Alia(Nav) Alia

She was not with me most of the time during my trip to I.I.T. Kanpur . A chilled out girl with a tomboyish image for the world around her. Every time I saw her she was in her own world with a sense of carefree attitude. A happy go lucky lass, with nothing to worry about. A pretty face with lots of creativity within her. She is a combination of beauty and brains. I know most of my time was spent with Anshika there as it was the last of some special moments in my life with her, before we parted our individual ways. The first time I noticed her was when I went to the Jam session in order to shake a leg in the DJ party. She danced all night with lots of energy. She sweat herself to the maximum. We were together for next five hours. One very prominent feature of her dance was the frustration which came out of her. I felt as if she does not want to think of anything by creating a boundary around her, which does not give her the opportunity be a free spirit with out any restriction imposed on her soul. A lost mind with a lot of secrets within her. Though my interaction with her was very limited but still I could feel an attachment with her lost mind and her suppressed soul. May be because there was lot of things common between us. I never thought that this girl will become an important part of my life within an years time .

Alia, this is how she was referred to by the people around her. A name which was very different from an Indian point of view. An unconventional type for our society. For the next four days during our stay in Kanpur I exchanged just a very few words with her that too only when we met for Jam sessions or dinner. Moreover I was too busy within myself on this trip as this was the last one for me on behalf of my college. I just wanted to spend some time with myself and Anshika. May be preparing my self for a life without her .
By the time the trip ended Alia became a good friend of mine. Perhaps because of the last day session of interaction with my team members. All of us sat together and poured out with our experience on the trip. I had been attending the institute’s Festival since last two years. This was my third and last visit to the place .Throughout the four days trip I was feeling very nostalgic and emotional ,that was the reason for me to maintain a distance with my team members. For the first time I didn’t mix up with my juniors, but always maintained a senior’s identity and performed my responsibilities.

Alia was amongst the most sorted out females from our college. She had created her own identity and got through the penultimate round of Miss Antaragini. She was not able to make to the finals but still it was a nice experience for her, if she would have been a little more matured then she might have made to the finals. But even then she was impressive. It was nice that she lead a free life there.
After the trip when we were back in Delhi I started interacting with her frequently. As we were in the same course, we had many things to indulge in a discussion and that gave me an opportunity to come close to her. Moreover when I came back exactly after a month on the 24th day I formally parted my ways with Anshika. After this I did start spending more time with my group and team members. Of course Alia was one of them . She did enquire about me and Anshika. Though they both were classmates they were not so fond of each other. They were poles apart. It was then when I revealed my relationship with Anshika to her. Gradually with the exams approaching in the month of January she wanted some of my notes which I was provide through my formal college, School Of Open Learning ,University Of Delhi. Yes this is the truth ,I was not a regular student of my so called college ,Ramjas College. An ex-student who was there because of his association with the creative group that is the extra-curricular activities team.

This was the time when I started revealing my actual secrets to Alia. Nobody new about my association with the college. I was a member but only on papers. She never thought about it and always felt as if I am some senior of her college who is pursuing a M.A. English from the college. But the best part was that she helped me to be myself and never judged me with respect to my academics. She never sympathized with me but she did empathized. Gradually our meeting increased even outside the college campus and one fine day she was there at my place. She was in love with my place and was overwhelmed by the privacy within there. I gave her my notes and then she went away after spending some time there at my place listening to some songs.
For next twenty days I went to meet my parents after a long gap of two years. In the month of February I was back and then she came again to my life. My frustration related to my break up with Anshika was still there within me. I missed the time spent with her in last three years. There was a long list of unforgettable moments spent with her. And then one fine day Alia asked me ‘Don’t you think that you are obsessed by Anshika’s thought? I have this feeing that you don’t love her but you are obsessed with her thoughts. I guess you need to move on in your life and think ahead.’ Then I started thinking sensibly, a more positive Aryan evolved that day. She made me love my self again. That was the day when I broke the self imposed shell around me and thought beyond my broken relationship. I started enjoying my life again. Once again my life became color full and wanted to live to its zenith.
By the end of April 2006 she got free from her exams and we started interacting with me frequently. Our friendship became more strong. I started caring for her and enjoyed her company. She is one lass who is full of enormous energy and imparts it to the people around her. But one thing I always used to notice within her ,that she was lost at times in her own world. There was something which was pondering in her mind. Her eyes spoke a lot about it, but I never thought to invoke the pain which was disturbing her all the time. We started working on a project ,namely a documentary on elementary education for under privileged children in our society. The whole tenure of our work made me understand her more closely. She is a kid ,but a tomboy girl . Behind the rough and tough image of hers, she was as normal as any other girl ,she had all the feminine characteristics. I still remember that when our project was on the verge of completion all our team members went to her house for al lunch cum get together. When I saw her within the parameters of her overprotective household I was amazed and bewildered. Alia was not Alia but Aprajita for her family members. She was no more the tomboy girl, but very interestingly she was a normal shy Indian girl who has been born and brought up in a traditional and conservative set up .
This shyness was only confined to her living room ,the moment she was inside her own room she was back to her own self. Her house was big and also had lots and lots of space within it , but I guess was deprived of the personal space for individuals which she carved for. That day I was there for almost three hours and was the last one to depart .After visiting her place I realized the reason for her emptiness in her eyes. Now I could understand the pain within her. I didn’t want to sympathize with her instead wanted to help her out of that choking environment. My mind was unable to think of anything else. But yes I was not obsessed with her this time. I have gone through the same situations in my life and can very well relate to the kind of pressure and difficulties on has to face. It was easy for me to come out of it as I had an option to come out . A male in a patriarchal set up has always a privilege to take decisions in his life without bothering about the social inhibitions. On the contrary this was not the case with her she was continuously fighting with her family and the society. For me it was easy to leave my house and parents and I walked out without saying to my parents. I was with them up to the age of fifteen. Alia was facing this since last twenty years and still she is not sure how many more days she has to spend in that cell. Well I apologies if I sound a little bit offensive here.

