Heaven

          Lizzy

This was heaven. It wasn't as glamorous as I thought it would be. It wasn't a floating city in the clouds filled with only good things. There were no children laughing and throwing balls of cloud at each other happily dancing around and hugging. It was plain. Tall buildings, one after the other, that's what heaven really looks like. I walked up to the front desk where a small lady whose name tag read Hazel stood, furiously typing. 

“Hey,” I began leaning my elbow on the desk.  Hazel glanced up at me, took one look and immediately went back with her very aggressive typing. “Umm I’m new here.” I continued hoping that would catch her attention. She stopped typing.

“Name?” she asked, her voice sounded bored.

“Oh, umm, Lizzy,” she looked up at me. Her face was scrunched, in a squint. “Oh, sorry, uh - Lizzy Anderson.” she went back to typing. 

“Lizzy… Anderson.” she stated, but her voice sounded almost questioning.

“Yep, that's me.”  

“Well you came back faster than expected.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“That means you died early. Welcome back. Your room is on the 3rd floor, number 344. Your memories of your first ever life have been taken but you do have a TV where you can watch your friends and family. You cannot leave this building unless instructed, or you've been chosen for another life. And never try the blueberry pie, it's disgusting.” She paused. “ I don't think I forgot anything. Why are you still standing here? Get out of my face.” I stumbled across the room to the elevator and leaned into the door. This was overwhelming. They took my memories. They took my life, my whole person Now I don't know who I am, what I am.

“You're a soul now, just like the rest of us,” an overly happy voice interrupted my panic attack.

“Ohh, uh… that's nice.”

                                                        Noah 

The elevator door slid open and a girl stumbled in. I assumed she was new here because she obviously hadn’t showered yet. I could see the wound where the knife must have stabbed her. The scars on her back told me she did not have a very fun life.    

“You new here?” I asked, trying to make the silence a bit less awkward.

“Yeah, are you?” she asked, her voice sounded far away like she was lost memory but i knew that couldn't be because she didn't have the memories.

“No, not really.” I replied We stood in silence for a few seconds. I wanted to say something but I didn't know what. She wasn't like the other souls. She was strange, almost like she remembered. 

“Any advice?” she asked, breaking the silence before I had a chance 

“Oh uh sure um take a shower because it will get rid of your death scares and try to make friends you might be stuck here for awhile, oh and most importantly the blueberry pie is kinda gross I definitely would not recommend.” She giggled 

“Now that everyones telling me that I kinda wanna try it.” I laughed.

“Your choice, but like I said, I would not recommend.” We laughed for a while

“What's your name?” she asked.

“Noah” I replied “and yours is..”

“Umm I don't really know, what do we go by in this place?” 

“Uh it's just your name from your last life.” Also the only memory you get to keep I thought, but decided not to say that part out loud.

“Then I'm Lizzy” we chatted till we reached the 3rd floor, and the more she talked the more interesting and mysterious she became.

“Which one of these is yours?” she asked as we walked down the hall 

“I’m number 342” 

“Really,” she asked, sounding a bit surprised and maybe even a bit excited. “Im 344” 

“Oh, nice, Well then I guess I'll see ya around.”

“Later, Noah.” she winked at me and slid into her room. I was left mesmerized staring at the number 344.

                                                            Lizzy 

Who did it? I need to know- I wanted my memories back. I didn't dare turn off my tv, in case they finally solved my case. Maybe if I heard the news I could force the memories back. I hadn't left my room since I got here. Noah came to visit everyday. He brings me food and we chat as the tv shows my family and friends. My sister, or maybe my best friend or maybe I didn't have a sister or a best friend, maybe my cousin, maybe my mom. 

                                              Noah

Lizzy never left her room. I came over everyday and we chatted. Somehow, I related to her more than anyone I have ever met up here. We talked about Hazel, the front desk lady, and I told her all the drama with Mike and Lucy, and we had a lot of fun together. And I never admit it but I might have a crush, dating is illegal and I knew it, but somehow I didn't care, because it wasn't just a silly crush, it was real. I was a little worried about her though, she never hung out with me down in the main room. She was so obsessed with the past she didn't have time for the present. I knocked on her door and then slid in so she didn't have to get up from her spot on the couch.

“Today is New Years Eve!” I said. She looked up at me

“Is it special for us?” she asked 

“Well not really- we celebrate another year in heaven. But you have to be there.”

“Why.”

“Because it'll be boring without you, please.” She glared at me 

“Fine” 

“Yay!” I bounced onto the couch next to her. ”I know you're trying to remember.” I said, she squinted up at me.

“Yes, I am trying to remember.” she paused, “ do you know why?”

“No, you're only gonna drive yourself insane. Lizzy, no one has ever remembered.”

“You know, sometimes I just don't get you, how are you not trying to remember everything you had taken, how is this fair-.” 

“I can't deal with this right now” I said cutting her off and getting up to leave, 

“Oh so now you're just gonna leave,” she stood up 

“Yes, I am,” I paused in the doorway. “maybe instead of staring at the tv you could stare at yourself, that will probably bring more memories back.” I slammed the door in her face

                                               Lizzy     

Well, that went well, I thought as I stared at my closet wondering what in the world I was supposed to wear to this thing. After a while of staring I decided to do something more productive, stare at myself, because who knows, maybe Noah was right. Maybe all I needed to remember was me. I scanned my body looking for any clues. And there was something that caught my eye. My wrist, the small cuts, so many, almost in a pattern- wait, not a pattern a, word. Help. My already stopped heart broke into a thousand pieces. I burst into tears and sank to the floor. I was suddenly aware of the scars across my back and where they had come from the word scared in my wrist. I cried and cried and sadly I knew exactly what to wear. 

