Journey Through Oz

Journey Through Oz(Christy Chilton) In the beginning this all seemed like a perfectly good idea, newly single mother of two wanting to open her own business, and while needing the extra time to devote to that, I desperately needed to match or beat my current salary in property management. Upon resigning from my respective position and moving my two children out of our 1,500 square foot luxury condominium style apartment and into my mothers antiquated 1950s era home in the middle of NoWhere, Florida, I lay awake at my mothers, staring at the dark wood slabs that ran horizontally through the ceiling, tossing and turning, regretting my decision and then again convincing myself that it would all work out, I was walking on Faith, it was the right choice. I began meditating, certain that the answer would come to me mid meditation and all would once again be well!

I was running low on savings and circumstances led me to leave the job much more abruptly than planned.

I plugged in my ipod and placed the earbuds in my ear, my three and a half year old son softly snoring next to me, so peaceful. The sight of his angelic face caused more tension in my chest as I knew I had to resolve all this quickly for him and his brother. I lay back and slowed my breathing, listening to the woman's voice, a tiny bit melodramatic, even a bit eery, but as I relaxed and listened, the sound became more and more soothing...

“The Universe is on your side, All problems are created by our minds and a belief in non love, All the answers you need are speeding to you now, You do not have to struggle for them.” The reassuring voice on the other end of my ipod sounded a lot better than any of what was going through my mind so I continued to listen and relax...

“You are one with the Universal Mind, There can be no problems in the Great Mind of God, Who loves and cares and lives in you, You are on the right path, Trust your destiny....”

All of the sudden, I sat up out of bed, it was the middle of the night and what now seems like the most desperate, strange resolution to have come up with, at the time felt like a huge lightbulb had turned on above my head. I sprang up and in the same tense that you'd shout 'Eureka!', I loudly whispered: “Strip Club!” - “I can work at a strip club!”

The more I thought of it, I counted all of the positives, Of course I wouldn't dance, I'd waitress, make good money, have short, nighttime hours, I wasn't even tempted to be a drinker anymore so I wouldn't jeopardize my beloved sobriety, I could move to a bigger city, like Tampa, where I had wanted to move for quite some time. I grabbed a pen and dashed out of bed like an eccentric inventor who'd just figured out the equation to make his invention work. I began furiously writing down numbers and dates, I was budgeting, I must have quadruple checked my work and by my calculations, it would only take a mere month for me to move the family to the big city!

For the first time in weeks, I felt at peace. I was excited but, most of all, I was relieved that I would be able to work this out. As I went back to bed, I remember shaking my head, wondering why I hadn't thought of this sooner. I laid down and for the first night in weeks, I slept peacefully.

A week later, I kissed the boys goodbye and began my three and a half mile hike in the scorching heating lugging a suitcase to the Amtrak train station, among other things. The first opportunity my ex had to meddle in my affairs, he'd seen to it that I lost my new car, so that was another source of tension and stress. Financially supporting and raising two toddlers with no vehicle was by far one of the most challenging situations I could even imagine, actually living it and making it work, beyond challenging.

I had been biking seven miles to the nearest grocery store, sometimes in the rain, up and down steep hills, with 75lbs work of groceries strapped to my body and the bicycle. I remember at times my face so red, my chest so tight, I would pull over and stop for a moment, only to let my heart slow down. I couldn't afford to have a heart attack right now...Then I'd remember I'd bought ice cream or something time sensitive and I'd jump back on and finish the trip home. I will say that watching my boys eat and enjoy good quality food that was (to date) more difficult to obtain than it'd ever been, well, watching them eat that food brought me a sense of happiness and gratitude that I can't really explain. It was as if I knew how hard everything was, but watching them lick their fingers and slap their lips, devouring every bite from their plates, it reminded me that they were still innocent children and none of this was affecting them as much as I worried it did.

So as I began pulling the suitcase down the asphalt, up and down hills, past all of the small town, run down homes near my mothers, I ultimately became more and more motivated, a survival instinct that was strong began washing over me and my steps became stronger and more powerful. I was walking with purpose, I was on a mission. I truly felt as if nothing could stop me...I was invincible, I was on the right path, just as the tape had said, this journey was leading me to my destiny, which just so happened to begin at a strip club. My mind was flooded with images of victory, triumph, I was elated and overwhelmed at the possibilities in the near future, the victory that was surely mine...Just then four junkyard dogs rudely interrupted my visions of grandeur as they nearly jumped over the already broken, leaning metal fence they lived behind. A scraggly lot they were, vicious and snarling, for no good reason! I was so startled and then angry, as they had completely broken my powers of concentration and good vibes, I began yelling at the dogs- which I thought would scare them into submission, but only made them bark more ferociously. I picked up a nearby stick and started hitting the fence, cussing and yelling at them. The door to a rickety, dirty white wooden house swung open, I half expected to see Jethro Tull standing there, but instead a tall butch women with greasy half blonde, half brown hair in a mop on her head came out yelling at me, half of her teeth were missing and the other half were brown. I couldn't even understand what she was saying but I yelled something to the effect of “Get your f**king dogs, you f**king crackhead!”. That's right, No one was going to mess with me anymore, it was me versus the world and anyone who tried to stand in my way would regret it.

