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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Family & Friends
- Subject: Drama
- Published: 12/27/2013
Cassandra's Diary
Born 1993, F, from Singaraja, Bali, IndonesiaPeople say time flies, they are right. I was a little bit surprised when I realized that it had been three years since the last time I met her. I close my eyes, imagining her sweet face.
It is 1 a.m., I should have been asleep, but here I am, sitting on a white couch in my living room. Today is supposed to be her 21st birthday. I wonder how she would look if she were still alive. She would be more beautiful I guess.
My lips curve a sad smile as I take a thick book from my lap and hug it tightly, hoping it was her instead of her diary, “I miss you, Cassandra.”
January 1, 2009
Happy New Year!
I never wrote a diary before so I don’t know how and what to write. Hm... first of all, I would like to say thank you to my best friend, Vina, for giving me the cutest diary ever. No, no, wait. It was too formal. I am not writing a thesis, am I?
I am too excited now. There are so many words dancing in my head, they are racing to be the first one to be eternalized on you. Where should I begin?
Well, today I hung out with the best boy in the world, Andika. We went together for the first time in ages! Finally he had time to go out with me, but we had a little fight because we wanted to go to different places. I wanted to go to the beach, but he said beaches were boring and he preferred the zoo. We quarreled on our supposed to be special date! I thought hard how to win the argument and then a genius idea came into my mind. I said that I would do his Mathematics homework if he agreed to go to the beach, he predictably nodded his head! Yippy, I won!
We went to a beach not far from my house. Oh God, it was so crowded! We then walked away from the crowd along the seashore. Feeling tired, we sat on the sand about one meter in front of the maximum reach of the waves. He pulled me closer to him and I put my head on his shoulder. He caressed my head, ohh I can still feel his touch. I looked up at him and our eyes met. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes that made me fall in love with him.
He looked at me deeply and his face got closer. I was like hypnotized. I was parlayzed. I could do nothing but closing my eyes and enjoying the sensation after his soft lips landed on mine. It was our first kiss!!
Andika was my crush in senior high school. I admired him secretly. I prayed day and night that he would be mine, but he didn’t even know I existed. He didn’t, until one day Cassandra introduced him to me. She told me Andika was her boyfriend. My heart burned. I tried to smile and say congratulations, but I was dying inside.
Since that time I didn’t talk to her. I hated her. She got everything that I wanted. Perfect family, beauty, popularity, and then Andika. Her life was perfect and I really wished I had been in her shoes. How would it feel to be her?
I shook my head, trying to kick the thought out of my mind. I then turn the page and continue reading her diary.
January 7, 2009
What is happening to Vina? She acted so strangely today! She didn’t talk to me at school and she didn’t pick my call. I am so confused, diary. I am feeling so lonely. We used to talk every time but now she is like a stranger.
She was normal this morning, she seemed happy as usual. I thought it was the best time to tell her about Andika. Her reaction wasn’t like what I expected. She did say congratulations, but insincerely, I could feel it. Is she angry because I didn’t tell her sooner? Does she feel betrayed because I never told her that I already have a boyfriend?
NO! My best friend is not like that! I shouldn’t think that way.
My heart skips a bit. I never knew I could be that cruel. She did nothing wrong. She was the perfect partner for Andika. I wanted to apologize, but my egoistic feeling didn’t allow me. I couldn’t bear the pain of seeing her with him.
January 14, 2009
One week passed and she still didn’t talk to me. I don’t know what I should do to get my best friend back. I really miss her.
Anyway, today I got a very painful headache. Mom asked me not to go to school, but I didn’t want to miss my favorite class, English. I forced myself to walk and when I arrived at school, that headache disappeared magically. Maybe because I met Andika, hehe.
This is it, the beginning of the twist of her life.
February 6, 2009
I don’t know what is happening to me. That damn headache comes and goes as it pleases. I have gone to doctor and taken medicine, but it gets worse and it comes more often. I wish Vina were here, I really need to talk to her. I need her to comfort me.
I also wish I had been there to comfort her, if only I hadn’t been that egoistic.
March 17, 2009
I went to the doctor, again, maybe for the 4th time this month. My headache gets worse and worse and I get tired easily. What is going on? Am I suffering from a deadly disease like Ikeuchi Aya in Ichi Ritorru no Namida? No, no... I don’t want to die young.
March 18, 2009
I felt much better today after sleeping for straight 8 hours. I laughed hard when I read what I wrote yesterday. Haha, I am not gonna die young. I still have a long long way to go. I will continue studying at an elite university, I will get married with Andika, we will have two children- a daughter and a son- we will watch our children grow up until they make their own family, we will see our grandchildren, and then we can leave this world peacefully.
