To Help or Not to Help

Amelia was speaking. “And what I really hate is when a guy thinks I need his help. You know? I mean, dude, I don’t need your help. I can do this. I’m fine. Ugh. I remember this guy in the parking lot a few weeks ago. I was loading something from the shopping cart - and yeah, it was heavy but whatever - and he was heading into the store. What does he do? He says, ‘Need help with that?’ and it took so much self-control not to go off on him. I just said “Nope. I’ve got it.”

“I know what you mean! I guess it’s just the feminist in me, but I hate that too. Why do guys think that we are weak? We’ve been proving them wrong for how long now?” said Sandy with a superior expression on her face.

Katie, who was sitting in the breakroom with the others, chewed her bite of sandwich as she quietly listened. She didn’t mind having help with heavy items. In fact, only a few days earlier, a male coworker had helped her move a heavy cabinet. The other two women present were nodding in agreement with Amelia. Katie took another bite of her sandwich and listened as the conversation continued.

Paula wiped her mouth with her napkin and grinned slyly, eager to share her funny story. “You know, the other day, I saw a guy checking his oil at the gas station. So, I sauntered over there and asked if he needed assistance." She laughed and then added, "He just gave me an annoyed - or maybe even disgusted - look and shook his head. It was hilarious!”

The others laughed and added a few comments on what he was “probably” thinking.

Sandy said, "Men. Strange creatures. Anyway, I’m hoping to get out on time today. I’m watching a movie with my daughter tonight. What do you all have planned?”

This was easier ground, and Katie freely joined in the conversation for the last few minutes of her break.

Three days later, Katie was walking across the parking lot of her work. She saw Amelia struggling to get a large box out of the back of her car. She considered stopping to help but then decided not to.

At lunch that day, Katie was the first in the break room. She sat down and opened her bag. A few minutes later, Amelia entered. She looked at Katie coldly and then sat down. A moment passed and Katie decided to speak first. “Hi.”

“Yeah. Hi. Thanks a lot for helping me this morning,” she said sarcastically.

Katie gave a small shrug. “I thought you didn’t want help.”

“What are you talking about? Why wouldn’t I? You could see that it was difficult and you just kept walking!”

“Well, a few days ago, you were upset that a guy had offered help. And you said that you hated it.”

“Yeah. I hated it because he was a man! You are not a man! We women are supposed to stick together!” exclaimed Amelia.

“So, If I were a man, you’d be ticked off that I offered help, but since I’m a woman, I’m expected to help? That sounds kind of unfair.” said Katie, keeping her voice even.

Amelia’s face reddened with anger. “You just don’t get it. Never mind.”

Not wanting to argue further, Katie said softly, “You know what? You’re right. I don’t. I think that men and women can help each other, and I don’t think it needs to be a big deal. Enjoy your lunch, Amelia.” She stood up, deciding to take the rest of her break outside.