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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Family & Friends
- Subject: Fantasy / Dreams / Wishes
- Published: 09/24/2011
The Magic Flower
Born 1929, M, from Roseville/CA, United StatesIn Olden Times III: The Magic Flower (Approx 4K)
A cloud of gloom hung over the kingdom for, although the uprising of the Treacherous Knights had been put down, Queen Britney, who’d insisted on being in the forefront of defending what she considered to be her castle, had been wounded by a poisoned arrow and still lay in a coma. The halls of the castle, which used to echo with Britney’s commands to her servants (and to the King) were now eerily silent. The King nervously reviewed his plans for rebuilding the kingdom, glancing over his shoulder every few minutes as if expecting Britney to tell him to change this and forget about that.
A little group of three was shown into his chamber. They were Marge the Witch, summoned after the royal physicians had admitted the couldn’t awaken the Queen; Abe, mayor of the town where Marge practiced; and Bob, the family dragon and Abe’s second-in-command. “Is there any hope?” asked the King.
“I’ll try to keep the Queen alive,” said Marge,
Using all of my power,
But only one thing can awaken her,
The magic white flower.”
(Marge had gotten into the habit of rhyming when practicing her spells at witches school and now did it all the time.)
Marge went on to explain that her mentor witch had told her of the magic white flower, which had great curative properties. Unfortunately, like all such magic flowers you couldn’t find it in your back yard. In this case, it grew only in a far-off land ruled by a mysterious body known as the Society of White Knights. Not only that, but rumor had it that the flower was guarded by a horrible monster who was prone to eat unwelcome visitors. And just to get to this far-off land, you had to travel through the fearsome land of the dwarfs and then, even worse, through a nameless land said to be ruled by faceless creatures who permitted no entry
.
“I’d go in a minute,” said the King, “but I’m right in the middle of planning to rebuild the kingdom and I’d hate to leave.”
“Don’t worry,” said Abe. “Bob and I will go. We’ll get that flower.”
Bob rolled his eyes as if to say, “here we go again”.but said nothing aloud
.
“The magic flower,” said Marge, “is very rare.
Should you get that far and still live,
A king’s ransom at least
You’ll have to give.”
All eyes turned to the King. “A King’s ransom, huh? That war cost a lot and it’ll cost even more to rebuild. And it’s nice to have some peace and quiet in the castle. Maybe Britney will some day wake up on her own.”
Everyone looked shocked.
“The Queen is in a very delicate state,” said Marge.
“If you tarry it may be too late.”
“Do you want to go down in history as the only king who refused to pay a king’s ransom to save his wife?” asked Abe.
“No, of course not. What was I thinking of? You shall have all that’s left in the treasury.”
“Good. Then Bob and I will leave tomorrow at dawn.”
Bob rolled his eyes again but again said nothing.
After three days hard travelling, Abe, a belt filled with jewels, gold and silver around his waist, and Ben obreached the Land of the Dwarfs. As soon as they crossed the border, the landscape changed. Gone were the lush green fields, the trees, the neat houses, the sheep in the meadow, the cows in the corn. Now the land was barren, covered by rocks, the only wildlife a few vultures who soared overhead. No wonder few people visited this land, although it was rumored that its underground mines contained riches. Every now and then they came across what looked like an abandoned mine but that was all. Little was known about the Land of the Dwarfs. Some said the dwarfs were ruled by a beautiful queen who’d somehow found her way there. Others said the dwarfs were savages who killed anyone who ventured into their territory.
“I wonder if we’ll ever see anyone,” said Abe. “We need directions or we’ll be wandering around here forever.”
“It won’t be forever,” said Bob. “We’ll eventually starve to death or die of thirst.”
Just then the ground gave away beneath their feet and they fell straight down into what seemed to be a cavern beneath the earth. Before they could gather their wits, a big net came down on top of them and they were trapped. Suddenly they were surrounded by dwarfs, each holding a torch. The dwarfs immediately began arguing among themselves. “What should we do with them?” asked the dwarf who seemed to the leader and whom the others called Doc.
“I say put them in the dungeon,” said another dwarf, who looked and sounded grumpy.
“Uh, maybe we should take them to the Queen,” said a bashful-looking dwarf.
“Should I let out a blast of fire and roast these pipsqueaks?” asked Bob.
“No, wait a minute,” said Abe. “Doc, Grumpy, Bashful. There’s something familiar about these little guys. Doc, do you have a Queen?”
“Well, yes, we do.”
“Is she beautiful?”
“Of course she is.”
“Please take us to her. We’re on a quest to save another beautiful queen. I’m sure she’d like to help us.”
The dwarfs began their arguing again but Doc asked a dwarf who looked somewhat simple if they should take the strangers to the queen and this dwarf nodded his head and so it was decided.
Once in the Queen’s chamber, the dwarfs removed the net. “Oh, Queen,” said Doc, “these two strangers wish to speak with you.”
