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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Survival / Success
- Subject: Life Changing Decisions/Events
- Published: 07/22/2012
Deserting The Ship
Born 1931, F, from Albany CA, United StatesDESERTING THE SHIP
Spring 1948
On the morning in 1945 that Molly’s oldest brother, Michael, left to join the army, her mother, with tears in her eyes, had warned, “So today it starts -- my babies, one at a time are leaving the family.”
And now, three years later, sure enough, Mom was worrying and wringing her hands over the possibility that the twins, Margaret and Mary, were getting restless and about to abandon the nest. Mom had fretted about their “aimless behavior” to some extent since their high school graduation two years earlier. During this time they had both worked at the family spirits and deli shop and helped out at home. Mom was pleased with this. What bothered her was their complete lack of goals other than maintaining their popularity with a contingent of Coast Guardsmen who had been assigned to patrol Lake Superior since the beginning of the war.
Molly’s dad stepped into the melee every so often to repeat what had become his mantra with or without the drink: “God’s sake, Kathleen, can’t you keep those girls in line? I thought you would do a better job of teaching them how to be ladies not stupid nighttime party girls.” Looking satisfied, he would then resume his normal above it all stance and make himself a drink.
Molly was too busy with her part-time job at the phone company and college courses since her own high school graduation a few months earlier to worry about where her sisters spent their free time. Besides, it wasn’t as if she and her sisters had ever been soul mates. The real problem, as Molly saw it, was that the girls in the family had never been encouraged to further their educations or to prepare for serious jobs. Yet there had been an assumption that the boys would go on to college or prepare for good future employment some other way. Nobody had asked Molly’s opinion on any of this, of course. Actually, Molly had paid little attention to the ongoing rumpus over the twins behavior until the night her mom caught Margaret sneaking into the house at 2:00am.
“Good Lord, Girl, where have you been this late?” Mom bellowed loud enough to awaken the entire household. “Do I worry for no reason over you? We know nothing about these boys or their families. One day one of them is going to want to drag you or your sister off with him to some weird place like Boston or Kansas or, for God’s sake, California.”
Margaret flipped her page-boy hairdo to the side. “That would be just dandy with me, Mom.”
Mom frowned and shook her head. “Sit down. I’m going to talk to you.”
Margaret slouched over to a living room chair and sunk into it. “What?”
“I’m worried about you and Mary, but mostly you. What are you doing with your lives. Nothing. Wasting them away night after night. You don’t think any further than the next party.”
“We’re having fun while we’re young, Mom. We’re only twenty. Why worry?”
“Because you’re making no future plans. That’s why.”
“What’s to plan? It’s not like I can make something happen. It will just happen when it happens, I guess. Till I say ‘I do’ I might as well kick up my heels.”
“What man is going to marry an easy fun girl?”
“I won’t tell him that’s what I am, Mom. Shhhhh! It’s our secret. Can I go to bed now?”
“Get to bed. But this isn’t finished yet.”
A few afternoons later, with her mom still distraught over with the possibility of one of her lovely daughters being kidnapped, Margaret floated merrily in the front door singing, “Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day….”
Hardly looking up from a sink full of grubby dishes, Mary mumbled, “You sound cheerful.”
“Been downtown. Guess who I ran into in Walgreens who’s just been released from Navy duty?”
Mary shrugged. “And who would that be?”
“Kevin Patterson, that’s who. Remember how we used to drool over him when he was a senior and we were stupid freshman?”
“Don’t try to tell me that handsome dreamboat spoke to you.”
“Not only did he speak, he asked me for a date tomorrow night.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it,” Mary scoffed.
No surprise as far as Molly was concerned that during the next few weeks Mom’s face lit up each time Margaret announced another date with Kevin. Kevin was a Winatoba boy from a respected family that incidentally owned the largest trucking company in the county. Mom, who appeared as smitten as Margaret with the young man, didn’t bother to conceal her approval of a boy who could rescue her daughter from the arms of the good time Charlies at the Coast Guard Station. Nor were there any “you haven’t known each other long enough" moans from her mother when at the end of eight weeks the couple declared their engagement to marry. Mom’s cheery demeanor said “Yes, sounds like good idea, the sooner the better.”
A hurriedly planned small wedding took place in Saint Paul’s Cathedral with both families and close friends present. The just returned veteran wore a double breasted blue suit, the bride a pink silk dress with a white rose corsage pinned to her shoulder. Afterward, at the bride’s home, sliced ham, deviled eggs, dinner rolls and Irish whiskey high ball glasses were ready and waiting on a lace tablecloth on the dining table.
“Nothing fancy with so little time,” their mom kept saying. “But never mind, why should a couple so much in love wait a single extra day just to plan an elaborate event?”
The groom kept wandering around the room accepting handshakes and repeating that he was damn glad to be home and getting on with his life at last.
While cutting the cake Margaret produced a satisfied grin and then confessed, “I’m honored to have found my purpose in my life.”
Molly took in the day’s activities with a curious eye as the high ball glasses were filled and refilled and as the Pattersons and the Callahans merged slowly into one big family. At one point Molly’s dad chuckled and said, “You’d sure think we’d known one another longer than two hours, wouldn’t you?”
“Sure would,” Kevin agreed while slipping an arm around Margaret’s waist.
