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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Inspirational
- Subject: Adventure
- Published: 04/14/2014
I believe life is a product of circumstance. We are born and thrown right into a situation we cannot change. We can’t choose where we are placed, but we can choose where we are going… that’s the beauty of life. I’m surrounded by a family who’s well into money and won’t leave the house unless there’s a five star hotel waiting for them on the other side of their journey. I find that sickening. I haven’t always felt that way though, I thought that life was scary and that money kept me away from those scary parts. Looking back, I’d like to hit that thought so hard out of my brain that it would be the home run of the century. I just woke up one day and thought, “damn... we are all going to die. I’m going to do what I want, I don’t need money, I don’t need direction.”
After that morning I began to look at everything differently. My family, whom I thought were so wise, really weren’t anymore. They weren’t adults, they were just tall children holding a beer having a conversation about a subject they knew nothing about. I began trying to talk to my mother about the thoughts in my head, about how I recite the pledge of allegiance every morning as a salute to my country… but i've never really seen the country that I live in. I explained how there is so much to be explored, how there are people out there destined to meet you and how there are stories to be told and memories to be made. She took everything with a grain of salt, telling me that I was just tired and to stop thinking so deeply. That always made me angry, I don’t talk for my health, I have good ideas, just stop and listen. My interest in school declined dramatically, and my grades plummeted. I went through a lot of denial, but I eventually accepted that four more years of education after high school was not my path. Why should I pay tons of money on tuition when I could get a just fine education through trade school or a community college when i'm ready? I thought, one day ill be set with a family and a house while all you fools are still trying to pay off the banks. My life, all of a sudden, was not on the straight path, I was choosing the road less traveled and the path was rocky, not made of gold.
Anyhow, I made it through high school with no special awards or recognition and I was just fine with that. Actually, I worked quite hard to not be recognized by anybody. I wanted to avoid being remembered and in order to do that I kept myself out of yearbooks and out of pictures, I didn’t follow trends and I kept to 5 close people. I desperately wanted nothing more than to be a distant memory so in 8 years from now if im ever a passing thought I want the person to think “was Chelsea Smith actually a person or did I just make her up?” the last couple of months leading up to graduation were painful. I spent my hours listening to all my friends go on about the colleges they got accepted to and how they're going away and how they can't wait to start this new exciting chapter in their life. Id stare at them and smile, congratulate them, act like I was ecstatic for them… but really, as always, my mind was racing with thought. 'Yeah. Smart. Go to this college you don’t have enough money for. Idiot. You are an idiot. You'll be home within the semester. You're running forward attached to a bungee cord and eventually you're going to be pulled right back to the point where you started.' But i'm not rude, and that’s none of my business anyway, so I bite my tongue as always and play the ‘so happy for you!’ card. But listening to their blabber was not the only thing i did those last months. Like i've said previously, my family comes from money and so for every holiday I receive an unnecessary dollar amount, or a ridiculously expensive gift. I used to spend it all right as I got it, but ever since the morning I was enlightened on the thought of life 3 years ago, I began to save. Not only that but I sold every stupid Michael Kors purse that I didn’t want anyway, and all of the expensive jewelry I never wore and made myself a pretty penny off that. Altogether, on the day of graduation, I had 15 grand waiting for me at home next to the duffle bag.
Maybe the most important thing I did those last months was reconnect with my brother Craig. He was a lanky looking fellow, tall without any muscle. He was born with a heart condition and almost died at birth, he now lives with a caved in chest that prevents him from living his dream. Ever since he was little he wanted nothing more than to be a United States Marine. We never shot down his dream, we never told him “craig… theyre never going to accept you like that.” When he became of age he visited every recruiter who told him the same thing “no way.” But really, what did he expect? He wasn’t even allowed to play sports as a child, one blow to the chest and he's done. He didn’t give up though, if the Marines didn’t want him, maybe the Army? The Navy? Come on, the national guard? No. no. and no. all of that rejection crushed him in ways unimaginable. Or at least that’s just what I saw. But he still had this intense drive to help people, or be in uniform, i'm not sure which. He joined the emt squad in Hampton and is also a certified fire man. I stood by all his decisions always, backing him up when he told the family college wasn’t his bag. Long tragic story short, he got involved with a girl who I knew was bad news, he didn’t heed my warnings, wrote me off as crazy and let the dumb broad destroy our family, steal our antiques, and pop prescription pills in the safe haven of his big ranch home. I was right, we got rid of her, I kept my back turned and then he became a drunk hillbilly in the woods of Sussex county.
