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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Drama / Human Interest
- Subject: Comedy / Humor
- Published: 09/24/2013
RAJIV'S CURRY DINER
Born 1969, M, from Herten, NRW, GermanyRAJIV’S CURRY DINER
By Charles E.J. Moulton
(Rajiv, an aging but very friendly Indian man, stands behind the counter in his New Dehli Special Curry Diner. Rajiv speaks with a very thick Indian accent.
Rodney, an American young man, comes in to the shop.)
Rajiv: Hello, my dear friend, and most welcome to enter the special world of Rajiv’s New Dehli Special Curry Diner. We are proud to be the biggest and most renowned Fast Curry Restaurant in India. Even the Maharadja of Gumbal eats his Tandoori here. How may I be of service to you on this very special day?
Rodney: I would like a hot dog.
Rajiv: (laughing) You are very, very funny. That is a good joke. I shall remember that one. Gosh, you are American, is that correct, sir?
Rodney: Yeah, so?
Rajiv: Well, I just find that you Americans have such a special sense of humour. I love Jim Carrey. He is such a funny, funny man. What is your name, sir?
Rodney: Rodney.
Rajiv: Lovely name. Lovely. Now, sir, may I tell you what we have: overhere, we have Curry Falafel, there is the Curry Hot Dish, here is Apricot Curry Seduction, the special for hot lovers, and here ...
Rodney: I would like a hot dog.
Rajiv: (stutters) Uhm, you keep mentioning that hot dog. (Calls out:) Indira, Dingy, there is a crazy American man here that wants to bake our dog. (To Rodney, again:) You must realize that here in India we do not bake dogs. We pet them, we take them for walks. If you want hot dogs, go to China, they will help you satisfy your perverse urge.
Rodney: Look, bozo, I just want a hot dog in a bun, okay?
Rajiv: Now, this is going to far, sir. I do have a dog, he is a small fox terrier and his name is Gumby, but you will not have my dog and you shall certainly not have my dog’s buns. He needs them to poop. What do think I am, crazy? You will not put my dog in the micro wave oven, sir!!!!
Rodney: I don’t wanna put your friggin dog in the micro oven, man. I just want a hot dog.
Rajiv: Well, I must admit that my dog gets hot from time to time even without being subjected to heat. He gets hot with his lady friend from time to time, too. She is fox terrier, too. You should see them, my friend. They go at it like rabbits. (Laughs.) Now, that is a HOT DOG!
Rodney: Hey, Indian Dude ...
Rajiv: Rajiv, my name is Rajiv.
Rodney: Look, Rajiv, all I want is a sausage.
Rajiv: (waits for a long time) Oh, a SAUSAGE!!!!!!!! Why did you not say that in the first place, sir? My, well, of course, it is one of our specialties. Curry Sausage. You shall have one right away, sir.
(Prepares the sausage.)
Where are you from, Rodney?
Rodney: Milwaukee.
Rajiv: Walkie? If you want take Gumby for a walkie you are most welcome. But don’t turn him into a hot dog. He might not like it. (Laughs.)
Rodney: The name of my city Milwaukee is Indian.
Rajiv: (stops preparing Rodney’s curry sausage) No, no, no. That is most certainly not an Indian name. Rajiv is an Indian name. Milkwaukee is not even a dialect.
Rodney: Yes, it is.
Rajiv: No, you have got it all wrong. I am Indian, you know.
Rodney: No, man ...
Rajiv: Yes, man ...
Rodney: No, dude ...
Rajiv: Rajiv, please ...
Rodney: Rajiv, these are other Indians. They have nothing to do with you.
Rajiv: Don’t they want to? My God, there are lost Indians out there. (Calls out) Indira, Dingy, in America there are lost Indians. It is a major crisis. Maybe we could help them come back.
Rodney: No, it’s okay. Forget it. Just ... just forget it, okay? It’s just an American city. No Indians.
Rajiv: You promise?
Rodney: Yes.
Rajiv: Whew. What a relief. Indira, Dingy. No hot doggies. No lost Indians. (To Rodney:) You gave me quite a scare, you know.
Rodney: Sorry.
Rajiv: That will be two, ninety, please. There you go. Come back soon and don’t call us or we’ll call you. Isn’t that what you Americans, say?
Rodney: (Laughs politely. Looks into the camera.) Gosh, I will never come back here again. (Rodney goes out.)
Rajiv: (Also looks into the camera.) Gee wiz, I hope he never comes back. His demands to eat my dog were terrifying. (Shivers and walks out.