Though I don’t have any right to say anything on this issue as I am not a family member. But as an individual and on the ground of humanity I have the right to support her . She is talented and ambitious though most of her family members thinks that she is immature which is not at all the case. She might be stubborn at times but she is not that demanding. Her demands and desires are not invalid. Every human being and individual has his or her personal milestones set by himself or herself which actually provides them with their own personal space . And in today’s fast moving world it’s a necessity. Viewing it as a sign of tantrums and comparing it with the traditional customs practiced in yesteryears is not parameter of comparison. The way a child was brought up in sixties or seventies have been different from the one born and brought up in eighties. This decade has been the foundation years for nuclear family set up. Which was not practiced earlier. Most of the young generation born and brought up in the decade after eighties have lead the major part of their childhood in an isolation or most of their interaction is confined to either of their parents or the siblings. Utmost they could have interacted with the friends they make in their colony where they reside. The formation of the emotional quotient in their mind is different from that of their elder counterparts. These youngsters have spent more time in isolation. Most of them have not got the privilege to spend time with their grand parents of either side.

Alia and me come in the same generation and ,that is why I could relate to her feelings. Today’s parents have to understand that thereare certain issues on which their children will differ from them. And if the denial is taken as an act of disrespect then its not fair on their part. I am not talking as a partial youngster who thinks only of his own interest, rather I am talking as an individual. As I believe that I will have to face the same problem when I become father of a child. It is necessary to understand this root cause and work accordingly to curb this out. We should try to work together to face this problem not only now but also for the future generation as they will more demanding than us . Which is more important for us instead of wasting our time in satisfying each others individual ego. We need to accept that there is a generation gap and this a problem which will always continue irrespective of the fact that we belong to a new advanced generation. The only way out of it is to change thyself and adapt oneself as per the changing time and situations. A change always essential for an individual ,a civilization and state to grow up and develop. Of course I cannot rule out the fact that even the new generation has some drawbacks with itself, which needs to be pointed out and rectified. But it would be better if stop concentrating more on the drawbacks of each other and concentrate more on each others positive qualities.

What Alia and I faced was the total exclusion and ignorance from our family. This was worsened with the lack of communication between us and our respective families, especially our parents. As we always look up to our parents for every basic emotional needs of ours. We always thought that whatever good we did in our life would be appreciated instead we were discouraged for the same. As we didn’t want to follow the path which they wanted us to follow in our lives. Our ambitions and choices of our individual careers were different from that of what our parents had foreseen from their perspective. And this disagreement of ours was considered as an act of disobedience, which is not at all fair. Consequently whatever we do is judged on the basis of that particular act of ours.

Anyways it would be better if I say these things after I tell you something more about Alia. We became friends when we started working on the documentary on elementary education for underprivileged children. Alia was wonder full behind the camera and showed lot of courage to finish the project. I could see the satisfaction in her eyes while doing this project. Her creative self was being satisfied with her efforts put in the whole documentary. She had a good mind which had great ideas ,but the only problem was the execution part of it. She didn’t have the freedom to do implement it .The social and the family obligations on her had tied her up . She could not practise her own interests even when she was amongst the best lost. As her family members never appreciated it and never thought it as profession for her. They always wanted her to pursue a career which does not give her a freedom to step out of her house. For them it was more important that she should get married that too at the age of twenty. She was just a kid. An aspiring individual with lots of talent and potential within her who was just waiting to get right platform to showcase it.