March 19, 2009
That headache came again this morning. It was painful as hell. It didn’t let me go to school. I tried to call Vina, but she didn’t pick up. She is still angry with me. I called Andika, but his cell phone was turned off.
I was in very bad shape. Not only a headache, but also influenza, fever, cough, and other minor illnesses. My parents took me to Hospital to have a full check up and even an ELISA test! It was so ridiculous, right?!
Tears fall from my eyes. I was the worst friend ever. How could I be that cruel? She suffered on her own! I stayed away from her when she needed me the most.
April 7, 2009
God, tell me it is not true! Tell me it is just a lame joke!
The result came. It can’t be true! There must be a mistake somewhere! I can’t be suffering from HIV! I don’t do drugs and I never have sex!
I don’t have to be scared, right? I read on Google that ELISA test is not very accurate. It needs to be done at least two times to get the accurate result. I will go to hospital and do that test again, but diary, I am afraid, what if the result is true?
April 8, 2009
My parents took me to hospital again. They talked to the doctor, “My daughter doesn’t do drugs and she is against sex before marriage, how could she.....?” my mother didn’t continue her sentence, she cried and so did I.
That doctor told us that HIV can be transferred through blood transfusion. I suddenly remembered that three years ago I got in an accident and I lost a lot of blood. Could it be? I cried harder and father tried to comfort me. He said he would take me to the best hospital, he said I would be cured, but I knew he lied. There is no cure for HIV/AIDS, I will surely die.
I called Andika and told him everything, but he blamed me. He said I was not a good girl. He said I had sex with many boys so that I suffer from this bloody disease! I tried to explain what actually happened, but he didn’t want to listen. He broke up with me. I am so hopeless now. I lost everything, everything.....
Vina, where are you? I need you so bad. I can’t stand the pain alone.
A flashback comes vividly into my head. I remember it was Thursday, Cassandra had been absent for four days. I was so worried since I often saw her feeling unwell in class. I killed the hatred within me and I walked to her house after school.
“Vina...” I heard someone calling my name. I turned back, and I saw Cassandra’s mother. I could spot sadness on her expression. She then took me to Cassandra’s room.
I knocked the door slowly. My head was so busy arranging words to apologize, that I didn’t realize she had opened the door. “Vina!!!” she screamed and hugged me tightly. I felt my shoulder wet, she cried!
“What happened to you?” I asked anxiously. She was the strongest girl that I’d ever known. The sight of her crying just didn’t feel right.
She looked down and told me about her disease while crying. I was so shocked, “You gotta be kidding me! I know I was so cruel not talking to you, but this is too much Sandra! Your joke is too silly! It is like you tell me the sun rose from west!”
She didn’t answer, she cried even harder.
“Tell me you are acting!” I cried out, “It is not funny at all!”
“No Vina, I am not acting. I am telling the truth. I will die soon.”
“Shut up! Even if you really suffer from HIV, you will not die soon! You still have years to live. Who knows, someone will find the cure soon? You have to survive.”
She shook her head, “No. I can’t bear the pain. Sooner or later people will know about my disease. They will gossip about me and my family. I can’t let it happen.” She held my hands and looked into my eyes, “Vina, could you do something for me?”
“I’d do anything for you Sandra.”
“Please forgive me for not being a good friend and please take care of my parents.”
“What are you saying?” I couldn’t hide the shock in my voice.
“Vina, I knew why you didn’t talk to me. You like that boy, right? I’m sorry for not being a good friend. I was too egoistic, I’m so sorry. Maybe this is karma for me.” She hugged me again and she whispered in my ears, “Please take care of my parents, and treat them as your own parents.”
“What do you mean?”
She smiled, “They are getting older and I won’t be able to take care of them.”
We talked for a couple of hours. She told me that Andika had broken up with her. I never thought Andika was that kind of a boy. He should have supported and motivated Cassandra!
I tried my best to entertain her. I told her everything would be okay. I then went home after promising her that I would visit her again.
I turn the page and I arrive at the last page of her diary.
April 9, 2009
Who was the author of Cinderella? Who was the author of sleeping beauty? I want to complain! True love does not exist! There is no live happily ever after!
My tears fall unavoidably. I remember it was about 9 p.m. when Cassandra’s mother called me and she told me that Cassandra, my best friend, ended her life by hanging herself. The sight of her cold lifeless body still haunts me until now.
I never thought that it would be the last time we met. I regretted letting her suffer alone. If only I could turn back the time. I miss you a lot Cassandra, you were the best friend in my life and I wish you were still here, with me, so we could take care of your parents together.
I close her diary then I look at an old clock hanging on the wall, “Four o’clock.” It’s time to sleep. I go to my bedroom, I open a drawer and put Cassandra’s diary there, “See you next year.”