THE END
RAJIV'S CURRY DINER(Charles E.J. Moulton)
RAJIV’S CURRY DINER
By Charles E.J. Moulton
(Rajiv, an aging but very friendly Indian man, stands behind the counter in his New Dehli Special Curry Diner. Rajiv speaks with a very thick Indian accent.
Rodney, an American young man, comes in to the shop.)
Rajiv: Hello, my dear friend, and most welcome to enter the special world of Rajiv’s New Dehli Special Curry Diner. We are proud to be the biggest and most renowned Fast Curry Restaurant in India. Even the Maharadja of Gumbal eats his Tandoori here. How may I be of service to you on this very special day?
Rodney: I would like a hot dog.
Rajiv: (laughing) You are very, very funny. That is a good joke. I shall remember that one. Gosh, you are American, is that correct, sir?
Rodney: Yeah, so?
Rajiv: Well, I just find that you Americans have such a special sense of humour. I love Jim Carrey. He is such a funny, funny man. What is your name, sir?
Rodney: Rodney.
Rajiv: Lovely name. Lovely. Now, sir, may I tell you what we have: overhere, we have Curry Falafel, there is the Curry Hot Dish, here is Apricot Curry Seduction, the special for hot lovers, and here ...
Rodney: I would like a hot dog.
Rajiv: (stutters) Uhm, you keep mentioning that hot dog. (Calls out:) Indira, Dingy, there is a crazy American man here that wants to bake our dog. (To Rodney, again:) You must realize that here in India we do not bake dogs. We pet them, we take them for walks. If you want hot dogs, go to China, they will help you satisfy your perverse urge.
Rodney: Look, bozo, I just want a hot dog in a bun, okay?
Rajiv: Now, this is going to far, sir. I do have a dog, he is a small fox terrier and his name is Gumby, but you will not have my dog and you shall certainly not have my dog’s buns. He needs them to poop. What do think I am, crazy? You will not put my dog in the micro wave oven, sir!!!!
Rodney: I don’t wanna put your friggin dog in the micro oven, man. I just want a hot dog.
Rajiv: Well, I must admit that my dog gets hot from time to time even without being subjected to heat. He gets hot with his lady friend from time to time, too. She is fox terrier, too. You should see them, my friend. They go at it like rabbits. (Laughs.) Now, that is a HOT DOG!
Rodney: Hey, Indian Dude ...
Rajiv: Rajiv, my name is Rajiv.
Rodney: Look, Rajiv, all I want is a sausage.
Rajiv: (waits for a long time) Oh, a SAUSAGE!!!!!!!! Why did you not say that in the first place, sir? My, well, of course, it is one of our specialties. Curry Sausage. You shall have one right away, sir.
(Prepares the sausage.)
Where are you from, Rodney?
Rodney: Milwaukee.
Rajiv: Walkie? If you want take Gumby for a walkie you are most welcome. But don’t turn him into a hot dog. He might not like it. (Laughs.)
Rodney: The name of my city Milwaukee is Indian.
Rajiv: (stops preparing Rodney’s curry sausage) No, no, no. That is most certainly not an Indian name. Rajiv is an Indian name. Milkwaukee is not even a dialect.
Rodney: Yes, it is.
Rajiv: No, you have got it all wrong. I am Indian, you know.
Rodney: No, man ...
Rajiv: Yes, man ...
Rodney: No, dude ...
Rajiv: Rajiv, please ...
Rodney: Rajiv, these are other Indians. They have nothing to do with you.
Rajiv: Don’t they want to? My God, there are lost Indians out there. (Calls out) Indira, Dingy, in America there are lost Indians. It is a major crisis. Maybe we could help them come back.
Rodney: No, it’s okay. Forget it. Just ... just forget it, okay? It’s just an American city. No Indians.
Rajiv: You promise?
Rodney: Yes.
Rajiv: Whew. What a relief. Indira, Dingy. No hot doggies. No lost Indians. (To Rodney:) You gave me quite a scare, you know.
Rodney: Sorry.
Rajiv: That will be two, ninety, please. There you go. Come back soon and don’t call us or we’ll call you. Isn’t that what you Americans, say?
Rodney: (Laughs politely. Looks into the camera.) Gosh, I will never come back here again. (Rodney goes out.)
Rajiv: (Also looks into the camera.) Gee wiz, I hope he never comes back. His demands to eat my dog were terrifying. (Shivers and walks out.
THE END
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