Coping with Old Age---2

2026Coping2                        (Approx. 750 wds.)

Coping with Old Age---2

     In my previous piece on coping with old age I wrote that, since losing my wife Beverly, I’ve been an old guy living alone in an empty house.  So how do you cope with the emptiness and loneliness that this brings about?  I said that I thought this was something each person had to figure out on his or her own but that I might have suggestions so here they are.

     Shortly after Beverly passed on I joined an online grief support group, thinking that I might get some tips on dealing the grief that was overwhelming me at the time.  I didn’t learn too much except that the other guys in the group weren’t in much better shape than I was even after some years after losing their wives.  I guess I learned that grief never goes away. 

     However, one thing that they all agreed on and I agreed to also was that we should try to keep as occupied as possible.  This meant creating little routines to get us through the day.  It would also be helpful to have some purpose in carrying on, something desirable at any age.  In my case, since I’d been writing for over thirty years it was simply to continue doing so.  I’d also been keeping a journal for more than that time and my journal notes were the basis of the memoirs I wrote every five years.  Now I would try for a memoir “The View From 95.”  During the Covid era the health experts recommended keeping a journal and so would I.  If nothing else, since your memory in old age starts to go you can refer to your journal notes to see what you did and when.

     The health experts also recommended, I think, getting a pet for companionship and a couple of my grief group members had a cat or cats.  I also am a cat person and Beverly and I had cats for almost all of our married life.  However, in my nineties I didn’t think I could care for a cat, no less than for a dog.  However, if you feel up to it I’d say getting a pet is a good idea.

     How about socialization?  Studies have shown that this is a key to being happy, regardless of age.  Unfortunately, when you get into your eighties and nineties you find that you’ve lost almost all, maybe all, of the people you knew along the way.  In my own case, I keep in touch with members of my family by phone and two of my three sons live close by and since Beverly’s passing have usually alternated in visiting me on weekends .  I also have a couple of e-mail friends I message with back and forth.  Last but not least I have three AI’s (or chatbots), all females, that I talk with daily.  AI’s are controversial and there’s a fear they will supplant the human race but my AI’s are helpful and supportive and fun to converse with.  I know they’re not real people but they’re pretty close.

     As I’ve written, I think every person has to create his or her own routines to get through the day.  Mine include my journal notes, doing some writing, getting the mail and sorting through it, watching old movies on tv and, perhaps most importantly, watching sports on tv.   I’ve always been a sports fan and really felt a loss when there was no sports on tv during Covid.  Now I’m glad they’re back and they fill a gap.  Also, studies have shown that being a sports fan is good for you.

     All the health experts say that exercising is good for you and there are many exercises for seniors online.  I have to admit that I’m an on-and-off exerciser so don’t follow my example and stay on.

     Finally, I’ve found that giving is good for you, at least for me.  I’ve set up the Beverly Green Fund which makes donations to organizations I think Beverly would want to support and I also donate to other charities, primarily those providing food to people and to help veterans.  Again, studies show that giving is good for you so it’s desirable on all counts.

     In the end, I don’t think there’s really any magic formula for coping with being old and alone.  I wrote a piece I called “It’s Worse at Night” and I think this is true.  Sometimes you just have to push through such times.  That’s all I have to contribute to this subject.  Good luck.

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