As I continued walking towards my destination, I felt a small urge that I didn't like my aggression towards that lady, it's never been my character to be mean to people- I shrugged the feeling off and made myself a promise to only be tough when I had to be.

I boarded the train and after a two hour ride, I arrived in downtown Tampa, the surge of people coming and going compared to where I'd been in NoWhere, Florida, even compared to Sarasota, Florida was exhilarating. Here people were doing things, the economy may be tough, but people dressed in business suits, carrying briefcases and laptops, were swarming the building, all on their own missions. I picked up my suitcase and began looking around for my friend Jill, who was set to pick me up any moment.

Three hours later, my sense of excitement was beginning to dull as I glanced at my dying phone battery and the time, the train station was closing and my friend was nowhere to be found. I called her from a strangers phone and she apologized, she had been tied up but she was almost there.

She finally arrived and as I loaded my things into her trunk, we made excited small talk and began making plans for my new venture in the big city.

I stayed with Jill for nearly two months. It was fun, we became closer than I ever thought imaginable, we understood each other in a deep, sisterly way and it was so comforting to have her presence. I often missed the boys so much, as I was so financially tight on money that at first I often couldn't afford a train ticket back to NoWhere to visit them. The hardest blow was missing Thanksgiving day with them and sitting alone, with a glass of Merlot and a television show, in efforts to comfort myself.

The guilt of this journey began to set in.

I hadn't wanted to admit to my friend, who held a prestigious job title, that I was planning on working at a strip club, so I made efforts to secure employment with upstanding companies the first few weeks upon arriving. I didn't get any of the jobs, for an undisclosed reason, aside from a part time season job folding shirts at one of my favorite high end department stores. Out of desperation and eagerness to make money, I had forgotten to ask how much the hourly rate was and upon finding out it was a mere $7 an hour, I never returned. I have yet to receive my $21 check for three hours of high paced shirt folding. Thank you Express.

At dinner one night, I nonchalantly mentioned to my friend that I'd been toying with the idea of the strip club and began selling her on all of the benefits, I'd have more time to start the business she and I had dreamed up, as well as my other business, and the money, I'd heard, was fantastic.
We finished dinner and headed up the street to Oz, the Bay Areas most upscale Gentlemens Nightclub. At this point, I was not a drinker at all, but I was so intimidated by the environment, I sucked down a pina colada before leaving the restaurant and then waltzed in through the entrance, two large, darkly tinted glass doors. Inside, it was like I had stepped into Miami Vice on acid. The white trim formed abstract shapes on the glass walls were accented with neon colors, and flashing disco and strobe lights made me stop in my tracks and get my bearings before walking any further. The short lavender carpet had darker purple accents in its design and black leather chairs with the name OZ were embroidered into each one. There was a large stage with three shiny gold poles, another gold pole in front of the glass cased VIP area which contained a long couch inside of it, a large bar with gold pole decorative accents wrapped around it sat on the other side of the stage.

The bass and the music were incredibly loud and neon lights flashed. I looked at the girl at the door, who wore her hair in a long ponytail and was dressed very nice, I told her I was looking for a job, she curtly smirked, promptly picked up her radio and said a manager would be right with me.

A tall buff gentleman with a long ponytail came over and quickly asked what I'd like to do. I said waitress or door. He asked my availability, I told him it was open. He asked for my drivers license and said he'd put me on the schedule and call me the next day so I'd know when to start.
I grinned but tried to remain calm on the exterior (My plan was working!). After thanking him and the door girl, I turned to leave. As I walked out, I caught a glimpse of a naked girl twirling on the pole in the middle of the stage, lights flashing all around her. Men stood around like hungry vultures and I thought to myself, “You can do this Clara, just keep a straight head, you can do this.”

I got in the car and my friend and I squealed with excitement over my new found employment.

The next day I still hadn't heard anything. I waited two more days then went back, this time another girl was at the door and informed me that they weren't hiring anymore. I explained that I'd already been hired and she took me to speak with Alicia, the bar manager.

Alicia was a naturally beautiful 40's something woman, who I felt was attracted to me instantly, and she put me at ease. she didn't seem like the type of girl you'd find in any strip club so the fact that she prided herself on over eight years of employment here was promising. She said that they werent hiring but she'd take me back to meet John, the hiring manager.

We went through the back door, through the dressing room, where I blushed and looked down at the floor in front of me when passing through all the naked, changing dancers.

In the office, John was a burly, tattooed, gun loving man who looked like he belonged in a Quentin Tarantino flick. He grinned at me and said, I don't care if we aren't hiring, for you, we are, I'll put you on the schedule whereever I can!

I thanked him and Alicia again and left overjoyed, Yes, this was really happening.