Molly watched her mother watching her dad who was gradually assuming a charming master of ceremonies role. Molly grew edgy knowing how easily his jolly manner could slide into something less appealing and was relieved to see Mom filling a plate with ham slices and a deviled egg and two rolls and then guiding Dad out to the kitchen for coffee as well.
Molly and Donna quickly faded into a corner where they could giggle and make fun of the half drunken old folks. Then Margaret tossed her corsage over her shoulder to the single women and Molly ducked away from it so fast she fell over backwards. “That’s one way to ward off the marriage curse!” Donna howled while pulling Molly up off her fanny.
At nearly midnight the bride and groom were surrounded and escorted down the porch steps to their graffiti decorated car to look for a motel on the other side of town.
When the last guest had disappeared from the house, Molly searched for her mom and found her in a corner of the now dark kitchen. Standing still in the doorway, Molly gazed in silence as her mom bowed her head and made the sign of the cross on her chest. Then Molly heard her whisper, “Thank you, God, for taking care of our Margaret.”
By the next afternoon Molly found herself already missing Margaret’s help. At the same time, the fact of Johnny’s uselessness was becoming more apparent to her. For as long as she could remember Johnny had meandered into the kitchen on Saturday mornings, drank a cup of cocoa prepared by someone else and whistled his way out the front door. Where did he and his motley crew of pals go? What did they do while Molly and her sisters cleaned bathrooms and mopped floors and vacuumed? Nobody asked him, leaving him free to wander to a park, to the dimestore, to a baseball field. Who knew? The only time he showed up was mealtime. Seated at a set table and starved, he waited for food cooked by mom or the girls to be set before him.
His was the only bedroom downstairs, removed from the clutter of family activity upstairs, the twins arguments, their bursts of laughter, the baby crying, mom trying to quiet dad and almost anybody pounding on the bathroom door. Johnny’s bedroom was off the dining room with a “No Entry” sign on the door. He set out items in ever changing positions on his bureau and yelled if he found that anything had been moved. Mom was a Swiss Guard on duty constantly protecting his sacred space.
Nobody ever questioned this deference paid to Johnny, and now that Molly recalled, earlier to Michael. Whenever Molly pointed out something she considered an injustice, her mom merely shrugged her shoulders and answered, “That’s just how it is, Molly. Boys need time to themselves to learn things and explore the world.”
“Huh?” Molly responded one morning. “Would his mind shut down forever if he boiled some potatoes or mopped a floor or rang up the cash register at the store or watched Denny for a few hours? Johnny’s only two years younger than I am.”
“You know it’s not a matter of age, Molly,” her Mom said.
“I’m already two people,” Molly told her. “Do I have to be three people? Cuz then I’ll have to quit my only paying job at the phone company.”
“Yes of course, do that tomorrow. I need you more than they do,” Mom said ending the conversation.
Johnny continued to vanish, no questions asked, on Saturday mornings and Molly continued to grumble to herself: Wouldn’t I cherish an escape from the house, reporting my whereabouts to no one, perhaps meeting friends at the Frosted Soda or roller-skating or browsing new books at the Snowbound Bookstore?
On a Saturday shortly after Margaret had left home, Johnny breezed in as usual at noontime. With Mom and Mary at the store all morning, Molly had already dusted and vacuumed and scoured the bathrooms when Johnny strolled into the kitchen. Looking quickly dumbfounded, he asked, “Where the heck is lunch?”
“On the table as soon as you boil two eggs, one for you and one for me, and toast four pieces of bread!” Molly barked at him, something she would never have done had her mother been present.
“Like I would know how to cook eggs,” he stammered.
“Well, learn how. You’re hopeless. There’s only Mary and me to help mom now. Why should I wait on you? Don’t you ever question why you aren’t asked to pitch in?”
“You’re crazy. Always were,” he said. “I have things to do that you wouldn’t understand. I was doing research at the library for my history term paper all morning.” He swirled around and over his shoulder said, “Don’t you notice how much smarter I’m getting everyday?” He walked over to the refrigerator, grabbed a whole ring of bologna and marched out of the house slamming the door behind him.
Molly lowered herself to a chair and pounded her fists on the kitchen table. He doesn’t see any of the unfairness that’s going on in this house. I guess he’s only doing what he’s been told it's okeedokee. I wish I could love him like I used to. But I’d rather smack him over the head with a fry pan.
That September, GI’s continued to be released from the military and to enroll at Northern Minnesota College. One of them, twenty-five year old Martin, who had spent four years in the European theatre, had ended up in a history class with Molly. Seventeen year old Molly looked upon these returning veterans as older brothers but took a special liking to pleasantly attractive but unassuming Martin. After class one morning she sidled up to him and asked, “Hey, Martin, I was wondering if you’ve met many local people.”
“Not really. Guess I’ve just been too busy learning to study again,” he said.
“If you’re interested, I could introduce you to my older sister.”
“Aw,” he said, “I don’t know about that.”
Then Molly yanked a picture of tall auburn haired Mary from her purse and flashed it in front of him.
“Well. Um. How about tonight?” he said.
Mary had always been more help at their family store and watching six year old Denny than Margaret had but she’d been moping listlessly around the house since Margaret’s wedding. Okay, she was probably depressed, Molly allowed, while telling herself I’m not trying to cheer up Mary by arranging a date for her. I only want to get my drippy drag of a sister out of the house more.
