Close Call

Close Call

By P.S. Winn
Copyright 2013



Teresa Jane Newstead sat at her kitchen table. Sunlight shone in through the window, bringing out the highlights in her long, dark brown hair. If you called her Teresa she probably wouldn't answer. Ever since she had been a toddler she had been called TJ, that was over 30 years ago. Except for Grandma Baker no one used TJ’s full name. Grandma Baker had always insisted on using TJ’s given name. Since Her Grandma had passed away TJ hadn't heard that name.

TJ had a cigarette in one hand. In the other she held a coffee cup. TJ was waiting for a phone call. In fact, she had been waiting five days for a special call. TJ slowly put out her cigarette. She had been planning to quit. If she got the telephone call she hoped for she had decided she would quit. If the call wasn't what she hoped for, then TJ figured there would be no use quitting. TJ sighed as she thought back to a little over a month ago when it had all began.

TJ and Frank had finally got the kids to bed. All four of them. Mike, Ellen, Sue and Jared. The kids were older now and it was a challenge getting them all to bed, especially Mike who had just gotten his driver’s license. Jared at eleven was the youngest. As soon as the last child had been prodded into bed, the two headed for their own room.
They were giggling and laughing like kids themselves. While Frank went into the bathroom, TJ slipped into a very suggestive nightie. With four kids it was hard to find intimate moments together. TJ planned on making the most of this unexpected one.

Frank came out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist.
TJ studied her husband as he stood in the doorway. Both Frank and her had added about ten pounds in their seventeen year marriage, but she thought Frank’s had landed in all the right places. He was almost six foot tall, about 8 inches taller than TJ. His blonde hair hardly had any gray. TJ thought that Frank was just about the handsomest man she had ever met. Frank, in turn, thought TJ both beautiful and sexy.
Frank whistled at TJ’s skimpy nightie. He walked over and joined his wife on the bed. Frank looked at the small tie on the front of TJ’s nightie. That was about the only thing keeping the thing together.
He whispered huskily to his wife. “What do you think would happen if I decided to untie this little thing?” Frank fingered the bow as he talked.
TJ stretched and smiled. “I guess you’ll just have to untie it and find out.”
Frank did as he was told. Then he easily slipped off the flimsy gown.
TJ took away Frank’s towel at the same time. Frank softly kissed TJ’s shoulder as his hands began exploring. “Your skin is so soft honey. It always has been.”
Frank stopped talking as a puzzled look came over his face. “What’s this honey?’
TJ’s hand went up to where Frank’s finger was now rubbing back and forth.
On the very outside of TJ’s right breast she felt what Frank was feeling. A lump that was about as big around as a quarter. As TJ felt the lump, she also felt her heart in her throat. A year and a half ago her Grandma Baker had died with cancer. She had also found a lump in her breast. That was what had taken her to the doctor’s office where they had found the cancer. Grandma Baker had died of lung cancer, but it was that damn lump that had started it all.
TJ swallowed hard. “A lump, oh hell Frank, it feels like a big marble in there.”
Frank took his wife in his arms. He didn’t really know what to say, he too was thinking of TJ’s grandmother.
“Listen TJ, it might not be anything. We’ll get you into the doctor and if it is something, well anymore they can work miracles. Don’t worry baby, it will be okay.”
TJ’s dark blue eyes were big and frightened. She hardly heard Frank’s soothing words. “Just hold me Frank, just hold me.”
Frank held TJ and soothed her the best he could. The two finally fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Weeks went by. TJ wanted to see the doctor, but she couldn't bring herself to even call for an appointment.
Frank worked for the County Road Department. Every night after work he’d ask TJ if she’d seen the doctor and every night she had a different excuse. TJ lost the ten pounds she had worried about gaining and then some. Even the children began worrying about their mom.
TJ would just wave off their questions with a weak smile and an even weaker “I’m okay.”
Knowing that she would have to go in sooner or later didn’t help TJ’s nerves much. Instead she doubled her smoking and her coffee drinking. She sat home wondering how Frank could possibly love a woman with one breast. It wasn't just Frank’s feelings either, TJ didn’t think she could handle it. She had always been ample breasted and had always felt it had made her more feminine. She naturally figured Frank would feel the same way. That was until the night about three weeks after the lump had been found.
The kids had all gone to the movies, leaving Frank and TJ at home alone. TJ figured afterward Frank had it all planned out that way beforehand.
TJ sat on the couch, a full ashtray on the end of the coffee table beside her. Frank sat beside his wife. He took a hold of TJ’s hands. For the first time in three weeks TJ actually really looked at her husband.
TJ’s own pain and worry were echoed in Frank’s usually handsome face. “Listen TJ, I know this has been rough on you. The kids and I have felt it. We hate to see you like this honey. You have got to go and see the doctor TJ. You have to face this thing and get it taken care of. I love you TJ, and no matter what happens I will always love you. You will always be the most beautiful, special person in the world to me. Don’t you know that?”
TJ looked at Frank. Was he just saying all of this? Could he really mean it?
“Oh Frank, don’t you understand? If it is cancerous they might end up taking my breast. Doesn't that bother you? Won’t you think less of me? Not want me? Not feel attracted to me?”
Frank felt so relieved he wanted to laugh or maybe even cry. He couldn't believe that had been what was holding TJ back. What had been keeping her away from the doctors all this time.
Frank took his wife’s face in his hands. “Do you really think something like that would make me love you less? I’m in love with you TJ, not just your body parts. Honey, you will always be feminine and attractive to me, even if you grow a mustache and hair on your chest.”
TJ began to laugh. How could she have thought Frank could feel anything but love for her. “I’m sorry Frank; sorry I didn’t know or realize how deep our love is. I’m sorry for what I've put you and the kids through.”
TJ and Frank sat together in companionable silence. The tension of the past three weeks had vanished. TJ had never felt more in love, or more loved.

