Dreamland Drew: "Where Am I?"

Dreamland Drew: "Where Am I?"(Tobias Roundtree) Seven days ago today I was just like everyone else... worse in fact. I was a failure, a washed up drop-out, no job, no money, no girlfriend. All of that changed last saturday. I was sitting on the couch, one finger in my belly button, the other in an over-priced half full bag of Doritos... the usual. When suddenly I heard a loud boom. The sound ripped me from the couch and threw me into fight or flight, like being in a car crash or explosion. I ran for my mother's room feeling equal parts fear and concern.

I could smell smoke as I tugged on my mother's room door. It was sealed tight, tighter than usual, so I started to bang on the door and call out to her. As I knocked tirelessly I couldn't help but notice the thick cloud of black smoke clogging the room. My vision started to blur and my legs grew weak but something inside me kept me there... something deep down wouldn't let me leave her. "MOM!!!!" I whimpered as my legs gave way and I tumbled to the floor. Then, just as I started to give up the door crept open. I saw a wall of flames just before the world went black.

I couldn't see but I could feel my eyes watering and there was something scraping at my back. I could hear tiny voices mumbling near my head, but I couldn't understand a word. When I opened my eyes I was here on the beach, the same beach. And no matter where I go I always end up here at the beach in my too tight t-shirt and tighty-whities.

Every now and again there are others. Yesterday I met a girl, but she didn't speak any english. She just appeared out of no where, face down in the sand. When I went over to help her she kinda freaked out and ran away from me... I guess it's good to have some sence of continuity.

After recovering from the "Stranger Danger" reaction of the only other human being I've seen out here I started my quest, sandy tighty-whities and all. I made a b-line for the trees beyond the sand, hurling myself deeper into the unknown. I grabbed a stray branch on my way into the shadowy green blur, I remember thinking to myself "If my calculations are correct, being unarmed in the wilderness was a bad idea. I could hear birds and other animals I couldn't identify by sound moving about in the trees, almost as if they were circling me. They were probably wondering who the hell is this guy, and I'm sure my Pantheon t-shirt and green mohawk were less than helpful.

As the sun started to set I found myself cold and lost in the woods. Not only that but I was getting hungry, really hungry. I felt like my stomach was turning inside out. I'd like to tell you I did something epic like wrestled an alligator, or ate a tiger, but in truth I was looking for something a little less... challenging. It was bad enough I had to find my own food, the last thing I needed was to get eaten in the process. After hours of creeping through the dirt and leaves I decided to make amends with my old nemesis... the salad. I chomped on some leaves and curled up under a tree for the night, but before I got to sleep I heard deep bellowing in the distance growing louder and louder.

I pulled myself up and picked up a second stick hoping to make myself more of a threat by duel wielding. Sadly it was to no avail against the terror that emerged from beyond the bush. A huge deer with a body more like that of a clydesdale. It sprinted toward me with those jagged horns and before I could take a swing I was in the air with an antler jammed into my gut, I'd never seen so much blood in real life, and all of it was mine. I thought I was gonna die, but I was rescued. A ray of light slammed into me and the giant deer. When the light went away and my eyes readjusted I was totally healed and there was a man standing over me. He was covered from the neck down in some kind of tactical gear and covered his face with a hood. "Nice shirt" he remarked, in a somewhat condescending tone. Seeing as how the guy just saved my life I figured I'd just go along with the odd shirt conversation and pretend his compliment was genuine. "Yeah it's from my favorite super-hero story." I replied with a grin.

Then the man turned away from me and started walking away. I struggled to my feet and called out to the strange man begging him to stop, hoping that he could take me to a base or hideout or bat-cave or something anywhere but here in the damn woods. But just as I reached out to him I found myself waking up at the beach, face down in the sand....

To be continued....