A Real Father(Charis) What is a Father? Is it someone who is your biological Father, or the man who was around when you were a kid? Do they have to love you, or do they just need to know of your existence? These questions always puzzled me. What is a Dad? It's a strange question isn't it? There are different answers because people have so many different opinions. I'm not sure what a Dad means but I kind of know what it feels like to have one. Or I used to anyway. Yes, my Dad is dead but was he actually my Dad? Maybe I should explain:

2006
Dear Diary,
Mum and Dad have been arguing again. I don't like it when they argue but in a way it's entertaining, which is a horrible thing to say! I curl up under my covers and whisper my secrets to Wendy. She's lived long for a stuffed toy elephant. She's my best friend EVER. She listens without questioning me, and she's big anough to hug as we fall asleep in each others arms. Every now and again I hear Mum crying from downstairs, or something being smashed. But I don't get scared. I'm a big girl now. It's happened so many times now that I have become used to it. Mum wants me to get my things now to leave. Don't worry, I'll come back. We always do.

2007
Dear Diary,
Dad has just gone to his work. I dont really like Dad. Sometimes he can be nice to me, but deep down I get a feeling that he gets annoyed with me very easily or that he simply doesn't like me. But I'm his daughter. He must like me! Mum doesn't go to work but she's at UNI for another FOUR years!!! I wouldn't like that.

Dear Diary,
I think I have had the worst night of my life. There is no way to describe how I am feeling right now, and I just want to cry. Mum and Dad were having another argument when Mum started to shout at Dad to just tell me. I was asking what, tell me what?, but I was insignificant to them at this moment in time. Dad refused to tell me this thing, so Mum turned to me with fury in her eyes. She said the following: "that man over there is not your father!". At first I was too stunned to speak but almost instantly I cried into my Mum's arms. We went for a walk and she told me that my real Dad was dead because he had a heart attack, maybe because he took drugs. I am so angry at my Mum and Sam for keeping this from me, from hiding it away, but left it to lurk in the darkness of their hearts witing to arise once again. I am so tired. I am going to sleep.

There, most of my story. I wish that I could experience the feeling of having a Dad again. A real Dad that is. In some ways I'm lucky, but in lots of others I'm not. But the truth is I don't need a Dad. I have amazing friends. SOME absolutly fantastic family members, there is not much that I missed really. Except a Dad. A real Father...

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