The Queen, as Doc had said, was beautiful. Her skin was like milk, her lips as red as cherries and her hair as black as a raven’s wing. “I know you,” said Abe. “You’re Snow White.”
“Yes, I am. But how did you know?”
“There are stories about you. My mother told them to me when I was a boy. But did you really eat the poisoned apple?”
“Are you kidding?” said Snow White. “I know a poisoned apple when I see one. No apple that red could be a good one.”
“But you were supposed to have eaten the apple, then you fell asleep and then Prince Charming came and kissed you and you woke up.”
“Prince Charming?” laughed the Queen. “Now that’s a good one. Can you imagine anyone named Prince Charming ever coming to this place? The only reason I’m here is to escape my evil stepmother. I’ve done my best, you should have seen what a mess it was before, and I’ve organized the dwarfs. They were working for peanuts, you know. They like to dig so much--you should see them going off to work every morning with their hi’s and their ho’s--they never dreamed how much people would pay for their labor. At least, now they’re getting a fair price. But a Prince Charming?” She laughed again. “Fat chance. But why have you, so to speak, dropped in here?”
Abe explained their mission. “This Queen is beautiful, too,” said Abe, “and, although she didn’t eat an apple, she’s been poisoned through no fault of her own and the magic white flower is the only thing that can awaken her.”
“Sounds like a fairy tale to me,” said Snow White. “I don’t know. The world hasn’t treated me very kindly. I’ve had to go it on my own. Let’s suppose there is such a flower, why should I help you?”
Abe thought fast. “When I get back, with the flower, of course, I’ll tell everyone at court about you, that you’re real and not just a story. I’ll tell them how beautiful you are. The knights will come here in droves.”
“And what about you? Are you interested?”
“I would be, Your Highness, but I already have a wife.”
“Is she as beautiful as me?”
“No, but she’s kind and sensible and loyal.”
Snow White sighed. “And I can see you are loyal, too. Oh, well., I’ll count on you to keep your promise. Tomorrow the dwarfs will show you how to proceed on your journey. But now come and have supper with me and tell me all about what’s happening in the upper world. I hear nothing living down in this mine.” And so Abe had supper with Snow White and told her all of the current events he knew while she told him some surprising things about dwarfs, things that to this day no one, not even Walt Disney, knows.
The next morning the dwarfs marched with them, singing their hi’s and ho’s, all the way to the border, where to Abe’s and Bob’s surprise, there was a high fence. “This is it,” said Doc. “You have to cross through the next country to get to the Land of the White Knights.”
“But how do we get through this fence?” asked Abe.
“I don’t know. No one has ever tried. Good luck.” And the dwarfs, still singing their hi’s and ho’s, marched off.
“Hmmm. The fence is too high to climb over,” said Abe.
“Let me try to blast through,” said Bob. He took a deep breath and let out a mighty flame. The fence turned black but remained standing. “Okay,” said Bob. “I’ll just crash through it.”
“Wait a minute. That fence seems pretty strong. I think I see something down there. It may be an opening. Let’s take a look.”
What Abe saw was not an opening but what looked like a little house built right into the fence; it had a door and a window. Abe knocked on the door and the window flew open. “What do you want?” The speaker wasn’t a knight or a soldier; he was pale, wore glasses and sleeve protectors and altogether looked like a clerk.
“We want to cross through your country to get to the Land of the White Knights,” said Abe.
“You do, huh? Papers, please.”
“What papers?”
“Your crossing through papers, of course,” said the clerk, as if this was self-evident. “How can you cross through without the proper papers?”
“But we don’t have any papers.”
“Here. Fill out these forms.” The clerk thrust a fistful of papers at Abe and the window closed with a thud. Abe looked at the forms. They asked for his name, address, occupation, marital status, hair color, eye color, height, weight, place of birth, income, hobbies, sports, travel plans and many other things. “They want to know everything about my life,” said Abe, “and it’ll take my entire life to fill out all this stuff,” But there was no help for it. Abe, with Bob’s help, laboriously filled in all the blank spaces. It was the afternoon by the time he was finally done.
Abe knocked on the door again and again the window flew open.
“What do you want?”
“I’ve filled out all the forms,” said Abe.
“You have. That was fast work. All right, show me your identification.”
“Identification? I’m Abe, and this is Bob. We don’t have any other identification.”
“No identification.” The clerk took a stamp and banged it down on the top form. It said, REQUEST DENIED.
“Wait a minute. I filled out all your stupid forms. You didn’t tell us we’d need identification. You can’t say “Request Denied” just like that.”
“Sorry, that’s the procedure. Next!”
“There’s no one next,” shouted Abe. “There’s no one else here. There must be some way to get through.”
The clerk appeared to think. “Well, there might be a chance. You can appeal to the High and Mighty Officials, we call them HMO’s for short.”
“All right. How do I appeal?”
“Well, they’re very busy people, very hard to see. Is that a money belt you’re wearing?”
“Ah, I see.” Abe took out some pieces of gold and silver. “Will these smooth the way?”
