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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Mystery
- Subject: Crime
- Published: 01/02/2014
It had to be done. I couldn't see any other way out of this mess. In the end it did not matter. My name is Babs Bowden and I killed my best friend. Well, let me re-phrase myself: I facilitated her death. I'm still in denial. It's been twenty years. Twenty years ago this day I was a different person. I was twenty when it happened. Stick thin figure, steel blue eyes, light brown hair, independent, daring, outspoken and most definitely scared of heights, but that didn't stop me. I was creative and found ways to work around it. Today, I am a successful District Attorney and the only crime I haven't tried is that of my own. It is quite unusual. I never felt guilty for doing it. All these years and you might ask: how do you sleep at night? Aren't you afraid people are going to find out? Let me let you in on a little secret: the longer you keep things inside, the more you are able to rationalize your actions and that is precisely what happened to me.
Mina and I were never meant to be friends. She was nice, naive, ignorant, dependent and influenced easily and I hated her for that. When we were five or six my father caught us fighting in the back yard one day. I was on top of her with my hands around her neck. I don't remember it. My father told me later that he has never seen anyone's eyes go black like that when he looked into my eyes. Mina did not visit for a month. Her parents thought I was dangerous. I thought it was only natural but I didn't say that out loud. My parents were looking for any reason to send me back to see Dr. Shulman and I wasn't going to give them one.
Dr. Shulman was my psychologist. She was easily influenced and extremely bored. She liked having me visit because I kept it interesting. I told her all about the voices. I could tell she liked it. I never told her my real thoughts though. I did not want her to think I had a serious problem. Just some minor attachment issues and school problems, you know, teenage stuff. If she knew how many times I fancied killing her and chopping her body into little pieces, she would put me away for life and I would not have that. No. I was looking for the right moment to strike. Mina was the right moment. She was frail, not to mention she trusted me more than herself. No. She believed in me. That's always a mistake. To trust someone else other than yourself. To put your faith in someone else. So when she met Lenny, I knew It had to be done. I would not lose her, not like this. Lenny was an educated, hard working man. He was five years our senior and had an irritating sense of humour. The kind that makes you roll your eyes and think to yourself, what did your parents do to you or, wow, your parents must be so proud of you! He worked at a shipping yard but had dreams. Then his dreams became her dreams and before you know it she was his. Just like that old blue rusty truck he drove around town.
It was a Sunday afternoon when they announced it. My ears were burning and all I could think of at that moment was my father and that day. I played it cool though. I congratulated them both and excused myself. "my parents are going to worry" or "I have to finish some school work." I can't remember which was more pathetic. My excuses or Mina begging me to stay for dinner. "but don't you want to hear how he proposed?" No. My eyes were turning black again. I did not know this girl. I played the scenario over and over in my head. She is going to move away to the suburbs, leave her family and friends, all in the name of love. How unambitious. How disappointing. All these years and times discussing our future plans, love, marriage, friendship...well, friendship is overestimated. Love is more powerful. Resentment, well resentment to me is the root of all evil.
It started as an innocent thought. A projection technique. "what would you say to her if you could express your anger?" Dr. Shulman' s voice echoed in the back of my head. I was awake again. It was the summer of 1984. I had checked myself in to Rosenbaum Psychiatric Hospital voluntarily. Somewhere between my fathers car accident and Mina leaving town I had lost myself. I always hated the fact that I could never surprise myself. Life to me was a series of prescribed events in order. What thrilled others had no effect on me. I knew that from an early age. I had to entertain myself. I had to search for those special moments, those exhilarating snap shots to keep me interested in life. I know now that without those moments I cannot bear or define my existence. "I would ask her if she was happy" I replied. Dr. Shulman looked up. Her eyes reminded me of a fish I once caught fishing with my father. Dead. No sign of life. I thought of Mina's eyes. Deep green. Happy eyes. But fear made them go dark. I saw fear in her eyes the day I killed her.