We stayed disconnected for a few years until I decided to contact him for my own greedy reasons. You see they had this trailer equipped with 3 pull out bunk beds, a kitchen, bathroom and bedroom with two more beds in it. That’s what I was after. I went to his house to ask him about his ideologies, wants, needs, and plans for the future, his thoughts on college and if he has any desire to leave his roots like I did. Talking to him was like trying to have a conversation with a brick wall. He was 5 years older than I and I had to dumb down my vocabulary to a fourth grade level to make sure he understood the points I was trying to get across. He agreed to join, let me use the trailer, and threw down another 5 grand for the trip. I wasn’t actually planning on using this money, it was there mostly for gas and emergencies. The arrangement was to leave the second after graduation ends. He would be waiting across from the school with a few of our buddies who would be our family until we decided to come home.
At graduation a few people came up to me, tears in their eyes, looking for some emotion back. But I kept stone cold, I looked right past them as if they were nothing but a cold wind I barely felt on the back of my neck. All of those fools were sitting there crying, bitching and moaning how they're going to miss each other so much, acting like it was the end of their lives. In reality, it wasn’t even the beginning and I felt as though I was the only person who understood that. The only person I felt choked up towards was my best friend, Jared. I begged him to come on the journey with us, but the universe just had other plans for him… of course I understood and I promised him I wouldn’t be gone long and he'd be the first face I saw when I returned home. I begged him to keep out of trouble… I knew that was a lot to ask but I did anyway. I walked off the grass on the front of my school and took a deep breath. That would be the last time I ever saw the place again.
I hopped in the trailer and we peeled out of there like we were being chased by some terrifying beast. I felt euphoric. Our plan was to get to Alaska. How we would get there…we had no clue. No route, no IDEA where Alaska was even located. Next to Canada? We had not the slightest idea. That first day we drove for 8 hours and ended up around the border of Maine. Craig, who was our driver for the night, pulled the trailer over on a dirt slab on the side of the road. It was about 2 A.M and Craig and I were the most exhausted. We had left with his two best friends Mark & Matt who were also like my brothers and i've known them for most of my life. They were wilder than Craig and sometimes it became very arduous dealing with them. I remember passing out and by the time I saw the daylight we were back on the road. I looked out the window next to my bed hoping to see some civilization, instead I only saw trees. It also looked like we weren’t even on a road at all. I got myself out from underneath the wool covers to check on who was driving that morning and to see what time it was. It was Mark, but something was different about the jolly face I was so used to seeing. There were dark, deep black circles underneath his bloodshot eyes. I was almost scared to talk to him, I felt as though I was looking at somebody who i'd never seen before a day in my life.
“Mark?” I asked. He didn’t answer me, he didn’t even blink. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath eager to try again. “mark…” my voice lingered at the end of that one. He still didn’t look up at me. I decided it was best to keep quiet and just sit next to the poor kid just in case he wanted to talk. About 20 minutes passed by and we were still just on a dirt path, driving with only just forest on each side of us. “you know chels…” mark started. My eyes lit up and I jumped to turn my body to him as a sign that he had my full attention. “i'm really glad you guys asked me to join. I mean that. I am. I was really running out of hope there in jersey, I didn’t really see anything left for me. It's funny actually… that Craig drove us to Maine and all. I used to come here when I was a kid with my family and we had a little wooden cabin hours away from anybody in the woods. I wonder if its still here.” He was nostalgic and he seemed to not be entirely with me. “…is that where we are going, mark?” my voice was shaking, and I felt as though I should have woken up somebody in the trailer. He went back to not answering me.