“Maybe one more little gold piece. Yes, that should do it. Wait here.” In a minute, the door to the little house swung open and Abe and Bob walked through. Inside the fence was the largest castle Abe had ever seen. “That’s where the HMO’s are,” said the clerk. “Follow me.”
Abe and Bob were led into what looked like a large waiting room. Scores of people were sitting on benches, all clutching forms in their hands. Across from them, scores of clerks worked busily at their desks, all stamping papers. Abe saw that in most cases, the stamps said, REQUEST DENIED. Their clerk went over to one of these other clerks and handed over their forms. The two chatted a little, then their clerk came back and told them to take a seat on one of the benches. He gave Abe a piece of paper. “Wait until your number is called.” Abe looked; it was a very large number.
After waiting for what seemed hours, Abe was ready to get up and protest to someone but just then the clerk who had their forms waved to him. “Will someone see me now?” asked Abe
.
The clerk laughed. “I can tell this is your first time. But I want to help you. Look at this.” The clerk raised his tunic, revealing a small whistle tied around his neck. “I’m what’s called a whistle-blower. I like order but I can’t stand all of this paperwork, the layers of management, the agencies not talking to each other, the sheer inefficiency, the blatant . . .” By this time, the clerk’s eyes were bulging and he was breathing hard.
“Calm down,” urged Abe. “You said you wanted to help me.?”
“Yes. I’ve read all your forms. I suppose I’m a romantic but I want you to at least try to get that white flower. Not that you have a chance, what with the greedy White Knights and that horrible monster. But that’s your problem. Here, bend down.” Abe bent and the clerk whispered into his ear. “So that’s what you’ll have to do. Okay? Let me see your number. Hmmm, I’ll try to expedite you.”
Even with the clerk’s expediting, it wasn’t until two days later that Abe’s number was called. He and Bob were ushered into one of the HMO suites. The HMO himself sat behind a large desk, scribbling on a piece of paper. Piles of paper stood on tables scattered around the room. At length, the HMO looked up. “Ah. Work, nothing but work. There’s no end to it. Now, what can I do for you gentlemen?”
“It’s all in those forms you have,” said Abe. “We have to get to the Land of the White Knights.”
The HMO shook his head. “I’m afraid that’s impossible. That violates section 895, paragraph six, section 896, paragraphs two and three, not to mention codes eight, nine and ten, subsections . . .” As he spoke, he raised a stamp, which Abe saw said REQUEST DENIED.
“Wait,” yelled Abe. “We know where your secret warehouse of red tape is. If you do that, Bob will burn it down. Bob, give him a sample.”
Bob let out a long flame. Several piles of paper caught fire and others were scattered around by the accompanying whoosh. The HMO ran around in circles, alternately trying to stamp out the fires and retrieve the papers. “Well?” asked Abe.
“This is highly irregular. If we make an exception for you we’ll . . .”
“Bob, another sample, please.”
“All right, all right. If we don’t have any red tape, our entire operation will fall to pieces. I’ll make an exception, just this once.” He rummaged around in his desk, finally locating a small stamp covered with dust which said, “request okayed.” He stamped Abe’s forms and even made out identity cards for both Abe and Bob. “There, that should do it. Now, please go on your way and never come in here again.”
After presenting all of their forms plus their ID cards to the clerk in the little house in the fence at the other side of the country, Abe and Bob were finally let into the Land of the White Knights. They inquired of the first person they saw, a peasant, where they might find the headquarters of the White Knights and were directed to a large white castle atop a hill. “We’ve made it,” said Abe. “I can hardly believe it.”
“We don’t have the flower yet,” cautioned Bob.
As they made their way up the hill, Abe noticed that the White Knights riding around on their white horses were large and well-fed, wearing expensive-looking armor studded with jewels. Their saddles were also bejeweled. The peasants wore plain clothes and by contrast looked undernourished. When they reached the castle a steward greeted them cordially. “We’ve received word of your mission,” he said. “Please come in and sit down. I’ll get you some mead. One of the Knights will see you shortly.”
In a matter of minutes, they were led into a Knight’s chamber. “Welcome, welcome,” said the Knight. Like the other Knights riding their horses, this one was large and had clearly never missed a meal. “Well, I understand you’ve come after one of our magic white flowers.”
“Yes,” said Abe. “It’s the only remedy for Queen Britney’s coma.”
“We’ll be glad to help,” said the Knight, rubbing his hands. “But you understand the flower is rare, exceedingly rare. We just can’t hand one over to you.”
“I understand.” Abe undid his money belt. “I’ve brought a king’s ransom.” He spilled the jewels, gold and silver on a table.
“Ah, yes,” said the Knight, his eyes glittering. “Very good. Well, I’ll have the steward direct you to the hill where our medicinal flowers grow. They’re all colors. You understand it’s up to you to find the white flower.”
“Yes.”
“Uh, what about that horrible monster who guards the flowers?” asked Bob.
