it.
* * *
DECEMBER 26, 2008 – 11:00 pm
The phone rang loudly, making Madison’s heart jump. She picked it up.
“I’m getting close” he said. “I’m almost on your street.”
“Okay, I’ll come outside and stand in the road so you can see me” she replied, her heart beating wildly.
A quick glance in the mirror, and Madison left the house, blind with panic. “Please God, don’t make him have a defect” she begged. “Let him be normal.”
She walked outside, stepping through the patio and down the narrow stone-paved walkway to the street. She stood in the middle of the darkened road and looked south. Coming towards her was the strangest looking man. He was wearing a fishing hat with a battery and light contraption attached to the top of it so he could see. This couldn’t be Mark, could it? It was. Oh God!!
Madison walked up to Mark, and gave him a quick hug. She couldn’t see his face in the dark, so took his arm, and led him down the pathway and into her house. She closed the French doors, turned on the lights and took a good look at her on-line friend, this stranger standing before her.
And she smiled.
He was tall but well built. Yes, his light brown hair was thinning, but he had beautiful blue eyes, a nice nose, and the most perfect white teeth. In her eyes, he was absolutely gorgeous and Madison felt relief pulsating through her entire body.
He sat down on the sofa and they looked at one another for what seemed hours. There was an instant connection, as though she had come home. He talked, but she didn’t hear a word he said, just listened to the cadence of his soft German accent. It was almost midnight, when the back door opened and her children appeared unexpectedly. They had left earlier to go to the airport, but had missed the plane. They took one look at Mark, sitting on the sofa, smirked knowingly, and made themselves scarce, racing upstairs into the spare bedroom.
Madison felt embarrassment flooding through her. What should she do now? It was late. Where did he think he would be sleeping? She took a sideways look at him again. Damn, he was cute. She took his hand and said “I’m tired, let’s go to bed.”
Madison came out of her bathroom, face washed, teeth brushed, wearing a sexy new nightgown. Mark was sitting up in bed, looking somewhat scared and a little overwhelmed. But he also looked familiar to her, as though she had known him forever.
She climbed into bed with him and he took her hand. She could feel him trembling beside her, so she placed his hand on her breast. He leaned over her and kissed her.
“I only came here because I wanted to meet you” he assured her.
“I didn’t come to have sex with you.”
“Hush” Madison whispered, afraid that her children in the next room would hear them. She placed her hand on his chest, and felt his heart pounding. He rolled over and kissed her again.
The night seemed never to end. They made love for hours and hours. Here was a man who enjoyed a woman's body and was not afraid of showing it. How different from all the other men in her life who would be finished in minutes. This was the most fulfilling and satisfying lovemaking Madison had ever experienced.
They spent the weekend together, biking at the beach, eating at local restaurants, playing tennis and talking non-stop. But most of all, making the most passionate, exciting love that Madison had ever known. It was as if they were meant to be together. Madison felt a completion she had never known before with this young man. There were moments when they walked along the beach, hand in hand, when she wondered if they looked an odd pair. But no-one gave them a second glance, except for the odd smile or envious gaze.
Two days later he left, and as he was about to get into his car, he stopped. He took her in his arms, held her close and whispered “I don’t hit and run.”
* * *
Madison wondered if she would ever see him again. But he telephoned that same night and before she knew it, he had returned ten days later
“I just couldn’t stay away,” he laughed.
Their relationship became something out of a story book. She was not certain what he did for a living that enabled him to return every month for the next year, but she didn’t care. He seemed to be self-employed and had the means to do as he pleased.
It was inconceivable to Madison that such a young man could have the maturity and capability for love as he did. But as each day passed, she fell more and more in love with him. This was a man in a million. A man who knew what real love was. Not just physical passion, but someone who understood that a woman needs more than that.
Mark was there for Madison in every way possible. He listened to what she had to say, and remembered every detail. He cared about her health, racing to get ice when she fell off her bike, offering her water when she was thirsty, and making sure she took her vitamins. They would fall about laughing like children when something struck them as funny. He would telephone her every day when they were not together and generally forced her to believe that she was the most desirable woman in the world, who deserved real love.
“I wouldn’t care if you were ninety” he declared. I love who you are. "If you were using a walker, I'd make love to you. I have never met a woman as beautiful, caring and giving as you are. I have done without love for so many years, and I am not going to let you go.”
And so the months went by, and their understanding of each other grew. “How amazing” she reflected “to find someone I am compatible with. We rarely disagree, and all I do is smile when I look at him. This can’t be real.”
But it was real and Madison finally realized that her search was over. For the first time in her life, she had found a man who truly cared for her. His tenderness showed in every gesture. He would caress her face while they lay together, holding hands. He would smile at her with love and adoration. She knew now that love was not just physical - it came from the heart.
Mark's talents did not end with the bedroom. He had a keen interest in automobiles and knew how to do home repairs. Although not university educated, he loved to research on the Internet and had an innate ability to fix things. Every problem in Madison’s house was tackled and repaired and her car never ran as well. He loved plants – and showed her how to pour coffee water on them to make them bloom. The life she was living seemed too good to be true. But, as they say, truth is stranger than fiction!
The year flew by and he met her friends. Even her children and husband approved! By the time December came around, they were ready to celebrate a most unusual and incredible year. They spent their first anniversary in Maui, walking hand in hand along the beach, wrapped up in each other. No-one seemed to realize or even care that this was a forty-two year old man with a sixty-seven year old woman. They glowed. They were in love. They were meant to be. Madison had found her Prince Charming and hoped to live happily ever after. But did she? Stay tuned. . . . .
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