That's how she taught me how to love again.(rajat upadhyay) That’s how she taught me how to love again….

Hi, it’s me, Rajat Upadhyay. It was Feb 2011. I was in 8th class at that time. I was 12 and about to turn 13 in this week. I was in love for the first time. I was in love with a girl named Ekta. What about Ekta? I didn’t know much about her. She was in 7th and she was really a beautiful girl. In this week, I was turning a teen. So, my mind was like “I don’t know why? I just love her. She’s my life”. I was not mad. It’s common in that age. I told about this to every friend of mine. Everyone was ready to help me. I and Ekta had a mutual friend between us. Her name was Divya. Divya was her best friend. I and Divya made a plan on how to propose to Ekta. I was ready to propose to her just 1 day before my birthday. On 11th Feb, I was nervous, shivering. I thought I’d just propose to her and give her chocolate. Then I proposed to her. It was neither in a good manner nor in a good and elegant style. I just grabbed her hand in front of her house and said “I love you. Will you please be my girlfriend?”. Hah! What would happen then? She just said “sorry I can’t. I’m not ready for this yet”. It was kind of an insult. Then what, I was broken hearted. I threw my chocolate in my dustbin and decided to never love again. In Feb, I proposed to her, got rejected, and turned a teen. In March I cleared my exam and switched my school because that school was only till 8th class. And yeah! My connection with Divya was however ended. Perhaps because she started teasing me in a fun way like “Rajat is single, Rajat is single”. But my friends were still with me. However we were in different schools but still we were good friends.

So, when I got in 9th class. I was 13+. It was a trend at that time about taking phone no. of girls with each other. We used to exchange numbers as we were done with one. We used to impress and make them girlfriends through phone. That’s what I and my friends were doing at that time. We were getting professional. But after 1 year, that thing turned into crime. So, we quit this. But as we were the Boyzzz. We started having fun with friends. I started eating non-veg in 10th. It wasn’t fair in my family because I am from a Hindu upper cast family. But still I did it. We started doing things like partying every weekend, going for movies, bike riding, roaming around and more of all is that we started drinking and smoking. And for girls we started Facebook and tuitions. I mean we were looking for girls in our tuition classes. We were good at that although that’s how I made a girlfriend in my tuition and lost my virginity. I was the first one to do this at the age of 14 in my friend circle. In March 2013, our exam started for 10th. So, we left all the fun and started studying for it. After exams we couldn’t help ourselves. We were addicted to fun but it was less this time. So, everyone started doing different things but with fun. I was learning psychology. Not exactly, but I used to download pdf files and books for psychology and read them in my tablet. I was 15 and I learned a lot about it. About human behavior, talking way, body language, etc.

One day I was just hanging around on facebook and I saw a name in “people you may know” column. It was Divya Gupta. I was so happy to see her. I Just sent her a friend request with a friendship message. Later on, we started chatting, then flirting. I was getting to know something by the way of her writing. It was like she’s taking to me as more than a friend. I made it clear and yes it was the thing I thought. On a day when we were chatting, she was getting angry with me and she suddenly said “you know what, Rajat? I love you”. I was shocked and surprised. I don’t know why? But I rejected her. She was sad and upset. She said to me some words that made me feel her feelings, “Rajat, when you proposed to Ekta and she said ‘no’, You felt bad. Didn’t you? That’s how I’m feeling now”. I didn’t want anyone to feel the way I did. So, I did set up a meeting with her and just got engaged with her in a relationship. I was just passing time while she was really in love. I know myself because if I had loved her, I’d never go to a brothel after that relationship and before the day she came to my home.

The day when I went to the brothel, I was committed. I went there when my parents were not at home for 2 days. On the 1st day, I went to brothel and had sexual intercourse with a prostitute. The other day, I told Divya to come to my home if she loves me. I don’t know how, but she came and still I wasn’t in love. I was just passing my time. I kissed her and pressed her boobs at my home. It was her first kiss. I know because she wasn’t doing it properly. We did nothing more than that. She was a virgin but still I didn’t have sex with her because she wasn’t mentally ready for it. So I did let her go. We were meeting twice a week and I wasn’t comfortable with that. Maybe because I was feeling something about her. One day I wasn’t in a fine mood because of some reasons related to our relationship. Some of them were like saying “no” for a date and meeting everyday because of her family problems. So, I called her and said “I’m sorry Divya. I’m not feeling glad in this relationship. So, either you break it or do something to prove that you love me”. She said ”Please Rajat, don’t do this to me. I’ll do whatever you say”. I asked her for sex. She had some limits or something. That’s why she said no for it. I was ready for break up. We had a meeting where she was like “please please Rajat. I’m sorry. I can’t do it. Please try to understand me. I can do another task to prove it. You name it please”. So I told her to meet me every day. For that she joined dance classes and proved it. I was not getting what’s going on but I was starting to feel her. I was starting to understand her. Couldn’t say exactly but I think it was in love and I was afraid of it. So, I wanted to get rid of her but I couldn’t. After a week we had a little fight because of me. Still she didn’t leave me. She said “Rajat, first I proved my love and now it’s your turn. Prove your love or break it”. In a way I was glad about not proving my love and breaking it up. She told me a task and actually I couldn’t do that. She was upset from me. I don’t know why but I just said “Sorry Divya, I couldn’t prove my love, but I just love you infinitely”. She said “I know it sweetheart. You don’t need to prove anything”. At that time I saw true love. The love I once felt in 8th class. Yeah! I was in love with her and that’s how she taught me how to love again.

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