“Ah, yes. He doesn’t take kindly to visitors. Again, that’s up to you.”
“All right,” said Abe. “Let’s go.”
The steward led them to a nearby hill covered with flowers. He seemed nervous. “There you are,” he said. “I hope there’s a white flower left. Now I must be going.” He sped away.
Abe and Bob looked over the hill. The flowers were of all colors: many blue ones, almost as many red, orange, purple, yellow, pink, even black. But no white flower was visible. “We’ve been had,” said Bob. “And after we paid a king’s ransom.”
“Let’s not give up,” said Abe. “I’m going to look.” He waded into the sea of flowers, followed by Bob. They searched every inch of the hill
.
“I think I see something,” said Bob.
“Where?”
“Over there. By that fern. Almost hidden.”
“I think you’re right.”
Abe raced over. It was the white flower. He carefully plucked it out of the ground and cradled it in his hand. “Wait a minute,” he said. There was a speck of white on his finger. “I think . . .” Abe never completed his thought because at that moment a large shadow fell over them, they heard the whirring of wings, then a bellow, then a large body landed beside them.
“It’s the monster,” yelled Abe. “Run, or we’re lost.”
“That’s not a monster,” said Bob. “It’s a dragon. And one that looks familiar. Jerry?”
“Bob? What are you doing here?”
“Looking for the magic white flower to cure Queen Britney. What are you doing here?”
Jerry blinked his large eyes, looking a little abashed. “Well, I’m supposed to guard these flowers. It’s a job. What can I say? There aren’t that many jobs nowadays for dragons.”
“I know what you mean. Well, at least we have our white flower.”
“But is it white?” said Abe. “Look.” He rubbed the petals of the flower gently. The white came off on his fingers. The flower was really blue. “The White Knights put the white color on. That made it seem very rare and so very expensive. The White Knights have been running a scam.”
Later Abe, Bob and Jerry were in the courtyard of the White Knight’s castle. The White Knights were there, also a large number of peasants whom Abe had met on the way and told to come with him for something important. Abe held up the flower. “Look,” he said. “We paid a king’s ransom for this. It was supposed to be rare, a rare white flower. But it’s really blue, one of many.”
There was a lot of muttering among the peasants and Abe heard, “No wonder the Knights are so rich while we struggle to make a living,” and “Yeah, and fat, too.”
The White Knight Abe and Bob had met with coughed and said, “There must be a misunderstanding. I promise a full investigation.”
“How about refunding that king’s ransom I gave you?”
“Yes, we can do that, less expenses. And without admitting culpability, of course.”
.
“And re-distributing your wealth? You can get more than enough charging a fair price for your medicinal flowers and sharing the proceeds with everyone.”
“Yes, well, we’ll have to look into that and . . .”
“We have to get back now but I’ll leave Jerry here to see to it that the wealth redistribution is carried out. And if it isn’t I’ll come back, with Bob.”
“That won’t be necessary. I . . .”
“Three cheers for Abe and Bob and Jerry,” one of the peasants called out. Amidst the cheers, Abe and Bob took their leave.
Their journey back was much speedier than the one out. The clerks rushed them through, especially when Bob jokingly asked Abe where that red tape warehouse was again. In the Land of the Dwarfs, Queen Snow White received them in her underground chamber, where Abe related their adventures. “I’m glad you found the while, or blue, flower,” said Snow White. “I hope it works. You’ll remember your promise about letting the knights know I’m here.”
“As soon as Queen Britney is revived,” said Abe. “Be prepared for lots of guests. Who knows, maybe one will turn out to be your Prince Charming after all.”
When they reached the king’s palace, Abe immediately gave Marge the Witch the flower.
“But this flower’s not white,” she exclaimed.
It’s blue.
Are you sure it’s right?
Are you?”
“I’ll explain later,” said Abe.
Marge the Witch took the flower and ground its petals down into a powder, which she then put into a glass of wine. She held the glass to Queen Britney’s lips. As soon as the first few drops went down the Queen’s throat she popped up and said, “Where am I? What’s everyone doing in here? This room is a mess. I must get dressed. My hair’s a fright. Where are my servants” Abe, Bob and the King discreetly left. “By the way,” said Abe, unfastening his belt. “Here’s your king’s ransom, most of it.. I didn’t need it after all.”
“You didn’t? That’s wonderful. Now I can really rebuild.”
That night there was a celebratory dinner at which Abe explained all. At least a dozen knights said they’d immediately leave to find and court Queen Snow White. “That Snow White?” asked Britney. “Is she as beautiful as me?”
“She’s beautiful,” answered Abe, “but you’re the fairest of them all.”
“Now why can’t you say things like that?” the Queen asked the King.
Bob rolled his eyes.
The next day Abe and Bob, with Marge the Witch, returned to their village. Abe’s wife Rose greeted him with a kiss and a good meal. Abe went back to being mayor, with Bob’s assistance, the town prospered as the King rebuilt the kingdom and everyone lived happily, at least until it was time for yet another sequel.. Until then, good readers, live happily, if not ever after, at least for the moment.