This was not what I had in mind anyway. My plan was to get away from all the weird, from all the sadness and familiarity and, once again, I was feeling trapped. That was where my story stopped and then really began. I scanned the trailer fast, my heart began beating quickly and I felt shortness of breath, my stomach was turning and word vomit was coming up… I was hoping my decision I was about to make would be the right one. “Mark. Stop driving.” I didn’t bother looking at HIM this time. “really...” I continued “stop driving.”
He listened and the trailer slowed down, I jumped up out of the seat and ran to the back on the cart and grabbed my bag and just as I was about to walk out the door I looked back one last time. “thank you guys for raising me strong enough to make this choice. I love you all. Pass it along.” And then I left. I walked away for a long time, sometimes i'd even run without reason…then again, when you're living like I was you didn’t really need reason for much. You didn’t need to explain yourself to anybody because essentially you were living life for your own accord. Eventually I hit a road and the first car I saw I forced myself in front of it, giving the driver no choice but to stop. Our eyes met and whoever that first angel was unlocked his doors and allowed me in. that’s what I call each person kind enough to give me a lift, angels, because without them god only knows where i'd be.
Along the way I met so many beautiful, intelligent, creative human beings whom I shared my own ideas with. I even met two kids my age who felt the same about getting away and i've been living with them both since the day I met them 5 years ago. Oh, and I think I failed to mention; I made it to Alaska. It's gorgeous here, truly, and the trip here was unforgettable and another story all on its own. I work as a nurse in the hospice in my small village and make enough money to support myself properly.
I'm writing all this for you to read my friend. I don’t know when my plans to eventually return home retired but somewhere, from who I was at 18 and who I am at 23, it completely disintegrated. I promised you i'd come home j, and I promised to tell you all about my journey. For some reason I felt the need to look online to the suburban trends that I used to get delivered to my house to see what was going on in town since i've left. Through my glance, I saw your name, unfortunately, it was in the obituary section. IN LOVING MEMORY OF JARED ENTLER is what it read and it had a rough portrait of a face I used to know. I read the passage about a dozen times. I won't write all about the details because you obviously know how you died and this after all is what I was planning on telling you one day. I hope you're as happy as I am now, both of us settled into our new home.
Trip(Chelsea)
I believe life is a product of circumstance. We are born and thrown right into a situation we cannot change. We can’t choose where we are placed, but we can choose where we are going… that’s the beauty of life. I’m surrounded by a family who’s well into money and won’t leave the house unless there’s a five star hotel waiting for them on the other side of their journey. I find that sickening. I haven’t always felt that way though, I thought that life was scary and that money kept me away from those scary parts. Looking back, I’d like to hit that thought so hard out of my brain that it would be the home run of the century. I just woke up one day and thought, “damn... we are all going to die. I’m going to do what I want, I don’t need money, I don’t need direction.”
After that morning I began to look at everything differently. My family, whom I thought were so wise, really weren’t anymore. They weren’t adults, they were just tall children holding a beer having a conversation about a subject they knew nothing about. I began trying to talk to my mother about the thoughts in my head, about how I recite the pledge of allegiance every morning as a salute to my country… but i've never really seen the country that I live in. I explained how there is so much to be explored, how there are people out there destined to meet you and how there are stories to be told and memories to be made. She took everything with a grain of salt, telling me that I was just tired and to stop thinking so deeply. That always made me angry, I don’t talk for my health, I have good ideas, just stop and listen. My interest in school declined dramatically, and my grades plummeted. I went through a lot of denial, but I eventually accepted that four more years of education after high school was not my path. Why should I pay tons of money on tuition when I could get a just fine education through trade school or a community college when i'm ready? I thought, one day ill be set with a family and a house while all you fools are still trying to pay off the banks. My life, all of a sudden, was not on the straight path, I was choosing the road less traveled and the path was rocky, not made of gold.