Cassandra's Diary(Ayu Purnayatri)
People say time flies, they are right. I was a little bit surprised when I realized that it had been three years since the last time I met her. I close my eyes, imagining her sweet face.
It is 1 a.m., I should have been asleep, but here I am, sitting on a white couch in my living room. Today is supposed to be her 21st birthday. I wonder how she would look if she were still alive. She would be more beautiful I guess.
My lips curve a sad smile as I take a thick book from my lap and hug it tightly, hoping it was her instead of her diary, “I miss you, Cassandra.”
January 1, 2009
Happy New Year!
I never wrote a diary before so I don’t know how and what to write. Hm... first of all, I would like to say thank you to my best friend, Vina, for giving me the cutest diary ever. No, no, wait. It was too formal. I am not writing a thesis, am I?
I am too excited now. There are so many words dancing in my head, they are racing to be the first one to be eternalized on you. Where should I begin?
Well, today I hung out with the best boy in the world, Andika. We went together for the first time in ages! Finally he had time to go out with me, but we had a little fight because we wanted to go to different places. I wanted to go to the beach, but he said beaches were boring and he preferred the zoo. We quarreled on our supposed to be special date! I thought hard how to win the argument and then a genius idea came into my mind. I said that I would do his Mathematics homework if he agreed to go to the beach, he predictably nodded his head! Yippy, I won!
We went to a beach not far from my house. Oh God, it was so crowded! We then walked away from the crowd along the seashore. Feeling tired, we sat on the sand about one meter in front of the maximum reach of the waves. He pulled me closer to him and I put my head on his shoulder. He caressed my head, ohh I can still feel his touch. I looked up at him and our eyes met. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes that made me fall in love with him.
He looked at me deeply and his face got closer. I was like hypnotized. I was parlayzed. I could do nothing but closing my eyes and enjoying the sensation after his soft lips landed on mine. It was our first kiss!!
Andika was my crush in senior high school. I admired him secretly. I prayed day and night that he would be mine, but he didn’t even know I existed. He didn’t, until one day Cassandra introduced him to me. She told me Andika was her boyfriend. My heart burned. I tried to smile and say congratulations, but I was dying inside.
Since that time I didn’t talk to her. I hated her. She got everything that I wanted. Perfect family, beauty, popularity, and then Andika. Her life was perfect and I really wished I had been in her shoes. How would it feel to be her?
I shook my head, trying to kick the thought out of my mind. I then turn the page and continue reading her diary.
January 7, 2009
What is happening to Vina? She acted so strangely today! She didn’t talk to me at school and she didn’t pick my call. I am so confused, diary. I am feeling so lonely. We used to talk every time but now she is like a stranger.
She was normal this morning, she seemed happy as usual. I thought it was the best time to tell her about Andika. Her reaction wasn’t like what I expected. She did say congratulations, but insincerely, I could feel it. Is she angry because I didn’t tell her sooner? Does she feel betrayed because I never told her that I already have a boyfriend?
NO! My best friend is not like that! I shouldn’t think that way.
My heart skips a bit. I never knew I could be that cruel. She did nothing wrong. She was the perfect partner for Andika. I wanted to apologize, but my egoistic feeling didn’t allow me. I couldn’t bear the pain of seeing her with him.
January 14, 2009
One week passed and she still didn’t talk to me. I don’t know what I should do to get my best friend back. I really miss her.
Anyway, today I got a very painful headache. Mom asked me not to go to school, but I didn’t want to miss my favorite class, English. I forced myself to walk and when I arrived at school, that headache disappeared magically. Maybe because I met Andika, hehe.
This is it, the beginning of the twist of her life.
February 6, 2009
I don’t know what is happening to me. That damn headache comes and goes as it pleases. I have gone to doctor and taken medicine, but it gets worse and it comes more often. I wish Vina were here, I really need to talk to her. I need her to comfort me.
I also wish I had been there to comfort her, if only I hadn’t been that egoistic.
March 17, 2009
I went to the doctor, again, maybe for the 4th time this month. My headache gets worse and worse and I get tired easily. What is going on? Am I suffering from a deadly disease like Ikeuchi Aya in Ichi Ritorru no Namida? No, no... I don’t want to die young.
March 18, 2009
I felt much better today after sleeping for straight 8 hours. I laughed hard when I read what I wrote yesterday. Haha, I am not gonna die young. I still have a long long way to go. I will continue studying at an elite university, I will get married with Andika, we will have two children- a daughter and a son- we will watch our children grow up until they make their own family, we will see our grandchildren, and then we can leave this world peacefully.
