Looking for love all my life

Looking for love all my life(Debbie) Why I asked after hearing most of their conversation but this dark handsome guy just put his charm or me and knowing that I was overweight I feel good about what he said about the shorts I was wearing so I told him that we could see each other but my brother was not going nowhere that night so me and the guy went out on the rap and talked about us getting together I will later find out that the dark handsome guy had just got out of prison for shooting a guy over some gym shoes. But knowing this never stop me from taking walks with him. I would be proud to be seen with him because he was so popular and all the other girls were jealous of our relationship I had the game later and everyone respects him even though it was out of fear but I did not understand beer until I wanted to stop seeing him he told me that I will have to give him $100 to be free from him even though I was so afraid I told him no but he just pick me up and said I would throw you out of this fifth floor window. See I knew he would because he had no feelings of guilt left in him I saw people pay him before to keep him from killing them I couldn't run where would I go mama had no place for me to come my sisters they both live with their boyfriends so how was I to get away from the dark handsome guy I dialed the cops but was too afraidTo tell them because I thought they might just tell me to make a report out then I know they would let him go then he will kill me I pray the night before check day that he would not come to the check cashing place so after a long night I got up and dressed and woke up my brother and told him what was going on see I knew that my brother would be with the dark skin guy everyday but I did not know that he made my brother his right hand man but I soon found out that when my brother told me that everything will be alright and he walked me and the kids to the check cashing place I told him I was scared to talk dark handsome guy will be there when we got there I stood in the long why every time the door was open I will look back to see if it was him but God made it not true after I cash my check we left I tried to pay my brother but he would not take the money he asked if I would be ok going shopping by myself and I told him yes so he left this at the bus stop for some reason I feel brave but my mind was not content. I thought that the dark handsome guy might hurt my brotherAfter me and the kids came home from shopping I asked around her that my brother was fine I soon found out that my brother was cleaning a gun for the guy and when he came to check on is good my brother put the gun to the dark handsome guys head and tell him he would kill him if he ever heard me or my kids but that never stopped to talk dark handsome guy from coming to our apartment every night he would come up to the apartment to sleep with me I had to open the door but he will bank on it until I open it I tried to leave for a weekend and went over to my ex boyfriends house but I could not wear out my welcome because he lives with my his mom after I came back to Tall dark handsome guy was laying in my bed if I ever saw saying I saw him that morning please I beg leave me alone stop coming to see me but he only laughed at me in a deep voice and said no no no your body is for me but I didn't stop praying and I even started going to church for Bible class just to get away from this crazy crazy place where I liveThis went on for 3 months it took me going to jail for me to get rid of the dark handsome guy yes he had some gun he in my apartment that the police had found when they read in my house looking for some drugs that someone had tipped the cops about but they did not find the drugs or him only the gone so they took me to jail my sister that I had not seen in a month had come to visit me that night they arrested me she told me that she would keep the kids in live in my apartment seeing she had only one son and they also need some place to stay because her boyfriend had put her out meanwhile at the station de fingerprinting me and put me in a Cell I was also cold is scared I had nothing to do but look at the big brick walls I tried to pray but God seemed so far away. after a day and one night I went to 26 and California to court, where I was released. I had no money but got on the bus free by showing my hand they have them while in locked up. When I got home I was so glad to see my keys I let them sleep with me. The next day I went over to the office where I pay my rent, to ask them if I was going to get put out. They told me, "yes." I was so scared. I came home and try to pack, but I didn't know where I was going to move that will let me pay $80 for rent like I was paying in my low income apartment. I went back to the office and ask for more time. They gave me an appointment for the 19th, but my court date was also on the 19th. So when that date came, I was late for court because of the other appointment. The manager only told me to wait for my eviction notice. I begged for another chance but his answer was only the same as before. We don't want people like you renting from us. So me and the kids walk back home. It was a very sad time in my life.I saw my brother in the lobby of the apartment building and tell him what was told to me at the office. His words only made me cry. He sick, f*** you. I stood there waiting for the elevator with my face up against the p*** smelling