Anyhow, I made it through high school with no special awards or recognition and I was just fine with that. Actually, I worked quite hard to not be recognized by anybody. I wanted to avoid being remembered and in order to do that I kept myself out of yearbooks and out of pictures, I didn’t follow trends and I kept to 5 close people. I desperately wanted nothing more than to be a distant memory so in 8 years from now if im ever a passing thought I want the person to think “was Chelsea Smith actually a person or did I just make her up?” the last couple of months leading up to graduation were painful. I spent my hours listening to all my friends go on about the colleges they got accepted to and how they're going away and how they can't wait to start this new exciting chapter in their life. Id stare at them and smile, congratulate them, act like I was ecstatic for them… but really, as always, my mind was racing with thought. 'Yeah. Smart. Go to this college you don’t have enough money for. Idiot. You are an idiot. You'll be home within the semester. You're running forward attached to a bungee cord and eventually you're going to be pulled right back to the point where you started.' But i'm not rude, and that’s none of my business anyway, so I bite my tongue as always and play the ‘so happy for you!’ card. But listening to their blabber was not the only thing i did those last months. Like i've said previously, my family comes from money and so for every holiday I receive an unnecessary dollar amount, or a ridiculously expensive gift. I used to spend it all right as I got it, but ever since the morning I was enlightened on the thought of life 3 years ago, I began to save. Not only that but I sold every stupid Michael Kors purse that I didn’t want anyway, and all of the expensive jewelry I never wore and made myself a pretty penny off that. Altogether, on the day of graduation, I had 15 grand waiting for me at home next to the duffle bag.
Maybe the most important thing I did those last months was reconnect with my brother Craig. He was a lanky looking fellow, tall without any muscle. He was born with a heart condition and almost died at birth, he now lives with a caved in chest that prevents him from living his dream. Ever since he was little he wanted nothing more than to be a United States Marine. We never shot down his dream, we never told him “craig… theyre never going to accept you like that.” When he became of age he visited every recruiter who told him the same thing “no way.” But really, what did he expect? He wasn’t even allowed to play sports as a child, one blow to the chest and he's done. He didn’t give up though, if the Marines didn’t want him, maybe the Army? The Navy? Come on, the national guard? No. no. and no. all of that rejection crushed him in ways unimaginable. Or at least that’s just what I saw. But he still had this intense drive to help people, or be in uniform, i'm not sure which. He joined the emt squad in Hampton and is also a certified fire man. I stood by all his decisions always, backing him up when he told the family college wasn’t his bag. Long tragic story short, he got involved with a girl who I knew was bad news, he didn’t heed my warnings, wrote me off as crazy and let the dumb broad destroy our family, steal our antiques, and pop prescription pills in the safe haven of his big ranch home. I was right, we got rid of her, I kept my back turned and then he became a drunk hillbilly in the woods of Sussex county.
We stayed disconnected for a few years until I decided to contact him for my own greedy reasons. You see they had this trailer equipped with 3 pull out bunk beds, a kitchen, bathroom and bedroom with two more beds in it. That’s what I was after. I went to his house to ask him about his ideologies, wants, needs, and plans for the future, his thoughts on college and if he has any desire to leave his roots like I did. Talking to him was like trying to have a conversation with a brick wall. He was 5 years older than I and I had to dumb down my vocabulary to a fourth grade level to make sure he understood the points I was trying to get across. He agreed to join, let me use the trailer, and threw down another 5 grand for the trip. I wasn’t actually planning on using this money, it was there mostly for gas and emergencies. The arrangement was to leave the second after graduation ends. He would be waiting across from the school with a few of our buddies who would be our family until we decided to come home.
At graduation a few people came up to me, tears in their eyes, looking for some emotion back. But I kept stone cold, I looked right past them as if they were nothing but a cold wind I barely felt on the back of my neck. All of those fools were sitting there crying, bitching and moaning how they're going to miss each other so much, acting like it was the end of their lives. In reality, it wasn’t even the beginning and I felt as though I was the only person who understood that. The only person I felt choked up towards was my best friend, Jared. I begged him to come on the journey with us, but the universe just had other plans for him… of course I understood and I promised him I wouldn’t be gone long and he'd be the first face I saw when I returned home. I begged him to keep out of trouble… I knew that was a lot to ask but I did anyway. I walked off the grass on the front of my school and took a deep breath. That would be the last time I ever saw the place again.
