The town of Echo

Where the banshee cries, the ghosts moan and the vampires complain bitterly

Are there vampires?

Monsters even?

Well, the answer is actually, yes.

There is a small town on the outskirts of nowhere and the forest of bad dreams. A town that is populated by all manner of monsters. The dead, the undead and things that insist on bumping during the night. It is a safe haven for those abnormalities of nature to hide away and live, what can be seen, although not by us as a 'normal' life. Let us examine this strange place. 

As we enter the outskirts of Echo, (the town is called Echo by the way, in case that was not apparent) we see that it is not unlike a small town as depicted in most old western movies. Dusty, ramshackle and full of deceased actors. The first thing you notice though is that it is dark. It's always dark here in Echo as the residents like it that way that and some of them would have serious issues if the several billion tons of exploding hydrogen nuclei rose at any point. Such residents include Mr. and Mrs. Nocturne who run a collection of corner shops, affectionately known to all as 'The Vampire Dairies' and the reason they refer to them as that is because that is their name. The stores have a limited product base, but there is a wide range of that product that includes all the major letters and the plus or minus that goes with them. They are well run, if you ignore the one small hiccup they had a few years ago when a former employee cut himself rather badly.  His cries for his, then unknown blood group when a transfusion was needed, was mistaken for encouraging last words to his employers to 'be positive' about the situation. He of course died, but Death in Echo is considered a minor inconvenience and seldom visits. He has a small homestay in Elsewhere where he can hang up his scythe after a long days reaping and to wash his cowl without anyone commenting on how thin he has become lately. His lack of attention concerning the apparent demise of the Nocturn's assistant now serves the past tense employee well in the world of politics, as being dead is considered to be a positive attribute within this profession.

Speaking of which, politics is a relatively new thing here in Echo because, although many of the residents are born of evil misdoings, there are some lines that are never crossed (especially when two of them form the shape of a crucifix). Having said that, the newly formed 'Ghost Party' spend their time rattling chains and stepping out on unsuspecting voters explaining nonsensical and unsubstantiated facts about their opposition, 'The Ghouls' and campaigning for their right to be allowed in the local bars that no longer serve spirits. Nobody really pays attention to them of course, as they are just scare mongering and most people can see though their lies, and though most of them if the truth be told. Like most politicians, be them earthly or ethereal, they are not taken too seriously by the residents of Echo and to be honest they are good for a laugh. If it is proper entertainment you are looking for though, then look no further than the Zombie Acropolis owned and run by Siouxsie the Banshee. Former stars of stage, screen and graveyard grace the boards nightly and entertain packed houses of star struck, and sometimes shovel struck fans, such as  Anna Tomical who belts out her favorite Patsy Cline numbers, ending with her big finish of 'I fall to pieces' - And then does. Her repertoire is rather limited and Ms. Tomical has been known to take a little offence when requests are made outside of her set pieces. When someone once asked her if she had something by the Doors, she replied 'Yes, a bucket of sand and a fire extinguisher'.

There are other noteworthy personas of the famous persuasion living, (or not as the case maybe), here in Echo. Bruce Lee is alive and kicking, well kicking at least and is seen helping his new friend E.P, the former king on the small island of Kreole who often still goes by that name. Kreole a strange place where the national dress is a white leather jumpsuit and the national anthem is a heavily bass laden, rhythmic affair. Bruce and E.P are, apparently building a jailhouse from the very stone that surrounds the town of Echo and although there is a perfectly serviceable digger, crane and other mechanical equipment available to help with this task, between them they have decided to attempt to move the massive rocks by rolling them. Their hard work can be heard during, what is classed as 'the day', with Bruce squeaking with every over emphasized and exaggerated move, and E.P thanking him very much for the help. Between them they have many friends, notably their buddy, Holly who, since his arrival by plane to a completely different and respelled one, has introduced the town to cricket and lives on the edge of town with his wife, Peggy. If you know her, you will know that Peggy is a lawyer and is the one you need to contact with any form  of litigation, especially if you need to sue someone. Peggy's portfolio includes a large client list but she is a woman of few words, in fact it's the little things she says and does that make you want to be with her. Keith Richards is here, but he is not sure why, as he is claims that he is not dead. Others disagree, namely his friend Mick who moved here weeks before setting himself up as a councilor. Having spent a lot of his time listening to the complaints from the local gangs such as the aforementioned Ghouls and Ghosts, it was the the Devils that added to final straw that broke Mick's patience. With a final clapping of hands, shaking of maracas and a hearty "Well alright", Mick announced that the negative feedback from the townspeople of Echo regarding the devilish goings on with the whole Hell thing, and not to mention the prodding of people with pitchforks, whether they wanted to be prodded or not was their own fault and stated that they deserved no sympathy. Mick left Echo soon after Keith's arrival claiming to be dissatisfied with it all, something Keith didn't notice at first having lost himself in a bottle of alcohol free bourbon which, on later inspection turned out to be an empty bottle.

