"Tain't Natural."

The Doctor stared hard at me.
I stared back.

“You know these tests, X rays, Scans, and blood work…aren’t…well…”

I interrupted.

“Taint Natural.”

A small smile formed on his face.

“Yes. Exactly.”

“What is natural?”

The Doctor took off her Glasses, leaned back in her chair and looked at the ceiling for a while. She turned back towards me, put her glasses back on, and brushed a stray frond of hair from her face. I was glad she did that. It made her, at least for a moment…less clinical. More Human. And what I needed right now…was more Human.

“Frayed telomeres, abundant free radicals, more oxidative stress, more collagen breakdown, reduced liver, kidney and heart function. A dip in cognitive abilities. Vision changes - for sure. Maybe even cataracts or detached retina. Arthritis of some form would be perfectly natural for a man your age, along with loss of muscle mass. (She turned red briefly…another very human response- so in spite of her embarrassment…it made me feel a bit better.)

And that is without urinary tract changes…and erections in both number and strength. Balance issues and memory issues…those would be normal too, in a man your age.”

I smiled.

“And how old do you think I am?”

She looked surprised.

She flicked back a couple pages in the report in front of her. Tapped a spot with her painted finger nail. Another thing that made her more Human in my eyes. A Doctor giving herself some expression of her femininity. A tiny one…but still.

“Seventy Seven Years old. Seventy Eight in about three months.”

I smiled again.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

She smiled at me. Leaned in a bit across her desk. A bit of an imp in her smile this time. It was a truly human expression. I loved it.

“Yes. I love Secrets.”

I pointed at the thick pages of the report in front of her.

“Is there a Birth Certificate in there to verify the dates?”

Puzzled she said:

“No. Your Driver’s License and Passport both have your birth date. And it has to be verified to be on either of those Official Items.”

“Well, I did give them a Birth Certificate. “

She smiled. Thinking she was being pranked…harmlessly. She even laughed.

That is when I said:

“But not the Original one.”

Confusion. Shock. A bit of trust being withheld. All so Human. I reveled in it.

“What is the date on the Original one then?”

I wrote it down on a scrap paper and gave it to her.”

She stopped breathing for a minute. Maybe more. I thought maybe I had pushed her too far. Then the Scientist part of her kicked in. She just had to know.

“That’s impossible. That’s …that’s…that’s…”

I finished for her.

“Tain’t Natural.”

She shook. Visibly shook. Her body echoing what her mind was doing.

“But that would mean…”

I nodded.

“It can’t be. I mean…you are Human! You are a mortal man.”

I let out a long sigh. I am so glad she called me Human. But mortal? Not sure.

“Why did you come to me? Why have me run all these tests? There has to be a reason. “

I nodded again.

“There is, Doctor. Humans keep learning. Discoveries, breakthroughs, epiphanies, technology and Medicine both advance. So I check in every couple centuries to see…if well…why I look like this.”

My hand moved to include my whole body. A body at its prime. Not perfect by any means, my hair is thin, a few of my teeth are crooked, and my little fingers are not the same length. Overall though, I look like any College Freshman who played High School Sports and kept in shape.

She looked at me for a long time.

“How long have you looked like …well…like you do now.”

“Since I first turned twenty years old.”

She blew out a huff of air. Her mind, medical knowledge and world view…all deflated by a single puff.

“You know that…”

I interrupted her before she could finish.

“Tain’t Natural.”

She nodded. She never even noticed when I left her Office.

I guess I would have to wait another few centuries. Someday, maybe…someone will stop telling me:

“Tain’t Natural.”