Life goes on!(Zarin Arya) Life Goes on!

After a long and stressful day at work she was leaving for the day and was in quite a hurry. She entered the lift with few others when she realized someone is standing very close to her in the lift. She just glanced at him once and could not make out if she already knew him. She looked down and waited for the lift to reach Ground floor. She walked out of the lift and started walking fast. It was already time and her bus had started moving. She panicked and didn’t know how to catch her bus.

She saw the same Boy on the bike looking at her as though asking with his eyes if she needs help. He looked into her eyes for more than a couple of seconds as though he knows her from a long time and was willing to help. Maybe it was love at first sight. She was about to miss her bus but she didn’t want to take the help of a stranger. She started running towards the moving bus but the bus took a turn and was out of sight for a moment. She ran as fast as she could and managed to catch her bus. She took a sigh of relief that finally she could make it. What an achievement!

The bus started and it was moving slowly. To her surprise, when she looked through the window his bike was next to the bus and he was watching her with an expression of content on his face that she finally got her bus. Mission accomplished! He accelerated his bike and moved faster and finally left from there. She thought he was so dashing! How was it possible that he wanted to help her? She was asking herself “Was it real?”, “Was it just an assumption?”… No strangers ever care like him. She engrossed herself in music and started her journey towards home.

She was having lunch with her team members and noticed someone watching her from afar. She was surprised again! Yes, it was him. This started happening more often. She started noticing that almost every day this boy watches her from a distance and smiles at her. The natural reaction to a smile is to smile back. They smiled at each other like friends would. She was a bubbly girl. He used to observe her moves, how she talks and whom does she meet and whether she too is noticing him or not! She used to feel shy in his presence and he used to be happy that she too is interested. She was aware he cares for her. She was serious for him and wanted to initiate a talk. Her life until now was very dry. She was single and a lonely soul who was in need of love and care.

She decided to send him a message but didn’t know what to say. Finally, with great courage on a Friday evening she sends the first message asking about his college but didn’t get any reply from him. Surprisingly they both had studied in the same college but didn’t know each other. She waited impatiently for his reply over the weekend.

The next Monday she found him around her in office. He had come dressed in a black shirt and blue jeans trousers. He looked utterly handsome in black. Like never before, he goes and speaks to his friend at a near-by workstation. He was glancing at her now and then as he talked to his friend. She too looks at him a couple of times but feels so very shy that she decides to stare at her laptop instead. She forgets about him for a moment and when she looked back after sometime he had left from there.

Nothing happens for a couple of days or so. She wondered what could be wrong. “Has he got her message?”, “Did she do a right thing to make the first move?”, “Was her move appreciated?”, “Had he come around looking for her?”...

Neither did he approach her nor did he reply to her message for another few days. She was in a small room along with other folks getting ready for an event. She realizes that he has entered the room. It made her heart skip a beat but she didn’t look up. After sometime he sat on a chair near her while she was standing. When he found it okay looking into her eyes he just asked “Were you the one who had messaged me?”. To his question she just nodded as “Yes”. She could not say a single word as they were in a crowded room.

After 7 long days or so, he comes and strikes a conversation with her. He answers her question about the college. They talk to each other briefly. She was very happy but could sense that he was tensed and not that happy about it. She tries to ignore this but a couple of questions strike her mind, “What is bothering him?”, “Why did he look sad?”, “What could be the reasons?”…

She was not sure if he was single and a few days just passed. On a quiet evening, with great courage she texts him from home and he calls back after a while. She was so excited that he called and it was tough for her to believe she is talking to him. He was nice to her over the phone. He talked very softly and sweetly with her. She took this opportunity and asked “Who is staying with you at home?” and he replied “It’s just me and my mother”. At this moment, she was the happiest girl of this world. They talked very fondly on that evening. She was thinking about him till she slept and thought to herself that she did the right thing to text him. That was a beautiful evening for her.

The next morning was a real blessing. To her surprise, on that day he comes early to office. As soon as she reached office, she found him there. They both were very happy and at the same time very shy to talk to each other. He was quite a handsome guy. His eyes glittered with happiness and he looked extra special and vey dashing like never before. Even though he hadn’t shaved, there was extra glow on his face as he was smiling and walking towards her. Her heart was skipping faster than usual when he was coming nearer with each step. She felt really shy and could not help but smiling when he was approaching. She told herself, “Hope he is not coming to hug me. It’s office.” He goes back. “Thank God! He went”. Probably he wanted to talk about something important but unfortunately they could not speak anything on that particular day.

