I, Me and Myself (part one)(Samantha Lim) Tick, tock, tick, tock! Time waits for no men. That is how the saying goes about how precious time is. Sixteen years had passed without me realizing. Longing back in time, I remembered sitting at the back passenger seat of my parents’ car which brought me places like to the school, grandparents’ shop and house and so much more. Two more years to come, I am already eligible for my own driving license. Can you believe how fast time had flown? By the time I got to own my own driving license, my parents would be sitting at the back passenger seat of MY car. How marvelous! However, one thing I really regretted about my childhood was that I did not enjoy it. If I had the power to wind back time, I would stop first at age four.

Aged four, I was sent to a kindergarten near my housing area. The purpose was that my parents were busy with their own work. Being the only child in the family and the eldest among my cousins, I was put under the care of my granduncle Tony and grandaunt Rebecca. They supported me in the sense of giving me sufficient care and fill up my empty stomach. Another guardian who raised me up was my Aunt Jasmine. At that time, I was a timid and shy little girl. I did not dare to even look at people. I cried each time people like my teachers and friends in my kindergarten started a conversation with me. I admitted that I was such a cry-baby. I cried every morning when I was sent there by Grandaunt Rebecca. I even pleaded her to accompany me for the whole morning in my classroom. No children brought their family members with them to class except me. Grandaunt Rebecca agreed to accompany me for the first few months just because I was an asthmatic. She woke up early every morning to cook chicken soup with cordyceps sinensis mycelia for me to bring to class. I had no choice because my asthma was extremely serious and only can be cured traditionally. My friends started to keep themselves away from me whenever I coughed hysterically. Sometimes, I even coughed out some blood.
Back to my kindergarten life, I disliked most of my teachers because they did not treat me equally like the rest of my friends. They chose to back face me maybe it was because they thought I was a troublesome cry-baby. This was a piece of memory which remained fresh in my mind until today. However, I loved my Chinese language teacher. She was at the 60’s by then and she was the one and only who understood my condition in my kindergarten. An incident which occurred had made me call her a dear old mother. There was once when I broke out into tears when I saw a cockroach near me in my classroom during my Mathematics lesson. My class teacher who taught us Mathematics was annoyed by my behavior and carried me into the washroom at the end of our classroom. She locked the washroom door from outside. I cried even louder but no one came to my rescue. Soon, I quieted and sat by the bath tub. Suddenly, I felt something crawling on my bare feet. I looked down and cried even louder. I came in contact with a cockroach. I jumped up and down. It felt like hell that moment. Suddenly, I heard a sweet, melodious voice of a lady behind me. I turned my head to the back and saw the washroom door opened. Miss Anastasia was smiling warmly at me. I followed her out of the freaky washroom. All eyes were fixed on me. As I reached the door towards the exit, I stared at my class teacher then rolled my eyes at her with hatred. I would not forget that day in my entire life as THAT teacher had painted an emotional abuse against me.

Aged five, I was enrolled into a private school. There, I started to make more new friends. I had a good friend by the name of Jocelyn. We held hands whenever we went. She was indeed a loyal friend throughout my two years there. I was also exposed to more activities like singing, public speaking, reading, dancing and so much more. The most memorable time was when I joined a music camp organized by my school. I remembered that I was put in the yellow team. I was forced into a dancing competition by my group mates. I started off like a puppet but soon I could get the steps right and dance by my own to obtain a five stars grading. I was chosen as the best performer for the camp in overall. Being the best performer, my friend, Hannah and I were chosen to perform a duet accompanied by suitable actions entitled ‘Mummy, I Love You!’ on our annual prize giving day.
Aged six, I remembered an absolutely embarrassing incident. One day, my teacher held a Chinese poem writing competition. When the results were announced, I had won the first prize. That afternoon, my teacher had asked me to stay behind for at least half an hour to rewrite my poem with a nicer handwriting as it was to be published in our school’s magazine that year. I was reluctant to stay but I knew that I could not refuse. Not wanting my mother to wait any longer, I told my teacher, “Teacher, can I not write this anymore? I want to go home.” My teacher looked at me with her pitiful eyes then said, “Why not we ask Mummy to come here and sit with you while you finish writing your poem? But you have to promise me not to seek any help from Mummy.”I nodded impatiently and we both went down to search for my mum. Several months later, my birthday had arrived. That morning, I was playing happily with my friends and teachers in my school’s playground as they wanted to celebrate my birthday. I was too happy that I was too careless to watch my steps causing me to fall from a high altitude. My teachers learnt that I had fractured my left wrist and they quickly called my mother. I was anxious and at the same time painful. My left wrist turned red and I turned panicky as I could not move it. I was sent to the nearest hospital to undergo surgery. It gave me a slight trauma for a few months that I did not dare go to school. Even until now, I remained an acrophobic. That gross incident which occurred ten years ago remained crystal-clear in my mind as the scars on my left wrist kept reminding me of that fateful day.