March 19, 2009
That headache came again this morning. It was painful as hell. It didn’t let me go to school. I tried to call Vina, but she didn’t pick up. She is still angry with me. I called Andika, but his cell phone was turned off.
I was in very bad shape. Not only a headache, but also influenza, fever, cough, and other minor illnesses. My parents took me to Hospital to have a full check up and even an ELISA test! It was so ridiculous, right?!
Tears fall from my eyes. I was the worst friend ever. How could I be that cruel? She suffered on her own! I stayed away from her when she needed me the most.
April 7, 2009
God, tell me it is not true! Tell me it is just a lame joke!
The result came. It can’t be true! There must be a mistake somewhere! I can’t be suffering from HIV! I don’t do drugs and I never have sex!
I don’t have to be scared, right? I read on Google that ELISA test is not very accurate. It needs to be done at least two times to get the accurate result. I will go to hospital and do that test again, but diary, I am afraid, what if the result is true?
April 8, 2009
My parents took me to hospital again. They talked to the doctor, “My daughter doesn’t do drugs and she is against sex before marriage, how could she.....?” my mother didn’t continue her sentence, she cried and so did I.
That doctor told us that HIV can be transferred through blood transfusion. I suddenly remembered that three years ago I got in an accident and I lost a lot of blood. Could it be? I cried harder and father tried to comfort me. He said he would take me to the best hospital, he said I would be cured, but I knew he lied. There is no cure for HIV/AIDS, I will surely die.
I called Andika and told him everything, but he blamed me. He said I was not a good girl. He said I had sex with many boys so that I suffer from this bloody disease! I tried to explain what actually happened, but he didn’t want to listen. He broke up with me. I am so hopeless now. I lost everything, everything.....
Vina, where are you? I need you so bad. I can’t stand the pain alone.
A flashback comes vividly into my head. I remember it was Thursday, Cassandra had been absent for four days. I was so worried since I often saw her feeling unwell in class. I killed the hatred within me and I walked to her house after school.
“Vina...” I heard someone calling my name. I turned back, and I saw Cassandra’s mother. I could spot sadness on her expression. She then took me to Cassandra’s room.
I knocked the door slowly. My head was so busy arranging words to apologize, that I didn’t realize she had opened the door. “Vina!!!” she screamed and hugged me tightly. I felt my shoulder wet, she cried!
“What happened to you?” I asked anxiously. She was the strongest girl that I’d ever known. The sight of her crying just didn’t feel right.
She looked down and told me about her disease while crying. I was so shocked, “You gotta be kidding me! I know I was so cruel not talking to you, but this is too much Sandra! Your joke is too silly! It is like you tell me the sun rose from west!”
She didn’t answer, she cried even harder.
“Tell me you are acting!” I cried out, “It is not funny at all!”
“No Vina, I am not acting. I am telling the truth. I will die soon.”
“Shut up! Even if you really suffer from HIV, you will not die soon! You still have years to live. Who knows, someone will find the cure soon? You have to survive.”
She shook her head, “No. I can’t bear the pain. Sooner or later people will know about my disease. They will gossip about me and my family. I can’t let it happen.” She held my hands and looked into my eyes, “Vina, could you do something for me?”
“I’d do anything for you Sandra.”
“Please forgive me for not being a good friend and please take care of my parents.”
“What are you saying?” I couldn’t hide the shock in my voice.
“Vina, I knew why you didn’t talk to me. You like that boy, right? I’m sorry for not being a good friend. I was too egoistic, I’m so sorry. Maybe this is karma for me.” She hugged me again and she whispered in my ears, “Please take care of my parents, and treat them as your own parents.”
“What do you mean?”
She smiled, “They are getting older and I won’t be able to take care of them.”
We talked for a couple of hours. She told me that Andika had broken up with her. I never thought Andika was that kind of a boy. He should have supported and motivated Cassandra!
I tried my best to entertain her. I told her everything would be okay. I then went home after promising her that I would visit her again.
I turn the page and I arrive at the last page of her diary.
April 9, 2009
Who was the author of Cinderella? Who was the author of sleeping beauty? I want to complain! True love does not exist! There is no live happily ever after!
My tears fall unavoidably. I remember it was about 9 p.m. when Cassandra’s mother called me and she told me that Cassandra, my best friend, ended her life by hanging herself. The sight of her cold lifeless body still haunts me until now.
I never thought that it would be the last time we met. I regretted letting her suffer alone. If only I could turn back the time. I miss you a lot Cassandra, you were the best friend in my life and I wish you were still here, with me, so we could take care of your parents together.
I close her diary then I look at an old clock hanging on the wall, “Four o’clock.” It’s time to sleep. I go to my bedroom, I open a drawer and put Cassandra’s diary there, “See you next year.”
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