No secrets

SYNOPSIS: Fifty- something Cassie feels insecure in her second marriage.

Are her feelings justified or could damage from her first marriage be playing a part?

No Secrets

1,800 words

I held my breath as I opened my husband's wardrobe door. Oh, thank goodness! His clothes were still here...

We haven't been married long - just under a year. In our fifties, it's a second marriage for us.

Perhaps I'm being insecure, but since James confessed to me that he'd become close friends with a pretty, slim, female colleague, I'd felt on edge.

So much so, that I thought he'd secretly pack his bags when I was out at work and leave.

When I'd talked to James about it, he'd simply held me close and murmured, “Don't be silly, Cassie.”

I thought back to when we'd got together...

I'd taken my dog Poppy (a jack russell) for her annual injection at the vet's. James was a new vet to the practice.

Around my age, there'd been an instant, strong, mutual attraction between us. We'd flirted nervously.

That evening, he rang to ask me out for dinner.

“The trouble is Cassie, if you say yes, you'll need to find a new veterinary practice for Poppy.”

I'd smiled. “That's fine.”

Getting ready for the date, I felt like a giddy teenager. Later, James admitted to me that he'd felt the same way. I was over the moon!

****

We got on so well, right from that first meeting. We'd quickly fallen in love.

James then proposed and I happily accepted.

Four months into the romance, I put my house on the market and moved into James' spacious semi.

He had a such a fabulous garden. Poppy also loved it.

“Look, are you certain about moving in with James, mum?” My thirty five year- old daughter Fay had asked.

She'd already met James and had liked him.

“Of course I'm certain.” I had no doubts.

“Don't get me wrong - James is lovely - but what's the rush?” she went on.

“At our age, we don't want to wait. Oh, remember to keep the first week in July free. We're hoping to book the wedding ceremony at the register office then.”

She'd smiled. “I'm pleased for you, mum. You deserve happiness. But I can't help thinking that things have moved fast.”

I'd waved a hand. “We know what we're doing!”

“I'm sure you do.”

Well, I reasoned, we both had our jobs to keep us grounded -I worked for the council in an administrative role.

“Let's talk about the wedding. Have you chosen an outfit yet? If not, we could go shopping.”

I'd nodded.

Fay was right, I mused.

Our relationship had moved quickly...yet it had felt right for us. Had I been ready to marry again, though?

***

I was fairly laid back with relationship rules - but I'd insisted on no secrets.

This was because my handsome and charismatic ex husband Vince had embarked on a string of affairs.

All of them had been conducted behind my back.

As his decades long wife, naturally, I was the last to discover this.

The cold, raw truth was finally revealed to me when Fay spotted Vince in a restaurant with another woman (she was out with her hubby, Dan).

She told me, so Vince was forced into spilling the beans.

Even though I was rocked to the core, I wasn't really surprised.

The intimate side of our marriage had faded years ago. I'd tried to kick- start things but he'd gently pushed me away.

When I'd tried to discuss it, he'd cuddled me in a half- hearted manner. “I'm just stressed with work, Cass. Give me a bit of time, eh, love?”

So I'd felt guilty for hassling him.

Vince had a senior position in digital marketing. It was a high pressure, absorbing, demanding career.

It entailed going to various conferences and networking events, where he often stayed overnight in hotels.

I'd tried to understand. So, not wanting to nag him, I'd left it...

That night, when Fay had uncovered his secret, Vince told me that his first affair had begun a month after our honeymoon.

I'd felt incredibly hurt and angry. Our love had meant nothing to him!

“Why an earth did you propose to me, if you were unable to commit?” I asked, aghast.

I expected him to say: “I loved you, Cassie. I wanted to marry you.”

But he didn't.

Instead, he sighed. “It seemed to be the right thing to do at the time.”

“If you had cold feet, why didn't you say anything?” I'd wrung my hands in despair.

“Look, everything was arranged - the church, the reception, the flowers, the speeches, the photos. We had over two hundred guests. Would you have preferred me to ditch you at the alter?”

That was so cruel.

Even though I sobbed for weeks, I knew we had to part.

I simply couldn't forgive the underhand behaviour, lies and deception. He'd broken my trust completely.

One day, I arrived home from work to discover that he'd packed a case, left his key and walked out.

I assumed he was staying at a cheap B&B on a temporary basis.

When I broke the news, Fay was in a state of disbelief. Initially, she kept a distance from her dad and supported me. I was grateful and appreciative.