wall. I was so upset I did not hear my sister walked up. "Mama there's auntie" my baby girl screen as she pulled my pants leg. "okay What's Up Girl" I said trying to press a smile on my face. I told her what happened. I heard the elevator door open and close but ignores it and follow her. She was walking to the back of the building to talk to my brother about what he has said to me. "Yeah I said it," he said "what about me". "it ain't my fault that she keeps having sex with that nigga".But he uses Street term. I just threw my hands up and cry.Some people stood around and watched, while others walk by looking with the laughter. My sister tried to comfort me, and when I calm down I remember my court date. I ran to the stairs leaving my kids downstairs with my sister. My court date I said as I block on lock the door to my apartment I look for the phone number to the courthouse, to find out the time that I was supposed to be at court. I know it was on the 19th but what time? The lady on the phone told me that I missed court it was for 9 a.m. That morning I was so scared I just said they're on my bed. Mama what happened my oldest daughter acts as she walked in the bedroom nothing I said we just got to pray. She walked over in my bedroom and hugged me and said "mama God is going to work it out". She know about Jesus from me taking her to church all her eleven years of life.Okay I said with a smile.After dinner I got me and my kids dressed and we went to charge while we were charged I got in the Prayer Line when my turn came for the pastor to lay hands on me I asked that he prayed that I could I would not go to jail he pray but I did I got disappointing when he asked the Lord if it was his will that I didn't go to jail I want to have to ask the Lord not to let me go to jail in a big way so after I got off the platform where the pass to have pray for me I went back to wear my kids were sitting and got on my knees and beg I did Jesus not to let me go to jail I mean I mean I cry and beg real hard.I still was pretty upset that night after getting home from church, thought I prayed again. Then I went to my kids room it took them in bed as soon as I got in bed and a knot, at the door it was my brother in a tall dark handsome guy I just stood there staring at them for about 5 minutes then my brother walked in in a dark handsome guy about thought of him they sat on the couch next to the door I turned and looked at both of them without blinking an eye and said look you all have got me and another trouble. So leave me alone.I was really talking to the dark handsome guy. Look I got some money from selling the coke to give you to pay for you a lawyer the dark skin guy said as he stood up from the couch and follow me back to my bedroom no I said f*** it all but the dark handsome guy just left that me and pull his clothes off instead of me where I was city I looked over and saw my brother with asleep he then tried to make me before my 6 pack on him but I fought him away from me enuff to make it to the door. But when I made it to the door he closed it and throw me on the bed and try to force me to do what he want it again. After days did not work his way he's told me to take off my god. I did as he said out of fear and hate. After about 3 hours of torment, he left my bedroom and went to the front room and woke my brother, and they left out the door. As usual it was 6 a.m. When they would leave, & I will usually go back to bed after locking the door in checking on my kids. But that morning I needed to get dress for court. I would not miss court Indian. So I took a long hot bath in afterwards took my kids some breakfast and got the address. We've been left out the door to catch the bus for court. After we got to Corinth on the right branch, I saw that I was early so we went to the cafeteria for some juice. I call home to see if my brother had came in the house, because I had left the extra key with a neighbor for him to get in while I was gone. I knew he should be in the house by now because whenever him in the dark handsome guy left at 6 a.m., he would usually come about 10 a.m. To sleep until 6 p.m. Then go outside to gang bang. when I said before the judge I was nervous the public defender told him why I was late and that I did come in on my own, but just still put me in jail for being late. But before he did so, he gave me time to find a babysitter. Some people was asking me who did I have to take the kids. I said I did not know, but wanted to get my punishment over. while talking to these people I said my keys could go into a foster home until I get out. But gospel to one lady who said if I get my kids to the state, I'll have a heart in long wait on giving them back. So I just said there in a daze. C, I had until the next day to find a babysitter. Lost out on a bench with my arms around both of my kids, I looked up at the card then at the door and they're still my sister. I was surprised to see her because she didn't know that I was going to court I figure my brother must have told her. So she agreed to babysit until I got out of jail. My stay in jail was better than the lock up at the station. At least I was not cold. I cry every night for my kids. Every time my sister will bring them to see me they would look so good and clean. But, when I would talk to them on the phone my eldest daughter would tell me they were home alone and she was cooking and cleaning for the three of them my youngest daughter and my sisters