Strange Bond-A Mistake Of My Life

Strange Bond-A Mistake Of My Life(John Cartar) Strange Bond - A Mistake Of My Life


*First Stage:
This story has a happy beginning. This is about me and a girl who was my
friend in old days. I used to worry she wasn't alive. I am not
that lucky. Jokes apart, I named her Kitty. We were friends, more than
that, we were good friends.

*Childhood:
In childhood we always shared our day to day life and she was pretty. No
one knows except my one or two best friends that she was my first crush.
But in old days I early realized that attraction is nothing. I respect
my all friends. My classmate said that I have an attitude and I know
this. I am ME because of my attitude. We played games, enjoyed the
school life together. But there was something between us. There was a
contradictory power between us, which was stopping us. I stopped talking
with her in 6th or 7th standard. I thought she is unlucky for me. It
could be wrong to think this. I had few friends but they all were nice.
Kitty was one of them. If we didn't talk, there was a communication. We
could say it through non-verbal communication. For example - giving a smile to each other, doing pranks and much more. I didn't think wrong about her, never. Still I don't have any wrong feelings about her. We were in pre-teen age. She took admission in another school. It's a bad habit of mine to think about friends or family before sleeping. In those days, I also thought about kitty and felt that I shouldn't stop talking with her.
This attitude is wrong. Then I thought to talk with her and say sorry.
She was like my sister. But I think she is not going to understand the
meaning of it.

*Pre-teen age: meeting her again:
She met me in 11th standard; I talked to her for about 5 or 10 minutes,
but that time forgot to say sorry. But it was a nice meeting. I always
considered her my best friend. But like everything she also doesn't
understand the meaning of a best friend. How? I will try to explain it
further.

Now we are teens and here comes the great Facebook. Likes, share, update, etc. this all is called Facebook. One thing I like most about Facebook is that we can find our old friends just by searching them on Facebook. The day I met kitty on Facebook, was a very special day for me. I was happy. I sent her a friend request and then the talk began.
First of all I said sorry to her for all bad things I have done with
her. Now I was like feather. We talked about many things. i asked her;
are we close friends? than she said, yes, we are. After so many talks
and late night chats I started sharing my feelings with her. It's my merit
or demerit, I don't know. I always feel attached to my friends. Without
my friends I am half. After my family, my friends come, then my love of
special one. I told her about my love. I thought she can help me. I was
confused about it. But after so many tries she talked to one and got me
her reply and it was a No. now I was sure about one and still didn't know
her reply. I was very upset with kitty because of her very late movement
of trying. We fought many times between all this. I am a very humorous
boy and like to see happy everyone. But sometimes people ignore me. They
think i always do jokes. But nobody knows, even my best friend, that
there is a deep feeling of sadness behind every joke. Like others kitty
also failed to understand me. I shared everything but she never shared
her feelings. Feelings is far away, she didn't even share her number
with me. I didn't understand which type of close friend she is. I shared
about my love but she didn't tell me about her love. She said, only mad
people do love, leave her and don't get interested in all this love.
She didn't share anything but she hurt my feelings. This was not right.
I am so emotional. I can bear physical torture but not mental torture.
But I always said sorry for every fight. But she never said. She says,
I don't say sorry to anyone. I have an attitude but she has an over
attitude. But after all this, still I felt she is my close friend.

*College: Teenage:
In college days in my 3rd semester, I came to know about her boyfriend.
I asked about him. She said,I don't know him and there is no one in my
life. Okay, it's her life, if she doesn't want to share; I am no one to
ask. Coincidently her boyfriend is my classmate and an old friend's
ex-classmate. On the topic of her boyfriend we started to fight. Finally
she said that she loves him. I said that but you don't believe in love,
then why? She didn't reply. I was very angry. She behaved very badly
with me. It was pointless to think that a friend who was my close friend
didn't understand me and was ready to fight with me for the 10 day love.
She said that your love is nothing; even you don't know who your real
love is.

*A boxing round:
Now that was enough. After so many arguments, I stopped talking to her
and tried to think that she is not my friend anymore. She was just a
Facebook friend. But she blocked me in both my accounts. I had a fake id.
I always wanted to say her, happy birthday. So I said those words with
fake id. Because that time I still felt that she is my friend. In
December, 2012, there was my 3rd semester exam. I didn't talk with her the
whole month and never wanted to. Exams were good in my point of view.
But as a problem never ignores me, I lost someone in January. That was a
hard time and always will be. Time keeps moving. In February, my next
semester began. Many times I faced her boyfriend but we didn't talk. But
his friends always asked me what happened between you. They disturbed me,
but not now. I said nothing to them because I don't like fights. In
between, I always cared for her and said nothing to her and her
boyfriend, because I have no right to interfere in their life. Some days
ago I read a message on my fake id. She said, "I know who u r." she abused me about my caste. She also abused me. Now I was very confused, and wondered, how a girl, who was my friend and I always considered her one
of my close friends, could abuse me and behave like this. Her thinking
is very narrow. I know she is an upper cast girl but what the hell is
this cast system. I hate this caste system. We are all the same and only
your behavior, skills and most of all your thinking differ you from others. I was very sad and angry. I said to her that, your thinking is very short and I also abused her. I know this is wrong but she did first. It is childish, but I was uncontrollable. That day was bad and I don't know why but I was feeling sad and there were some stars in my eyes. I thought, what the hell is this, why I should cry for someone, who is not even my friend. But I knew she was not my friend any more but she was.

*Last Round:
I messaged her on Facebook and made a deal that we are not friends
anymore and don't know each other. It is the end. She replied, I didn't
want to say anything to you. I said to her, it means deal. Now we
don't know each other. No interference in each other's life. Good bye,
and there was a reply after some time, GOODBYEEE; when I saw this
message I smiled and my heart was running fast. Again there were stars.

But now it is all right. Childhood friends are only childhood friends,
especially girls. Only one or two friends remain with you. Or I am not a
good friend. May be I am not. In past two or three years we never met
and talked except a 5 minute talk. I again feel sorry for what I have
done to her. She was a friend, a good friend. But now I can say, yes she
is unlucky for me. I pray for her, for a happy life. I don't know why
every day I check my cell for her message.

Strange Bond-A Mistake Of My Life