I Lost My Virginity At 50

Seventy years ago, I lost my virginity at 50 years of age. I'll never forget it.

A monstrous geomagnetic storm had suddenly struck our stunned and paralyzed planet. Screens blinked dark. Moving vehicles came to a stand still, or crashed. Planes experienced critical systems failures and dropped noiselessly to Earth. Everything electric or digital just stopped on that day in the mid 2020s.

I, on the other hand, had soared to heights  I'd yet to achieve with my highly masterful ménage à moi nightly sessions. Talk about glorious. I felt like I'd had my own little geomagnetic event going on deep inside me.

Anyway....(clears throat)

What blew my mind about losing my virginity during a severe solar storm was the jolting, welcome surprise we all got after we were finally released from our underground science labs the next morning.  (Yes, I got lucky for the first time on a forensic lab table, so what?) We walked out to screaming, laughing, crying, singing, dancing people in the streets. Throngs and throngs of happy, loving people in the sunshine. Joy springing from the eyes, smiles and songs of everyone. 

Surely, this is not in celebration of my just-sprung virginity, right? Right. That'd be narcissistic of me. 

As that adjective entered my thoughts, I latched onto a lyric in the song the cheerful crowd was singing.

"He's dead, he's dead, not a tear is shed!"

It took me about a second to understand about whom they sang. I joined in.

So much has changed since the most loathed leader of the free world in history went down in his gold-decorated plane during the first world-wide geomagnetic storm. One thing has not, however, and that is my ability to control the cosmos through my own orgasmic events. 

Preposterous? Posh. I'll prove it.

Remember the Martian Dust Storm of 2036 that could have entirely taken out decades of scientific efforts and achievements? Yep, that was me who saved the Mars base. But, to tell the truth, I really didn't know it was me who saved it until later. And I kind of found out by accident. 

As one of the world's leading space sexologists, I had skin in the game with that Mars base; I'd poured a decade of research study into the effects of the extraterrestrial Martian environment on human sexuality and reproduction. More importantly to me personally, I loved and cared for my human subjects. When an announcement came from Mars climatologists that the dust storm could last an entire year and that all was lost, we were as devasted in mission control as my subjects on Mars were, except they were the ones who were going to die.

So I did what I did in 2026, when some petty tyrant threatened to destroy an entire civilization and I got totally stressed out about it. I had sex.

Since the night over seven decades ago when I lost my virginity at 50, I had watched the world unfold into a beautiful place. Peace prevailed. Science fluorished. And I'd been so busy with my research that I found myself celibate once again for another decade. 

But, you know when you get so angry or anxious or scared that you actually feel stimulated and it confuses you? Well, I was angry and anxious and scared before the Martian Dust Storm of 2036. So, I grabbed my lab partner from the ten years previous (we still work together) and got it on.

As before, I captured levels of ecstasy that my personal love sessions simply did not deliver. I felt tremendous heat building deep inside and an intense, wet increase in pressure. The release brought me indescribable relief.

Shockingly, a few hours later, we got communication from a team of disbelieving Mars geologists informing us that the first stage of terraforming was occurring on the planet. They would need time, they said, to determine the cause. Neverthless, initial readings were recorded and transmitted to us. 

Mission Control was celebrating that night, but I went to my quarters early to study up on terraforming. Relief from the morning's orgasm and from the life-saving event on Mars energized me to learn more.

First, I jotted down the clinical aspects of my second partner-induced orgasm:

Experienced sudden increase in core and outer body temperature,

Experienced intense increase in pressure,

Experienced wet, liquid sensations.

Secondly, I pulled up the file with the initial readings from the geologists about the primary stages of Martian terraforming. What I read absolutely astounded me. They wrote that Mars underwent a series of extreme planetary change that created a greenhouse effect triggering a terraforming event. A summary showed that the planet:

Experienced a sudden increase in core and surface temperature, 

Experienced a dramatic increase in atmospheric pressure,

Experienced a introduction of moisture and water vapor during the atmospheric increase.

The parallels were too much for any scientist to ignore, but sheesh! How could I tell my colleagues that I could manipulate the cosmos through my partner-induced orgasms? I couldn't, so I keep my mouth shut for another ten years...

Until the Intergalactic Drone Swarm of 2046 when I had to initiate the power of my orgasm to engineer the Sun-orbiting zodiacal dust cloud to muck up the probing spacecrafts. I had to speak up then because due to my lack of mechanical engineering knowledge, I couldn't feel the urgency of the situation. I needed to feel the stress of it to understand it. A team was put together just for me. I selected the same partner and voilà! The earth moved figuratively for me while the drone swarm collapsed literally. We still don't know where they came from though, but it wasn't from our Milky Way. 

Ten years later, in 2056, you probably remember when the Moon tilted ever so slightly. People, animals and inanimate objects would go floating up then come crashing down. Then, it adjusted somehow. The 'somehow' was me, of course.

In 2066, it was the asteroid clusters endangering Earth. That was so easy. 

In 2076, Dark AI nearly got us, but I got rid of the human and robot bad actors.

In 2086, I took care of interstellar debris blocking an incoming message that had been transmitting for over a distance of a million light years. 

And now, in 2096, we are so excited to welcome our very first space visitors. They should be here momentarily. All of us greeting them have been to our Rejuvobeds for a full body fresh up. Even at 120, I look pretty great. So does my buffed up partner who is quite hot.

In order to pass through our lower atmosphere, the visitors need a wind tunnel generating at least 200mph, very similar to super tornadoes of yesteryear.  

Piece of cake.

I reach for my partner.