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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Inspirational
- Subject: Pain / Problems / Adversity
- Published: 04/12/2014
The truth behind my struggles, living in my self-doubt, feeling undeserving of everything good that's around. Pushed to my weakest point, left alone to carry my burden, to cry my tears, to face my pain again. An unexplainable sense of worthlessness, trying to figure out what is worth fighting for, is there any fight left? Is it worth it? but most of all am I worth it? Am I good enough for this, for anyone or anything?
Put on a smile, hold back the tears, pretend to be brave, but it's hard to believe, not easy to see, too hard to understand, not worth the pain, unless you're living it.
Is there a reason, is there a chance, is there hope, what's the point? What's the purpose? A sudden feeling of emptiness quite hard to make sense of, something is missing but what is it? Can I reach it? Is it for me? Do I have what it takes? Am I strong enough, or do I fear I'm too weak?
Something feels familiar, strange yet comforting, do I know what it is, am I weary, should I fear it or will I be ok, should I take that chance? What if I do, what could go wrong, anything could happen, is it wrong to say no? So much to fear, so much to think about. Thoughts are forever changing in my mind, unsure of what I'm searching for. Do I need to find the answer or do I know it already? Am I too scared to say it? Or is it that I'm not ready for the answer, am I brave enough? Have I made the right choices, how will I know if no one else will tell me, do I have the strength to believe in myself. It feels so unreal to me, but I know it is mine, my truth, my world, my life, my battle, my pure existence, my choice, my way, my story.
I sometimes think to myself, what if things had been different, what if things had changed, or I had the option to change them, would I want to, would I want a different experience? they say the grass is always greener on the other side, but is it true? What if I had made a different choice and chose the 2nd option, would I be happy? Or would i have regrets, everyone has regrets don't they, everyone makes mistakes, but we learn from them eventually... What's my lesson, is this my lesson or am I still learning step by step, day by day, minute by minute, feeling exhausted and tired, maybe if I could change, if I had that one wish to make that change, would I be able to do it and would that one decision change everything, my past, my present, my future. Feeling like this is my punishment, am I getting what I deserve? all this pain and the scars, the scars that will last a lifetime, that will forever change who I am, how I look and how others will see me.
Feeling like I've failed, yet again unable to prove myself, knowing that I'm not good enough, never have been, never will be. Being alone, not just in my heart but alone in myself, in my day to day being, my day to day life.
No one understands, they say they do, they say they care, but it's not true, a picture paints a thousand words but I've cried more than a thousand tears, spent most nights crying myself to sleep because I'm mad, mad at myself.
For not being that one thing that was good enough, that one thing that would have been worth it all, so unsure of what may happen and how to make sense of what already has, and the uncertainty of it, the reason behind it all. No words can explain my sadness, I'm left here alone in my misery while everyone else around me is happy, how is that fair?
I'm barely coping, all if have left to hold onto is my memories, the good and the bad, but what I fear most is what I can't let go of, the things I have no control over that are a part of me.
I blame myself for all that's happened, I blame myself for failing in life in general. I feel that I deserve all I get. I made the mistake of falling in love, and I fell hard and fast and deeply, but I was never loved back, I thought it was because it felt so real, but people are good at pretending. I now hide behind my wall, my wall of fear, of insecurities, I have no trust, no love, no confidence, no hope, and no belief that I should ever be happy again. This is my punishment for having false hope that true love may exist. I may never be happy with myself and I can not ever forgive myself, but I know in my heart that although I did fail, I tried as hard as I could possibly try to make things better, to make things right.
My minds pure existance(Emma lovell)
The truth behind my struggles, living in my self-doubt, feeling undeserving of everything good that's around. Pushed to my weakest point, left alone to carry my burden, to cry my tears, to face my pain again. An unexplainable sense of worthlessness, trying to figure out what is worth fighting for, is there any fight left? Is it worth it? but most of all am I worth it? Am I good enough for this, for anyone or anything?
Put on a smile, hold back the tears, pretend to be brave, but it's hard to believe, not easy to see, too hard to understand, not worth the pain, unless you're living it.
Is there a reason, is there a chance, is there hope, what's the point? What's the purpose? A sudden feeling of emptiness quite hard to make sense of, something is missing but what is it? Can I reach it? Is it for me? Do I have what it takes? Am I strong enough, or do I fear I'm too weak?
Something feels familiar, strange yet comforting, do I know what it is, am I weary, should I fear it or will I be ok, should I take that chance? What if I do, what could go wrong, anything could happen, is it wrong to say no? So much to fear, so much to think about. Thoughts are forever changing in my mind, unsure of what I'm searching for. Do I need to find the answer or do I know it already? Am I too scared to say it? Or is it that I'm not ready for the answer, am I brave enough? Have I made the right choices, how will I know if no one else will tell me, do I have the strength to believe in myself. It feels so unreal to me, but I know it is mine, my truth, my world, my life, my battle, my pure existence, my choice, my way, my story.
I sometimes think to myself, what if things had been different, what if things had changed, or I had the option to change them, would I want to, would I want a different experience? they say the grass is always greener on the other side, but is it true? What if I had made a different choice and chose the 2nd option, would I be happy? Or would i have regrets, everyone has regrets don't they, everyone makes mistakes, but we learn from them eventually... What's my lesson, is this my lesson or am I still learning step by step, day by day, minute by minute, feeling exhausted and tired, maybe if I could change, if I had that one wish to make that change, would I be able to do it and would that one decision change everything, my past, my present, my future. Feeling like this is my punishment, am I getting what I deserve? all this pain and the scars, the scars that will last a lifetime, that will forever change who I am, how I look and how others will see me.
Feeling like I've failed, yet again unable to prove myself, knowing that I'm not good enough, never have been, never will be. Being alone, not just in my heart but alone in myself, in my day to day being, my day to day life.
No one understands, they say they do, they say they care, but it's not true, a picture paints a thousand words but I've cried more than a thousand tears, spent most nights crying myself to sleep because I'm mad, mad at myself.
For not being that one thing that was good enough, that one thing that would have been worth it all, so unsure of what may happen and how to make sense of what already has, and the uncertainty of it, the reason behind it all. No words can explain my sadness, I'm left here alone in my misery while everyone else around me is happy, how is that fair?
I'm barely coping, all if have left to hold onto is my memories, the good and the bad, but what I fear most is what I can't let go of, the things I have no control over that are a part of me.
I blame myself for all that's happened, I blame myself for failing in life in general. I feel that I deserve all I get. I made the mistake of falling in love, and I fell hard and fast and deeply, but I was never loved back, I thought it was because it felt so real, but people are good at pretending. I now hide behind my wall, my wall of fear, of insecurities, I have no trust, no love, no confidence, no hope, and no belief that I should ever be happy again. This is my punishment for having false hope that true love may exist. I may never be happy with myself and I can not ever forgive myself, but I know in my heart that although I did fail, I tried as hard as I could possibly try to make things better, to make things right.
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