Me Myself and Depression(michelle) I never knew my life would get like this. I never thought i'd fall apart into a deep dark hole, that I couldn't crawl out of. My life is a wreckless mess. I'm living in a world of darkness. My world isn't full of love, laughter, or joy. It's full of pain, hurt, and hate. I'm not like who I once was. I'm not happy at all. I have become constantly numb. I've shut out the people I love. No one can help me. No one knows what I'm goin through. Nobody knows about the pain, or how I cry myself to sleep. Sometimes I sit in a corner in a dark room and cry. I cry cause I'm hurt. I cry cause I'm broken. I cry cause I'm lost and I cry cause I'm alone. God doesn't answer my prayers. Nobody cares not even god. No one wants to listen to me. My parents fight so much so its pointless to talk to them. I didn't think a 16 year old could feel this much pain. I think I'm going insane. The voices in my head is loud and clear. Their tugging at my brain. My heart doesn't feel like it beats anymore. It's like a broken clock. No ticking at all. I'm falling apart. I'm barely breathing with a broken heart. Depression took over my body and soul. I don't even remember how to laugh or smile anymore. It hurts to even try. Depression makes me lonely, hateful, suicidal, shaky, scared, and hurt. I'm always wanting to end this dark cold life of mine.

I'm not so popular at school. They call me names like loser, geek, nerd, whimp, and mommys boy. They never give me a chance to show them who I really am. I'm shoved around, picked on, stuffed in lockers, food thrown at me, tripped, and the girls all laugh at me. I'm their own personal laughing stock. A clown. I'm a nobody to them, because of the way I look and how I am and how I live. I don't deserve to live. I'm not wanted. I'm hated. Why did god bring me to this earth. Just to get tortured. I must've done something wrong. I just don't understand. My life was ok in middle school, I had a few friends. When I got in high school that's when it all changed. My friends went their ways with different people, and here I am stuck with nobody. Just me, myself, and I and this feeling of betrayal and hatred. There's no sunshine in my life just a big dark shadow world that's covering me. It seems to be sucking the life out of me. My mind is like a ticking time bomb anymore just waiting to explode. Tick tick tick. Is all I hear. I am angry with everyone around me cause they don't know what I'm going through. The thoughts I have in my head is going through it like a speeding bullet. The voices are saying "end it, go ahead and end your pitiful life, nobody likes or cares about you. Do it, just do it." I think if I died tomorrow everybody will be happy, even my parents. I'm burning with pain and it won't be long till I put out the fire. Tonight is when I do it. My pain and suffering will end. My body is weak and limp. It's like my soul died and left my body. I feel like I'm drowning. I'm standing behind a glass wall and the cheerful world is on the other side. No matter what I do I can't seem to climb over the wall. My grades are going down. I have no interest in anything anymore. My mind is made up. I'm ending my life tonight and nothing or nobody will stop me. I'm lost, broken, hopeless, and lonely. I can't do it anymore. I smile at my parents and teachers to make them think I'm ok but really it hurts beneath my skin. My eyes are fading and my soul is bleeding. My faith is wearing thin. My wounds have been open way too long.

I'm home now, I slowly walk past the dining room where my parents are arguing. I walk up the stairs, make a left to my fathers office. I walk over to his desk and grab a gun. I'm shaky, scared, and nervous. But at the same time I'm relieved. I know what I got to do now. The voices are pushing me and cheering. I know this pain will end. I know i'll be better and I know the shadow of darkness will be gone. I smiled big for the first time. I slowly put the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger...

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