Is it necessary for a girl to get married at the age of twenty that when we are living in the twentieth century. How can a family think so about their own child ? I thought that today’s parents are more supportive when it comes to the career selection for child and specially a girl child. And maybe they are more broad minded as compared to that of yester years. Alia was continuously bugged upon the fact that she had more male friends than female. She was taunted on the fact that she was tomboyish in nature. Which was perhaps the cause of concern for them as that will not fetch her a suitable husband. Instead being proud of her efforts and achievements in media field they felt embarrassed because if her. I don’t know what made them feel so bad about her> I guess there are many youngsters in this world and our country who does not want to keep their counter part caged within the four walls of their house hold. Time has changed a lot, and with every passing decade there should be more scope for the fair sex to share the platform with us. One thing is very sure that both male and female complement each other to why to feel so insecure with the enlistment of the other sex. If one is confident of oneself then there should not be any reason for jealousy with the other half of the society. Its easy to suppress the fairer sex for a society but a person who has the courage to help them come up and stand beside him then he is a real man. Unfortunately the patriarchy does not have the courage to accept the fact that the females of our generation are capable enough to take their responsibilities both inside the house and outside the house. In fact they are a step ahead from us in a few respect.
A man always prefer to walk away from all the odd circumstances in his life. But on the contrary a woman is always ready to face it. A guy when maintains a physical relationship with more than one partner in his society he is referred as a stud, on the other hand a girl is referred as slut if she does the same thing in her society. Since their child hood days they are put into on or the other kind pain. Either physical or mental. Initially they bear with their biological changes and got through the process of menstruation cycle. Then by the time they attain the age of sixteen they need to prevent themselves from the preying eyes if the frustrated men loitering in the streets. Even at times they are a prey to their own family members. So they never know which place is safe for them, still they have the courage to step out in this unsafe society and take responsibilities in different career fields.

I think Alia is also the victim f the same circumstances and situation. Its not that she wants to lead a life of a tomboy, somewhere down her heart there might be a firm reason or incident which might have forced her to put this mask on her. One thing was very evident from her talks that her parents were never close to her. Or even if they might have been from their perspective, they never understood her. She always complained about the communication gap between her and her parents. Of course I am not blaming only her parents for her, but yes there should have been an initiation from their side. A youngster who has always been accused of her independent thoughts and views would never feel free to communicate with her parents. As she knows that she will be again judged on this basis and would be convicted as result. This fear of being judged causes the problem. I too had similar problem between me and my parents. As a young boy most of my thoughts and views came cause of curiosity which was taken as a an influence of bad circle.
In the month of July I had to depart for Bangalore to get a student’s loan. Initially my trip was planned for just fifteen days. But as I reached the place the whole process got delayed and consequently I was unable to get the sanction. Which resulted in the cancellation of my admission in the Postgraduate programme in a Media college in Delhi.
Ultimately I didn’t have any other option instead of joining a business with my best friend Aniket. We dealt with the trainings in corporate sectors. Our product gave a an idea about corporate etiquettes. In this long and extended visit of mine which was gradually turning out to be an exile for me from the exciting world of my creative field and the exciting life of Delhi. I maintained my contact with Alia and tried to ease out her pain from a distance through my words and interactions. She was loosing the confidence in her and she started doubting her own calibre. She complained about her verbal wars with her parents. She wanted to pursue a career in the field of media but they disapproved on this and instead suggested to go for a course in home science. What an irony, how could be they turn so uncanny about the choice of career for their daughter? She was in a great pain which lasted only for some few minutes of conversation with her on phone. Initially I suggested her to keep her calm and have patience, as I believed that her parents might understand her ambitions and her potential for career in the creative field. But unfortunately with every passing day even my hopes started dying in this respect. One fine day in the month of September I came to know that she had cut her hand in anger against her family. She was continuously cursed by her mom for not behaving like a normal Indian girl, who prefers to be caged within the four walls of household. I did had some interactions with her mom but it was restricted to just one or two times in six months. It was during my stay in Bangalore I realised the actual problems faced by her. She even underwent a physical assault by her brother, which left a mark of bruise on her shoulder. It was shocking to know that her family thought that it was a shear waste money and time for Alia to pursue higher studies. They still live in the setup of early nineteenth century where a female was supposed to take over the responsibilities of a wife and bearing lots of children for her husband. She was not allowed to fill any of the forms and even was discouraged for her projects. Some how she did get an entry to a course on Woman Studies in Delhi University which was just a small relief for her. But this was just for two months. Her extraordinary mind was put in the state of rust. She did not have an option to exercise her creativity at any place. Her curious soul was put behind the bars and was turning into a dull entity. She was loosing her knack within her own field. In between she did try to make her parents happy by getting a big cake and helping her within the kitchen on the eve of Mother’s Day. But all went in a vain when her mom started crying accusing her for reason of committing suicide. I don’t know why do India families try this emotional black mailing. They don’t understand this girl of her will bring lots of laurels to her family and even to the nation if she is given a chance. But know for a conservative traditions existing in our society does not permit her to follow her dreams. Its again very ironical to see that her family who financially sound due to her family business, sends their son abroad to pursue his higher studies and follow his own dreams, on the contrary their daughter does not have the right to follow the same even in the same country. She was continuously choked with their taunts and comments on choosing a bold career and life style for herself. How insecure is our society in this respect. They have the fear of loosing their patriarchy and subsequently their authority to govern the female clan of our society. Well this issue is not only prominent in the Afro-Asian countries, but its also existing in the western developed countries. Its hard for the dominating clan to accept their suppressed as their equals. Alia’s s family was unable to accept this transition in their household through her. They were ready for any kind of questioning for the elders of the household. They didn’t have the courage to take positives of this change and the people around their family were just aggravating their anger against Alia. The so called relatives or friends of their family were not able to accept the rebel in Alia. Somewhere down the lane they might have been foreseeing the threat of their own kids getting influenced by Alia and then turning out to be a rebel. They might not to be ready to answer their kids questions . It might deprive them of domination within the family. Or perhaps they had this fear of loosing the power and freedom for themselves. Alia was nothing but voice of the young generation who was continuously fighting to achieve her aim without any support . Her frustration reached to its zenith when her parents didn’t arrive to watch the premier of his project on Mother Teresa where she was an assistant director. They reached when the whole programme was on the verge of its end have tried . If at all they would have thought of appreciating her efforts and applauded her for achievement they would have been moved a step towards the beginning of a communication between them and her. But they chose to ignore her achievements and didn’t feel a necessity to extend a hand of pat on her back. Still she didn’t complain about her, she was happy with the fact that at least she came for the function. How come it be so difficult for parents to show their affection for their children? And if they don’t get the same in return they complain about their children. But before they start complaining they should think of the fact that its because of them their children have distanced them with them. It was they who started creating the distance during the growing years of their children. Or the fear factor which has developed within them during their growing years which results in the isolated nature. And instead of trying to help them in coming out of this situation the parents push them more into their own sell by passing some unwanted and unnecessary comments towards them. Alia was undergoing through same issues and problems. She was not heard, her questions were unanswered and her inquisitiveness was considered as bad trait within her. Thus she was unable to develop a freedom to express herself in front of her family. Their parents thought sharing a drink with her occasionally will bring her close to her family and them, but I believe this is not the freedom which she was looking for. It’s the freedom to take decisions about her career and life ,the freedome to express herself and move freely with out any inhibitions.

