Tomorrow's Sunrise(Samantha Lim) I have been in this ill-lighted room for nearly three weeks. Time flies. I can feel that the end of my life is just around the corner. I remembered seeing the heaven’s gate flung open to welcome me last night. An angel flapped her wings and flew swiftly towards me. She let out her silky; milk-coloured hands and reached for mine. Before I could say a word, she whispered into my ears, “Don’t worry, your grandparents will take good care of you once you’re in my place up there.”

*****

Life had always treated me well. I was enrolled into a top university in the United States of America to study medicine. I met some of my old friends there. Throughout the first two years, I would invariably be seen hanging out with Melina and Arbela from the USA. We went to parties together, shopping together, studying together, and did almost everything together.

One fateful evening, we went to a newly-opened theme park. We were supposed to pay for our own entrance fees as the fees were quite costly for us students. However, I ended up paying for their entrance fees as well because they had spent all their pocket money of the week. As we walked into the magical theme park, I felt worth it to pay for such expensive tickets. It was enormous! Melina, Arbela and I could not stop taking pictures of the colourful surrounding. As we walked further, Arbela spotted a mini stall selling pomegranate ice-cream. I demanded for two scoops.

While we were enjoying our cool pomegranate ice-cream, we heard loud screams and laughter from behind us. We turned back and saw people riding roller coaster. Melina felt extremely excited and without further ado, she pulled us towards the ride. I have never ridden a roller coaster in my whole life and I did not feel like experiencing the ride. So, I pretended to have a headache. They left me several minutes later for the ride. Suddenly, I felt the theme park spinning, voices fading and an excruciating pain in my chest. Both my upper and lower limbs lose energy. My ice-cream slipped from my grasp and I blacked out.

I woke up to find my body connected to so many tubes. A nurse walked inside and assured me that I was in an emergency ward in the hospital. I was also told that two kind men had brought me to the hospital when they spotted me motionless in the theme park. They saw my student pass in my purse and they had called my professor to tell him about my condition. Thus, I was given a short break. I listened to Miss Felicia attentively until I heard a light knock on the door. A doctor whom introduced himself as Dr. Walter Peterson came in and brought an extremely down-to-earth bad news. He told me that I was diagnosed with third stage breast cancer.

Suddenly, a picture of my two friends came to my mind. I asked the nurse about Melina and Arbela’s whereabouts. Miss Felicia finally remembered something. Both my friends had left a letter for me. I thanked Miss Felicia and Dr. Walter and I assured them that I was alright before they left me to open the letter from my friends. As I opened the envelope, a key and some paper notes fell out of them. Out of curiosity, I pulled out a piece of notebook paper inside the envelope to scan the contents. It read:

Dear Victoria,

This is our room key. After you’re being discharged from ward, you may go back there and live on your own. We would also like to inform you that we are no longer your roommates. We moved to Belle Tan’s room. We know that you are diagnosed with third stage breast cancer. We do feel sorry for you. But as you know, Arbela is a very sensitive person. Her mother would not let her remain roommates with a cancer-stricken patient like you. As for me, I would like to move away with Arbela. She is my best friend, like a sister. Besides, I’m sure you’ve seen the paper notes for you. We owed you all the time during shopping’s, trips and much more. With this, we owe you no more, except friendship. We apologize if you think that we had breached our loyalty towards you. However, we promise to be your good friends in the afterlife, when you’re not sick like this. Get well soon.

Melina Ingalls and Arbela Michael


I held the letter close to my chest. I was wondering, what was going on these two years after I met Melina and Arbela whom I thought were my true friends? Why did they choose to leave me when I most needed them? What are friends for? They took me for granted. All they wanted was treaty treat with my father’s money. They had used my father’s money to buy their favorite fantasy books, dresses, cosmetics and so much more. Now they sent me two hundred pounds? Was that even enough? They never treated me as a good friend, but they treated me as their wealthy friend. Tears swelled up in my China-doll eyes. I tried to hold back my tears when I heard someone calling out my name. It must be Miss Felicia, the nurse.

“Come in.”

Miss Felicia walked towards me gracefully and handed me another package. Wondering who would breach me next, I lifted the pink cover with disgrace. It was a pair of silver ballet shoes from my parents. It was the loveliest pair ever. I always wanted to attend ballet classes like my other cousins but I did not accomplish that dream due to my packed schedule. I searched in the box to see if there were any letter from them but I could not find any.

“Your parents did not leave you any cards or message. All I know was that your mother spoke to Dr. Walter through Skype yesterday. Your parents are on a very important business trip to Shanghai and will only be back after three weeks. Once they received this bad news from your professor, they were heart-broken. So, they decided to send you this pair of ballet shoes to light up your mood. They said that they regretted forcing you to become a doctor rather than a dancer of your own choice. Good luck.” She patted me on my shoulder and left.