That evening the three met at the Pitcher of Beer campus café. Martin and Mary chattered away at once, one questioning, the other answering, and then vice versa. Molly detected in a hurry that Martin knew what he wanted and that apparently it was a girl just like Mary. Within fifteen minutes, Molly realized she could easily disappear without the other two even noticing.
“Guess I’ll go on home now.” she said. “Got some homework to finish before tomorrow.”
“Fine. Fine,” Martin said without ever turning away from Mary.
Her sister waved her away with a quick, “So Long. See You later” and Molly buttoned up her coat and started for the door.
The family didn’t see much of Mary at home after that and less and less of her at the store as well. Good natured Martin, who had grown up in a town only a half hour drive from Minatoba, had passed muster with Mom at “A pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Callahan.” Mom didn’t inquire where they went or what they did.
Molly, though, was more curious about the relationship than her mother was. And one evening she found Mary alone in her bedroom prettying up for another date with Martin. With no time to spare she got straight to the point. “Do you think you are falling in love with Martin?” she asked Mary.
“Whew,” Mary said. “Maybe I am. I have fun with him.”
“But how will you know if it’s more than that?”
“I guess when he tells me it’s more than that.”
“It’s his decision?”
“Heck no. I’ve already thought it over. He’s a dependable kind of guy. I can tell. He says he’s ready to begin his future after years in the army and I believe him. He’s not playing the field if you know what I mean. He’s smart too and getting good grades.” She smiled and rolled her eyes. “And I don’t have to tell you how cute he is. How much more do I have to say? Geez, Molly, he’s going be a highway engineer some day.”
“That’s enough to promise yourself to him? I mean forever? That’s what you want?”
Mary swung around and picked up her purse. “He’s way better than most women get.” She touched Molly’s shoulder on her way out of the bedroom. “What the heck. Isn’t that what I'm supposed to do with my life?”
To nobody’s surprise, six months later there was another wedding being planned. Molly sensed that this one would be a calm organized affair unlike Margaret’s hurry up wedding and frenzied reception with its imagined heavy sighs of relief from Mom and frantic clinking of highball glasses. Mom told Molly in the rented limo on the way to the reception, “I don’t understand how Mary and Margaret turned out differently. As kids their personalities were so similar there was hardly a way to tell them apart. I think you’ll see what I mean as soon as we arrive at the reception.”
As Molly had already pictured it, Mary’s wedding and reception lived up to a “Ladies Home Journal” seal of approval. In the dignified formal dining room of the historic Nordic Hotel, champagne glasses were toasted to the handsome couple, the bride in a floor length white off the shoulders dress and the groom in a pin striped suit and bow tie.
Molly whispered to Mom, “Are you nervous about Dad in such a pristine atmosphere?”
“No, not as anxious tonight,” Mom said. You see your dad was never exactly a champagne kind of guy.” And they both laughed.
After dinner, at the proper time, the couple departed under a shower of rice to begin their carefully planned honeymoon in Minneapolis.
Molly’s mom, relaxed and happy, rather than thanking God for his mercy, was the last to leave the lovely chandeliered room. On the way out she reached for Molly’s hand. “Wasn’t it just, perfect?” she said.
“Perfect,” Molly repeated, keeping the secret that in her opinion, Margaret’s wedding had been a lot more fun.
By Monday morning the practical effect of having both of her sisters gone from the family washed over Molly like a mild storm at sea that had snuck ashore as a hurricane: I am now my mother’s only help at home with young Denny and the family business. As an afterthought, she remembered as an afterthought, Oh, yeah, lucky me, Johnny, with one more year of high school, is still at home.
As usual, after her college classes that day Molly picked up Denny at his elementary school, brought him to their store, handed him over to her mom and then started her own three hour shift. She made a cursory inspection of the shop and saw that boxes of the weekly wine supply had just been delivered. Oh, she realized, I shouldn’t have let Mom leave until I’d opened them and put the bottles on the shelf.
She rushed across the room and grabbed the first bottle from a case. With her face and neck feeling flushed and hot all of a sudden, she reached one hand up to touch her cheek. At the same time the bottle of Burgandy had slipped from her other hand. Unmoving, she stared at the shards of glass and red wine that were mingling and spreading across squares of white tile. “Shit” she muttered finally as she reached into the box for another bottle and threw it bulls-eye into the center of the original mess. Barely acknowledging the incident or the slippery floor she stomped back over to the cash register where a customer now waited.
Looking stunned, the elderly man somehow found his voice. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“Not sure,” she said. “But frankly, sir, I don’t give a damn.”
As soon as Mabel, their one employee, arrived at seven o’clock, Molly called her friend Donna and asked to please join her at the Hungry Café for a burger and fries. Then, of all things, just as their food arrived Johnny and some of his pals wandered into the cafe and sat down at the counter.
“The last thing I needed tonight,” Molly said. “Hell’s Angels.”
On the way out of the café, Molly stopped, bent over and whispered in Johnny’s ear, “So long, Man of Leisure. I’m going home to study like I have been every night for nearly a year. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how smart I’m getting?”