"Oh I'm so excited you finally decided to visit" Mina was clueless as usual. She was wearing a dress that day. It was the summer of 1994 and I felt cold. I was finally ready to see her and Lenny. Plus I was out of Rosenbaum and had passed all the psychiatric tests there is to pass. No one was as good as me when it came to taking tests. LSAT with flying colors, MCAT like a breeze. I had been offered a six figure job at the DAs office. My father would have been proud of course. His little girl can keep her secret now. She doesn't need his protection. "sure thing" I replied. I never did understand the excitement of seeing someone after a long time. I used to spend Saturdays at the airport watching people and their loved ones reunite. I tried imitating their expressions in the mirror at night in hopes of awaking a tiny drop of emotion. It only made me resent people more. "what's with you?" Mina's eyes were fixed on me. I turned my back to her. Let's face it, the only reason I was visiting was to show them both that I'm not that girl they knew ten years ago. It was my chance to shine. "I'm happy to see you too Mina" I replied with a fake smile. I'd picked it up from a lady on the bus the day before. "that's better!" She laughed hysterically.
"Babs, help me Babs!" She cried. We were on the roof top. The cat jumped off. Mina had slipped trying to rescue it. Cat never needed to be rescued but she did. I was frozen. I was afraid of heights. "Hold on" I shouted. I ran downstairs looking for a stick or broom or anything. Lenny was still out and it was getting dark. I felt calmer at night. I didn't have to hide in the dark. I thought about calling the cops or neighbours. I even thought about calling Lenny. In the end it did not matter. I couldn't see any other way out of this mess. I should have done it a long time ago. I was tormented. It was not envy or jealousy. It was pure resentment. Contempt. Friends make the best enemies. It was the weakness, the disappointment and grief she had caused me. I was not going to let her be happy. I poured myself a glass and turned on the record player. They found her later that night. Her neck was broken. No one knew I was coming to visit, not even Lenny. For all they knew, we had a fight ten years ago after I found out my father had been killed in a hit and run. The driver drove an old blue rusty truck. We are even now. All rise.
Dark Corners(Gigi)
It had to be done. I couldn't see any other way out of this mess. In the end it did not matter. My name is Babs Bowden and I killed my best friend. Well, let me re-phrase myself: I facilitated her death. I'm still in denial. It's been twenty years. Twenty years ago this day I was a different person. I was twenty when it happened. Stick thin figure, steel blue eyes, light brown hair, independent, daring, outspoken and most definitely scared of heights, but that didn't stop me. I was creative and found ways to work around it. Today, I am a successful District Attorney and the only crime I haven't tried is that of my own. It is quite unusual. I never felt guilty for doing it. All these years and you might ask: how do you sleep at night? Aren't you afraid people are going to find out? Let me let you in on a little secret: the longer you keep things inside, the more you are able to rationalize your actions and that is precisely what happened to me.
Mina and I were never meant to be friends. She was nice, naive, ignorant, dependent and influenced easily and I hated her for that. When we were five or six my father caught us fighting in the back yard one day. I was on top of her with my hands around her neck. I don't remember it. My father told me later that he has never seen anyone's eyes go black like that when he looked into my eyes. Mina did not visit for a month. Her parents thought I was dangerous. I thought it was only natural but I didn't say that out loud. My parents were looking for any reason to send me back to see Dr. Shulman and I wasn't going to give them one.
Dr. Shulman was my psychologist. She was easily influenced and extremely bored. She liked having me visit because I kept it interesting. I told her all about the voices. I could tell she liked it. I never told her my real thoughts though. I did not want her to think I had a serious problem. Just some minor attachment issues and school problems, you know, teenage stuff. If she knew how many times I fancied killing her and chopping her body into little pieces, she would put me away for life and I would not have that. No. I was looking for the right moment to strike. Mina was the right moment. She was frail, not to mention she trusted me more than herself. No. She believed in me. That's always a mistake. To trust someone else other than yourself. To put your faith in someone else. So when she met Lenny, I knew It had to be done. I would not lose her, not like this. Lenny was an educated, hard working man. He was five years our senior and had an irritating sense of humour. The kind that makes you roll your eyes and think to yourself, what did your parents do to you or, wow, your parents must be so proud of you! He worked at a shipping yard but had dreams. Then his dreams became her dreams and before you know it she was his. Just like that old blue rusty truck he drove around town.