I placed the precious ballet shoes properly into the box. I looked out into the night sky. The sky seemed to be smiling back at me. How I wish I were up there rather than suffering down here. I tried to close my eyes and say my prayers. However, I did not dare close them. I was afraid that once I closed my eyes, I would not be seeing the sunrise anymore. I struggled to keep my eyes open by reading a book but nothing could get into my mind. I could feel a great, big pillar settled in my memory. I tried to get down from bed but I felt nothing but numbness. To my surprise, I could not move my lower limbs. I gave up. I fell asleep after a while, thinking that life and death lied in God’s hands, anyways.
I woke up the next morning and found myself in a different surrounding. I felt very different.

“Miss Felicia? Where am I?”

“You’re in a normal ward now. You will be served with your favorite vegetarian yuba maki roll before entering another ‘ward’ for your first chemotherapy treatment. Are you ready, brave kid?” Her emphasis on the word ‘ward’ made me really nervous.

“No, I’m no.. not ready.” I blustered. “Ermm, am I going to go bald and lose all my teeth?” I asked to make sure.

“You’re a medical student yourself. I’m sure you know the consequences. Anyway, Dr. Walter Peterson is our most experienced oncologist. You don’t have to worry to be under his supervision” answered Miss Felicia in her most poised voice.

I nodded. I knew the consequences of chemotherapy, of course. Not only I will lose my hair and teeth, I will also lose my appetite, temper and memory for sure. Furthermore, I had already reached third stage of breast cancer. I knew pretty well that I would not lead a long life. Hence, I should cherish my life now whenever I can.

“Miss Felicia, besides vegetarian yuba maki rolls, may I have a large yam basket, 2 pieces of pretzels coated with sour cream and onion, baked potatoes with shredded mozzarella cheese and a large bowl of chocolate pudding with vanilla essence, please?” I inquired greedily, “and a packet of tortilla chips” I added.

Miss Felicia gasped in horror. “Goodness me! Can you finish all the food all on your own?”

“Yes, I promise not to waste any food. I know that I’m near life’s end. Thus, I should enjoy. Moreover, I would not be able to eat all my favorite food anymore after this chemotherapy!” I assured her.

Half an hour later, Miss Felicia came in with a large tray which was loaded with the food I had ordered. I ate like a king. I continued to stuff food into my mouth although I could feel the cardiac sphincter of my stomach could relax no more to allow food into my stomach for digestion. Without me realizing, I started to cry. I was not scared of death but I missed my parents. I was very keen that I could not live more than three weeks from now. My cancerous cells have duplicated uncontrollably. These cancerous cells have entered my bloodstream. They had spread to my vital organs such as my heart and kidney. Why weren’t my parents with me when I most needed them? I pressed the button to ring the bell next to my bed. Miss Felicia came in and seated me properly in a wheelchair.

“Come, let’s go.” Miss Felicia spoke softly into my ears. I stared at her blankly. Tears trickled down my left cheeks.

Miss Felicia wheeled me into a well-lighted room. It was a plain, white room with many different technologies that I’ve never seen during my practical. I saw Dr. Walter putting on latex gloves and mask around his nose and mouth.

“Are you ready, Miss Victoria.” I nodded solemnly. I felt a sudden chill ran down my spine but I tried to keep as calm as possible.

The process was excruciatingly painful. I felt stabs all over my body. I felt my nerves, veins and arteries twitching and tangling. I felt short of breath. I soon calmed down and saw a pile of dark brown hair on the bedside table. I ran my fingers down my long-layered hair. With just a slight brush, another pile of brown hair was found in between my small fingers. I braved myself to look at myself in the mirror. I looked old and frail although I was just twenty. I felt very depressed. Sooner later, Miss Felicia entered my ward with Dr. Walter. She served me rice with steamed vegetables and some kiwis. After that, it was turn for Dr. Walter to speak.

“Miss Victoria, I have to tell you this. Your next treatment will be on next Tuesday. You have reached last stage of breast cancer and I really suggest you to undergo mastectomy. Uncontrollable mitosis is going on and on. Your kidneys will not be able to function properly. Sometimes, you may even feel out of breath because the functioning of your heart is deteriorating as well. I really hope to see you pull through the waves ahead of you. But now, what you need is miracle to recover. Rest well.” said Dr. Walter before turning his heels towards the exit.