Aged seven, I was enrolled to a government primary school. I was supposed to be enrolled into a private Chinese school. Over considerations by my family members, I was enrolled into the government school because it was just a stone’s throw from my grandparents’ car spare parts shop. I returned to my timid self after that incident in 2003. I remained shy and timid for the first and second year in my primary school. My academic results were good as I will be seen in every annual prize giving ceremony. However, my parents and grandparents expected me to better than just obtaining the second or third position in class. Sometimes, I really felt that they were forcing me to my utmost limits. To release the stress particles from home, I started to befriend some ‘bad’ friends. Being an eight-year-old, we could not do much like playing truancy. All we could do to was to skip boring lessons and sat at our school canteen, eating snacks and practicing stupid jokes. One morning, Aunt Jasmine reached school earlier than usual. Aunt Jasmine had caught me skipping class with my couple of bad friends. I did not know that she was picking me up that day so I dared to sit openly at our school canteen. That afternoon, I did not get to eat my lunch. I was canned on my hands and buttocks. Aunt Jasmine even blustered out some unpleasant comments which made me very blue. After my mother got back from work, Aunt Jasmine complained to her about my behavior in school that morning. Furious, my mother gave me a nice slap on my face. Her diamond ring landed right next to my lips which had caused me to bit my own lips. I cried even louder when I saw blood streaming down from my cheeks and mouth. I was scared to death and I swore to myself that I would not repeat my mistake anymore. That night, I had to share room with Granduncle Tony and Grandaunt Rebecca at their house. They never blamed me nor scolded me for my mistakes.

Aged nine, I entered grade 3 of my lower primary. It was time when class streaming existed. I was placed in the best class based on my examination result. Therefore, I stayed up late every night to revise on my homework. At that time, I was no longer that shy. I was trained to read aloud in class to a stage where I told stories in front of the whole school. My self-confidence was built up from here. Here laid the foundation to my character today. My teachers started to flavor me more. Being teacher’s pet had sparked jealousy in the eyes of some of my classmates. One of the envy queens in my class was Della. Della was brought up in a broken family. She had a mouth which spoke rubbish and a mother who was silly enough to believe every word her daughter said. One day, I was enjoying breakfast during recess with some of my good friends until her mother suddenly came up to me and thundered, “My daughter told me that you did not want to friend her. What’s wrong with you? Studying out off your brain? You better get lost!” I could not find any sense in her words. I nearly broke into tears when my friends tried to comfort me out of their best. I was really innocent. I looked at that donkey-faced Della, sitting at the corner enjoying her half-boiled egg. She gave me the ‘I don’t care’ look. However, she had transferred to another government school the following year after all my friends despised her.

Aged ten and eleven, I spent most of my time on competitions such as the choral speaking, coloring contest for blood donation campaign and essay writing competitions. Until I reached age twelve, I focused more on my studies again as I was going to sit for my first public examination. It was also my last year in primary school after the six years there. On the eve of my public examination, I fell sick. I had a sore throat and caught up with a 39 degrees Celsius high fever. That was the highest temperature my body had ever reached. The next day, I tried my very best to concentrate and do my best. Soon, it was time for result announcement again. Only seven students from my school obtained all A’s. I was lucky to be one of them. Frankly speaking, I could not concentrate well on my first day as I felt extremely exhausted and weary. I thanked God for guiding me through my difficult moments.