As they had started talking now, greeting one another had become an everyday habit. Their hearts were growing closer day by day. It might sound funny how they were observing each other in a way that another should not know. Amusing! Probably they wanted to hide the liking for each other but action speaks louder than words. His eyes expressed intense affection for her that made her heart skip a beat. “Could this be love?”

She didn’t know where this romance was headed but she was very glad and was already dreaming a future with him. She wanted to know more about him. She felt okay to be the first one to talk, just to be with him. She liked him a lot. She asked some questions about him and his family over next few days. He was always very honest with her. The girl liked his honesty to no end. She used to make it a point to talk to him briefly in between her work mostly during mornings. Once when she went late to his desk to catch up with him, he was angry with her and said “Were you too busy today?” She understood he might have waited for her impatiently. At that moment she knew he loves her too. When face to face a couple of times it was difficult for her to resist from hugging him affectionately. He was so adorable and if it wasn’t her office she would have hugged him tightly at this moment and on another occasion too when he was asking “What did you see in me?” He was in a white cotton shirt and the shirt was looking very attractive on him.

She wasn’t on facebook and when she wanted to see his photos he told her “Sign up for facebook and send a friend request to me. You’ll be able to see my pictures posted there”. She does the same after which they became friends on facebook. She didn’t feel the need to add anybody else as he was with her. After getting back home she used to spend most of her time on facebook watching many facets of his personality. In fact she stole some of his photographs and downloaded them to her cell phone. It became her habit to watch his snaps first thing in the morning, soon after she would wake up and before going to bed and on other times during the day. She has kissed his photos whenever she wanted as she thought he was hers.

But sometimes his eyes expressed excitement, happiness, sadness, fondness, fear, deep emotions… and it was felt by her heart but he never discussed any of these topics. The girl could not make much sense of all his expressions and actions. She was so sure that things are going right that she discussed about him with her mother on a weekend. Her mother talked to him and asked if he is willing to marry her. With a panic he replied “He was already committed and will get engaged very soon!”

This news was shocking to her and her mother both. She was shattered and cried for hours together as she had lost him forever. Her mother consoled her but didn’t have words to comfort her. It was all over! The girl decided she will not speak to him at all. She asked to herself “If he was already committed and not interested in her, then what was that which she saw, felt, experienced?”, “What was between them?”, “Was it just a misunderstanding on her part?”, “Was he just being kind to her?” The girl wished she shouldn’t have messaged him at all. She was asking herself “Why did he encourage her advances if he was committed?” No, they were not friends, not even for a moment. She battled with herself and slept with tears in her eyes.

The next Monday she found him very sad. He was not the same any more. She could not see him in pain although she herself was feeling very sad and disappointed. She was so much in love with him that she decides she will be friends with him as he is not his enemy after all. She wanted to cheer him up! Thinking he was nice to her so she too should be nice to him, she forgets about her decision of not speaking to him at all.

She called him up in the night just to convey that she is doing fine and he can go on with his life and not worry about her. She is strong and can handle it by herself. She wanted to comfort him so that he feels good about life again and not be guilty for breaking her heart. On that day he speaks to her late in the night, very peacefully, from the bottom of his heart. They exchanged so many things with each other with great honesty and were pleased to find many things were common between them. It was a great conversation except for showing honesty in admitting that they have grown very fond of each other. Unfortunately they hid this fact smartly. That’s why it was almost a heart to heart conversation but not a real heart to heart to conversation.

She talked to him in office too, even after he chose another girl over her, even after he refused to come with her for breakfast or lunch, even after he did not give his hand for a moment when she wanted to just congratulate him for completing a year in his company. She continued to be his friend even after he does not eat what she made for him. She felt very insulted on that day but she really loved him a lot and doesn’t utter a single word of complaint. She controlled her tears and left from there. He tells all the matter to his friends. They would have laughed at her for being so silly.