As soon as Molly opened their front door she heard her mother upstairs trying to quiet their dad who’d likely just returned from a few hours at McCreary’s Saloon. Molly slipped up the stairs and into her room and then spread out her books on her vanity table. How different home seemed since her older brother and now her sisters had left. She hated to admit it, but she did miss them after all. The place was eerie quiet without her big brother’s hearty voice bellowing throughout the halls and the twins’ either squealing with joy or declaring new emotional dramas every day. Ironic, she thought, how I always craved the dignity of a normal small family only to discover there’s a harsh down side to losing brothers and sisters.
Months later, Molly found her mother alone one morning and having coffee before starting her early shift at the store. Seeing an opportunity, Molly poured herself a cup and sat down next to her. She studied her mom for a moment. Six am, and already she looks weary. This is my mom who gave up her own ambitions to marry and have a family. But now can’t offer me the opportunity to make choices for myself. She speaks in romantic, almost magical, language about my traveling the world one day. Yet she follows tradition in her family, almost unconsciously it seems, favoring the boys. Encouraging Johnny to reach for the moon while I was being prepared to graduate high school, plain and simple.
When finally Molly spoke she spit out the words, “You are being unfair, Mom. Johnny has no responsibilities other than filling in a couple of hours at the store here and there every week or so – mostly when he decides to. He does nothing at home. He never takes care of Denny. He expects meals to be ready. It makes no sense. You and I are killing ourselves doing it all. The two males, Johnny and Dad, expect to be waited on. Johnny plans to leave here free as a Robin to go to University of Minnesota when he graduates. Just like I wanted to. I’m on the college honor roll. What more can I do?” Molly took a long deep breath and held her head in her hands.
“Molly stop! You’re scaring me,” her mom said, her voice trembling. “What would happen to Denny and me if you left? Your dad is hanging onto his job by a thread, spending more on the drink than he earns. Our only income comes from that store. I need you!”
“Why me? And not Johnny?”
“Where do you get these ideas, Molly? Johnny has to get an education.”
“Why him and not me?”
“Boys have to support a family some day.”
“With an education I could support a family or help support a family.”
“It doesn’t happen like that. You would have to take care of the children.”
“My husband and I could pay someone to watch kids while we were at work.”
“That wouldn’t happen. No man would let his wife….”
“You don’t know that.”
“There are rules. Women take care of the house and kids. That’s how it works.”
“You mean like Dad takes care of you?” Seeing the stricken look on her mom’s face, Molly was immediately sorry she’d said that.
Sounding defeated, her mom mumbled, “I need you, Molly. Please.”
Molly loved her mom. How could she leave her now? “I’ll stay,” she said.
In June of 1950, having had a spectacular senior year as senior class president, editor of the year book and a four year member of the honor roll, seventeen year old Johnny gave an inspiring graduation speech. He ended with: “We must take responsibility as adults now, raising ourselves up by the bootstraps while at the same time being grateful for the help we have gotten and will get from our families.” His classmates applauded enthusiastically and Molly glanced over at their mother in the next seat. Cheeks flushed, eyes watery and still focused on the stage, Mom sat up straight with her shoulders back. Molly smiled knowing that on this day Mom would be feeling that at last her hard work was worthwhile. Molly understood, This is what she has looked forward to and prayed for too. At that moment, her own determination stiffening, Molly decided she would take care of Denny afternoons and switch to the evening shift at the store and take college courses all summer without a break.
At the end of August Johnny packed up to leave for the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis. He moved in a matter of fact way with confidence as though positive this is what fate had had in store for him all along.
On the evening he was to leave, his band of loyal friends, his mother, his brother Denny, Donna, and his father saw him off at the North Shore Depot with balloons and gifts and praise. Molly had volunteered to take the night shift at the store knowing that Donna would describe the scene to her later.
Their mom hugged Johnny telling him, “I’m so proud of you, Son.”
“You know I won’t let you down, Mom,” Johnny told her.
Their dad, stone cold sober for the occasion, punched Johnny’s arm, “You’re a chip off the old block, Son,” he said, his voice just husky enough for everyone to hear. “I knew you would be off to the university some day. You were a smart little rascal from the start.” He clapped a hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “Do us proud, kid. Let us know what you need and we’ll see that you get it.”
“Hey, I’ll take you up on that for sure, Dad.”
Mom whipped out her Brownie Kodak box camera and snapped pictures of everyone. Before the film ran out she took a picture of Ben Swanson, Johnny’s high school principal, with his arm around Johnny. Then, just as the train rolled into the station, the principal grabbed Johnny’s hand. “I know I speak for everyone here when I say, We look forward to hearing about you and all your successes, boy.”
Twenty minutes later Donna rushed into the Callahan store and between customers described the scene at the depot to Molly. Then Donna dashed off, leaving Molly to deal with the hateful thoughts settling into her brain. While stacking shelves and ringing up sales on the cash register, Molly kept visualizing Johnny’s send off. She tried, but couldn’t seem to replace it with anything else. Frightened, she asked herself: Will I go on resenting this moment forever? Will I keep trying to seek comfort from this bitterness that I feel in my heart? I can’t deny that Johnny was smart enough to go to the university. He was. He earned the grades to do it too. Okay, I may never excuse him for believing in his own entitlement while never questioning my lack of the same opportunities. But I can say, “Goodbye Johnny. Do your best.”
Molly made a fist and smacked it on the closest counter. I can sure as hell stop letting his successes sully my soul and sap my energy. Oh My God, even with the wind in my face, I can do it all too, college and a whole lot more.
