The nameless she

The nameless she(Sharis Atogho) The nameless she…

I sat there waiting for her to come back after our fight. I really wanted to apologize this time. She meant everything to me. Sometimes I wonder what I would be if she weren't there for me. I would be breath-less, worthless, useless…. And other things that ended with a less because without her will be less everything. This she will remain nameless.

‘Look Damon, it won’t work that way! Would you just listen to me once?’ She said looking at me with the eye she always did when she wanted me to listen to her. But it never seemed to work with me. It worked on my sister Ruzia all the time and She will just get what she wanted from who she wanted. But with me it didn't work. I bet that’s why we always had fights because I won’t listen to the crap she says all the time. I knew she would be right, but I couldn't stand being wrong, I just had to argue.

‘…you know what? Why do you always have all the guts to tell me what I should do with my life and what not to do? Huh? You know sometimes I wish you never existed because my mouth never seems to be at peace when I’m around you! When I’m with you I always lose control and start cursing like a lunatic around Ruzia because you won’t shut your mouth about all the bad things I do. I don’t know if you have noticed but there are good things I do, but you never comment on those.’ I told her with all the hate I had inside me and I couldn't afford to have any more of it in my head. I realized she was crying and knew I had crossed the border, but you know what, I couldn't be any happier at myself for showing my true feelings this time and what I really thought of her.

‘Damon, I seem to never please you. And now I never even want to because after the words you just said I don’t think there will be any good coming out of my mouth for you. You just made your case worse. Since you never like to be around me I try to see how I could make that happen Damon.’
I think those were her last words to me. My heart sank and all of a sudden I felt really guilty for what I had said. She was sad now. I knew she was right… just didn't want to admit it.

The next day I woke up she wasn't there. I had experienced this before. She would leave and come back because I would see her stuff still laying there in the suitcase still open. But this time something was telling me she won’t be coming back this time because the bag was closed and gone. For a second I thought ‘mmm…. I made her leave.’ The next second I was thinking ‘what the hell have I just done? I made her leave. What will I become now? A lunatic? Oh wait I’m already that!!’ I got to the ground and started weeping like a sinking… cow. Ruzia ran into the room and asked me what had happened. I told her without leaving a single detail out.
She was never coming back and its all my fault.

‘Damooooon, where is she? I can’t find her. What did you do???’ Ruzia shouted out, shocking me.
'Ruzia relax, I think she is just taking a breather, she will be back, don’t worry. In case she doesn't, don’t worry, we are in this together. You are my sister and we will be together always.’ I said these words with a little bitterness because I knew I had made my sisters guardian disappear. I knew Ruzia was never going to forgive me for this. But to my surprise I heard her say the words in tears, ‘I forgive you Damon,’ and I went down to my feet and gave her the longest hug I have ever given anybody in my life. Those words I shall never forget because they weren't expected.