The Magic Flower(Martin Green)
In Olden Times III: The Magic Flower (Approx 4K)
A cloud of gloom hung over the kingdom for, although the uprising of the Treacherous Knights had been put down, Queen Britney, who’d insisted on being in the forefront of defending what she considered to be her castle, had been wounded by a poisoned arrow and still lay in a coma. The halls of the castle, which used to echo with Britney’s commands to her servants (and to the King) were now eerily silent. The King nervously reviewed his plans for rebuilding the kingdom, glancing over his shoulder every few minutes as if expecting Britney to tell him to change this and forget about that.
A little group of three was shown into his chamber. They were Marge the Witch, summoned after the royal physicians had admitted the couldn’t awaken the Queen; Abe, mayor of the town where Marge practiced; and Bob, the family dragon and Abe’s second-in-command. “Is there any hope?” asked the King.
“I’ll try to keep the Queen alive,” said Marge,
Using all of my power,
But only one thing can awaken her,
The magic white flower.”
(Marge had gotten into the habit of rhyming when practicing her spells at witches school and now did it all the time.)
Marge went on to explain that her mentor witch had told her of the magic white flower, which had great curative properties. Unfortunately, like all such magic flowers you couldn’t find it in your back yard. In this case, it grew only in a far-off land ruled by a mysterious body known as the Society of White Knights. Not only that, but rumor had it that the flower was guarded by a horrible monster who was prone to eat unwelcome visitors. And just to get to this far-off land, you had to travel through the fearsome land of the dwarfs and then, even worse, through a nameless land said to be ruled by faceless creatures who permitted no entry
.
“I’d go in a minute,” said the King, “but I’m right in the middle of planning to rebuild the kingdom and I’d hate to leave.”
“Don’t worry,” said Abe. “Bob and I will go. We’ll get that flower.”
Bob rolled his eyes as if to say, “here we go again”.but said nothing aloud
.
“The magic flower,” said Marge, “is very rare.
Should you get that far and still live,
A king’s ransom at least
You’ll have to give.”
All eyes turned to the King. “A King’s ransom, huh? That war cost a lot and it’ll cost even more to rebuild. And it’s nice to have some peace and quiet in the castle. Maybe Britney will some day wake up on her own.”
Everyone looked shocked.
“The Queen is in a very delicate state,” said Marge.
“If you tarry it may be too late.”
“Do you want to go down in history as the only king who refused to pay a king’s ransom to save his wife?” asked Abe.
“No, of course not. What was I thinking of? You shall have all that’s left in the treasury.”
“Good. Then Bob and I will leave tomorrow at dawn.”
Bob rolled his eyes again but again said nothing.
After three days hard travelling, Abe, a belt filled with jewels, gold and silver around his waist, and Ben obreached the Land of the Dwarfs. As soon as they crossed the border, the landscape changed. Gone were the lush green fields, the trees, the neat houses, the sheep in the meadow, the cows in the corn. Now the land was barren, covered by rocks, the only wildlife a few vultures who soared overhead. No wonder few people visited this land, although it was rumored that its underground mines contained riches. Every now and then they came across what looked like an abandoned mine but that was all. Little was known about the Land of the Dwarfs. Some said the dwarfs were ruled by a beautiful queen who’d somehow found her way there. Others said the dwarfs were savages who killed anyone who ventured into their territory.
“I wonder if we’ll ever see anyone,” said Abe. “We need directions or we’ll be wandering around here forever.”
“It won’t be forever,” said Bob. “We’ll eventually starve to death or die of thirst.”
Just then the ground gave away beneath their feet and they fell straight down into what seemed to be a cavern beneath the earth. Before they could gather their wits, a big net came down on top of them and they were trapped. Suddenly they were surrounded by dwarfs, each holding a torch. The dwarfs immediately began arguing among themselves. “What should we do with them?” asked the dwarf who seemed to the leader and whom the others called Doc.
“I say put them in the dungeon,” said another dwarf, who looked and sounded grumpy.
“Uh, maybe we should take them to the Queen,” said a bashful-looking dwarf.
“Should I let out a blast of fire and roast these pipsqueaks?” asked Bob.
“No, wait a minute,” said Abe. “Doc, Grumpy, Bashful. There’s something familiar about these little guys. Doc, do you have a Queen?”
“Well, yes, we do.”
“Is she beautiful?”
“Of course she is.”
“Please take us to her. We’re on a quest to save another beautiful queen. I’m sure she’d like to help us.”
The dwarfs began their arguing again but Doc asked a dwarf who looked somewhat simple if they should take the strangers to the queen and this dwarf nodded his head and so it was decided.
Once in the Queen’s chamber, the dwarfs removed the net. “Oh, Queen,” said Doc, “these two strangers wish to speak with you.”
The Queen, as Doc had said, was beautiful. Her skin was like milk, her lips as red as cherries and her hair as black as a raven’s wing. “I know you,” said Abe. “You’re Snow White.”