My first night at Oz was nerve wracking, I was starting on a busy Saturday night, I had lied and said that I'd waitressed before although I hadn't and I was following this chunky, ghetto caucasian girl through the overwhelming crowd of people in the club while every so often, she yelled back at me some sort of explanation of what she was doing in a half assed attempt to train me.

I was, for the first time in my life, wearing a corset and a mini skirt, with 5 ½ inch high heels. My feet were killing me, I still didn't have a clue as to how to do the job, and at 1 am, I was tired. I wasn't used to being up past midnight since becoming a mother.

The next shift I was on my own. I came in on a slower week night and sold shots. Now in order to sell shots, you have to take the shots that you're selling. Not having drank alcohol in years, I had no idea what my limit was or how I would feel after drinking even one.

I began to timidly go around, asking each patron if they'd like a shot, No, No, No...

I got a little disheartened and posted myself in the corner of the club to regroup. I knew I could do this, it had to work!

Just then, a Southern Belle wearing too much rouge, faux diamonds and with huge teased hair, grinned as she walked up to me, She said “Hi, I'm Christina, What's Your name?” I told her and we made a little bit of small talk before she asked “Do you want me to help you sell these shots?” Wide eyed and appreciative, I nodded yes and without hesitation, she grabbed the shot tray and said “Follow me!”. As I followed her throughout the crowd, I watched her ooze charm and flirty grins as she leaned over the customers offering the shots. Sure, Yea, Ok...they all took them. Instead of handing the test tube shots over to them as I would have, Christina would stick the test tube between her large breasts and straddle the person or lean over them and have them suck the liquor out using only their mouths.

I tried to hide my dropped jaw and shock. My eyes widened and I looked away, thinking, surely there must be another way to sell those shots, I'm sure that not everyone wants to take them that way! Well yes they sure did!
She nonchalantly albeit, seductively, grasped the empty test tube from the patrons mouths with her mouth, flipped it into the tray upside down as if she'd just completed the easiest task in her life, and as we walked over to the next party, she'd turn her head to me and sweetly tell me words of advice and how people preferred that we make it more “fun” for them. People tipped a lot more when you added something sexy to it, but of course, never do anything trashy she said, before getting onto her knees and sucking a shot out of a patrons belt buckle in an obvious blow job fashion.

She got up off of her knees and said, “Ok, Theres a big VIP party that just got here and they will tip really well, they will think it's sexy that you're new here, Lets go! Are you ready?”

Knowing that I couldn't very well say No, I wasn't ready - that wasn't really an option at this point- and before I could figure out how to to ask if there was a “less sexual way” to sell these shots, she turned and yelled out “Heyyyyy Guyyss!! How we doing tonight?” The cluster of men grumbled and made other deep noises, I can only imagine were a greeting back of some sort.

“Well it is Our Lucky Night guys, This is our New girl, Clara!!, Isn't she soo Pretty??”

“Oh yeah, Yeah Yeah” The guys reminded me of hungry dogs or puppies wagging their tails for a treat.

“Well Clara's Never done this before, so Let's Pop Her Cherry!, Who wants a shot first??”

An older guy nervously raised his hand, and for the first time, but definitely not the last, I realized just how intimidated men -at any age or socio-economic level- are by half naked women in a sexual atmosphere.
Christina looked deep in my eyes with some sort of understanding and said, “Are you ready?”

I nodded quickly and as best as I could to hide my shaky legs and spazzy hands, I snatched a full test tube from the tray and in a very un-sexy and self conscious fashion, I straddled the man in his seat. I tried placing the test tube between my small breasts but the lack of them (breasts,that is) wouldn't hold the tube in place. Irritated with my lifelong struggle with these small breasts and all of the inconveniences they've created my entire life, I rolled my eyes, took my right hand and smushed the breasts together, holding the test tube in place. I slightly leaned into the man, who, to my naïve astonishment, had no qualms or nervousness about going straight for the shot with his mouth. I had to lean into him a little further in an attempt to push the tube out into his mouth and keep him from sticking his mouth much closer to my actual skin. I leaned up, silently praying that all of the padding in my corset would not be seen or pop out, That would be just my luck I thought!

Finally, He finished the shot and I sat for a second, confused as he continued to sit there with his head leaned back, empty neon test tube in his mouth.

What was he waiting for?? Oh yeah, I put my mouth on the very end tip of the test tube and then snapped it out of his mouth, jumped up off his lap and tried to keep my composure. My whole body was a bit shaky. You're talking about a girl that sexually had been with only her husband for the past 5 years, sans-orgasm, and since our split two years prior, I had a few kisses with one man, which I confused for love, only to find out he was a philandering married man. Not only had I been single, but I'd given birth to two big healthy baby boys in less than two years apart, spent a total of about 20 months combined being pregnant. I worked like a dog to make ends meet, never having the time, energy, money or thought to really care a lot about my appearance. I was pushing 30, happily sober and out of the club scenes for years. Being sexy was definitely not something I had given a lot of thought to or put any effort into being in touch with that side.