See you later

See you later(Penelope Garmon) Holding his hand, laughing and playing. Having the greatest time. The nurse brought in his pudding for the night, its funny but I felt special. He only wanted me to feed him. I was feeding him and he was acting like a baby who hadn’t ate in days. My grandma was telling us stories about her and my grandma when they were younger. My granddad just laid there, with a tear in his eye. My granddad acts tough and strong but I know he has a sensitive side to him, and it was showing that night. It was getting late and I had school the next day, so I started to leave. I was telling him “see you later”. Our saying when we leave. He kept saying goodbye. He told me he loved me with everything, and I gave him a hug and walked out with tears in my eyes. When I was in the elevator I grabbed my grandma’s hand and just prayed. I barely slept that night. I was so worried; I just knew something was wrong. He never tells me goodbye.

I woke up that next morning and everything seemed fine, so I went on with the day. School went on forever because I was in such a hurry to get out and go see my granddad. When I got home I was changed and ready to go. My mom stopped and insisted I did my homework first. I was sitting at the kitchen table with my sister. My cousin Sharon barged in and asked where my mother was. My dad pointed to there bedroom door, as she was walking toward it my dad followed behind her and shut the door. Sharon is close with us but she’d never just walk in like that. I knew something was wrong.

I waited, and waited then finally my dad asked for my sister and I to come into the bedroom. I took my time and all of the guessing and thoughts were just flying around in my head. I got to the door step and I looked over at my mom to find tears in her eyes and cheeks puffy. She couldn’t really look me in my eyes when she was talking to me. She looked down and said in a weak voice “your granddad passed away about a half hour ago”. I replayed what she said a million times. I did not believe it, not one bit. I lost my breath... My knees were shaking my heart was racing, my head was pounding. Then the tears come, as I’m crying I collapse to my knees. Memories flying through my head. His laugh, His smile.

We leave to go to my grandma’s, and I’m still a nervous wreck. When we arrive I just sit in the car for a while. I couldn’t look at my grandma, or anyone for that matter. I don’t want anyone touching me telling me it will be okay. It won’t be, not for a long time. Not until I can accept the fact I couldn’t see my grandpa ever again. Then all of a sudden I have to use the bathroom so I decide to get out and go in. As I’m walking in I keep my head down and don’t look at anyone. I see my grandma at the corner of my eye, but I don’t dare to look up. As I’m walking into the bathroom I see my aunt walking toward the bathroom. Crying hysterically, I’m telling my self I cannot do it. I cannot look at anyone with out crying.

I hear a knock at the door and it’s my aunt Tisha. Tisha and I are 6 years apart. I didn’t really consider her my aunt, more of a sister. She and I were always with my grandpa. The three of us were like 3 peas in a pod. We went every where together. “We were spoiled by him” as my grandma would say. She comes in and wraps her arms around me. We both cry for the longest time. She tells me we can get through this together. That no matter what, we have each other. She tells me my grandma has been waiting for me on the back patio. I wash my face and walk out there. She is sitting alone on the swing. Not knowing if I can do this, I can’t breathe. I walk to the swing and plop down beside her. Were just rocking on the swing in silence. “I remember when your mother first had you. Your granddad was the only one who could get you to sleep. He would sing to you while rocking in his chair. I knew then you two would be best friends. We had you every day of the week. Your granddad would spoil you rotten.” As my grandma is saying these things I have tears streaming down my face. “I just want you to know your granddad loved you with all of his heart. You were all he talked about last night and this morning. He told me to tell you to have a happy care free life, and to forget about them boys. He said that no matter what you’re beautiful, and to never give up your dream.” She stood up with her arms open; I got up and hugged her for about a minute that seemed like an hour. My granddad was the only person who knew I wanted to sing. I just can’t do it in front of people.

We walk inside and my aunt asks me to stay the next few nights with her because she doesn’t want to be alone. I was going to miss school anyway there was no way I could handle it. We went shopping for outfits for the funeral. Three days went by and it’s the day. The day to say goodbye. I take my time getting ready. I’m not prepared for what’s about to happen. I cannot see my grandpa lying in that casket there’s no way. I keep visualizing the baby blue casket in my head. I tear up, and decide not to wear any make up. It’s useless I thought. I was so tired and exhausted. My aunt says it’s time to go; now my heart is really racing. When we get to the funeral home we meet up with my grandma and talk.

Holding my grandmas hand; walking through the big blue doors. This man is leading everyone to a room full of chairs. He starts talking about my granddad. Taking deep breaths tears are sliding down my face. My head falls in my lap, still can’t breathe. “Is this truly happening, please tell me this is just a nightmare. This is a lie. Granddad, please walk through those doors.” People start talking and standing up. My dad taps me and it feels like an earthquake through my body, and he leads me to another room. Everyone is standing in a line. I see a casket ahead of me and I drop to my knees, losing my breath. My dad lifts me up and carries me to a couch. I remember that couch like it was yesterday. White and full of flowers. I look up at him, “Dad I can’t do this, I can’t say goodbye. I can’t let him go. My granddad is my best friend.” I say crying. As he’s rubbing my tears away he says “I know baby, but he’s in a better place now.” I just sit there.

I hear a conversation between a couple people in my granddad’s family. “He was a great man. It’s just sad, especially for Marsha.” I look up and walk up to the lady that just said that. In anger I say “excuse me! You don’t know my granddad, none of you people do. When he was sick in the hospital you didn’t care to come see him. I was with him every day! He was my best friend. You feel bad for Marsha? She was his daughter, and didn’t come see him but two times a year. If that. She lived a half hour away and didn’t attempt to come see him. When he was dying in the hospital I was there every day! So before you say anything more, don’t act like you know him or care.” I was away shaking and in a panic-stricken cry. Everyone was speechless.

I kept staring at the casket, it was sucking me in like a vacuum, and I just didn’t have the energy. Then my grandma came over and begged me. “Penelope, please go up there with me. I know this is hard; it is for the both of us. It’s something we have to do. Your grandpa wouldn’t want you sitting here like this.” I got up and walked slowly as possible holding my grandma’s hand. I feel everyone’s eyes on us. When I reached the casket I muttered to my grandma. “This isn’t my grandpa; my grandpa always had a smile on his face.” I keep staring at the last picture we took together. This is it. This is goodbye. My grandma throws her arms around me. “I love you Penelope” “I love you too grandma, with all my heart.” Tisha walked up and stood on the opposite side of me. We stood there, and my grandma looked at us and whispered, “no matter what, I will always be here for you, and I love you both so much. Never forget that.” I asked them to walk away for a second. I looked at my granddad, trying to accept it all. “I love you granddad, with all my heart. I will never forget you, I promise. I’ll see you later.”