The Varsity Bus(Ric Wooldridge) -The Varsity Bus

Standing here at yet another graveside service, watching another friend being covered with dirt. Each time I attend one of these sad occurrences I seem to relive the life I had involving the person I would see entering the small cavern excavated for what was once a living, breathing person.
When I was in high school I only knew Karen by association in the classes that we shared and the parties we attended. She was so beautiful. She was a different class of person than I. She was a cheerleader and her friends were all cheerleaders and sports players. I was involved in the peace movement and played music. While people would come and dance when those I associated with played uptown, we weren’t the type of people that were preferred in the popular circles. But Karen was always kind and had a warm smile for me. I remember.

“You going to the game tonight?” Kevin asked.
Jamie thought about it for a bit and then shook his head. “No. Don’t have a date lined up and I really couldn’t care less about the game.”
“You should go anyway. There’s always the cheerleaders.”
“I would rather hang out with a chick than just gawk at them. Never mind. I’m not going.” Jamie thought about Karen. He would really like to get the nerve up to ask her for a date, but she was always doing her cheerleader thing. Besides, every time he got a chance to speak with her his tongue turned into something resembling a lead weight. He could smile and say hello and then gravity would drag his tongue straight down to his shoes.
“Has Kyle been banging on his guitar with you guys?”
“We haven’t even seen him since he started hanging around all the jocks. I’m sure he’ll be out there banging his head against the other team tonight. He got all PO’d at us when we told him that he was dancing like Elvis at the last gig he played at. We weren’t criticizing him, but he went spoing over it. The chicks loved it.”
“Yeah,” Kevin said. “I wish it was that easy for me. I really don’t get it. He always smells like a like dirty socks and, still, the chicks hang all over that guy.”
“He smiles, he sings while looking right into their eyes, he tells them exactly what he wants and they do it. Personally, I think that smell is something he rolls in that attracts the masses. I think it’s creepy, but hey that’s them, not me. I’ll stick to somebody I know and like, not just the warm and breathing.”
“You guys used to be really tight,” Kevin shook his head.
“Yeah, he gets along better with the all-star crowd now. They all like him because he’s tough and can run fast. He seems to have forgotten where he came from. They’re not going to like him any better after school finishes and they're not fighting over some ball together. They’ll treat him just like they used to, the broke little moocher.”
“Aw Jamie, he’s not that bad.”
“He’s getting there. You enjoy the game tonight. I think I’ll hang out at the theater.”
“You work there, and it’s your night off. Why would you go there?”
“It’s free . Maybe I’ll meet somebody.”
“You’re a freak, Jamie.”
“I guess.”

That night the jv and the varsity team both came through with easy wins. I don’t remember the school they played. I never cared. There were two busses filled with elated high school students, shouting and screaming. In the back of the varsity bus Karen found out how many friends she had.

“Damn, Jamie! You should have come. You could have stopped him.” Kevin was waiting outside the theater when Jamie came out.
“Stopped who? What are you talking about?”
“Kyle! I can’t believe what he did. I can’t believe what everybody did. I mean everybody! I should probably tell somebody, but, man, it was bad!”
“Settle down! Now, what! What did Kyle and everybody do.”
Kevin looked scared and sick. People were still leaving the theater and he was looking around at them nervously. He turned and walked down the alley leading to the parking lot behind the theater. As he turned the corner he swore violently and punched the dumpster at the back of the building.
“Breaking your hand isn’t going to fix anything. What gives?”
“Man, Kyle raped Karen in the back of the varsity bus as everyone else crowded around, blocking the view from the driver. Everyone was cheering and screaming and covering up for Karen’s screams. Man,“ Kevin punched the dumpster again.
Jamie just stood there shocked. Those people had grown up with Karen. He and Kyle had moved into town at the beginning of high school at the same time, but all of those who stood around and watched and cheered were childhood friends. They were people that you would expect help from. The other cheerleaders were her close girlfriends. They not only watched, they covered up as the crime was in progress. Why? How could they? Jamie was becoming angry as he looked at Kevin. Harshly he said, “Where’s your balls?”
“Huh?”
“Dammit! Where’s your balls? You were there! You let it happen!”
“Hey! What was I supposed to do? All those jocks would have mopped the floor with me.”
“Yeah? So you sat in the corner and watched? You come to me and tell me I should have been there. Why? You were there, dammit! You did nothing! Where is Karen now?”
“I don’t know, man. I just got out of there.”
Jamie turned and walked away from Kevin. Kevin yelled, “Hey! Where you going?“ He caught up with Jamie and caught hold of Jamie’s arm, “Man, you gonna tell?”
Jamie shook him off violently. “Get away from me! Don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me.”
Kevin threw his hands up and said, “Hey, peace, man.”
Jamie sneered and said, “I don’t think so,” and walked away.

There was still a crowd at the high school park where the bus let the students out. It was the usual scene, as everyone leaned against cars and talked. Others climbed into cars and checked out whatever kind of chemical preferences they had for celebration purposes. As Jamie approached the front of school there was another group of people huddled in tight that had the ugly feel to it that he knew he’d find. Not hesitating Jamie walked straight into the huddle to find smiles and laughter with a hysterical edge to it. As he knew would happen, Kyle saw him and walked up with a big football hero smile. Jamie didn’t wait, but unloaded the hardest blow he could muster.
Kyle and Jamie had tangled before. Kyle was shorter than Jamie, but he was heavier by about thirty pounds. Jamie knew that Kyle could take him in a fair fight, but he had no intention of being fair. When Kyle’s head flew back Jamie drilled his solar plexus, grabbed hold of a handful of hair as he began to double over and slammed his knee into his face. Jamie hit Kyle so hard that his feet were in the air when his head hit the pavement. It was over before anyone knew that there was trouble.

