My friend.(Anonymous) I don’t know how many times a night I dream about you, my friend. They’re not even sexual dreams. They’re just… dreams.
There was one dream where we were escaping from a gas station because the mob had found us, and had put explosives in all the beverages, mostly the tea and the mountain dew, and everything was exploding, but we made it out alive and then chilled in the grass next to the burning building, and talked about… I can’t remember, but it must have been funny, because you were laughing like a maniac, and I woke up with the sound of your laughter in my head.
There was another where we were running from a deranged and cartoon-batman-villain-version of my father, and for some reason we were in the house from, ‘When a stranger calls’ and the glass was also mirrors and my friends were there, for some reason showing my dad which way we turned. We locked ourselves in the middle room, the courtyard one, with all the birds and plants and things, and thought it would be a good idea to hide in the taller, thicker plants. And we just held hands, and smiled at each other for some reason while we waited for dad to stop looking for us.
There are others, but now is not the time for them.
I love you, my friend. I am in love with you. I didn’t know what that meant until now, and have been denying it in my head, because I kept thinking to myself, ‘No you don’t. You don’t even know what that means. You just want to know what being in love feels like, and you’re just searching for it whereever it's possible.’ But, I think I do know what it means now. It means wanting you, and not wanting to let you go, but knowing that I have to because it’s better for you. It’s not happy, it’s not beautiful, and it’s not easy. Love sucks, and it hurts, but that doesn’t changed the fact that I do. I love you. I love you so much, so much more than I would like to admit.
I want you to get better. I want us to have a better chance. I think we could be great, if we both work on our problems, individually, and with our friends, and maybe with each other. I love you. I know that now. Maybe it’s because I can’t have you right now. That could be a thing. But that doesn’t make my feelings any less real.
Also, none of it was recreational for me. None of it was fake, or just for fun. I showed my everything to you. Those moments in your bed, with our bodies connected at the waist, when you stroked my hair, and kissed me so softly. When you held me closer, and called me, ‘silly girl’. When I whispered your name, over and over again. When I pressed my lips to your neck, to your shoulders, to your chest. When I trembled and shook and sighed with all the feelings you gave me. Everything I gave you then was everything I am. I didn’t hide from you, like I hide from everyone and everything else.
I love you, my friend. Don’t forget.

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