Aged thirteen, I was enrolled into one of the town’s best convent girl’s school. I was placed in the first class out of the seven classes. I had only five friends with me from my old school. I met people from different schools which made me like a fish out of water. During my first examination, I was very nervous as I had smelt the competitive aura. In the first year of high school, we were introduced to subjects like Geography, History, Commerce and many more. In amidst hardship, I turned out to be fifth in class. Well, my first examination in high school turned out to be great. I continued to struggle to obtain top three for my incoming examinations. Another memorable part in 2010 was during the selection of co-curricular activities. At first, I intended to join the school’s choir. Afraid of one to one audition, I switched my mind to the symphonic brass band which the audition is carried out in pairs. I was selected as a flautist in the band. It was actually a tough moment as I did not have any musical background like most of the members in the band. It took me four months to perfect the flute fingerings, tones and most importantly, sight-reading. Upon all the crotchets and the quavers, I got to perform on my school’s sports day that year. It was indeed memorable because I thought that I would never learn any musical instruments like my other cousins. I was also nominated as a school prefect to hold up my school’s motto, Love and Serve. It was a great experience as it was my first time being chosen as a prefect in my whole life. It was also the first time that I had joined the Prefect’s Night. Five of my friends and I sang a pop song and they chose me as the lead singer.

Aged fourteen, I was elected as my school’s deputy head prefect who also acted as a secretary and treasurer in the prefectorial board. In 2011, I participated in a lot of activities and competition. That year my school had organized a band concert and a fun fair to raise fund. I played in the band as a flautist. We played songs like Band Overture, Taylor Swift in Concert, Beatle’s Here, There and Everywhere and much more. As for the fun fair, I was chosen to deal with the game station of my class. My other friends helped out my teacher in the food preparation and stall decorating. I tried my very best to hide my awkwardness and attract as many customers as possible. At the end of the day, we sat down to count money earned. My game store earned the most money among the other game stores. After that, I joined a student exchange program to Singapore for nearly a week. It was my first time visiting Singapore although it was the nearest country to Sarawak. I visited the famous Nanyang, the university of fine arts, Science Centre (where I watched Hubble), Universal Studios (where I bought large lollipops from Candylicious) and many other intriguing places. After I was back from Singapore, I was chosen to participate in a debating competition against all the schools from my state. I was in a team with two other seniors. They guided me through before the competition as it was my first time joining a debate competition. We were entitled for the quarter finals unlike another junior team. However, we lost on the government side about paparazzi. I gave an example of Princess Diana but my opposition leader contradicted my point and said something about Justin Bieber instead. I saw red but I gripped onto my skirt, firmly. After the second term examination, I was chosen to participate in the national-level Malay choral speaking. Behind the pride, I did not do well in my third examination of the year. Although my average mark was still above 85 but it was still my worst average throughout lower secondary. Starting from then, I did not dare take advantage of my time anymore. I studied harder to obtain a better result for my last examination for the year. As soon as the exam ended, my teacher came to me and asked me to join the national-level essay writing competition. I submitted two essays and one of them won the consolation prize. My teacher presented me a certificate and a cheque during the assembly. Another unforgettable experience was during a duet flute performance during a VIP’s grandson’s wedding. That was my second time attending a wedding in my life after acting as a flower girl for my uncle’s wedding around the year 2003.

Aged fifteen, it was time for another public examination in October. I focused on my studies the whole year. I even let go the chance of becoming a school prefect. I skipped many of my band practices and performances starting July that year as I was just being too nervous. I gave feeble excuses whenever I was asked to join any competitions. Several weeks later, my History language teacher showed me a letter from the Malaysian History Society about a History essay writing competition. I joined it with another friend as it required pair work. My school will send two representatives to join this competition. So, I felt much honored to be picked. We did about the Kaul Festival by the Melanau cultures in Sarawak. Our sources derived from interviews, visits to museums, Internet and books. It took us nearly a month to collect all the information. We resumed writing after our public exam. A night before I sat for my public exam, I drank a big glass of freshly-squeezed Sunkist. Several hours later, I felt itchiness in my throat. As it got worst, I started coughing. I kept my books at 9 and tried to sleep. Sadly, my itchy throat prevented me from even closing my eyes. I stayed awake until 1 a.m. I tried different postures to keep me asleep but I could not. At 2 o’clock, I fell asleep until 4a.m. I did not sleep anymore after that. So, I decided to wake up and eat my breakfast. After a bite of my bread, I vomited and coughed uncontrollably. That morning, I went to school without sufficient sleep and food. I felt weak but I hid those unhealthy feeling. My condition continued for the whole week. I swallowed pills and syrup but I remained helpless. I felt faint during my Mathematics paper but I held on. Luckily, I studied enough before I got sick. During my Geography paper in the afternoon, I had a headache but I tried to hide it from anyone around. After the exam, I prayed hard so that I could obtain all A’s. Yes, my dream came true. Ever since my parents migrated to Australia for business, I was under the care of Aunt Jasmine. She was extremely worried before I was handed my result slip. She endlessly poured chicken essence into my mouth to keep me energized – although I did not feel any difference. In December 2012, I received a text from my History language teacher saying that we had won in the essay writing competition. I was overwhelmed as I was still able to bring our school’s name to the summit. Before that, I did not trust my ability.

