THE END OF INNOCENCE(pradnya) THE END OF INNOCENCE

As I remember, I was only 10 year old at that time. Barbie’s, dolls, and bear’s were my favorites. When we are young we are free to fly in our imaginations, where no one pulls us down. I was alike as I said. Being in my virtual world was my favorite part of life.

The day was so bright, and lovely. A child of 10 year had never ever give a thought on ‘what would be there, hidden in secrets of future.’ We were living in a flat system, which had been given by the government to my father. Every employee, working in the government, has been given a ‘quarter’ or you can say a house to live at.

We had a neighbor having four boys of her own. Some of them were having higher studies and some were recruited for a good job in government as well. We used to call them our ‘bhaiyas’ (our brothers). They were quite old for us. We had played with them many times, and they too like our company as well. But as my mom has always told me; we would never guess ‘what’s there in others minds hidden from us’. We are only two daughters to our parents. Well, I was the first one and had been born very late to them. So they have always cared for me, and yes, they will always do. But they had always trusted our neighbors. They always had a faith for them as well.

Raj was the eldest in that family and he had reached at that very morning, on that day. My sister and I were playing with my new Barbie set. Which my mom and dad had gifted it to me on my 10th birthday. Making a small house for our Barbie's was our passion, at those times. Oh, I clearly remember the pleasure and ecstasy of the childhood I had.

He had greeted me, my sister and my mom as well, on that morning. He praised my mom for her delicious food and told my mom that he wants us to meet him, as he had come after a long time. We were also happy, as we were meeting him after a long time too. Apart from everything, I did notice my mom’s eyes, as she wanted us to come back home soon.

We had entered in my neighbor’s house. Aunty greeted us and told us to play in the hall. We were in reverie or in our virtual world and had been busy playing with our dolls. I hadn't noticed that Raj bhaiya was there, in hall, too. He was gazing at me madly. I was healthy and a small pink fleshy child, as anyone can notice me and can also love me.

Suddenly, we were started on our hunt for a book to complete our Barbie house.
Well, we were constructing our Barbie’s house by using lots of giant books of Raj bhaiya. Maybe, he had noticed that. He smirked and asked me to come with him in his room. My sister was busy in watching TV at that time. So, I held his hand and we moved towards his room. His room was small, and at the end of the house. I had never given a thought on what’s going to happen at the next moment. I was so happy, and full of excitement. When I entered the room I saw a pile of books. The happiness erupted inside me. I ran towards the books, and found a big, but suitable book for our small Barbie house.

I didn’t notice that he closed the door of the room. I turned with ecstasy, thinking how my house would look. And suddenly, I was thrown on his bed. I was confused. Each and every thing happening around me was mind boggling. I tried to shout but he placed his hand on my mouth tightly, and then he placed himself on me. And then he had started chewing my lips like a chewing gum. My hands were tightly grasped by him. His grip was so tight, that every try of mine to set myself free was becoming a futile attempt.

Many questions had erupted in my mind. What’s going on? What am I suppose to do now? What to do? How? Everything seems to be clueless. The situation was so horrifying, that I can’t explain it. I had found myself in a tigers den. I wanted to run, but it seemed to be useless. I want one chance, only one chance. But all things were insane. My lips were chewed by a monster who was my bhaiya, my brother, once.

And then, my mind reminded me, woke me up. It told me, ‘RUN! Run or you will regret on this moment for your whole life. Run, and set yourself free’. I don’t know from where the strength had came inside me, from where came the power I got, but I pulled him back. Yes, I did it. I, a 10 year old girl pulled a 60 kg man away from her body, away from her lips. And I tried to run, but I guess he wasn’t done over me. He grabbed my hand again. But this time, I don’t want to let him throw me or let him fulfill his wants. I saw a cricket bat lying on the floor, near his bed. I grabbed it and hit his head. He was aghast. He had held his head tightly. But he didn’t make any noise, maybe because of aunty who was cooking in the kitchen. I opened the door somehow and ran towards the main hall. I grabbed my sister’s hand and we managed to enter our house.

After that day, my life became miserable. Everything became absurd, and clueless. The dolls were nothing to me now. My virtual world of fairies, princesses, and happy endings were crushed by the monster I had seen. Love, friendship, and mankind are ruined inside my heart. I was alone, and lonely. Many time I had thought, what should I do next? Do I have to tell my parents about this? Do I have to tell this to anyone? What if they take me in the wrong way? What if they wouldn’t understand me? As I am an Asian, there are many things which aren’t considered well in our cultures. That’s why we have to think on our many small things, like community, society, parents, etc.

Day passed and I slipped into depression. I saw HIM every day in my dreams, doing the same thing with me, which he had done. The touch of HIS was alive somewhere inside me. I had stopped playing with dolls, had stopped chatting with my sister, and had started living isolated. I wanted to cry out loud, but my tears were also frightened, I guess. I wanted to be free. I wanted to fly in the open skies again.

And at one night, I found my mom awake. I had grabbed some courage inside me, and decided that I will tell her everything. I turned to face her, and asked her to listen to me. Her ears were on me. And tears were sparkled in her eyes. She was awestruck. She pulled me in her arms, near her heart and embraced me tightly. She looked through my eyes, and said ‘dear, apart from your mother I am your best friend. You can tell me anything you want.’ She pulled my chin, kissed on my cheeks, and continued, ‘darling, I will be always there for you, whenever you want me, in any situation, good as well as worst. Because I love you, and if anyone wants to hurt you we will defeat him as you did my little power puff girl.’

I felt relieved. I had never found myself so secured. I can say, after a long time period, I had slept without any worry of any nightmare, because somewhere inside my heart I felt safe again.
I had found my mom with me, not as my mother but as my friend. She is one of my best friends now. I always thank god for giving me such a sweet, and beautiful angel, who understands me more than me. Today it’s been 12 years and I had never had HIS touch and had never had HIS dreams again. I can say, today my sister has also became one of my best friends. Well, yes, it had taken a long time of my life to grab courage and to spit out my secret. But today it’s only a scar on my thoughts which is healed. Now, I live more than I did and always for the best in future.

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