I found Poppy a great comfort, too.

Vince didn't ask me to forgive him, so I reckoned another woman was involved.

My theory was proved correct when, a month after he'd left, he asked Fay to meet his new girlfriend. He hadn't gone to a B&B - he'd gone to hers.

Good luck to you, love, I wanted to say. When the novelty of infatuation wears off, no doubt he'll return to his sly, sneaky ways.

***

After the divorce was granted, James and I had a wonderful wedding.

It was a small, low key, elegant affair with a handful of selected guests.

Poppy wore a pale pink ribbon to match my dress!

We held an upmarket buffet in our garden, complete with a lovely cake and champagne.

The sun shone under a clear blue sky. The day was perfect.

However, things changed when James took early retirement.

By coincidence, due to budget cuts, my working hours had been reduced to part- time. But it wasn't all gloom and doom. I'd finally sold my house.

I'd looked forward to breaks away, days out and leisurely lunches with my husband.

This hadn't happened – because James had decided to take on TV 'extra' work.

As a student, he'd been an active member of an Am dram group. After graduating, he'd left it to focus on his career.

Yet he'd got bitten by the acting bug. He considered taking up Am dram again now, but there was no money in it.

“I'm not going to make it as an actor, so this is a compromise,” he said.

I nodded, yet I honestly couldn't see the attraction of it.

It meant driving all around the country, being willing to drop everything at a minute's notice, hanging around on set for hours (If it was an outdoor location, often in bad weather) and working unsocial hours.

But James signed up with an agency and they took him on. He loved it and he came home with amusing tales that brightened my week.

When the agency paired him up with a screen wife, Ella, he remembered my 'No secrets' rule.

“Ella's become a good friend,” he told me.

My heart lurched - yet I plastered on a smile.

“I'd like to meet her,” I breezed.

“Oh right. I'll arrange something then.” I felt that his manner was rather off- hand.

Later, he showed me a happy snap of them together. It had been taken on the set of a popular TV soap.

Ella was our age, yet she looked years younger.

She was slim (not curvy, like me) and quite glamorous.

Now, when I arrive home work, I have a routine.

If his car isn't on the drive, I fly upstairs and check his wardrobe.

Today, his clothes are here. Tomorrow, I could find his wardrobe empty.

***

Then Fay rang me one afternoon when I was at home.

She told me that Vince had broken up with his girlfriend. He was currently staying with her and Dan.

“I'm sorry to hear that.” There was no harm in being pleasant.

“He regrets everything. How he behaved towards you.”

“Does he?” I murmured.

“You could meet him for a coffee in town, hear him out,” she suggested cautiously.

Hmm...even though she was an adult, her parents being 'silver splitters' had hit Fay hard.

At first, she'd taken my side - yet time had passed.

No doubt Vince would have reminded her that there was two sides to every story...I knew now that my charming ex was a highly skilled manipulator.

I expect he'd put a very different spin on our marriage, I thought dryly.

“I'll think about it,” I said curtly. “Right. I'll say bye love, as I need to start the evening meal.”

“Oh, is James home tonight?”

I swallowed. “No.”

James was away, working on a period drama – thankfully, this time without Ella. Or had he told me that, to throw me off the scent?

As he'd roll in at midnight, I'd be cooking for one tonight. Again.

“It's becoming a nuisance, isn't it, his TV work?” she babbled on.

“When I was married to your dad, I got used to being on my own. See you later.”

***

When I took Poppy out for a walk, I reflected.

Maybe it was unfair of me but I was going to ask James to give up his job. We didn't need the income, anyway.

To my surprise, when we returned, I found him at home.

“We wrapped early,” he explained, as he began peeling potatoes. “Is bangers and mash okay for tea?”

I smiled. “Fine.”

As I joined him at the kitchen table to peel carrots, he shifted. “I have news. I've made a decision. I'm walking away from my TV career.”

“What?” I stared.

“I'm getting fed up of the travelling and hanging about, plus there's Ella. She wanted to begin an affair. When I said no, I was happily married, she became sulky. She told the agency she didn't want to work with me for personal reasons. That didn't go down well. The agency have stopped using her, and she blames me for that.”

I gulped. “Crikey.”

“I'm so sorry, Cassie. I've been selfish and I've neglected you. Let's plan breaks away and days out together instead.”

I took his hand. “That sounds good.”

My heart sang with joy.

I was so happy that my marriage was now back on track!

ENDS

S.BEE