“Yes, I am. But how did you know?”
“There are stories about you. My mother told them to me when I was a boy. But did you really eat the poisoned apple?”
“Are you kidding?” said Snow White. “I know a poisoned apple when I see one. No apple that red could be a good one.”
“But you were supposed to have eaten the apple, then you fell asleep and then Prince Charming came and kissed you and you woke up.”
“Prince Charming?” laughed the Queen. “Now that’s a good one. Can you imagine anyone named Prince Charming ever coming to this place? The only reason I’m here is to escape my evil stepmother. I’ve done my best, you should have seen what a mess it was before, and I’ve organized the dwarfs. They were working for peanuts, you know. They like to dig so much--you should see them going off to work every morning with their hi’s and their ho’s--they never dreamed how much people would pay for their labor. At least, now they’re getting a fair price. But a Prince Charming?” She laughed again. “Fat chance. But why have you, so to speak, dropped in here?”
Abe explained their mission. “This Queen is beautiful, too,” said Abe, “and, although she didn’t eat an apple, she’s been poisoned through no fault of her own and the magic white flower is the only thing that can awaken her.”
“Sounds like a fairy tale to me,” said Snow White. “I don’t know. The world hasn’t treated me very kindly. I’ve had to go it on my own. Let’s suppose there is such a flower, why should I help you?”
Abe thought fast. “When I get back, with the flower, of course, I’ll tell everyone at court about you, that you’re real and not just a story. I’ll tell them how beautiful you are. The knights will come here in droves.”
“And what about you? Are you interested?”
“I would be, Your Highness, but I already have a wife.”
“Is she as beautiful as me?”
“No, but she’s kind and sensible and loyal.”
Snow White sighed. “And I can see you are loyal, too. Oh, well., I’ll count on you to keep your promise. Tomorrow the dwarfs will show you how to proceed on your journey. But now come and have supper with me and tell me all about what’s happening in the upper world. I hear nothing living down in this mine.” And so Abe had supper with Snow White and told her all of the current events he knew while she told him some surprising things about dwarfs, things that to this day no one, not even Walt Disney, knows.
The next morning the dwarfs marched with them, singing their hi’s and ho’s, all the way to the border, where to Abe’s and Bob’s surprise, there was a high fence. “This is it,” said Doc. “You have to cross through the next country to get to the Land of the White Knights.”
“But how do we get through this fence?” asked Abe.
“I don’t know. No one has ever tried. Good luck.” And the dwarfs, still singing their hi’s and ho’s, marched off.
“Hmmm. The fence is too high to climb over,” said Abe.
“Let me try to blast through,” said Bob. He took a deep breath and let out a mighty flame. The fence turned black but remained standing. “Okay,” said Bob. “I’ll just crash through it.”
“Wait a minute. That fence seems pretty strong. I think I see something down there. It may be an opening. Let’s take a look.”
What Abe saw was not an opening but what looked like a little house built right into the fence; it had a door and a window. Abe knocked on the door and the window flew open. “What do you want?” The speaker wasn’t a knight or a soldier; he was pale, wore glasses and sleeve protectors and altogether looked like a clerk.
“We want to cross through your country to get to the Land of the White Knights,” said Abe.
“You do, huh? Papers, please.”
“What papers?”
“Your crossing through papers, of course,” said the clerk, as if this was self-evident. “How can you cross through without the proper papers?”
“But we don’t have any papers.”
“Here. Fill out these forms.” The clerk thrust a fistful of papers at Abe and the window closed with a thud. Abe looked at the forms. They asked for his name, address, occupation, marital status, hair color, eye color, height, weight, place of birth, income, hobbies, sports, travel plans and many other things. “They want to know everything about my life,” said Abe, “and it’ll take my entire life to fill out all this stuff,” But there was no help for it. Abe, with Bob’s help, laboriously filled in all the blank spaces. It was the afternoon by the time he was finally done.
Abe knocked on the door again and again the window flew open.
“What do you want?”
“I’ve filled out all the forms,” said Abe.
“You have. That was fast work. All right, show me your identification.”
“Identification? I’m Abe, and this is Bob. We don’t have any other identification.”
“No identification.” The clerk took a stamp and banged it down on the top form. It said, REQUEST DENIED.
“Wait a minute. I filled out all your stupid forms. You didn’t tell us we’d need identification. You can’t say “Request Denied” just like that.”
“Sorry, that’s the procedure. Next!”
“There’s no one next,” shouted Abe. “There’s no one else here. There must be some way to get through.”
The clerk appeared to think. “Well, there might be a chance. You can appeal to the High and Mighty Officials, we call them HMO’s for short.”
“All right. How do I appeal?”
“Well, they’re very busy people, very hard to see. Is that a money belt you’re wearing?”
“Ah, I see.” Abe took out some pieces of gold and silver. “Will these smooth the way?”
