The Dope Fiend

The Dope Fiend(Hayden Rudinski) For a few moments i feel inner happiness and then it fades away as i start to nod out. i feel the cherry of my cigarette burning in between my fingers and i finally put my cigarette out into the ashtray and close my eyes. after a few minutes i take the belt off of my arm and lite another cigarette. The dope was cheap but it helps the craving, i slowly move to the refrigerator and grab a beer and then walk back to my couch and sip on the beer slowly trying to feel relaxed. I get a phone call from another dope fiend asking for three bags and i comply with him and arrange for him to meet me down the street from my apartment. i quickly grab three cut bags of dope and go outside and rip the fiend off, and then quickly return to my house frantically trying to avoid the cold wind on my skin.

I rub my fingers through my greasy hair, and then go into the bathroom and observe myself in the mirror. i can identify every bruise, burn, cut, and holes on my body. This is disgusting i think to myself so i get into the shower and wash myself clean. i get the dirt and nastiness off of my body but the scars are still there and will never leave. every scar has a story, i would always tell people this because it makes me seem more like a bad ass of some sort and in some cases i gain respect from letting them know i lived on the streets my whole life. i use this as my advantage, this actually gain some respect from the higher ups and gets me cheaper dope and more clients.

Yes i am disappointed that i use roughly five percent of my own product which deducts me an amount of income that i could be using toward my son or his mother, but it has gone way too far from my normal usage, i accept this but will not admit it, i don't know why but i will never admit. The blood in my veins is mixed in with various toxins making its way throughout my body, killing me, and making me high for a short period of time which is pure ecstasy. i kind of wonder why i started the junk in the first place, it is pretty sad to think that i was only in my late teens and i blew it all away. but hell with all that i got money and a decent apartment from just hustling, what all more can i ask for?

After sitting for a few minutes thinking, i get up and go into my bedroom and lay down. i start to drift away. i go deeper and deeper into my thoughts and my mind. i start to dream. i am walking down a dirt road in a field, the sky is bright blue with very few fluffy white clouds, the sun is bright yet the temperature is very warm with a cool breeze. i am walking down this road trying to find why i am here and what i am doing in the middle of nowhere. a few feet in front of me is a baby carriage, this is eerie and i wonder, why the hell is this here. i see something red dripping from under the carriage and i begin to move closer to it and see what is inside the carriage.

A Child no doubt, the child is no more than a few months old. the child is screaming and gurgling on saliva and blood. the child has a belt on its arm with blood spewing out from an infected hole, its eyes are moving to the back of its skull. i take another close glance at the child yet again and see the child has a close resemblance to myself. The sky has now turned from Beautiful to Pure darkness with clouds filled with blood and lighting bolts striking all around, one bolt after another. I start to run but a lighting bolt hits near me and causes me to fall and sprain my ankle. I look up and see the carriage on the dirt road and i do not see the child.

With all the chaos within i look only for the child in hope it is still alive, so i may save it and bring it back to good health. The child is on the ground a few feet behind me, i quickly limp over to the child and Grab him and start running down this dirt road in hope of finding help. as i am running i feel a sting in my arm, i look to see what it is and find that the child has turned the junk onto me. The laughter... The sound this child is making is unbearable, i drop the child hard on the ground and fall to my knees. The child won't stop making this horrid noise, i have my hands over my ears and still can hear the bastard laugh. I look at it and see the child's neck is broken along with his left leg, blood is all around the thing along with other body fluids. I can't stand it, why don't you just stop! i scream at the thing. Stop just stop. YOU LITTLE SHIT I WILL KILL YOU, JUST STOP! but the noise continues and increases within time, it worsens every minute, more foul. I pray i wake up but i do not. I reside with this child, hoping i awake from whatever i am in. But this thing will not stop, i am surrounded by Darkness With the noise sent straight from Hell.