Therewolves have found a home here. After years of people looking for them and exclaiming that they can't find them,  even when they are standing in front of them have finally found a place that, if being searched for, can answer the age old and quite annoying question as to where they are. Here they are free to howl at the Moon until their hearts content or, if someone hurls a boot at them and tells them to shut up and go to bed. Therewolves add to the culture of Echo and bring a whole new meaning to the idea of changing for dinner. They, of course have free range of the town, except the local swimming pool where they tend to clog up the shower drains with hair and are known to have an unfair advantage, when competing in the local galas by leaving the competition dead (some quite literally) in the water when doing the doggie paddle. The 'dead' we speak of should not be worried about too much as technically, everyone in Echo is undead in one form or another except the varying creations of Mr. Stein, currently in hiding after being struck off and denied his former doctorate due to his nefarious and altogether dodgy dealings within the world of reanimation. The making of monsters was not the issue. The fact that a stray wire landed on a copy of a much loved Disney classic, creating the abomination that evolved into the 'live action' version of that same classic (turning it into what can only be termed as a Disney nasty) was deemed unforgivable, and quite rightly so. His first creation though, having lost himself in the Arctic, eventually found his way, along with his bride (wherever she came from) to Echo and settled down with the idea of raising children. The misunderstanding of this process caused many of the local existing children of the township to find themselves buried upside down in a field headfirst, with their feet sticking up so as to be watered everyday. Explanations and varying books were offered and both monstrous husband and wife and, after having had the process explained to them, rejected the idea of producing offspring the 'natural' way. They claimed that it was far from natural and that whoever thought of it should ashamed of themselves. Besides, the person who had put the creation's bride together, had been a bit enthusiastic with his needle and thread (grow up) and the lump on her back looked highly suspect causing the the creation to state that he can't help to feel a bit of a tit when he puts his arm around her. Still, they are happy together and never seem to moan about their childless life, except the bride who, as previously mentioned has her mouth sewn shut. 

The transition from one state to another can be a little difficult for some and their mental, physical and existential healthcare is left to the professionals. The Dali ward, housed in the psychiatric wing of Echo General (formally know as Echo Brigadier before the upgrade and subsequent promotion) deserves a mention for this as it houses the troubled and permanently baffled. Such inmates include mummys, having become a little unraveled and zombies who check in once in a while to pull themselves together and, for some reason, form dance groups. Nurse Jackson, a lovely young man who visits once a month from the mirror dimension, sometimes performs with them. His encouragement and compassion for the inmates of Echo General has made a massive impact. So much so that the newly formed, zombie dance groups refuse to perform without him, instead waiting patiently and starting only, as they say, with the man in the mirror. Irene Cara is here too, having been sectioned for her own good after claiming that she will, in fact live forever. This was widely disproven when she didn't, but the refusal to stop banging on about it led to her incarceration as she getting on everyone's nerves. Since her treatment, which included showing and endless loop of the television series of the movie she was in until she cried, has recently made friends with Doctor Petty, and together they enjoy their shared hobby of learning to fly. Echo General also boasts an extensive roster of notable medical staff including Doctors Krippen, Shivago, Doonothing and Whom all of which have studied a wide variety of medical, grammar and copyright litigation practices. Amongst their wide range of specialties are animal welfare, romance issues, time travel and the dissolving of evidence in a large barrel of acid. This last one however, is under scrutiny.

It is said that in Echo the people are strange, when you're a stranger. So don't be. There are plenty of places to stay, but the standout guesthouse is the 'Belle Lugosi'. This fine abode is run by Belle herself. A beauty by all standards we set to measure such things and a woman prone to bursting into song with no apparent reason, want or provocation. Rumor has it that she trained to be a witch some years ago but was derailed by an accident with a broken wand and the non arrival of an antiquated steam train that, having been out of use some fifty years ago was replaced by a bus service. Her husband Adam is a stockbroker and subject to change. If this simple bed and breakfast is not your thing, and you prefer something a little more upmarket, then Mrs. Bates, and her son Normal, will be sure to welcome you with open arms and a well aimed shovel. Although the promise cannot be made that the arms belong to the person welcoming you, the shovel definitely will be. Normal is a nice boy and, having changed his name due to copyright issues when the author couldn't find something to match that was funny, has turned his talents to taxidermy when a guest told him to 'get stuffed'. Ironically, is wasn't Normal that benefitted from that particular instruction on that occasion and there was never any comment from Mrs. Bates on whether she is dead against his hobby, or just dead. Either way, the motel is clean and comfortable, if you ignore the odd suspicious hole in the wall and the suggestion that you make your showers quick. One critic, a Miss Leigh said that the motel had very sharp cutlery and a surprisingly plentiful supply of chocolate sauce.

All this sounds like the town has no law and order to watch over the various, unruly goings on in Echo and this is far from true, but not as far from the truth as this review. Sheriff Marley, a lover of music, especially Christmas carols came to Echo after being shot by a man called Derek over a game of dominoes. Derek claimed many things that night, such as his wife looked wonderful on that particular night and that Marley had, in fact stolen a song of his and had not shot his deputy. This last statement was something he went on to repeat way too often over the years, in many genres and varying tempos. The legend that is Marley is one surrounded by a mystery created by smoke and mirrors. The mirrors, obviously providing the entrance to all manner of existential beings entering this realm, and the smoke is provided by his 'suspicious' exotic cigarettes. His deputy, simply known as 'Dawg' to his friends, of which he has none is often seen moping around and complaining about the huge hole in his chest. The bulk of his time, however is spent in his own investigation as to who did, in fact shoot him if not Derek. Dawg is not married and it is this fact alone has led Marley to proclaim, although nobody knows why, that he has no reason to cry. It is hoped by all those that know him that Dawg with find his one true love, for he is currently talking online to a nice young lady called Olivia from Xanadu, a place where nobody dares to go. He is not quite sure where she came from originally, but Greece seems to the word.

So there you have it. The town of Echo. Not a place to live in maybe, but definitely one to die for.

See you soon.

But not too soon.