He had started drifting apart from her and tells her “My Engagement has been fixed and it’s on 8th of this month”. It was in next 9 days. The countdown had begun. Each day went very heavy on her. Every day she prayed to God that he should forget about another girl and should marry her only, as he was her love. She could not help but feel very sad on those days. She did not know when her eyes were wet with tears and when her eyes were dry in search of him. Her emotional condition wasn’t stable and her colleagues could sense the same. They tried to talk to her but she did not tell a single thing to anyone. She was unable to concentrate on work too. She started leaving early from office. Whenever she spoke to him during that time she avoided the topic of his Engagement altogether. She was afraid she might burst into tears if he will tell her on face that he doesn’t love her and he is committed to somebody else.

She used to inform him that she would be leaving for the day. On that day he told her he’ll be going for a weekend trip with his friends to somewhere outstation the next day. She thought it was his Engagement in this weekend, so then how can he go out of station? But she doesn’t ask him. She could not get this question out of her head. She thought probably there’s no Engagement at all.

Confused with the recent conversation, she happens to give him a call in the night. It was quite late when she asked “It is your Engagement on the 8th, so then how can you go for a weekend trip?” He gives some explanation and she believes him as always. She was tongue-tied at that moment and disconnects the call immediately but she couldn’t fall asleep easily as she was hurt all over again. She could now make some sense of his expressions and actions but wasn’t sure of anything yet. Probably he wanted to end this drama for once and for all irrespective of whether he was getting Engaged or not.

Weekend was somehow over and she came back to office. She was thinking only about him and her own tragedy. To her surprise she gets an email that she got an award for best performance at work. She should have been very happy. She waited for some kind of recognition for her contributions all along but she never got it. Now when she wants his love from God, God awarded professional success to her. She was asking to herself “Why God does not give whatever we want badly and instead gives us whatever we have forgotten completely?” She was sad from inside, very sad. She couldn’t even smile whole heartedly when everyone congratulated her.

She gathered some courage and went to show him the award thinking that he’ll be happy if he’ll get to know. He tells her he’ll come afterwards. For the first time, she saw hatred in his expressions as though he wants to get rid of her. She understands and goes back to get some water and found him there. He spoke to her nicely, congratulated her and left from there telling her he’ll talk to her later on. But he didn’t talk to her after that. He had stopped interacting with her from a few days.

It was a normal day at the office and she was not that busy. She thought to check her facebook account once and she noticed that she cannot find him in her friend list on facebook anymore. He was the only friend so she could spot that easily. She felt her heart was heavy suddenly. She understood he has unfriended her on facebook. She was deeply hurt by this action. She controls her tears but breaks down in the washroom. She cries like a child while other ladies were watching her cry. She does not remember who else was present other than her.

After getting back home she texts him asking for the reason to unfriend her and tells him his silence is killing her. To which he replied “You don’t even know me and I am already committed to somebody else!” Tears fell from her eyes through her cheeks onto the cell phone as she saw his reply. Everything was blurring gradually. She could not see a single thing clearly at that moment. Maybe she did not see anything clearly right from the start. It was a difficult judgment for her. Her life now was very wet, wet with her own tears. The last word she texts him was “I will go from your life, if you want to me to leave.”

A few months passed and she thought she had become very strong. She added all her known buddies in her friend list on facebook. She still had some good friends who care for her well-being.

It was a normal day at the office and she was very busy. Her colleagues pull her from her seat and force her to join them for a tea break. She could not say “No!” Suddenly she realized he was standing with his friends not very far from her but now there was a huge distance between their hearts. She was not sure if it’s him. She did not dare to look at him to find out if it was him or somebody else. She had no courage to look into his eyes where she once saw love and affection for her but now she might have to see just hatred and pity for her. She wasn’t that brave to look at him at all. She wasn’t strong anymore at this moment. She was silly to assume that she had become strong now. He leaves from there after a while without turning back.

Once again she found him in the same place with the same crowd. This time when he was leaving he was turning back again and again and she could sense that. But she decided she will not try to make any sense out of this incidence. She is very weak and does not have strength to put together little pieces of her fragile heart if it breaks again.

She still stares at his photos stolen from his facebook account but does not have the courage to face him directly.

Life Goes on!

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