Caged

Caged(Gita Negi) The moonlight streamed through the window, and fell gently on her face. She swiftly turned over, to hide her face and wipe the tears off her damp cheeks. Lying beside her was her husband of ten years. He lay on the bed with a sense of authority, his arms and legs stretched out in all directions. As she watched his face which had roughened over the years, she could not help recalling the day they had first met.
 
He had come with his parents, dressed in traditional Indian clothes (theirs was an arranged marriage). She had been ordered to make an appearance as meek as possible, with a tray of tea and some traditional delicacies. Of course they had also asked her not to look at anyone directly, lest it be deemed too bold for a girl. So discreetly, she laid her disobedient eyes on him. He was all of twenty one, four years elder to her. He with his parents scanned her from head to toe and exchanged glances of approval, amongst themselves. In a matter of an hour, the life altering decision was declared. They were to be married next month.
 
The days before the wedding were unforgettable. Before she could come to terms with all that was happening around her, she was being escorted to the wedding hall, ready to be given away by her parents. In the same way as someone gives away their worn out clothes, never to look or even think of them again. In front of the holy fire, they exchanged wedding vows, in a language neither her husband nor she understood. Those vows and rituals cut her off, eternally, from her biological family and tied her to a new one. Somewhere, deep inside her, the umbilical cord of emotions strapped off.
 
Love, lust, affection, motherhood; her married life stirred myriad of emotions in her tiny heart. Over time, both the husband and his wife, evolved as ideal role models of an Indian marriage, mindful of each other's duties and rights.
 
She knit, she cooked, she cleaned and she loved. But the buds of ambition soon began to blossom. She expressed her desire to study further, so the supportive husband duly enrolled her in a distance learning program. Surely, aspiring for education was not incorrect as long as it did not interfere with the domestic responsibilities, which could not be compromised upon. In the meanwhile, her life flourished! The husband showcased her in the society with established arrogance and pride, and went on to get applauded for being considerate of his wife's dreams. She became the ultimate trophy wife, swimming in two boats, and maintaining that elusive balance between duties and ambitions.
 
But one day something unusual happened, which challenged the very fiber of their relationship, and put everything they believed to be true, to test. The wife it seemed was not satisfied with the piece of sky she had been given to fly in. She had become desperate to fly across and beyond. In truth, she had become greedy to devour it all! Now lay the moment of truth, between the husband and his wife. Would he send her abroad for higher education? The question drew a line of partition between them and invited criticism in audible whispers. The husband, who had so far been the face of feminism in his community, spent sleepless nights, tossing over the question. After fighting over his indecisiveness, he finally laid open his mind. The wife would be allowed to go, so that he could be sponsored consequently. That was his master plan.
 
The day of departure came soon enough, and they found each other alone in their room in the final moment of goodbyes. None of them spoke. Her eyes reflected gratitude, while his largely held arrogance.
 
Bidding the children adieu was the most difficult thing for her. No amount of cajoling and promises soothed their distressed minds. She tried hard to focus on the impending bright future she was going away for. However, at that very moment, not a single soul knew what pearl the shell of time would bring to them.
 
For someone who had precariously stepped out of her home both before and after marriage, stepping into a foreign soil was an alien feeling. Something she was too numb to comprehend. She breathed long and deep, enjoying the taste of freedom with every pore in her body, as though this was the last day of her life. She realized that independence was not just a day that she celebrated patriotically every year, but an exhilarating feeling. There was comfort and liberation in anonymity. Sharing the bus with complete strangers, on the way to university, did not freeze her with fear, but filled her with awe for the fact that every person in the world has the freedom to take the journey towards their ambitions, just like her.
 
In a matter of months, the cocoon inside her broke its shell and spread its wings to mature into a butterfly. She mingled with people from diverse backgrounds. Learnt of countries she could not even find on a globe. She finally understood the underlying meaning of the lines she had read somewhere: the world is a global village. But like a sudden jolt to her reverie, she was called back. The supportive husband had succumbed to the societal ridicule and further damage could not be afforded. Dutifully, she packed her bags, bid adieu to new found friends and flew back to her golden cage.
 
Once she reached it, she sensed that nothing was the same at home. The snake of gossip had poisoned her husband's mind and her paradise was lost. After all she had dared to eat the forbidden fruit of freedom and she had to be punished for crossing her boundaries. Unnoticed by anyone, something else was also not the same and could never be. She as a person had changed. She had caught hold of a self identity which she never knew existed. She had come to realize that there were people in the world who appreciated her mind and not just her body. She had at last met herself. But the new identity was a misfit in the world she inhabited.
 
The love making between the husband and his wife, every night, was a battle of sorts. The husband, showed her, her place in his life and the world.
 
The contrasting identities within her caused major rifts in her personal life. Small tiffs escalated into massive quarrels. In the face of declining domestic harmony, tough decisions stared at her, almost ridiculing her. She had to strangle one of her own selves to keep the other alive. She had realized by now, that freedom came with its limits and there could be no absolute freedom.
 
And one day, she was seen, throwing away her books.