The Ant(Lily Madder) Behind a big mountain somewhere in the middle of Holland, there lived an evil cassowary. He liked to eat vultures, especially ones with lots of hair. He liked to eat vultures with lots of hair especially when they were just fresh, and frozen and slightly decayed. The frozen, fresh and slightly decayed vultures with lots of hair were best marinated with lemon, basil and black pepper and eaten alive.


One day, the evil cassowary caught a fresh, frozen and slightly decayed vulture with lots of hair and it had already been marinated with lemon, basil and black pepper and was perfectly healthy and alive. The evil cassowary was very proud of his catch, as most of the vultures he caught were only marinated with garlic.


As he walked back to his behind-the-mountain home, the evil cassowary stepped on an ant.
“Beep!” the ant swore. The cassowary opened his beak in shock. This was quite a rude ant! Just as the cassowary was deciding whether or not to step on the ant again, the vulture decided this was the perfect time to escape, so he flew away.


It took a little while for the evil cassowary to realise that his dinner had flown away. He stomped on the ant, spread his stubby wings and flew right after the vulture. Then his brain caught up to him and told him that cassowaries can't fly, and the evil cassowary told his brain that neither can brains, so get lost.
The cassowary eventually spotted the vulture, who was about one hundred metres away.
“Come back!” he called. “Your grandmother needs you!”


The vulture turned his head one hundred and eighty degrees and called back. “What, Granny?”
“She says she needs you to make lemon slice for her tea!” said the evil cassowary, who hadn't really expected the vulture to answer.
“But Granny doesn't like lemon slice!”
The evil cassowary thought for a bit. “She has company!”
“But Granny hasn't had company for fifty years!”
The cassowary checked his watch in a frustrated manner. “Well, she does now! The nursing home people!”


The vulture stopped in mid-air. “The nursing home people?”
“Yeah, they're coming over for tea so that they can pretend to be nice at first and then kidnap her halfway through and take her to the nursing home!” The evil cassowary surprised himself.


The vulture tumbled through the air and landed on his grandmother. “Granny!” he said. “I'm so glad you escaped and didn't give any lemon slice to those evil nursing home people who were going to kidnap you and take you to the nursing home!”

His grandmother just looked at him weirdly. The evil cassowary flew away sadly and swore that he would stomp on any ants that he saw and some that he didn't see. Which he did for the rest of his life and ended up with very sore feet so he decided not to do it for the rest of his life and got a job as an accountant instead.

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