The room was crowded. Something had obviously happened because someone in the middle of the room was being swarmed and patted on the back as blue confetti rained from the ceiling. It reminded me of my little brother's gender reveal. Noah was nowhere to be seen. I wondered if he was mad at me for being such a horrible friend. I wanted to find him and tell him everything but I didn't know if he wanted to see me.

                                                              Noah 

My back hurt and my ears hurt more. The cheering was a little bit obsessive. I was looking everywhere for Lizzy and finally spotted her in the back of the room. She was wearing a black dress. The sleeves were long and flared out at the ends; the top was tight, and the bottom puffed out, and for the first time ever she was showing her back. The dress's back was completely open, like she was proud of her injuries. I knew she had remembered. I could feel it. I could see the scars even from here. It scared me a little bit.

                                              Lizzy 

I finally spotted Noah and I had the feeling of your heart sinking into your feet but I'm not alive so I don't really have a heart. He had been chosen. He would leave and forget and come back and forget. It would never be the same but I had hope. I started towards him. As he ran towards me, we met in the middle of the floor, the blue lights flashing, people dancing.

“Hey.” I yelled over the crowd

“Hey,” he replied, “you look great.” I blushed. God, I hated it ,but it felt so good to finally feel this type of love, real love, real soulmates. I couldn't resist kissing him. Oh my god,what was I doing?

“Sorry about that I-” he kissed me back, interrupting me.

“Shut up.”

                                                 Noah 

I pulled away from her because honestly what we were doing? Souls in love would never work. I'm about to forget about her. Go down to earth and start a life.

“You remembered, didn't you?” I asked 

“Couldn't have done it without you,” she replied, holding out her arm. I took her hand 

“No look” she said pulling it back and holding it in front of me i concentrated on her wrist “Does it say something” i asked 

“Ya, it says help, I carved it into myself.” I was too stunned to speak.

“You what”

“Oh and I told you I would tell you if I remembered so I’m gonna tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“Tell you that I did it, I killed myself.” I was shocked I stood there, unable to move. “Anyways enough about me” she continued  “let's celebrate” she pulled me into the crowd dancing I was dragged unable to think

                                                                       Lizzy

It was over, It had only lasted a night, because now he had to leave. My heart broke in two as we ate breakfast together for the last time in the big cafeteria. It reminded me of high school, me sitting there always in the back corner with my boyfriend next to me before he would force me into the cleaner’s closet ignoring my pleas for him to stop and let me go. My thoughts were interrupted by the same overlay happy voice I had heard when I first arrived.

 “Hello, everybody.” The voice doubled in volume through the microphone and the room fell silent. “Please say your last goodbyes to Noah, he's officially leaving in 10 minutes.” God I hated that voice and those words, I turned to Noah to say goodbye, but he wasn't there instead my nose was inches away from somebody's butt submerged in the swarm of people. Finally, they backed off as he moved towards the door. I ran to catch up.

“Noah,” he turned at the sound of my voice stopping sharply, making me run right into him. He giggled at me. 

“So, any advice for the real world?” He asked, helping me from the floor.

“Yeah, I guess my biggest piece of advice..for you…. would be. try not to abuse your power.” 

“Whatever that means,” he replied.

“I think you'll know what I mean, if you remember. I have hope that you will.” 

“Thanks, I'll try, but if not, I guess this is goodbye.” Tears sprang into my eyes, but this time unlike so many times before, I let them fall running down my cheeks and pooling at my chin before falling onto my sweatshirt. He hugged me, our tears sinking into eachothers clothes. I wanted to stay in that hug forever, him with me, me with him holding each other forever, forever in love. But there it was again, that voice.

“Noah you have 1 minute.” I pulled away from him fighting against every want in my body, he looked at me face soaked with tears but we smiled because this isn't the end. He walked towards the door, his smooth hand met the cold golden door handle, his hand twisted to the side and the door swung open he looked back at me and I smiled at him. 

“Hey, Noah, one last thing- try the blueberry pie. It's delicious.” He smiled, that smile that felt like sunlight hitting my face for the first time or flowers blooming. I treasure every moment with him.

“Goodbye.” he said and closed the door behind him.

                                            15 years later 

                                             Noah 

I knew exactly what Lizzy meant. It is everywhere you look. And that's sad. Men using the power they have to hurt women. It kills me to think that girls are scared for their lives everyday at school. For girls, It's a relief to make it through the day. Sometimes it's your brother or dad, stranger or a friend, your husband or boyfriend. That is sad. Every time I see an example, my mind flashes back to Lizzy, the scars on her back, the word on her wrist. She may have killed herself, but she shouldn't be blamed, because he did it all to her, and her friends weren't there for her. Her school wasn't there for her, her people, her parents, the people she should have been able to trust, they weren't there for her. She should have been able to trust her boyfriend, not be scared of him. That Is sad.