BETWEEN THE COPS AND A BASEBALL BAT

BETWEEN THE COPS AND A BASEBALL BAT(L DOUGLAS ST OURS) BETWEEN THE COPS AND A BASEBALL BAT


I had too much to drink...only this time it wasn't the malt liquor...it was the other more potent bum...Bacardis light...I got one of the winos loitering outside the alcohol store...to buy a fifth for me...after I slipped him a quarter.

Sixteen years old...several hours later...and I'm soused...but with it enough to realize my impairment...so I was cautious though there was no one on the road...it was about 2 AM and I was driving my dad's Beetle...like she was a snail doing twenty miles per hour tops..after dropping off my self anointed Greek stud friend, Teddy.

Like I said, just bip bopping along with the AM radio on... without a care, bothering no one...when some clown starts tailgating me on a suburban residential street...as if the fart wasn't blinding me enough...he flashed on his high beams...practically kissing my ass...and I'm guessing through my inebriation...was it Evan?...couldn't be Teddy...and Mason was out of town...suddenly the bright beam cutting the hard dark became a miasmic strobe of red whirling roof rack lights...the ass kisser was a cop...I eased over to the curb.

I remained seated...A sarge and a patrolman shined cruel flashlights in my face...and ordered me out of the vehicle...the uniformed beefy pair had my door hemmed in so tight...it was a miracle that I could just barely squeeze and stretch my stagger drunken self out the door...the dopes continued to blind me with the lights...when the sarge barked "give me your f**kin drivers license"...his spit caught my nose...they had me so pinched between them and my car...I could just wedge out my wallet...squinting blindly I presented what I thought was my license...my eyes relieved as they turned and shone the lights on the card I just gave them....suddenly the sarge dropped it allowing it to flutter under the car...snarling the sarge said "you call that a drivers license?"...I couldn't say until I managed to drop to my hands and knees and retrieve it...and held back a laugh when I saw what I handed over was my social security card...in those days the license was neither a photo nor laminated...just card board and print...similar in texture to a social security card.

Fortunately I was able to produce the right card and even better the address showed I was within three blocks of my home...that saved me from the savage beating these guys were itching for...remember these were small town south IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT cops in 1966...because of my besotted condition and my consequently snail's pace driving the fuzz suspected I was a burglar casing houses to jack...so the cops let me go...this was a decade before MOTHERS AGAINST DRUNK DRIVERS and the draconian DUI laws that followed...in those days an under aged male's drinking was a rite of passage...like your first smoke...or your first job...or your kiss...and score.

Shit, that was the wrap on a tough night...that after the rum buy...began with me stopping at Teddy's house for another night of party...but unexpectedly Teddy cussed and confronted me in his mom's living room over my messing around with his steady girlfriend...you see I admitted to him...I fooled with her...the day before...feeling guilty for betraying a friend...I thought it was over...it all happened when both she and I got bored watching Teddy's martial arts exhibition...so we went to my car to kiss and caress...that was a stupid move...not the necking...no I mean the confession...because when Teddy confronted her about the infidelity...she got scared...lied...and swore I forced my self on her!

Meanwhile in the living room...I kept Teddy at arm's length...futilely and repeatedly telling him..."she's lying...nothing happened...f**k man, I only necked her." I was strong enough to keep him off me...out of reach and ready for his karate kick...but then he saw the light that made his heart sink when I said..."why would I lay this out to you if that was true...why would I want to put my self in this position?"

Teddy calmed down...and I ducked out and got back to my car...where's Evan's girl, Angie, was waiting..."where were you...what took you so long...why isn't Teddy coming?"...I said "it's all cool...I'll tell you later."

Days later Teddy told me had intended to kill me...but he knew he couldn't handle me with that karate shit he learned...so unbeknownst to me...while we were arguing in his living room...he had a big thug named Wayne waiting in the kitchen wielding a baseball bat...he was to come out swinging before I tapped teddy out.


by L DOUGLAS ST OURS
January 2011