“Maybe one more little gold piece. Yes, that should do it. Wait here.” In a minute, the door to the little house swung open and Abe and Bob walked through. Inside the fence was the largest castle Abe had ever seen. “That’s where the HMO’s are,” said the clerk. “Follow me.”
Abe and Bob were led into what looked like a large waiting room. Scores of people were sitting on benches, all clutching forms in their hands. Across from them, scores of clerks worked busily at their desks, all stamping papers. Abe saw that in most cases, the stamps said, REQUEST DENIED. Their clerk went over to one of these other clerks and handed over their forms. The two chatted a little, then their clerk came back and told them to take a seat on one of the benches. He gave Abe a piece of paper. “Wait until your number is called.” Abe looked; it was a very large number.
After waiting for what seemed hours, Abe was ready to get up and protest to someone but just then the clerk who had their forms waved to him. “Will someone see me now?” asked Abe
.
The clerk laughed. “I can tell this is your first time. But I want to help you. Look at this.” The clerk raised his tunic, revealing a small whistle tied around his neck. “I’m what’s called a whistle-blower. I like order but I can’t stand all of this paperwork, the layers of management, the agencies not talking to each other, the sheer inefficiency, the blatant . . .” By this time, the clerk’s eyes were bulging and he was breathing hard.
“Calm down,” urged Abe. “You said you wanted to help me.?”
“Yes. I’ve read all your forms. I suppose I’m a romantic but I want you to at least try to get that white flower. Not that you have a chance, what with the greedy White Knights and that horrible monster. But that’s your problem. Here, bend down.” Abe bent and the clerk whispered into his ear. “So that’s what you’ll have to do. Okay? Let me see your number. Hmmm, I’ll try to expedite you.”
Even with the clerk’s expediting, it wasn’t until two days later that Abe’s number was called. He and Bob were ushered into one of the HMO suites. The HMO himself sat behind a large desk, scribbling on a piece of paper. Piles of paper stood on tables scattered around the room. At length, the HMO looked up. “Ah. Work, nothing but work. There’s no end to it. Now, what can I do for you gentlemen?”
“It’s all in those forms you have,” said Abe. “We have to get to the Land of the White Knights.”
The HMO shook his head. “I’m afraid that’s impossible. That violates section 895, paragraph six, section 896, paragraphs two and three, not to mention codes eight, nine and ten, subsections . . .” As he spoke, he raised a stamp, which Abe saw said REQUEST DENIED.
“Wait,” yelled Abe. “We know where your secret warehouse of red tape is. If you do that, Bob will burn it down. Bob, give him a sample.”
Bob let out a long flame. Several piles of paper caught fire and others were scattered around by the accompanying whoosh. The HMO ran around in circles, alternately trying to stamp out the fires and retrieve the papers. “Well?” asked Abe.
“This is highly irregular. If we make an exception for you we’ll . . .”
“Bob, another sample, please.”
“All right, all right. If we don’t have any red tape, our entire operation will fall to pieces. I’ll make an exception, just this once.” He rummaged around in his desk, finally locating a small stamp covered with dust which said, “request okayed.” He stamped Abe’s forms and even made out identity cards for both Abe and Bob. “There, that should do it. Now, please go on your way and never come in here again.”
After presenting all of their forms plus their ID cards to the clerk in the little house in the fence at the other side of the country, Abe and Bob were finally let into the Land of the White Knights. They inquired of the first person they saw, a peasant, where they might find the headquarters of the White Knights and were directed to a large white castle atop a hill. “We’ve made it,” said Abe. “I can hardly believe it.”
“We don’t have the flower yet,” cautioned Bob.
As they made their way up the hill, Abe noticed that the White Knights riding around on their white horses were large and well-fed, wearing expensive-looking armor studded with jewels. Their saddles were also bejeweled. The peasants wore plain clothes and by contrast looked undernourished. When they reached the castle a steward greeted them cordially. “We’ve received word of your mission,” he said. “Please come in and sit down. I’ll get you some mead. One of the Knights will see you shortly.”
In a matter of minutes, they were led into a Knight’s chamber. “Welcome, welcome,” said the Knight. Like the other Knights riding their horses, this one was large and had clearly never missed a meal. “Well, I understand you’ve come after one of our magic white flowers.”
“Yes,” said Abe. “It’s the only remedy for Queen Britney’s coma.”
“We’ll be glad to help,” said the Knight, rubbing his hands. “But you understand the flower is rare, exceedingly rare. We just can’t hand one over to you.”
“I understand.” Abe undid his money belt. “I’ve brought a king’s ransom.” He spilled the jewels, gold and silver on a table.
“Ah, yes,” said the Knight, his eyes glittering. “Very good. Well, I’ll have the steward direct you to the hill where our medicinal flowers grow. They’re all colors. You understand it’s up to you to find the white flower.”
“Yes.”
“Uh, what about that horrible monster who guards the flowers?” asked Bob.
“Ah, yes. He doesn’t take kindly to visitors. Again, that’s up to you.”