“Now that I have your attention. I want to tell you wonderful people that what just occurred is just the beginning. When Kyle comes to tell him that was for Karen.”
As he spoke, Larry, the captain of the football team and the coaches pride and joy, started to take a threatening step toward Jamie. Jamie acted as if he didn’t see it until Larry was too close, then he gave him a quick jab on the end of the nose and a backhanded slap to the throat. Larry fell to the ground choking.
“Listen! You can act human of your own accord, or you can be dragged up in public like animals. No matter what you do, it’s up to Karen what happens to you. If she wants it you’ll get some of what you deserve. I’m sick that I’ve ever known you.”
Jamie turned and walked away and went to find Karen. That task turned out to be more difficult than Jamie thought. Starting from the theater, Jamie called Karen’s home and asked her parents if he could speak with her. They told him that she was spending the night with a friend, one that had been among the spectators on the bus and at the school. Karen wasn’t driving that night, so Jamie knew she was afoot. Jamie went about cruising town, looking for someplace private where she might seek to hide or do as Ronnie had done when he had taken his own life. It was obvious that Karen hadn’t gone to the police, who were not known for their sympathy or compassion. The longer he looked the more he worried. And then he found her.
As he crossed the bridge he saw her out of the corner of his eye, standing between the girders staring down at the water. He parked at the end of the bridge and walked back to where she was, on the opposite side of the road. Trying to sound calm he called to her, “You know, if you jump, you’ll probably just break a leg. This bridge isn’t really high enough. I could probably carry you back up to my car and get you to a doctor, but you probably wouldn’t enjoy the whole experience.”
She didn’t respond at all. She just leaned on the railing and stared down at the water flowing down the river. “Karen, I don’t know what to say. I know you’re hurt and I want to help, but I don’t know what to do. Can you talk to me?”
“You weren’t there?”
“No. Kevin came and told me. I’m sorry, Karen. I should have been there to stop them.”
“How could you have stopped them? Kyle is your friend. Anne, Larry, Theresa, Jackie, Mike,” she sobbed, “everybody on the bus. They were MY friends.” She whispered, “They were supposed to be my friends.”
“I don’t have friends that do that to people. I don’t have friends that let that happen to people. I wasn’t there tonight because I sound stupid when I try to talk to girls I like, and now you’re hurt because of it. Kevin came and got me because he knows I’d help you. What do you want me to do? Please, Karen. Don’t hurt yourself. Let me take you home, or to the doctor. What do you need?”
“I don’t know. Kevin told you? He was there? He saw?” She finally turned her eyes to Jamie. He was surprised to see that there were no tears. The violation and betrayal that had been visited upon her marked her face in a way that Jamie never forgot. She had been robbed of her dignity and maybe her ability to trust. She was looking at him, but he felt she was seeing somebody else.
“Kevin hid like a rat, and then came and told me. He should have stopped Kyle. I’m sorry, Karen. I know I’m too late, but I’m here now. I want to help and I’ll wait as long as you want me to. I’ll try to do whatever you ask. Can I help you back to the walkway?
It was such a relief when she stretched out her hand to accept Jamie’s help that he couldn’t help but give an audible sigh. Karen actually smiled, but made no remark. As she settled on the sidewalk, Jamie started to walk her in the direction of his car, but Karen suddenly went stiff and jerked away. “No! No. I don’t want to get in your car. I can walk back into town..”
“Ok. That’s ok. Can I walk with you?” Jamie asked quietly.
“What about your car?” she asked.
“It’s fine where it is. It’s old and ugly. Who’d want to steal it? I’ll walk you wherever you want to go and come back for it. I just don’t want you to be alone.“ And so they’d walked into the center of town to the house where she was supposed to be spending the night and found her girlfriend, Cheryl, there. Karen had decided that it was best to stay there and deal with things the next day.
The next day never came.
For me, it was just the beginning. I refused to forget what animals people turn into when given the chance. To this day, those I call friends are not entertained by violence or casual about the pain of others. Those involved in the rape stayed away from me for the rest of my highschool days and on into our adult years. Hopefully they were ashamed of their behavior, but most probably they were just afraid of what I might say or do. My violent reaction to Kyle’s behavior accomplished nothing. It didn’t change him or those who witnessed my anger. I could make excuses and say that it divorced me from association with Kyle’s crowd and their heartlessness, but I was already outcast from that “upper class” already.

Karen went on as if nothing happened. Her “friends” remained her friends. I never understood that. Was that night just a joke? Was everyone just having fun? I know that it changed her, made her into a less flamboyant personality. Where she used to laugh and dance, she would warily smile and observe. Over the years, Karen married and divorced three times and was deeply involved in several relationships in between. Whenever Karen and I ran into each other she always had a warm smile, but her friends were never my friends and our lives seldom crossed. I wasn’t there at her last bridge. I hadn’t known she was in need.

Now, standing at Karen’s grave side, I remembered the pretty girl that I had difficulty speaking to in my personal shyness.
“I am so sorry, Karen.”

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