Yes, I can. DAMN! Yes I will. For sure.
Deserting The Ship(Barbara Mullen)
DESERTING THE SHIP
Spring 1948
On the morning in 1945 that Molly’s oldest brother, Michael, left to join the army, her mother, with tears in her eyes, had warned, “So today it starts -- my babies, one at a time are leaving the family.”
And now, three years later, sure enough, Mom was worrying and wringing her hands over the possibility that the twins, Margaret and Mary, were getting restless and about to abandon the nest. Mom had fretted about their “aimless behavior” to some extent since their high school graduation two years earlier. During this time they had both worked at the family spirits and deli shop and helped out at home. Mom was pleased with this. What bothered her was their complete lack of goals other than maintaining their popularity with a contingent of Coast Guardsmen who had been assigned to patrol Lake Superior since the beginning of the war.
Molly’s dad stepped into the melee every so often to repeat what had become his mantra with or without the drink: “God’s sake, Kathleen, can’t you keep those girls in line? I thought you would do a better job of teaching them how to be ladies not stupid nighttime party girls.” Looking satisfied, he would then resume his normal above it all stance and make himself a drink.
Molly was too busy with her part-time job at the phone company and college courses since her own high school graduation a few months earlier to worry about where her sisters spent their free time. Besides, it wasn’t as if she and her sisters had ever been soul mates. The real problem, as Molly saw it, was that the girls in the family had never been encouraged to further their educations or to prepare for serious jobs. Yet there had been an assumption that the boys would go on to college or prepare for good future employment some other way. Nobody had asked Molly’s opinion on any of this, of course. Actually, Molly had paid little attention to the ongoing rumpus over the twins behavior until the night her mom caught Margaret sneaking into the house at 2:00am.
“Good Lord, Girl, where have you been this late?” Mom bellowed loud enough to awaken the entire household. “Do I worry for no reason over you? We know nothing about these boys or their families. One day one of them is going to want to drag you or your sister off with him to some weird place like Boston or Kansas or, for God’s sake, California.”
Margaret flipped her page-boy hairdo to the side. “That would be just dandy with me, Mom.”
Mom frowned and shook her head. “Sit down. I’m going to talk to you.”
Margaret slouched over to a living room chair and sunk into it. “What?”
“I’m worried about you and Mary, but mostly you. What are you doing with your lives. Nothing. Wasting them away night after night. You don’t think any further than the next party.”
“We’re having fun while we’re young, Mom. We’re only twenty. Why worry?”
“Because you’re making no future plans. That’s why.”
“What’s to plan? It’s not like I can make something happen. It will just happen when it happens, I guess. Till I say ‘I do’ I might as well kick up my heels.”
“What man is going to marry an easy fun girl?”
“I won’t tell him that’s what I am, Mom. Shhhhh! It’s our secret. Can I go to bed now?”
“Get to bed. But this isn’t finished yet.”
A few afternoons later, with her mom still distraught over with the possibility of one of her lovely daughters being kidnapped, Margaret floated merrily in the front door singing, “Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day….”
Hardly looking up from a sink full of grubby dishes, Mary mumbled, “You sound cheerful.”
“Been downtown. Guess who I ran into in Walgreens who’s just been released from Navy duty?”
Mary shrugged. “And who would that be?”
“Kevin Patterson, that’s who. Remember how we used to drool over him when he was a senior and we were stupid freshman?”
“Don’t try to tell me that handsome dreamboat spoke to you.”
“Not only did he speak, he asked me for a date tomorrow night.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it,” Mary scoffed.
No surprise as far as Molly was concerned that during the next few weeks Mom’s face lit up each time Margaret announced another date with Kevin. Kevin was a Winatoba boy from a respected family that incidentally owned the largest trucking company in the county. Mom, who appeared as smitten as Margaret with the young man, didn’t bother to conceal her approval of a boy who could rescue her daughter from the arms of the good time Charlies at the Coast Guard Station. Nor were there any “you haven’t known each other long enough" moans from her mother when at the end of eight weeks the couple declared their engagement to marry. Mom’s cheery demeanor said “Yes, sounds like good idea, the sooner the better.”
A hurriedly planned small wedding took place in Saint Paul’s Cathedral with both families and close friends present. The just returned veteran wore a double breasted blue suit, the bride a pink silk dress with a white rose corsage pinned to her shoulder. Afterward, at the bride’s home, sliced ham, deviled eggs, dinner rolls and Irish whiskey high ball glasses were ready and waiting on a lace tablecloth on the dining table.
“Nothing fancy with so little time,” their mom kept saying. “But never mind, why should a couple so much in love wait a single extra day just to plan an elaborate event?”
The groom kept wandering around the room accepting handshakes and repeating that he was damn glad to be home and getting on with his life at last.
While cutting the cake Margaret produced a satisfied grin and then confessed, “I’m honored to have found my purpose in my life.”
Molly took in the day’s activities with a curious eye as the high ball glasses were filled and refilled and as the Pattersons and the Callahans merged slowly into one big family. At one point Molly’s dad chuckled and said, “You’d sure think we’d known one another longer than two hours, wouldn’t you?”
“Sure would,” Kevin agreed while slipping an arm around Margaret’s waist.