I understood completely his message that he was trying to convey through his words and his tones. I have no hope left. I had reached the last stage of breast cancer. I had to undergo surgery to remove both my breasts but I could not bear to lose my femininity. I did not agree to sign the surgical agreement letter with the nurses. I thought to myself, “If I were to die, I want to die in a perfect condition like how God had made me twenty years ago.”

The second week since I was admitted to hospital had finally arrived. I counted the days, hours, minutes and seconds of the possible time that I would still be able to open my eyes. I could not help myself from thinking about it. I felt really sorry for myself that I did not know how I could express them in words. I lost my appetite each day. I lost 6 kilograms in a week. I was completely bald. However, I was given a wig by Miss Felicia and the other nurses to cover my bright bald head. I lost three of my milk teeth. I lost temper each time I was served with rice and steamed vegetables. I broke glasses, threw remote controls out of my ward window and even hurt some of the nurses. I could not help myself.

Soon, it was time for my second chemotherapy. I closed my heavy eyelids. I could not see anything except some beams of glinting lights. After a while blinded by those colorful lights, I heard laughter and voices of people cheering and talking in their high-pitched voices. I decided to walk further and further. Suddenly, I felt a cold hand touched the surface of my right palm. I was not shocked but instead, I was happy to be greeted by someone in an unknown place like this. I looked around but there were no one around me.

“Look down, dude!” called a voice.

“Oh, my goodness! Am I seeing AN ELF??”I voiced out abruptly.

“Come, let’s join our party in that small cave. My name is Elmo.” Elmo said in his high-pitched voice then pointed towards a small cave down the pavement, decorated with tiny neon lights and paper origami. I started to feel uneasy.

“Where am I, Elmo? What celebration is taking place here?” Curiosity started to engulf me. I thought for another short moment. I thought I was sick. But how come I could walk and wear such pretty satin dress that I never had? And I actually did not any strand of my long brown hair! Am I the real me?

After sensing my curiosity, Elmo explained, “You’re in another world, my dear Victoria. The world of elves, maybe? As for the celebration, we are actually celebrating our death anniversary. Today is my fifth death anniversary. You don’t have to look puzzled, Victoria. Death anniversary here is like wedding anniversary and birthdays in your world. Both occasions require celebrations, don’t they? Same goes to death anniversaries here.”

Suddenly, I felt giddy. There was a long awkward silence between us. The only thing I could hear was a wonderful solo singing. I admired their ability to sing such nice songs but I felt as if I had nausea. I had to go… I had to go…

“Arghhhh!!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

“Miss Victoria, are you alright? We’re nearly done. Stay calm, stay calm.” I felt relieved to hear Dr. Walter’s voice again. I thought that I was going to meet an elf doctor.

“Doctor, I insist to stop undergoing treatment. I dreamt of entering into another world of elves just now. It was indeed a wonderful experience. It felt so real. They welcomed me too. They sang angel songs and were happily celebrating their death anniversaries. And I know that there will not be miracle for me…” I shrugged a little and looked down, avoiding Dr. Walter and Miss Felicia’s eyes.

I guessed Dr. Walter understood my condition well. He let me stop my treatment after my mastectomy. All I need was painkillers. Twentieth day of hospitality had arrived. That morning, I felt unusually weak. I knew my days of becoming a doctor would never arrive. The gates of happiness will never be open for me, a cancer child. No one will look up to me anymore as I had failed to battle cancer and chose to let go. I swallowed two painkillers to reduce pain from my mastectomy. But on this particular day, I felt really weak. Even Miss Felicia cried while serving me dinner on my twentieth day in hospital. It could be my last meal. Yes, my last meal on my whole life. I had to treasure it. It was the first time that I had learnt to treasure everything I have had. I had successful parents, wonderful friends, teachers, good food, clothes and shoes.
After I had finished my rice, I took out the pair of ballet shoes given from my parents and wrote them a note:

Dear Mum and Dad,

I will not be able to bring this pair of angelic ballet shoes with me to the afterlife. So, I suggest it to be given to Cousin Clare. She would be pleased to keep them. To you, I apologise for giving up on this deadly disease. I had always wished to donate my organs to people in need after I die. But now, all my organs are cancerous. I do not wish to see people suffering like me. My life is full of regrets because I do not know how to cherish the past.

Your Daughter, Victoria Chew

*****

It is nearly 12 midnight now. I know that my parents would arrive tomorrow night. Now, I lay quietly in my death bed, wondering whether I could witness tomorrow’s sunrise. I am in great agony while writing this piece here. I know my time is near. I have seen an angel floating her way towards me. I remembered the day my father taught me to play skateboards. I remembered my mother cooking my favorite dish. I am really, really in pain now. I cannot stand this any longer. Am I going to survive until tomorrow to meet my parents for the last time? My vision blurred. No… I have to go…

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