Love Heals

Even a broken heart keeps on beating.

I was born in a Catholic family. My upbringing was very strict and our lives revolved around Church and the teachings of the Bible. I honestly cannot say I ever got to know my parents as people because every time they spoke it was like hearing a verse from the bible, never making any sense to me, possibly never to my parents either.

Our home was surrounded with rosary beads, our lives were dictated by the church and Bible. I remember wanting to be normal like other families, to see my parents show love and affection towards each other and us, to have a laugh, have fun, but these things never happened in our family.

There is no doubt my parents loved me very much and wanted me to grow up as a good person, or should I say a good Catholic, however the more they preached the more I drifted away from it all.

As I reached my teens something changed, the young obedient girl in me rebelled and I began to discover things that made me happy and brought a little fun in my life.

I began to date guys, experiment with drugs and alcohol. I would leave the home prim and proper and use the local supermarket toilets to get changed and wear make up and be free from the life at home.

I felt free and able to be myself.

In school I had many friends but one friend that stood out from all the rest was Raza. Raza was a gentle kind and caring person. A Muslim and someone who never hid away from his religion, in fact his religion seemed to help him evolve into an even nicer person.

At the beginning I hated him. Not because I didn’t like him, but because he reminded me of my home life, of religion dictating life, and I was trying so hard to run away from it, so seeing him bought it all back.

Our friendship began when once i had taken some drugs and was struggling to even walk. I was disoriented and had no idea where I was until Raza happened to be passing by and helped me. He sat with me for hours listening to me babble on about lots of things, crying, screaming, swearing, but he didn’t let that deter him. He sat with me, comforting me until I was okay to get up and get back home.

Raza continued to be supportive and help me throughout the years ahead when things became very difficult and unbearable for me.

From drugs overdoses to abortions, from being arrested to having being raped. Raza stood by me.

I once asked Raza why he did what he did. Had he had a secret crush on me? Did he fancy me? No other friend had done this for me so why him?

Raza said as a Muslim it was his duty to be there for a friend no matter what. He had no other intention but to help and support me and would have done so for any of his friends.

Once following a drugs overdose I was admitted into hospital, as I came around I heard someone reading but couldn’t make out the words or the language. As I opened my eyes I saw Raza at my bedside, I asked him what he was reading and he replied, extracts from the Quran as they have healing and cures for everything and he had been praying for my health.

Raza continued to support me, even throughout his studies at University, if ever I needed him he would be there for me. He would tell me stories from Islam and the Quran and explain how the person he was was all down to his religion and the love of God, or Allah, as he would say.

I was intrigued, by Raza and by Islam. I had become so anti-religion that even the slight mention of religion would make me aggressive and bring back the bad memories of my own upbringing that I refused to hear anyone’s opinion or view on religion. Raza seemed to change this in me, I loved listening to him, listening to him talk about Islam, it surprisingly felt calming.

In 2010 I was at my all time low. With years of drug use, being abused by men, several abortions I had become deeply depressed and suicidal and had tried to take my life on several occasions.

In September 2010 I took an overdose. I was fed up of living the life I was living. I was sick of being used and thrown from pillar to pillar. My parents and family had completely disowned me for having rebelled against the Catholic lifestyle and not even on one occasion had they reached out their hand to help me or come and see me.

Only one person stood by me and that was Raza. Following my overdose, Raza helped me to get back on my feet again and get my life together. it was at this time something so strange happened that I can never forget the day, the time, the place it happened.

The day was 14th November, the time 3.30pm, the place Regent Park.

As I sat with Raza just chatting away I heard something, something I thought I had misheard so I asked Raza to repeat what he said.

“Will you marry me?”

"Are you for real Raza? Why would you want to marry someone like me? A drug addict, someone who has slept around, had numerous abortions, has nothing going for her and you have everything and could have anybody to marry you."

Raza looked at me and explained that throughout our friendship his intention has always been to help and support me for no other reason. He explained as a Muslim he would never turn away from me because everything he did was to please Allah and one of the things Allah loves is a person who helps others.

So he was marrying me to please Allah? I was very confused with all this but as Raza elaborated I began to understand his reasons and suddenly I grew this immense love and respect for him. Raza wanted to give me a life which would give me self respect, protection, love, security and care. He wanted to help me get out of the life I was leading and learn to live a life which would give me inner peace and tranquillity.

Raza wanted me to know and understand the love and peace he felt and he wanted to give me this by being my husband. He wanted me to become a Muslim but only after I had given time to learn and gain knowledge of Islam, not because of him.

Raza turned my life around but even greater than that Islam turned my life around.

I was a person who had completely broken in every way possible and was rejected by everyone, but Islam accepted me.

Today me and Raza are happily married. We have our ups and downs, sometimes have arguments and fall-outs, but never to this day has Raza ever bought up my past or slapped it in my face.

Raza has taught me to respect myself; he is still my best friend, my partner and the most loving husband I could ever dream of.

Our friendship bought us together but Islam bound us together for life.


Amanda Raza Khan
London


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This true story was first shared on the Facebook page: Mental Health- Speak UP Speak OUT. You may find and comment on this story and others directly by going to: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mental-health-Speak-UP-Speak-OUT/233144326764233