The Wall Behind the Wall

The Wall Behind the Wall(Xavier) THE WALL BEHIND THE WALL

Imagine the dread and terror; imagine the bile slowly rising to your mouth; imagine your hands and feet numb from being shackled. Your head is spinning from the alcohol you didn’t know you ingested and from being knocked around, you wake up incoherent, with confusing flashes and sounds remembering bits and snatches of conversations you never had. You are shackled to a wall and one is being built over you.

You plead and beg, you cry, you dole out threats, helplessness starts to creep in, you panic as the wall reaches your chest, you can’t even form a coherent thought, all hope is lost, you flail blindly depleting more of your waning strength. Passionately and frantically you search for an escape, at this moment anything would do. A smile from your captor gives a glimmer of hope, a pause elicits joy because it gives a vague feeling of a chance of escape, you agree desperately to whatever he says, repeating uselessly in agreement but in your haste to see what is not there you miss what is, you miss the fact that his smile doesn’t reach his eyes, his demands are senseless, he is not letting you go.

It’s much better when you are quiet, when supposedly your last moments flash behind your eyes, when you think about the afterlife and decide where to go, the mumbled prayers, the hasty tears, the requests that will never be granted. Quickly, almost insultingly, you abandon all these when he presents you with an option, no matter how pointless, no matter how hopeless and no matter how idiotic it is, you believe because you want an out, and as he as speaks the wall rises, terror won’t go away, peace isn’t come to stay.

As he places the last brick, it finally sets in, you are going to die, and nothing will save you, you will be a corpse chained to a wall buried behind a wall, a corpse no one will find for at least a hundred years; hopefully you might someday be an archaeological find, a wonderful one too. It’s funny; you burst into laughter, senseless, mirthless laughter. This is so funny isn’t it, to die chained to a wall behind a wall? What did you do? Who is he? Does he even know your name? Is this the end? You just cannot come to terms with it. Amazing, you are about to die and you can’t believe it. You close your eyes and prepare for the darkness, prepare for the seemingly endless days of starvation, doubts and pain, prepare for the long time till death will come. How long will it be before i die? You ask him, will it hurt? How will you feel knowing I am dead behind a wall? That too will pass and in a moment of clarity and in this instance, lacking guilt, you pray, again. You call on the heavens, you call on the God you have shunned, the One you have forgotten, the very One you have mocked endlessly. Will He answer?

He answers and you are saved. The shackles are off and the wall is down. You are free and safe, what do you do? For after you are free He will not be standing around asking for your thanks or begging for your approval. He did it knowing who you are and He will do it again. You have to give it willingly. Or will you wait for another wall to do that? He loves you, contrary to what you have come to believe, contrary to what you think you have done, and you don’t need a wall to thank Him.