Alia is not at all different. She is as good as any other female. She as feminine as any other female in the society. Then also I don’t know why her parents thought that she does not have any of those qualities in her. If I get an opportunity to chose a life partner for myself I will definitely chose her on the first place. As she is a perfect girl one can think of, a blend of household and corporate girl. Its only on the guy how he accepts her. As she is an ambitious individual who wants a space around herself to pursue her interest and attain the epitome of the success. But that does not mean that she never enjoys a lunch or a dinner with her family. She also wants to get applauded by her parents for every achievements in her life. She too wants to share the joy of reaching that epitome of success. She too wants to show them that she is as responsible as any other individual of her age. She is not just a kid ,she is actually a grown up who can definitely take care of herself and is capable enough to take decisions about her career and her personal life.

This attitude of her has actually made her mire loveable to me and respected. I had a total wrong notion about her. Its really to hard to know a person in just one look and one meeting. She is a great human being with a heart of gold and a mind of a genius. I am proud to be her friend, even though she is a contender of mine when it comes to our career ,but still I cannot develop a feeling of jealousy for her. She is one person in my life I can say is very adorable and loveable to me. My heart beats for her and I genuinely care for her. As my mind always wish for her happiness, and success. I want to help her out of every odds of her life, as it gives me a great satisfaction. May be because I also have faced the dame situation I in my life but then never want to see her the same situation and pain. Its nice feeling when you bring a smile on the face of the person whom you love the most. Alia is no doubt that special person for me and I would always be happy to keep that smile on her face for the rest of her life. I want to be a reason to bring happiness in her life, give her love ,care and all the emotional support see ever look during her journey towards the fulfilment of her dreams. I want to see her at the epitome of success where she wish to reach. As I trust her capabilities, her potential, her enthusiasm and her passion for her work.

In the end I would like to leave it to my readers to decide that whether what Alia aspires for and what she longs for is justifiable or not . Whether she has the right to voice against the suppression imposed on her or it’s her right to take decisions for her life or not that too in a country where girl attains her adulthood at the age eighteen. As its not the issue of just one Alia there are many other Alia living in different parts of the globe that does not have the courage to break the barriers around her.

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