Figuring it All Out

Figuring it All Out(Cailah Preston) Cailah Preston
April 24, 2014

It was the end of senior year and “senioritis” had really hit me hard. I had no idea what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I had no plans for the future and no intention on planning it. My mind was elsewhere, focused on the summer. Right after senior prom I would be moving down to Dewey Beach with all my best friends. I couldn’t have been more excited.

I was an ok student. I guess the best way to describe my academics would be to say that I drifted by through high school. I didn’t usually study and I never really did much homework. I couldn’t be bothered with it. My life revolved around my friends, family, working to save up enough money for my beach house and of course, my dance company. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way that year. School was never a high priority for me. My grades were decent, a few C’s, a couple B’s, and the occasional A here and there. I wasn’t worried though, as long as I graduated.
I can still remember the day I made a decision about college. If you could even call it a decision, since I hadn’t given myself many options. I never paid attention in my guidance class. It was boring and took the place of one of my free periods. However, I did hear my advisor mention a college that didn’t require my SAT scores (which was good considering I hadn’t taken them yet), or recommendation letters from my teachers. Also your GPA wasn’t all that important to get accepted. The only requirement for this school was that you graduated high school or had your GED. This sounded like the school for me. It was called Delaware Technical Community College and the application only took ten minutes to fill out and ten dollars to submit. I decided to wait on scheduling my classes and picking a major. I wasn’t ready for all that real life stuff just yet.

It is true, the University of Delaware was the school I always thought I’d end up going to. That was my home town; I practically grew up on that campus. My house was not even five minutes away, which was good because I tend to get a little homesick. Most of my friends had already been accepted. I on the other hand, didn’t even bother applying. I knew it was a long shot, but it was confirmed when my advisor practically laughed in my face at the thought of me getting accepted. She shut that dream down very quickly. After that day Community College seemed to be the only option for me. Leaving my advisors office that afternoon I knew there was no one to blame but myself. College always seemed so far away, who knew that it would come so fast.

Oh well, Del Teach wasn’t a bad school. At least I had the most amazing summer of my life ahead of me. What I didn’t seem to realize was that amazing summer would eventually end, and reality would set in once again. That summer was a great time though. I worked all year to save up enough money to be able to afford that house. It was an adventure living on my own for the first time. I did miss home at times but I enjoyed being on my own. The independence was great, I definitely could have gotten used to that. Except I wouldn’t, because once the summer came to an end my other friends would be moving into their dorms and I would be moving right back into my parent’s house. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents more than just about anything in the world, but I had just been on my own all summer. I wasn’t ready for their rules again.

Ever since I was a child I have never been able to make up my mind on anything. I tend to over think all that I do. I’ve had a lot of different career goals. When I was in second grade I told everyone I wanted to be a waitress for the rest of my life. After growing up a little bit I decided I wanted to be a psychologist, this lasted a long time. Then it was a research zoologist. Next came my graphic design phase. But once I got to college all of these dreams seemed unreachable.

I had been thinking a lot about what I wanted to declare as my major. This was a huge decision. There were so many to choose from how could I pick just one? I did a lot of research and decided I would get my associates degree in behavioral science. Maybe I would be a drug and alcohol counselor. But a couple weeks later I was having second thoughts. Was that really what I wanted to do? I decided if there was any doubt in my mind it probably wasn’t the right major for me. Ok, so what about something in the medical field. My mom’s a nurse and she absolutely loves it. After doing more research I decided on X-Ray Technology. One day I had hoped to be an ultra sound technician. I decided to stick with that once the school year started. I watched all my friends move into their dorms and get excited about school while I sat home and desperately wished I had just one more year of high school left.

I think that was the hardest part about everything. I remember the day perfectly, my three best friends move in day at UD. Technically they were moving closer to me, in distance anyway. But in reality it felt like they were moving to another state. My best friends since kindergarten suddenly seemed too good to hang out with me. They were meeting new people and sharing all of these new experiences. I wanted that to. I still hung out with them a lot, but it wasn’t the same as seeing them every single day like in high school. So much had changed and it seemed as though I was the only one who missed the past.

A couple months into my classes I realized I could handle being in the nursing program. My mom gets so much joy out of what she does and I wanted that too. I met with my advisor and switched my major to nursing. She explained how much work I would have to put in and how competitive the program was. I was ready and excited for my new journey. Or so I thought. The only problem with my new major was that I have a weak stomach. You would think I would have known from the start that I can’t stand the sight of blood or that I wouldn’t feel comfortable bathing older people. These things were requirements of a nursing student. Needless to say I realized I couldn’t stay in the program.

During Christmas break I realized changing my major multiple times wouldn’t make me any happier. I needed a new scene. Every one of my friends were getting college experience they wanted and it was time for me to do the same for myself. For once in my life I took initiative and made some life changing decisions. This is when I applied to Wesley. It was far enough from home for me to meet new people but close enough to stay close with the amazing people I already had in my life. Although I had been accepted to Wesley the search for a major continued!

When I got here my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to choose Liberal studies. This would mean that I didn’t have to pick just one major. I could pick three concentrations. This seemed like the best option for someone as confused as I was. So it was decided, I was going to be a Liberal Studies major for the next four years. Move in day came quickly and it was hard saying good bye to my parents. I was starting a whole new chapter of my life. It took me a while to make friends and get used to my surroundings, but once I did I loved it. There was just one thing missing. I still wasn’t in the right major. How could I have switched so many times and still not know what I wanted to do? Maybe I wasn’t giving myself enough time in them. Or maybe I just hadn’t found the right one yet.

This brings me to my final decision, the major I have today. After a long summer of thinking, researching and investigating, I came upon Education. How perfect considering I love working with children so much. Also going through grade school I had some extremely good teachers and some not so good teachers. I remember thinking if there were more good teachers out there in the world how much more kids would want to go to school. I don’t want my students to be stressed coming into my classroom, I want to make a comfortable environment where students are interested in the things I’m teaching them.

I was a little uneasy because of all the switching I had done in the past year, but once I started my Education courses I knew I was in the right field. I liked the things I was learning about. Also visiting schools my first semester was a good experience. It showed me what my life could potentially be like within the next couple of years. For the first time I was doing my homework and getting good grades, this was a great change for me. I had finally found the missing link to this whole college thing. I love the friends that I have made and I can’t wait for the next three years and all that I will learn and do. I finally have a dream I know can be accomplished.