Aged sixteen (2013), I was in the higher secondary already. I was placed in the science stream based on my public exam result. 2013 was a year which I had really learnt the meaning of leadership and confidence. I was chosen to be vice president of our school’s History Society. I held a heavy responsibility for the whole society’s well-being. I had to crack my head every National Day to prepare lists of activities to be carried out throughout the month of August until the 16 of September (Malaysia’s Day). I was once again nominated as a serving school prefect. I was elected editor for our school’s magazine this year and next year. All this nominations had built a sense of confidence in me. I started to portray my leadership skills too. This year was indeed a busy year. My school had organized a school concert involving the performing arts clubs. I played in the band. At first, I regretted for being in the concert as it consumed too much time for practices. I had to complete my homework during time intervals when the band is not playing. My friends told me that we did not need to complete those work as we will always not be in class. But, the incident which happened when I was eight had taught me enough. I tried to complete as fast as I could. There was once when I cried during the practices because I knew for sure that I did not have enough time completing all my work. However, all my worries were proved pointless by my examination result. Another new experience that I had gained in this year was during the mooting competition. We were trained by a lawyer at his house most of the nights several weeks before the competition. The thing I enjoyed most was the cocktail. We ate mini Italian pizzas. My friend and I mistaken the creamy milk as cheese cream and thus, we spread a large amount of creamy milk onto our pizza. It tasted awful but we thought, that was how it was supposed to be. How silly!

Soon I was chosen for another History-based research and public speaking competition. I was put into a team of four consisting of my three other seniors and me. They guided me a lot throughout the researches. We spent nearly four months doing researches. Our effort did pay off at last. We won the third place. It was my first time joining this competition organized by Sarawak’s largest state library. However, there were some unforgettable moments during our presentation in the public. I was supposed to start speaking first. I held up the microphone and my hands started shaking. I tried my very best to speak as naturally as possible. While making eye-contact with the row of judges, I used my sweetest smile to charm them. Suddenly, I realized a lady who kept smiling back at me. My heart raced as I thought something good was going to happen. In my heart, I was thinking, “If I win, I’m going to thank her first.” So, I looked at the card in front of her to check for her name. Unfortunately, it wrote ‘Time Keeper’. Out of a sudden, my smiles faded. I switched my target on an old man in the middle. He wore a stern look which had made me shudder. I forgot my next line. But I was fast enough to make up my own line. It was exhausting but educational.
Another memorable incident which moved me was during my birthday this year. My close friends had planned a surprise birthday party for me. It was a real surprise! That morning, I reached school like usual. There, I saw my close friends sitting together discussing something rather seriously. I walked towards them and greeted them. However, they showed me the innocent look and said ‘What?’. I was very sad by their actions and words that morning as they never acted such a way. Furthermore, they had spoilt my mood on my birthday! Suddenly, one of them called out to me and demanded me to take care of her laptop while she go and take her USB from her sister. She opened her movie in her laptop and demanded me to sit there quietly and watch. I obeyed. While I was already into the movie, suddenly, all my friends came into our class and screamed ‘Happy Birthday!’. They were back to normal and said that they planned to give me a surprise birthday party. They bought a chocolate cake, cards and presents. Even my teachers wished me that day.

Well, looking back from my current stage made me realize that there were revolutions in my life – from a timid little mouse to a total lioness. Now, I dared to stand out for myself and eventually, I had warned my friends to stay away from me when I’m not in a good mood. Roar! Currently, I’m preparing for my next History writing competition for next year. Next year will be my last year in high school. After that, I’ll be free to pursue a course of my liking. As a recapitulation of this piece, I would say that there would not be progress without experience. This is why there is a saying which goes, experience is the best teacher. So, do not be afraid to make mistakes as they help us grow. For children, do cherish every moment in your childhood as you cannot wind back time once you’ve stepped out of it.


NOTE: Part 2 of I, Me and Myself will be found in the column of Storystar in a few more years to come.

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