Molly watched her mother watching her dad who was gradually assuming a charming master of ceremonies role. Molly grew edgy knowing how easily his jolly manner could slide into something less appealing and was relieved to see Mom filling a plate with ham slices and a deviled egg and two rolls and then guiding Dad out to the kitchen for coffee as well.
Molly and Donna quickly faded into a corner where they could giggle and make fun of the half drunken old folks. Then Margaret tossed her corsage over her shoulder to the single women and Molly ducked away from it so fast she fell over backwards. “That’s one way to ward off the marriage curse!” Donna howled while pulling Molly up off her fanny.
At nearly midnight the bride and groom were surrounded and escorted down the porch steps to their graffiti decorated car to look for a motel on the other side of town.
When the last guest had disappeared from the house, Molly searched for her mom and found her in a corner of the now dark kitchen. Standing still in the doorway, Molly gazed in silence as her mom bowed her head and made the sign of the cross on her chest. Then Molly heard her whisper, “Thank you, God, for taking care of our Margaret.”
By the next afternoon Molly found herself already missing Margaret’s help. At the same time, the fact of Johnny’s uselessness was becoming more apparent to her. For as long as she could remember Johnny had meandered into the kitchen on Saturday mornings, drank a cup of cocoa prepared by someone else and whistled his way out the front door. Where did he and his motley crew of pals go? What did they do while Molly and her sisters cleaned bathrooms and mopped floors and vacuumed? Nobody asked him, leaving him free to wander to a park, to the dimestore, to a baseball field. Who knew? The only time he showed up was mealtime. Seated at a set table and starved, he waited for food cooked by mom or the girls to be set before him.
His was the only bedroom downstairs, removed from the clutter of family activity upstairs, the twins arguments, their bursts of laughter, the baby crying, mom trying to quiet dad and almost anybody pounding on the bathroom door. Johnny’s bedroom was off the dining room with a “No Entry” sign on the door. He set out items in ever changing positions on his bureau and yelled if he found that anything had been moved. Mom was a Swiss Guard on duty constantly protecting his sacred space.
Nobody ever questioned this deference paid to Johnny, and now that Molly recalled, earlier to Michael. Whenever Molly pointed out something she considered an injustice, her mom merely shrugged her shoulders and answered, “That’s just how it is, Molly. Boys need time to themselves to learn things and explore the world.”
“Huh?” Molly responded one morning. “Would his mind shut down forever if he boiled some potatoes or mopped a floor or rang up the cash register at the store or watched Denny for a few hours? Johnny’s only two years younger than I am.”
“You know it’s not a matter of age, Molly,” her Mom said.
“I’m already two people,” Molly told her. “Do I have to be three people? Cuz then I’ll have to quit my only paying job at the phone company.”
“Yes of course, do that tomorrow. I need you more than they do,” Mom said ending the conversation.
Johnny continued to vanish, no questions asked, on Saturday mornings and Molly continued to grumble to herself: Wouldn’t I cherish an escape from the house, reporting my whereabouts to no one, perhaps meeting friends at the Frosted Soda or roller-skating or browsing new books at the Snowbound Bookstore?
On a Saturday shortly after Margaret had left home, Johnny breezed in as usual at noontime. With Mom and Mary at the store all morning, Molly had already dusted and vacuumed and scoured the bathrooms when Johnny strolled into the kitchen. Looking quickly dumbfounded, he asked, “Where the heck is lunch?”
“On the table as soon as you boil two eggs, one for you and one for me, and toast four pieces of bread!” Molly barked at him, something she would never have done had her mother been present.
“Like I would know how to cook eggs,” he stammered.
“Well, learn how. You’re hopeless. There’s only Mary and me to help mom now. Why should I wait on you? Don’t you ever question why you aren’t asked to pitch in?”
“You’re crazy. Always were,” he said. “I have things to do that you wouldn’t understand. I was doing research at the library for my history term paper all morning.” He swirled around and over his shoulder said, “Don’t you notice how much smarter I’m getting everyday?” He walked over to the refrigerator, grabbed a whole ring of bologna and marched out of the house slamming the door behind him.
Molly lowered herself to a chair and pounded her fists on the kitchen table. He doesn’t see any of the unfairness that’s going on in this house. I guess he’s only doing what he’s been told it's okeedokee. I wish I could love him like I used to. But I’d rather smack him over the head with a fry pan.
That September, GI’s continued to be released from the military and to enroll at Northern Minnesota College. One of them, twenty-five year old Martin, who had spent four years in the European theatre, had ended up in a history class with Molly. Seventeen year old Molly looked upon these returning veterans as older brothers but took a special liking to pleasantly attractive but unassuming Martin. After class one morning she sidled up to him and asked, “Hey, Martin, I was wondering if you’ve met many local people.”
“Not really. Guess I’ve just been too busy learning to study again,” he said.
“If you’re interested, I could introduce you to my older sister.”
“Aw,” he said, “I don’t know about that.”
Then Molly yanked a picture of tall auburn haired Mary from her purse and flashed it in front of him.
“Well. Um. How about tonight?” he said.
Mary had always been more help at their family store and watching six year old Denny than Margaret had but she’d been moping listlessly around the house since Margaret’s wedding. Okay, she was probably depressed, Molly allowed, while telling herself I’m not trying to cheer up Mary by arranging a date for her. I only want to get my drippy drag of a sister out of the house more.