baby boy. But I would not do much but pray every night. I even started going to church in jail. I enjoyed it and learned a lot about that. It was only got it took care of me in jail and love my kids while I was doing my time.Even my own boyfriend will come to see me while I was locked up. Why? Bugeye worse in his own ways for those who seek His face that made it so that when I got out, my ex boyfriend came over to live with me a few days and it made the tall dark guy stop coming around. Just the presence of a older man does the trick. Even though I did not love my ex boyfriend, I told the tall dark guy that my man was back, and he stop coming around. But I know now it was God doing it off. see, I will run to my ex boyfriends house to get away from the tall dark handsome guy. But this time God made him come to me When it was time for me to get help, not I but God made it happen I will let her get a letter from the tall handsome guy telling me that he was free at last. . free? he told me he was in jail and living saved in Jesus. Yes, he had killed some little boy over a TV. But now he was free from games, and everything he had one it was in Jesus. But my child was not over. I will I was put on probation for one year. God bless me with a probation officer that was an angel. She was saved. She was about get G this. I was so blessed to have her. She would tell me that Jesus bless her with everything she had, and that was a lot. I mean she was so pretty and sweet and also told me she wanted me to get back in school. So I decided to the school. I couldn't wait to go see her every month. One day in the month of December, I got my check in later bye lost my purse. She even gave me money to go downtown to make a police report. Now that was God working. Dennis same week while I was walking around looking for an apartment with no money, God made it so that I went to church office after having nowhere else to turn. I went in and a lady pastot talk to me about Jesus. I thought I have heard enough about Jesus. But through it all he does this passes heart and she pay my rent in light bill. I'm sorry that I was getting thrown out, but she kept saying to put it in Gods hands, & I did. The next day I took the money order to the office and gave it to the manager. I was waiting for her to say we can't accept your money. But she looked up my name with a smile, I asked when is my eviction day? She looked at me and said we decide to put you on trial, and if it happens again you are out, lord knows I was lost for words. What was I to say but thank you Jesus thank you Jesus. Not only that but God made it so that a neighbor told me about writing to Santa Claus. now it was two weeks before Christmas so I just knew it was too late for my letter to get a answer but I was wrong. Some people came to my door a week before Christmas and brought so much food in new clothes I had no room in the inn my front room to walk. And my refrigerator was so fool that I had to give some of my food away. And God was not finished yet. He even bless me with a job for Christmas, even though it was only for 3 days. When my sister saw all the blessings God I had done, she could not believe I had lost my purse. My ex boyfriend left me because he said I had to have another man that was helping me. But I told him no it was got only God. My oldest daughter joined the choir and me and my baby will go to Bible class every Tuesday. Now saying was not sleep. He was waiting his turn. He started playing with my mind he put a fear my hard to go places my friend to text from him came one day when I was coming home from the court house. I had just left from seeing my probation officer, when I feel so scared that I wanted to run run until I got home. But I didn't want to shame our kids who were with me, so I just stood there at the bus stop singing songs until the Lord Jesus. Even when I will go to school same with the tech my mind and make me want to run. I feel as thoughEveryone was watching me, but I went to school anyways but I told my new pastor about what was going on. She said it was saved trying to steal my mom. This on scare me more. I just wanted to stay home we're out I will be safe. On the day I had to go and see my probation officer I asked the passage to drive me there and she said yes. I did not have a chance to tell my PO what has been happening because she had went to another job. But I kept going to school so that my new probation officer wouldn't put me in jail. God made it so that I had one C and the rest D's in school, and Spite of Satan messing with me. I will still go to church for bible class even go to church on sunday. Sometimes I will get so scared and I had to sleep over to my pastor house. I finally got off probation. I even gave my apartment a new look with paint and all. I will pray morning going to bible class. Same would've text me more more, but I kept all monies before the lord. but I was learning to speak to jesus about my situation. I probably got off probation. I even gave my apartment a new look with paint and all. I will praying more and more, going to bible class. Say wanna text me more but I can't my need before the lord. My kids love jesus also. That was in 1989. Now it is 1998, and I still take everything to God in prayer in jesus name. those attacks come and they go when I call up on my lord our lord jesus christ. Now you should do the same. you saw through my story that Jesus is a mama, a daddy, a lawyer and a friend.