“All right,” said Abe. “Let’s go.”
The steward led them to a nearby hill covered with flowers. He seemed nervous. “There you are,” he said. “I hope there’s a white flower left. Now I must be going.” He sped away.
Abe and Bob looked over the hill. The flowers were of all colors: many blue ones, almost as many red, orange, purple, yellow, pink, even black. But no white flower was visible. “We’ve been had,” said Bob. “And after we paid a king’s ransom.”
“Let’s not give up,” said Abe. “I’m going to look.” He waded into the sea of flowers, followed by Bob. They searched every inch of the hill
.
“I think I see something,” said Bob.
“Where?”
“Over there. By that fern. Almost hidden.”
“I think you’re right.”
Abe raced over. It was the white flower. He carefully plucked it out of the ground and cradled it in his hand. “Wait a minute,” he said. There was a speck of white on his finger. “I think . . .” Abe never completed his thought because at that moment a large shadow fell over them, they heard the whirring of wings, then a bellow, then a large body landed beside them.
“It’s the monster,” yelled Abe. “Run, or we’re lost.”
“That’s not a monster,” said Bob. “It’s a dragon. And one that looks familiar. Jerry?”
“Bob? What are you doing here?”
“Looking for the magic white flower to cure Queen Britney. What are you doing here?”
Jerry blinked his large eyes, looking a little abashed. “Well, I’m supposed to guard these flowers. It’s a job. What can I say? There aren’t that many jobs nowadays for dragons.”
“I know what you mean. Well, at least we have our white flower.”
“But is it white?” said Abe. “Look.” He rubbed the petals of the flower gently. The white came off on his fingers. The flower was really blue. “The White Knights put the white color on. That made it seem very rare and so very expensive. The White Knights have been running a scam.”
Later Abe, Bob and Jerry were in the courtyard of the White Knight’s castle. The White Knights were there, also a large number of peasants whom Abe had met on the way and told to come with him for something important. Abe held up the flower. “Look,” he said. “We paid a king’s ransom for this. It was supposed to be rare, a rare white flower. But it’s really blue, one of many.”
There was a lot of muttering among the peasants and Abe heard, “No wonder the Knights are so rich while we struggle to make a living,” and “Yeah, and fat, too.”
The White Knight Abe and Bob had met with coughed and said, “There must be a misunderstanding. I promise a full investigation.”
“How about refunding that king’s ransom I gave you?”
“Yes, we can do that, less expenses. And without admitting culpability, of course.”
.
“And re-distributing your wealth? You can get more than enough charging a fair price for your medicinal flowers and sharing the proceeds with everyone.”
“Yes, well, we’ll have to look into that and . . .”
“We have to get back now but I’ll leave Jerry here to see to it that the wealth redistribution is carried out. And if it isn’t I’ll come back, with Bob.”
“That won’t be necessary. I . . .”
“Three cheers for Abe and Bob and Jerry,” one of the peasants called out. Amidst the cheers, Abe and Bob took their leave.
Their journey back was much speedier than the one out. The clerks rushed them through, especially when Bob jokingly asked Abe where that red tape warehouse was again. In the Land of the Dwarfs, Queen Snow White received them in her underground chamber, where Abe related their adventures. “I’m glad you found the while, or blue, flower,” said Snow White. “I hope it works. You’ll remember your promise about letting the knights know I’m here.”
“As soon as Queen Britney is revived,” said Abe. “Be prepared for lots of guests. Who knows, maybe one will turn out to be your Prince Charming after all.”
When they reached the king’s palace, Abe immediately gave Marge the Witch the flower.
“But this flower’s not white,” she exclaimed.
It’s blue.
Are you sure it’s right?
Are you?”
“I’ll explain later,” said Abe.
Marge the Witch took the flower and ground its petals down into a powder, which she then put into a glass of wine. She held the glass to Queen Britney’s lips. As soon as the first few drops went down the Queen’s throat she popped up and said, “Where am I? What’s everyone doing in here? This room is a mess. I must get dressed. My hair’s a fright. Where are my servants” Abe, Bob and the King discreetly left. “By the way,” said Abe, unfastening his belt. “Here’s your king’s ransom, most of it.. I didn’t need it after all.”
“You didn’t? That’s wonderful. Now I can really rebuild.”
That night there was a celebratory dinner at which Abe explained all. At least a dozen knights said they’d immediately leave to find and court Queen Snow White. “That Snow White?” asked Britney. “Is she as beautiful as me?”
“She’s beautiful,” answered Abe, “but you’re the fairest of them all.”
“Now why can’t you say things like that?” the Queen asked the King.
Bob rolled his eyes.
The next day Abe and Bob, with Marge the Witch, returned to their village. Abe’s wife Rose greeted him with a kiss and a good meal. Abe went back to being mayor, with Bob’s assistance, the town prospered as the King rebuilt the kingdom and everyone lived happily, at least until it was time for yet another sequel.. Until then, good readers, live happily, if not ever after, at least for the moment.
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