That evening the three met at the Pitcher of Beer campus café. Martin and Mary chattered away at once, one questioning, the other answering, and then vice versa. Molly detected in a hurry that Martin knew what he wanted and that apparently it was a girl just like Mary. Within fifteen minutes, Molly realized she could easily disappear without the other two even noticing.
“Guess I’ll go on home now.” she said. “Got some homework to finish before tomorrow.”
“Fine. Fine,” Martin said without ever turning away from Mary.
Her sister waved her away with a quick, “So Long. See You later” and Molly buttoned up her coat and started for the door.
The family didn’t see much of Mary at home after that and less and less of her at the store as well. Good natured Martin, who had grown up in a town only a half hour drive from Minatoba, had passed muster with Mom at “A pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Callahan.” Mom didn’t inquire where they went or what they did.
Molly, though, was more curious about the relationship than her mother was. And one evening she found Mary alone in her bedroom prettying up for another date with Martin. With no time to spare she got straight to the point. “Do you think you are falling in love with Martin?” she asked Mary.
“Whew,” Mary said. “Maybe I am. I have fun with him.”
“But how will you know if it’s more than that?”
“I guess when he tells me it’s more than that.”
“It’s his decision?”
“Heck no. I’ve already thought it over. He’s a dependable kind of guy. I can tell. He says he’s ready to begin his future after years in the army and I believe him. He’s not playing the field if you know what I mean. He’s smart too and getting good grades.” She smiled and rolled her eyes. “And I don’t have to tell you how cute he is. How much more do I have to say? Geez, Molly, he’s going be a highway engineer some day.”
“That’s enough to promise yourself to him? I mean forever? That’s what you want?”
Mary swung around and picked up her purse. “He’s way better than most women get.” She touched Molly’s shoulder on her way out of the bedroom. “What the heck. Isn’t that what I'm supposed to do with my life?”
To nobody’s surprise, six months later there was another wedding being planned. Molly sensed that this one would be a calm organized affair unlike Margaret’s hurry up wedding and frenzied reception with its imagined heavy sighs of relief from Mom and frantic clinking of highball glasses. Mom told Molly in the rented limo on the way to the reception, “I don’t understand how Mary and Margaret turned out differently. As kids their personalities were so similar there was hardly a way to tell them apart. I think you’ll see what I mean as soon as we arrive at the reception.”
As Molly had already pictured it, Mary’s wedding and reception lived up to a “Ladies Home Journal” seal of approval. In the dignified formal dining room of the historic Nordic Hotel, champagne glasses were toasted to the handsome couple, the bride in a floor length white off the shoulders dress and the groom in a pin striped suit and bow tie.
Molly whispered to Mom, “Are you nervous about Dad in such a pristine atmosphere?”
“No, not as anxious tonight,” Mom said. You see your dad was never exactly a champagne kind of guy.” And they both laughed.
After dinner, at the proper time, the couple departed under a shower of rice to begin their carefully planned honeymoon in Minneapolis.
Molly’s mom, relaxed and happy, rather than thanking God for his mercy, was the last to leave the lovely chandeliered room. On the way out she reached for Molly’s hand. “Wasn’t it just, perfect?” she said.
“Perfect,” Molly repeated, keeping the secret that in her opinion, Margaret’s wedding had been a lot more fun.
By Monday morning the practical effect of having both of her sisters gone from the family washed over Molly like a mild storm at sea that had snuck ashore as a hurricane: I am now my mother’s only help at home with young Denny and the family business. As an afterthought, she remembered as an afterthought, Oh, yeah, lucky me, Johnny, with one more year of high school, is still at home.
As usual, after her college classes that day Molly picked up Denny at his elementary school, brought him to their store, handed him over to her mom and then started her own three hour shift. She made a cursory inspection of the shop and saw that boxes of the weekly wine supply had just been delivered. Oh, she realized, I shouldn’t have let Mom leave until I’d opened them and put the bottles on the shelf.
She rushed across the room and grabbed the first bottle from a case. With her face and neck feeling flushed and hot all of a sudden, she reached one hand up to touch her cheek. At the same time the bottle of Burgandy had slipped from her other hand. Unmoving, she stared at the shards of glass and red wine that were mingling and spreading across squares of white tile. “Shit” she muttered finally as she reached into the box for another bottle and threw it bulls-eye into the center of the original mess. Barely acknowledging the incident or the slippery floor she stomped back over to the cash register where a customer now waited.
Looking stunned, the elderly man somehow found his voice. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“Not sure,” she said. “But frankly, sir, I don’t give a damn.”
As soon as Mabel, their one employee, arrived at seven o’clock, Molly called her friend Donna and asked to please join her at the Hungry Café for a burger and fries. Then, of all things, just as their food arrived Johnny and some of his pals wandered into the cafe and sat down at the counter.
“The last thing I needed tonight,” Molly said. “Hell’s Angels.”
On the way out of the café, Molly stopped, bent over and whispered in Johnny’s ear, “So long, Man of Leisure. I’m going home to study like I have been every night for nearly a year. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how smart I’m getting?”
As soon as Molly opened their front door she heard her mother upstairs trying to quiet their dad who’d likely just returned from a few hours at McCreary’s Saloon. Molly slipped up the stairs and into her room and then spread out her books on her vanity table. How different home seemed since her older brother and now her sisters had left. She hated to admit it, but she did miss them after all. The place was eerie quiet without her big brother’s hearty voice bellowing throughout the halls and the twins’ either squealing with joy or declaring new emotional dramas every day. Ironic, she thought, how I always craved the dignity of a normal small family only to discover there’s a harsh down side to losing brothers and sisters.