I hopped in the trailer and we peeled out of there like we were being chased by some terrifying beast. I felt euphoric. Our plan was to get to Alaska. How we would get there…we had no clue. No route, no IDEA where Alaska was even located. Next to Canada? We had not the slightest idea. That first day we drove for 8 hours and ended up around the border of Maine. Craig, who was our driver for the night, pulled the trailer over on a dirt slab on the side of the road. It was about 2 A.M and Craig and I were the most exhausted. We had left with his two best friends Mark & Matt who were also like my brothers and i've known them for most of my life. They were wilder than Craig and sometimes it became very arduous dealing with them. I remember passing out and by the time I saw the daylight we were back on the road. I looked out the window next to my bed hoping to see some civilization, instead I only saw trees. It also looked like we weren’t even on a road at all. I got myself out from underneath the wool covers to check on who was driving that morning and to see what time it was. It was Mark, but something was different about the jolly face I was so used to seeing. There were dark, deep black circles underneath his bloodshot eyes. I was almost scared to talk to him, I felt as though I was looking at somebody who i'd never seen before a day in my life.
“Mark?” I asked. He didn’t answer me, he didn’t even blink. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath eager to try again. “mark…” my voice lingered at the end of that one. He still didn’t look up at me. I decided it was best to keep quiet and just sit next to the poor kid just in case he wanted to talk. About 20 minutes passed by and we were still just on a dirt path, driving with only just forest on each side of us. “you know chels…” mark started. My eyes lit up and I jumped to turn my body to him as a sign that he had my full attention. “i'm really glad you guys asked me to join. I mean that. I am. I was really running out of hope there in jersey, I didn’t really see anything left for me. It's funny actually… that Craig drove us to Maine and all. I used to come here when I was a kid with my family and we had a little wooden cabin hours away from anybody in the woods. I wonder if its still here.” He was nostalgic and he seemed to not be entirely with me. “…is that where we are going, mark?” my voice was shaking, and I felt as though I should have woken up somebody in the trailer. He went back to not answering me.
This was not what I had in mind anyway. My plan was to get away from all the weird, from all the sadness and familiarity and, once again, I was feeling trapped. That was where my story stopped and then really began. I scanned the trailer fast, my heart began beating quickly and I felt shortness of breath, my stomach was turning and word vomit was coming up… I was hoping my decision I was about to make would be the right one. “Mark. Stop driving.” I didn’t bother looking at HIM this time. “really...” I continued “stop driving.”
He listened and the trailer slowed down, I jumped up out of the seat and ran to the back on the cart and grabbed my bag and just as I was about to walk out the door I looked back one last time. “thank you guys for raising me strong enough to make this choice. I love you all. Pass it along.” And then I left. I walked away for a long time, sometimes i'd even run without reason…then again, when you're living like I was you didn’t really need reason for much. You didn’t need to explain yourself to anybody because essentially you were living life for your own accord. Eventually I hit a road and the first car I saw I forced myself in front of it, giving the driver no choice but to stop. Our eyes met and whoever that first angel was unlocked his doors and allowed me in. that’s what I call each person kind enough to give me a lift, angels, because without them god only knows where i'd be.
Along the way I met so many beautiful, intelligent, creative human beings whom I shared my own ideas with. I even met two kids my age who felt the same about getting away and i've been living with them both since the day I met them 5 years ago. Oh, and I think I failed to mention; I made it to Alaska. It's gorgeous here, truly, and the trip here was unforgettable and another story all on its own. I work as a nurse in the hospice in my small village and make enough money to support myself properly.
I'm writing all this for you to read my friend. I don’t know when my plans to eventually return home retired but somewhere, from who I was at 18 and who I am at 23, it completely disintegrated. I promised you i'd come home j, and I promised to tell you all about my journey. For some reason I felt the need to look online to the suburban trends that I used to get delivered to my house to see what was going on in town since i've left. Through my glance, I saw your name, unfortunately, it was in the obituary section. IN LOVING MEMORY OF JARED ENTLER is what it read and it had a rough portrait of a face I used to know. I read the passage about a dozen times. I won't write all about the details because you obviously know how you died and this after all is what I was planning on telling you one day. I hope you're as happy as I am now, both of us settled into our new home.
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