It was a Sunday afternoon when they announced it. My ears were burning and all I could think of at that moment was my father and that day. I played it cool though. I congratulated them both and excused myself. "my parents are going to worry" or "I have to finish some school work." I can't remember which was more pathetic. My excuses or Mina begging me to stay for dinner. "but don't you want to hear how he proposed?" No. My eyes were turning black again. I did not know this girl. I played the scenario over and over in my head. She is going to move away to the suburbs, leave her family and friends, all in the name of love. How unambitious. How disappointing. All these years and times discussing our future plans, love, marriage, friendship...well, friendship is overestimated. Love is more powerful. Resentment, well resentment to me is the root of all evil.
It started as an innocent thought. A projection technique. "what would you say to her if you could express your anger?" Dr. Shulman' s voice echoed in the back of my head. I was awake again. It was the summer of 1984. I had checked myself in to Rosenbaum Psychiatric Hospital voluntarily. Somewhere between my fathers car accident and Mina leaving town I had lost myself. I always hated the fact that I could never surprise myself. Life to me was a series of prescribed events in order. What thrilled others had no effect on me. I knew that from an early age. I had to entertain myself. I had to search for those special moments, those exhilarating snap shots to keep me interested in life. I know now that without those moments I cannot bear or define my existence. "I would ask her if she was happy" I replied. Dr. Shulman looked up. Her eyes reminded me of a fish I once caught fishing with my father. Dead. No sign of life. I thought of Mina's eyes. Deep green. Happy eyes. But fear made them go dark. I saw fear in her eyes the day I killed her.
"Oh I'm so excited you finally decided to visit" Mina was clueless as usual. She was wearing a dress that day. It was the summer of 1994 and I felt cold. I was finally ready to see her and Lenny. Plus I was out of Rosenbaum and had passed all the psychiatric tests there is to pass. No one was as good as me when it came to taking tests. LSAT with flying colors, MCAT like a breeze. I had been offered a six figure job at the DAs office. My father would have been proud of course. His little girl can keep her secret now. She doesn't need his protection. "sure thing" I replied. I never did understand the excitement of seeing someone after a long time. I used to spend Saturdays at the airport watching people and their loved ones reunite. I tried imitating their expressions in the mirror at night in hopes of awaking a tiny drop of emotion. It only made me resent people more. "what's with you?" Mina's eyes were fixed on me. I turned my back to her. Let's face it, the only reason I was visiting was to show them both that I'm not that girl they knew ten years ago. It was my chance to shine. "I'm happy to see you too Mina" I replied with a fake smile. I'd picked it up from a lady on the bus the day before. "that's better!" She laughed hysterically.
"Babs, help me Babs!" She cried. We were on the roof top. The cat jumped off. Mina had slipped trying to rescue it. Cat never needed to be rescued but she did. I was frozen. I was afraid of heights. "Hold on" I shouted. I ran downstairs looking for a stick or broom or anything. Lenny was still out and it was getting dark. I felt calmer at night. I didn't have to hide in the dark. I thought about calling the cops or neighbours. I even thought about calling Lenny. In the end it did not matter. I couldn't see any other way out of this mess. I should have done it a long time ago. I was tormented. It was not envy or jealousy. It was pure resentment. Contempt. Friends make the best enemies. It was the weakness, the disappointment and grief she had caused me. I was not going to let her be happy. I poured myself a glass and turned on the record player. They found her later that night. Her neck was broken. No one knew I was coming to visit, not even Lenny. For all they knew, we had a fight ten years ago after I found out my father had been killed in a hit and run. The driver drove an old blue rusty truck. We are even now. All rise.
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