A few days later, TJ found herself in their family doctor’s office. Dr. Campbell had delivered TJ and then all of her own children. He was a good doctor and TJ felt safe and confident with him. When doctor Campbell had come in the room, TJ showed him her lump. While the doctor poked and prodded TJ told him of her fears about her grandmother’s death and how it had given her a kind of phobia concerning cancer and lumps in general.
Dr. Campbell listened patiently and smiled kindly at the young woman he had known for so long. Dr. Campbell knew something like this was never easy. He told TJ he wanted to send her out to the hospital for a mammogram and x-rays that would let him know whether the lump was filled with fluid, meaning a cyst, or a solid, which might mean cancer.
TJ felt herself flinch at the ugly word. TJ wasn't happy about the x-rays, but she decided since she had come this far then why not go all the way?

TJ found herself lying on an examining table a few hours later. The lab technician had finished with the x-rays. TJ was nervously awaiting the results. Too soon TJ got the bad news. The lump was solid.
An appointment was made for TJ to come back in a couple days. Dr. Campbell wanted to do a biopsy then.

TJ was admitted to the hospital as an outpatient. Dr. Campbell froze the area around the lump with an anesthetic. He then removed the lump. The sample had to be sent to a medical center one hundred miles away to a bigger hospital with better testing equipment. Dr. Campbell assured TJ that the biopsy had gone well, he just had more faith in the larger facility with more experts.
TJ was told to go home. Once the tests were run Dr. Campbell would know the results. He promised TJ a call in five to seven days.

Even though the doctor had told TJ the time frame, every day she found herself sitting and waiting for the phone to ring. TJ didn’t tell Frank, but she was still very worried. She knew Frank would love her if she had to have a mastectomy. The problem wasn't with Frank. It was with herself. Would she be able to love herself? Could she look in the mirror without hating herself and being ashamed of her looks? What if the cancer, if it was cancer, had spread elsewhere? Just like Grandma Bakers had.

TJ lit another cigarette and then stood up and refilled her coffee cup.
As TJ was coming back to the table the phone rang. TJ almost dropped her cup at the sound. She set her cup down and turned to look at the phone. The second ring came. TJ had a passing thought to just let it ring. Just not answer it and take her chances. On the third ring, TJ grabbed the phone. “Hello.”
TJ recognized the doctor’s kind voice as it came over the line. “Is this TJ?”
“Yes, yes doctor it is.”
The doctor cleared his throat. “TJ, I imagine you've been going crazy waiting for this call, so I won’t waste time with details. The tissue came out benign TJ, no cancer.”
TJ closed her eyes feeling the relief as it flooded through her. Her silence made the doctor nervous.
“TJ, did you hear me? No cancer.”
TJ mentally shook herself. “I heard doctor, thank you. Thank you so much. You’ll never know how much this means.”
The doctor smiled as they said their good-byes. It always felt wonderful to him to be able to give his patients good news.

TJ sat down; she hadn't even realized she had been standing. She noticed her cigarette smoldering in the ashtray. TJ put it out almost viciously. She stood back up. Grabbing the cigarette pack and the ashtray, TJ walked to the garbage. She threw both in and then wiped her hands against each other. This call had been too close for comfort.
TJ decided then and there that she was worth a lot, not only to herself, but to her family. From now on, life would have a whole new meaning.
TJ was going to make sure her and her family would be able to live out their lives together, with the fullness and richness they deserved.