Months later, Molly found her mother alone one morning and having coffee before starting her early shift at the store. Seeing an opportunity, Molly poured herself a cup and sat down next to her. She studied her mom for a moment. Six am, and already she looks weary. This is my mom who gave up her own ambitions to marry and have a family. But now can’t offer me the opportunity to make choices for myself. She speaks in romantic, almost magical, language about my traveling the world one day. Yet she follows tradition in her family, almost unconsciously it seems, favoring the boys. Encouraging Johnny to reach for the moon while I was being prepared to graduate high school, plain and simple.
When finally Molly spoke she spit out the words, “You are being unfair, Mom. Johnny has no responsibilities other than filling in a couple of hours at the store here and there every week or so – mostly when he decides to. He does nothing at home. He never takes care of Denny. He expects meals to be ready. It makes no sense. You and I are killing ourselves doing it all. The two males, Johnny and Dad, expect to be waited on. Johnny plans to leave here free as a Robin to go to University of Minnesota when he graduates. Just like I wanted to. I’m on the college honor roll. What more can I do?” Molly took a long deep breath and held her head in her hands.
“Molly stop! You’re scaring me,” her mom said, her voice trembling. “What would happen to Denny and me if you left? Your dad is hanging onto his job by a thread, spending more on the drink than he earns. Our only income comes from that store. I need you!”
“Why me? And not Johnny?”
“Where do you get these ideas, Molly? Johnny has to get an education.”
“Why him and not me?”
“Boys have to support a family some day.”
“With an education I could support a family or help support a family.”
“It doesn’t happen like that. You would have to take care of the children.”
“My husband and I could pay someone to watch kids while we were at work.”
“That wouldn’t happen. No man would let his wife….”
“You don’t know that.”
“There are rules. Women take care of the house and kids. That’s how it works.”
“You mean like Dad takes care of you?” Seeing the stricken look on her mom’s face, Molly was immediately sorry she’d said that.
Sounding defeated, her mom mumbled, “I need you, Molly. Please.”
Molly loved her mom. How could she leave her now? “I’ll stay,” she said.
In June of 1950, having had a spectacular senior year as senior class president, editor of the year book and a four year member of the honor roll, seventeen year old Johnny gave an inspiring graduation speech. He ended with: “We must take responsibility as adults now, raising ourselves up by the bootstraps while at the same time being grateful for the help we have gotten and will get from our families.” His classmates applauded enthusiastically and Molly glanced over at their mother in the next seat. Cheeks flushed, eyes watery and still focused on the stage, Mom sat up straight with her shoulders back. Molly smiled knowing that on this day Mom would be feeling that at last her hard work was worthwhile. Molly understood, This is what she has looked forward to and prayed for too. At that moment, her own determination stiffening, Molly decided she would take care of Denny afternoons and switch to the evening shift at the store and take college courses all summer without a break.
At the end of August Johnny packed up to leave for the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis. He moved in a matter of fact way with confidence as though positive this is what fate had had in store for him all along.
On the evening he was to leave, his band of loyal friends, his mother, his brother Denny, Donna, and his father saw him off at the North Shore Depot with balloons and gifts and praise. Molly had volunteered to take the night shift at the store knowing that Donna would describe the scene to her later.
Their mom hugged Johnny telling him, “I’m so proud of you, Son.”
“You know I won’t let you down, Mom,” Johnny told her.
Their dad, stone cold sober for the occasion, punched Johnny’s arm, “You’re a chip off the old block, Son,” he said, his voice just husky enough for everyone to hear. “I knew you would be off to the university some day. You were a smart little rascal from the start.” He clapped a hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “Do us proud, kid. Let us know what you need and we’ll see that you get it.”
“Hey, I’ll take you up on that for sure, Dad.”
Mom whipped out her Brownie Kodak box camera and snapped pictures of everyone. Before the film ran out she took a picture of Ben Swanson, Johnny’s high school principal, with his arm around Johnny. Then, just as the train rolled into the station, the principal grabbed Johnny’s hand. “I know I speak for everyone here when I say, We look forward to hearing about you and all your successes, boy.”
Twenty minutes later Donna rushed into the Callahan store and between customers described the scene at the depot to Molly. Then Donna dashed off, leaving Molly to deal with the hateful thoughts settling into her brain. While stacking shelves and ringing up sales on the cash register, Molly kept visualizing Johnny’s send off. She tried, but couldn’t seem to replace it with anything else. Frightened, she asked herself: Will I go on resenting this moment forever? Will I keep trying to seek comfort from this bitterness that I feel in my heart? I can’t deny that Johnny was smart enough to go to the university. He was. He earned the grades to do it too. Okay, I may never excuse him for believing in his own entitlement while never questioning my lack of the same opportunities. But I can say, “Goodbye Johnny. Do your best.”
Molly made a fist and smacked it on the closest counter. I can sure as hell stop letting his successes sully my soul and sap my energy. Oh My God, even with the wind in my face, I can do it all too, college and a whole lot more.
Yes, I can. DAMN! Yes I will. For sure.
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