Do You Love Me or Not (Part 1)

Do You Love Me or Not (Part 1)(Jannah Lee) I never walked with you without holding hands. we carved our initials in a tree with a heart. we skipped rocks in a lake. i talked on the phone with you all through the night. you were my whole world. i loved you to pieces, but you didn't love me.

My name is Cindy Kim, i'm a fifteen year old girl with long wavy brown hair and i never had any problems with you until she came. she likes to act like she's all that and tries to get boys to like her, and i guess you fell for her trick. you never were the smartest guy. so i guess you never will be.

i remember walking in the field with you. you said my eyes sparkled like the stars in the night sky. i remember our first kiss, at the beach, it began to rain and your smile was so nice i was hypnotized by your sweet face. you said you loved me, but not everyone tells the truth. you said i was the only one and that as long as i'm your girl you will love me and only me. not everyone can keep a promise.

she walks with you and holds your hand, and leans on your arm. you aren't the strongest guy. i admired that about you, i complimented you. i congratulated you, and all you did was kiss me hello and good bye every once in a while. you act like i don't know what you're doing behind my back. i can see you, the way you look at her, the way she talks about you. she thinks she is my friend, but she isn't smart like that either. there are plenty of other guys who like me but i don't care for them.

i have pictures of us in my room on my walls, in my books, diaries, and even in my heart. you noticed that im upset and rarely ask me why i'm so depressed. on days she didn't come to school you would sit with me, hold my hand and we would talk through the night. when you were with her you tried to avoid me, hoping that i wouldn't see you together. you gave me gifts and passed me notes. i watch the two of you dance together in prom. it's my first prom and you decide to dance with the new girl, instead of the girl you claim to love.

i once asked you why you hang out with her so much, pretending that i don't know why. you would say that since she's the new girl then you want to give her a nice welcome to our school. we'd turn our separate ways and i'd roll my eyes at you. sometimes i lay in my bed and cry into my pillow. when one side gets too wet i flip to the other side. i would cry until i fall asleep. the next day i would be very tired and won't talk alot.

the two of us used to talk all the time, about our feelings, life, problems, and just plain old stuff that normal tenth graders talk about. people think that i'm crazy for loving you. i don't listen to them because i still love you, i always have and i always will. i know you love me too but you rarely show it. we don't even hang out anymore. i miss you. i leave you voicmails, i text and call you. sometimes when i try to call i can hear your conversation with her. tears roll down my cheeks while i listen. i can't take it any more.

my family tries to talk with me but i don't want to, it will only make it worse. my friends know, already they claim they hate you, but they secretly don't. i have books in my room that i write my feelings in. i write them instead of saying them. it helps to calm me down. i say hi to you occasionally and act like we're friends in front of her.

i played along in his little game until i finally cracked. during lunch break the two of you were in the hall way alone. you were kissing against the lockers. i began to cry. i walked up to the two of you, grabbed you by the arm and pulled you to the side. you tried to explain and i told you that i knew, but why didn't you just tell me, why did you have to break my heart. why would you lie to me. you said that you would always love me and that as long as i'm your girl, you would love me and only me. my face was red and i had tears coming down so fast i could barely see.

you began to feel really bad, i guess you haven't thought your plan all the way trough. you hugged me tight, my head was on your arm. i was still crying, sobbing. you apologized to me for everything and said that you don't deserve a girl like me. you said you were sorry for cheating lying and everything that happened since the first day of school. she stood there watching, confused, like she dosen't know what happened.

my eyes were tightly shut and so were yours. she began to feel bad for me also, she said that she thought i had emotional problems. i wasn't crying hard anymore but a single drop slid down my cheek. i began to calm down, i didn't turn around but i looked down to the side as if i could see her. i turned and walked down the hall quietly. but i guess you aren't as smart as you think you are. you expect me to think that your apology was sincere. i've known you ever since 5th grade. do you think that i'm stupid. obviously you do, because i saw you two at the park together. you were sitting at a tree and carved your initials into it. then you began to kiss again. you gave her a ring.

i was so filled with anger, like i wanted to punch something. i walked about a yard in front of you. you opened your eyes and saw me. you quickly stood up, i ran down a hill and sat down next to a lake where we used to skip rocks. you were about to chase me but she held you back and sat you down. i picked up a pebble a skipped it across the lake. i took a survival knife out of my pocket, i went up to our tree and crossed out our initials. i threw my cellphone into the lake. i guess you watched me and you stood up and came toward me walking slowly. i was crying through this tantrum and i couldn't control myself. i covered my face with my hands.

you came up and grabbed my wrists, i tried to pull away but you were too strong. i noticed a ring on your finger. you shook me so that i would stay still. but i didn't listen, i fell to the floor, you told me to calm down. she shook her head like i was crazy.

i pulled out my survival knife but he took it and threw it. he held me down until i stopped fighting. his grip was so tight that when he loosened it it felt like my hands were tied to a rope and i was hung from a high place. he picked me up and carried me to his car. he put me in the back seat and strapped me up. they both got in the car and drove me to a mental hospital. i fell asleep on the way there.

he put me in a wheel chair and the nurse layed me in the bed. he explained everything to the nurse, why i acted the way i did. she walked home and left us in the hospital. when i awoke i asked where i was in a low voice. he told me that i was in a mental hospital. he apologized again and said that it would never happen again. i knew he was lying and interrupted him. i told him i only had one thing to ask him and it was, "do you love me or not?"